The New Mutants (1983) #36

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I mustn’t have ever picked up a New Mutants comic as a kid when I was getting Secret Wars II crossovers. I think I’d remember being this totally perplexed. Claremont’s approach to this title is apparently to throw everything he can think of into the issue, up to and including a floating subway car (and a Ghostbusters reference).

There are demons, there are religious things, mutant things, dating things, it’s just way too much. It’s like instead of creating characters, Claremont wants to discuss “issues” just really, really immaturely. It’s kind of like social commentary with stick figures.

The Secret Wars II crossover is actually all right (it’s far better than demons), just because it deals with the fallout of someone encountering someone as powerful as the Beyonder. What’s incredible is apparently no one realized the Beyonder’s a perfect stand-in for the comic book writer, metaphorically.

Big surprise there.

Power Man and Iron Fist (1981) #121

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So apparently Christopher Priest could always write. This issue of Power Man and Iron Fist makes me wish I had the rest of the series, or at least Priest’s work on it. The really strong part about the comic is how well Priest paints the ranges of characters’ motivations. When S.H.I.E.L.D. is about to blow-up the Beyonder’s fortress, they aren’t necessarily bad–just like when the Falcon essentially puts them up to it.

But when Iron Fist realizes it’s wrong, he’s definitely the good guy. I never knew the series was so packed with guest stars–besides the two main characters, there’s Fury, Falcon, the Beyonder and Captain Hero (a DC hero trapped in a Marvel universe)–but Priest makes it clear it’s Luke and Danny’s book.

Obviously, being a Secret Wars II crossover hampers it a little, but there’s a lot of good stuff going on here. Lots.

The Mighty Thor (1966) #363

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Is this my first issue of Thor? It might be, at least as an adult. I thought there was a miniseries I read, but probably not. I’ve always just assumed they sucked.

I mean, I don’t all of a sudden love Thor or something; it’s still really wordy and obnoxious and not even when it’s just Thor talking, Simonson has some really talky narration. And even with the lame story from Secret Wars II continuing–the Beyonder gave a Thor villain infinite power to see if the villain would be happy after killing Thor–and the Power Pack showing up (did Simonson and his wife coordinate their Secret Wars II crossover issues, because they use the same storytelling techniques), there’s something likable about this comic.

I think it might be Thor. He’s talks too much and is kind of obnoxious, but he’s a good guy.

Much better than I figured.

The Micronauts: The New Voyages (1984) #16

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People actually read this comic? I mean, I couldn’t understand a single word of it. It’s got an insane continuity to follow, but you also have to be able to translate Gillis’s writing into narrative. It’s just a bunch of events, without any connecting scenes, over and over again. All in one comic book. It’s nuts.

In fact, it’s so confounding, I don’t even know how to talk about it. What do they call those issues now? “Jumping on points”? Micronauts–even with the Secret Wars II crossover–clearly did not care about new readers or even casual readers (I thought I had some idea who the Micronauts were–still don’t know if it’s correct, but was that Ambush Bug in the issue?).

But it does have Kelley Jones on–not just mainstream art–but Marvel art. It’s crazy; almost worth looking at for his contribution alone.

I said “almost.”

Power Pack 18 (January 1986)

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Power Pack might be one of those ludicrously irresponsible titles–really, the kids skip school to go on vindictive, violent rampages (if Millar had the Power Pack kids kill a bunch of other kids by accident in Civil War, well, that one would be something)–but it’s got Brent Anderson artwork so I’m not sure I really care.

The comic’s idiotic. I mean, these kids talk with a vocabulary a teenager wouldn’t have, so it’s incredibly silly on top of being bad… it takes an artist like Anderson to make the thing tolerable. And there are some beautiful panels here. What’s going on in the panels is dumb, but it’s a well-drawn dumb.

The comic closes with the Power Pack kids getting ready to invite Wolverine to Thanksgiving. Wolverine’s Canadian on top of everything else, why the hell would he want to go to Thanksgiving?

Summing up, it’s stupid.

Cloak and Dagger (1985) #4

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I can’t believe Marvel didn’t relaunch Cloak and Dagger during the Bush years. It’s a neo-con wet dream (complete with discreet racism, with Cloak being the evil black, corrupting Dagger, and cops beating witnesses).

This issue is, I think, my first Cloak and Dagger ever. I wasn’t missing much. They’re both really annoying. She’s holier than thou and he’s, well, nuts too. The whole thing reads like a PSA on acid, which I kind of understand, but not really. I get the intent–superheroes versus drugs–but it’s so utterly simplistic, even when it tries to be complicated, it’s just annoying.

I mean, you want to tell me no comic book creators ever dabble in recreation drugs? Please. I’m sure some blog about it today. Cloak and Dagger lumps them all together because it’s propaganda; it’s not even well-written propaganda.

And Leonardi’s art is super bad at times.

Fantastic Four (1961) #285

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Holy shit. I thought Byrne was going to do some kind of responsible story about a kid lighting himself on fire to be like the Human Torch but he does not. There’s certainly an element of that story in this issue, but there’s no responsibility. Byrne turns it into A Christmas Carol (but with only one ghost and the Beyonder being that ghost) and instead tells the reader since the kid was lonely and read Fantastic Four comic books and all, lighting himself on fire at the ripe old age of thirteen and dying is thumbs up.

I mean, I get what Byrne’s trying to say, the Torch isn’t responsible, but the way he magics away Johnny’s guilt and feelings of responsibility? Wow. It’s incredible.

It’s so incredible, it kind of has to be read to be believed. Along with Byrne’s awful artwork. Is the man incapable of drawing faces?

Doctor Strange (1974) #74

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What can make the Beyonder whole? Why, sitting through a partial retelling of Dr. Strange’s origin, of course!

Every once and a while I’ll come across a comic where I’m completely unfamiliar–so far as I know–with the creative team. I’ve never heard of Peter B. Gillis, though maybe I’ve heard of Mark Badger, but certainly not in terms of mainstream work (maybe something at Dark Horse?).

I’ve never really read Dr. Strange so I don’t know if this issue, which opens after him helping free some kingdom in another dimension, is the norm. Strange talks a lot, uses a lot of mystical sounding proper nouns–all of them with threes, note, this of that, that of this–while remaining upbeat about the human condition, if acknowledging its problems.

This issue didn’t really make an impression.

Badger’s somewhat okay. He’s kind of safely indie, still mainstream enough for Marvel.

The Thing (1983) #30

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Where to start? The Beyonder is suicidal this issue, which is pretty stupid. The Thing is some kind of pro-superhero wrestler, which is also pretty stupid. What else….

No, those two pretty much cover the big stupid parts. Then there’s the wrestling politics, the promotors trying to make it in that hard world, which isn’t so much stupid as dated.

But, I suppose an issue about the Thing becoming a homicidal maniac is probably going to have a lot of problems.

I was a little surprised when the issue didn’t waver at that issue. The Thing does beat the Beyonder to death (only to discover the Beyonder can’t die). The love interest tries to stop the Thing but she doesn’t. Instead, he “murders” someone and still gets the girl.

The moral of the story appears to be to use your fists whenever possible. And to drink lots of Heineken.

The Avengers (1963) #261

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This Secret Wars II tie-in is a regurgitation of all the other Secret Wars II tie-ins–well, maybe not all of them, but a lot of them. It’s the Beyonder trying to understand the human experience, this time playing with the Avengers.

It’s as lame as his costume on that front. And his costume is really lame. About half the issue is dedicated to the tie-in, with the other half concentrating on the Avengers themselves (was Captain Marvel the ostensible lead of the book at this time? She’s the only one who gets to go home and be off duty for a couple page).

There’s a page or two of politics, the Avengers losing their FAA privileges for the quinjets, which provides a nice monotony after the issue opens in deep space with the Skrulls.

Cap still does sound like Chicken Little warning everyone about the Beyonder.