Rocketeer Adventures 2 4 (June 2012)

870643 John Byrne easily does the best story in this issue. Really. And he can even draw Peevy. He lays out his story well, though the details on the characters aren’t any great shakes. The Rocketeer’s funny looking, while Cliff looks like Snidely Whiplash. Still, Byrne’s clearly enthusiastic about the characters and the setting. The other creators this issue clearly aren’t.

Well, maybe the Simonsons are enthusiastic but are incapable of conveying it. Louise Simonson’s plot isn’t terrible, but her dialogue is unbearable. From the first word balloon, it’s clear the story’s going to be a chore. And Walt Simonson’s art doesn’t help. He’s lazy with everything but Betty, including the action. It stinks.

David Mandel recasts the Rocketeer as Adam Strange for a sci-fi comedy, only Mandel’s not funny. And J. Bone’s style flops on alien worlds.

It’s another lame Adventures, thankfully the last one. IDW fumbled this series.

CREDITS

War Hero; writer, Louise Simonson; penciller, Walt Simonson; inker, Bob Wiacek; colorist, Jordie Bellaire; letterer, John Workman. Warlord of Blargon; writer, David Mandel; artist and colorist, J. Bone; letterer, Shawn Lee. Fair Game; writer and artist, John Byrne; colorist, Bone; letterer, Neil Uyetake. Editor, Scott Dunbier; publisher, IDW Publishing.

DC Retroactive: Superman – The ’90s 1 (October 2011)

I didn’t even know Louise Simonson wrote Superman in the nineties because, as I understood it, Superman was awful in the nineties until the late nineties.

If this Retroactive issue is any indication, Simonson’s Superman is pretty miserable.

Forgetting about how stupid a bunch of the details are—Cadmus Project, Underworlders, I mean… come on, Superman needs a supporting cast but not a silly one with a bunch of complicated mythology—Simonson relies almost entirely on expository dialogue. Simonson’s writing is slow, pointless and mercilessly dense.

But the writing isn’t even the issue’s worst part—Jon Bogdanove’s art is atrocious. While his layouts are fine—maybe even good in the Daily Planet newsroom scenes especially—the finished product is not. Bogdanove has no sense of scale—Clark’s 5’2”, shorter than the Guardian and sometimes Lois, buildings are double the size of cars, and so on.

This issue’s just a stinker.

CREDITS

Speed; writer, Louise Simonson; artist, Jon Bogdanove; colorist, Tony Aviña; letterer, Carlos M. Mangual; editor, Ben Abernathy; publisher, DC Comics.

Girl Comics (2010) #3

Girl comics 3

Colleen Coover does another lame intro for issue. It seems better than usual, probably because of the atrocious first story, from Marjorie Liu and Sara Pichelli. It’s a Wolverine and Jubilee talking heads story; Liu’s dialogue is indescribably bad.

Next is another stupid Power Pack story from long-time writer Louise Simonson. June Brigman and Rebecca Buchman’s art is nearly okay, but clearly not ready for prime time.

Lea Hernandez’s attempt at being “cute” with Wolverine and Magneto is lame.

Ann Nocenti and Molly Crabapple do a Typhoid Mary story. The indie art doesn’t fit the poorly written story.

Even Kelly Sue Deconnick’s story is weak. The dialogue’s good, the narration’s not. And Adriana Melo and Mariah Benes do nineties Image imitations.

Carla Speed McNeil has Kitty Pryde and Wolveine go to a superhero bar. It’s pointless, but better than anything else in the issue.

Girl Comics is a debacle.

Marvel Team-Up Annual (1976) #7

Mtua7

Did Louise Simonson get paid by the word? Ten pages into this issue and I was already ready for a nap. It’s the most boring comic book I can remember reading–Spidey and Marrina (from Alpha Flight) get kidnapped by an alien collecting lifeforms, including some Superman might want in his zoo, and Alpha Flight shows up to help them.

Actually, Alpha Flight shows up to bicker. According to John Byrne, Northstar was always supposed to be gay but Byrne isn’t writing this issue so one has to wonder if another possibility was he was supposed to have the hots for his sister, Aurora.

Most of the issue is spent with Northstar acting like a perv in regards to her.

If I never read another Alpha Flight comic again, it’ll be way too soon. What a miserable time.

Amusingly, Simonson seems to get it–Spidey comments on their lame behavior.

Marvel Team-Up Annual 7 (1984)

Most of the issue is spent with Northstar acting like a perv in regards to her.

If I never read another Alpha Flight comic again, it’ll be way too soon. What a miserable time.

Amusingly, Simonson seems to get it–Spidey comments on their lame behavior.

CREDITS

The Collected Spider-Man; writer, Louise Simonson; penciller, Paul Neary; inker, Sam de la Rosa; colorist, Joe Rosen; letterer, Christie Scheele; editor, Danny Fingeroth; publisher, Marvel Comics.

Power Pack 18 (January 1986)

Pp18

Power Pack might be one of those ludicrously irresponsible titles–really, the kids skip school to go on vindictive, violent rampages (if Millar had the Power Pack kids kill a bunch of other kids by accident in Civil War, well, that one would be something)–but it’s got Brent Anderson artwork so I’m not sure I really care.

The comic’s idiotic. I mean, these kids talk with a vocabulary a teenager wouldn’t have, so it’s incredibly silly on top of being bad… it takes an artist like Anderson to make the thing tolerable. And there are some beautiful panels here. What’s going on in the panels is dumb, but it’s a well-drawn dumb.

The comic closes with the Power Pack kids getting ready to invite Wolverine to Thanksgiving. Wolverine’s Canadian on top of everything else, why the hell would he want to go to Thanksgiving?

Summing up, it’s stupid.