Category: 2009

Against the Dark (2009, Richard Crudo)

Leave it to Steven Seagal to make a boring vampire movie. Worse, it’s not even the traditional vampires; instead, it’s the zombies from 28 Days Later… only they’re vampires here—Against the Dark is sort of like “Die Hard (with vampire-zombies) in a hospital.”

Crudo is a terrible director. The action sequences (the ones I saw, anyway) are poorly composed, poorly edited and possibly intended to be laughable.

However, he (or writer Mathew Klickstein, who might have turned in an interesting script if he spent as much time on it as his hipster IMDb biography) does come up with one decent sequence—there may be more but I’ll never know—with a vampire filing down her teeth as to pose as a human. Unfortunately, the human who kills her never even sees she’s filled down her teeth. Great setup, no followthrough.

The cast is awful. Seagal’s too overweight to do much, so he just stands around. Crudo tries to make it look like Seagal’s walking and fails. Tanoai Reed is terrible as the action star. Daniel Percival is a special kind of awful (the story’s split between Seagal and annoying younger survivors).

I suppose Jenna Harrison was okay. Linden Ashby’s around; he seemed better than the material. According to the credits, Keith David shows up at some point but I’ll never know.

How can you have Steven Seagal fight vampires and make it boring? Dark could never be good… but the absurdity factor alone should have made it watchable.

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Richard Crudo; written by Mathew Klickstein; director of photography, William Trautvetter; edited by Tim Silano; music by Philip White; production designer, Serban Porupca; produced by Phillip B. Goldfine and Steven Seagal; released by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.

Starring Steven Seagal (Tao), Tanoai Reed (Tagart), Jenna Harrison (Dorothy), Danny Midwinter (Morgan), Emma Catherwood (Amelia), Stephen Hagan (Ricky), Daniel Percival (Dylan), Skye Bennett (Charlotte), Linden Ashby (Cross) and Keith David (Lt. Waters).

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Castaway on the Moon (2009, Lee Hae-jun)

Castaway on the Moon explores one of those great urban questions… could you ever get stuck on one of those conservation islands in a city’s river? Despite being a South Korean film, it’d be hard to find a more universal story—deeply indebted Jeong Jae-yeong throws himself off a bridge after his girlfriend’s dumped him and he’s been laid off. It doesn’t work out. The currents bring him to a conservation island and there, eventually, he plays Robinson Crusoe.

Maybe the first twenty minutes of the film is Jeong Jae-yeong all by himself, no real dialogue with anyone else. He doesn’t even get to the point where he’s carrying on conversations with inanimate objects. He has to sell the situation and he does. It’s sometimes funny, but—like the rest of the film’s approach to his situation—uncomfortably realistic.

Then Jeong Ryeo-won shows up, sort of out of nowhere. She’s a shut-in—some previous event left her with external burn scars and internal psychoses. When she sees Jeong Jae-yeong on the island, she starts watching him.

The film is only a few times unpredictable. These are somewhat big twists, but the narrative is generally what one would expect. The execution, however, is phenomenal.

Director Lee’s composition is outstanding, as is his direction of his stars. Kim Hong-jip’s music and Kim Byung-seo’s photography are also essential components.

The film’s deceptively traditional. On consideration, it’s actually more innovative than I initially thought. Lee does well.

Red Herring (2009) #3

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Okay, Tischman’s starting to confuse me. The problem with Red Herring is the narration. It’s this close third person—with a bit of second mixed in—narration and it’s never clear who it’s talking about.

The problem is clear this issue, as I have no idea if aliens are real or if they’re just a big business ruse. Tischman moves from a guy who believes in them to someone who doesn’t….

Otherwise, the issue is pretty straightforward conspiracy stuff. It’s an action issue. Complications are ensuing, something to get the issue to its six issues. They aren’t bad complications and, actually, it’s maybe the best comics padding I’ve ever read.

The point of a conspiracy thriller is—to some degree—compelling padding. The answer is always at the end (presumably) so it’s the trip. Tischman gets it.

Hahn’s taking on more chores here and does fine with them.

Good stuff.

Red Herring (2009) #2

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Okay, I forgot to mention the alien conspiracy thing.

Tischman comes up with this great explanation for Area 51 and so on—well, it seems like he’s come up with one (he might have the little green men show up in the last issue anyway). The U.S. government is so stupid, they were duped by big business into believing aliens are real and after us… so give big business trillions of dollars.

It’s probably true, who knows….

Regardless, it’s a great idea and Tischman explores a lot of it this issue. His character names, which I noticed first issue a little, are a lot clearer here with “Penny Candy.” Tischman’s having a lot of fun, the reader’s supposed to being having fun too.

Nice art from Bond and Hahn. Who knew a mall could be so much fun to see rendered?

My only compliant is the issue ends too fast.

Red Herring (2009) #1

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It’s hard, from the first issue, to guess where David Tischmann is going with Red Herring. As it turns out—unexpectedly—it appears to be a comedic political thriller, something along the lines of a national Carl Hiaasen novel (instead of just Florida).

Also of note is how little Tischmann seems to care about making the characters likable. He’s got Philip Bond on the art and Bond’s good at making people look amusing. There’s a complete disconnect between tone and art (except when the government witness gets attacked by pigeons) and it works really well for Red Herring. Tischmann makes it impossible to take the issue for granted.

He introduces something in the neighborhood of fourteen characters this issue—though at least five of them are supporting. It’s a nice big conspiracy-sized cast.

The issue’s all setup, so it’s hard to get too involved, but it’s certainly starting well.

Bad Dog (2009) #3

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Okay, the sidekick’s name is Wendell. Not sure why it stuck with me this time since he’s not in the issue very much. Instead, it’s Lou and this other character off fighting border hoppers.

Except they’re not really border hoppers, at least not in the traditional sense. I won’t spoil, since Kelly spends half the issue setting it up (and even takes a page after the reveal to make sure the reader gets the implications).

Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of what he’s doing. He misleads the reader just to make that reveal a surprise, which means about half the issue is wasted one misdirecting dialogue and so on. It’s treading water until the big twist, wasting valuable pages.

While Kelly does continue one of his subplots, he ignores the two bigger ones. There’s maybe a reference to one on the last page, but it’s not enough to be interesting.

Bad Dog (2009) #2

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Kelly follows the same format as before, with some minor changes. There’s a lot of humor, then some action, then some more humor and then the serious stuff.

The humor goes a little crazy here, actually, overloading the book. Kelly implies the serious material more than concentrates on it, instead emphasizing the absurdity of the protagonist’s sidekick. I remember the protagonist’s name is Lou, but I’m still iffy on the priest sidekick’s name. Though Kelly manages to be more blasphemous, on a per panel rate, than Garth Ennis. Kelly’s got some inspired lines.

But the humor goes even further, this time with the villains being neo-Nazis. There’s nothing more fun than watching a werewolf and his drunken priest sidekick humiliate and torture a bunch of white supremacists. It’s like Kelly’s using the book to amuse more than tell a story.

And amuse he does.

Great art, again, from Greco.

Bad Dog (2009) #1

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The most striking thing about Bad Dog is Diego Greco’s painted art. Besides one problem, it’s some of the finer painted comic book art. Joe Kelly’s characters and situations tend to be absurd and Greco turns Bad Dog into this incredibly polished political cartoon. He’s very talented.

Except when it comes to werewolves. The protagonist is a werewolf and Greco’s work is way too finished for him. There’s not a stray clump of fur. It looks like the titular Bad Dog (or Lou) is constantly grooming himself.

It’s unfortunate.

Still, Kelly’s writing is strong enough it can distract. There’s his sidekick, a degenerate preacher played for comedic purposes, and the blind girl who’s got the hots for him. There’s also a talking decapitated head in the refrigerator taunting him. This issue actually goes on so long with plot… it seems too long.

While not revolutionary, Bad Dog‘s solid, engaging storytelling.

Push (2009, Paul McGuigan)

It’s understandable Push bombed at the box office. It’s hard to find a film so with much intelligence in the filmmaking, casting and acting applied to such a subpar script. Strangely, David Bourla’s script isn’t bad in regard to dialogue—there are some great exchanges between Dakota Fanning and Chris Evans—or in how it’s plotted—the narrative twists and turns resemble those in a heist movie. Where it fails is in creating an engaging setting—Push is a superhero movie where everyone has boring superpowers (it sort of feels like Summit wanted a teen superhero franchise to go along with Twilight).

Director McGuigan picked the film’s Hong Kong setting because he wanted something exotic a la Casablanca… and it does work. Fanning and Evans are basically Bogart and Rains here—a mildly abrasive, endearing chemistry. But maybe McGuigan worrying about bringing that sensibility to a superpowers movie just can’t truly work with the silly concept. In fact, McGuigan constantly works against the superpowers element.

I’d never seen Fanning in anything; I was shocked how good her performance is in this film. She and Evans are fantastic together. It’s distressing Bourla could write this great relationship between them, but couldn’t not be goofy when writing the script in general. Push shows why an established mythology is easier to adapt than to create.

Push might be better if you’re a fifteen year-old, albeit one who wants to see a superhero movie more like Casablanca than Iron Man.

Still, it’s okay.

Kidnapping Caitlynn (2009, Kat Coiro)

Kidnapping Caitlynn is a couples’ film and not just because it’s about a woman breaking into her ex-boyfriend’s house. Stars Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs, who concocted the story together, are married (Mollen scripted). Director Coiro is married to supporting actor Rhys Coiro.

If it were just four people making some stupid home movie because they got bored on a Saturday night, it might be all right. As an actual effort, however, Kidnapping Caitlynn is horrific. Either Mollen is intentionally emulating stupid Hollywood comedies or she’s just a terrible writer—her performance is awful, so I’m guessing the latter.

Biggs spends most of his time mugging for the camera, which is an odd use of him. When he does talk, he can’t overcome the script.

Coiro’s direction is adequate; the film’s not her fault. Wait, Rhys Coiro’s performance is awful… did she cast him?

Julie Benz doesn’t embarrass herself.

1/3Not Recommended

CREDITS

Directed by Kat Coiro; screenplay by Jenny Mollen, based on a story by Mollen and Jason Biggs; director of photography, Paula Huidobro; edited by Adam Catino; music by Bret Johnson; produced by Lauren Bratman and Coiro.

Starring Jenny Mollen (Emily), Jason Biggs (Max), Julie Benz (Caitlynn) and Rhys Coiro (Daniel).

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