Batman Confidential (2007) #54

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It ends with a quote from the Bible.

And Batman joining the Justice League.

His powers were only temporary back in China—those dastardly Chinese turned opium into a superpower elixir!

What’s so funny—besides laughing at Guggenheim’s writing, his dialogue, his narration—is Guggenheim’s plotting. He never lets Batman uncover the mystery he’s been pursuing the last five issues.

It’s really lame. I think this arc might be the worst comic I’ve read in many years. If DC’s hiring writers like Guggenheim, I’m really not missing much by sticking mostly to Marvel lately.

It’s hard to explain just how terrible, on a page level, his writing gets. One could sit down with a red Sharpie and notate the issues (I assume neither DC or Marvel pays editors to actually edit for quality).

Bingham’s art is a little better this issue, but he’s not working miracles….

This comic is crap.

Batman Confidential (2007) #53

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Guggenheim implies he’s going to give Batman superpowers. Let me explain—in China, the superheroes Bruce Wayne runs into tell him they source of superpowers is the totem (or logo). There’s an atrocious bit where Batman’s later calling the Justice League’s logos their totems.

Anyway, it turns out the Chinese are lying to Batman and you really have to drink a magic potion to give you superpowers. It ends with Batman drinking it.

Isn’t Batman secretly having superpowers something on the level of organic webshooters? I mean, I don’t really follow comic news blogs, but I imagine if anyone read this comic… someone would have made a comment.

Really awful modern day art from Bingham (he doesn’t care; he’s working on the flashback stuff and modern day art be damned). I think DC just tinted his page layouts and had them colored.

Guggenheim’s writing somehow gets worse, which is surprising.

Batman Confidential (2007) #52

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Oh, wow.

So this arc is actually about Batman’s first meeting with the Justice League.

Now, I’m not up on my DC continuity—and is Miller’s All-Star Batman continuity now—but I’m pretty sure Batman had met Superman by year three. This story is set in year three. But no, Batman hasn’t met Superman (or Super-Man as he calls him), the Flash or Green Lantern.

The issue ends with him breaking in to the Justice League headquarters. Wayne Technology installed the compound and left Batman a way to break in. It’s so convenient and not at all unethical.

The flashback story (again, Bingham’s art on the flashback is fine) turns out to be about Bruce Wayne hanging out with Chinese superheroes.

I thought Morrison was in charge of Batman now… I guess not. Guggenheim’s writing and ideas are painfully insipid.

Bingham’s weak, modern time period art doesn’t help.

Batman Confidential (2007) #51

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Bingham spends so much time on the flashback art—I think it’s colored ink washes—it’s like he doesn’t have the enthusiasm for the present day stuff. Especially not since Guggenheim has him matching it all, sometimes splitting the panel between past and present down the center.

Both stories, past and present, are more action oriented this time and Guggenheim has less room to do a bad job with his writing. It’s still bad writing—and Guggenheim still misses a lot of opportunity, like the idea of Batman fighting an alien—but it’s not as bad as it could have been. Opening with a terribly written issue means Guggenheim probably will just improve as the arc continues.

None of those comments mean the issue is worth reading. It’s a pointless waste of time—though half the Bingham art is interesting—and there is a train wreck quality to Guggenheim’s plotting.

Batman Confidential (2007) #50

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I wanted to read this issue because it features the return of Jerry Bingham, who did some great work in the eighties.

He does some good work here too, just not on the present action of the issue. There’s a flashback portion, with something approximating painted art, and it looks good. The modern stuff looks too unfinished. Bingham doesn’t do a good job inking himself..

But Bingham draws a decent enough Batman, so it’s not terrible.

What’s terrible is Guggenheim’s writing. He belongs to the All-Star Batman school, but he doesn’t even have any imaginative dialogue. It’s an absolutely awful reading experience; cringe-inducing.

The plot is undeveloped here (for some reason there’s an Identity Crisis tie-in).

The second half of the issue is a fake Silver Age Justice League story also tying in. Farmer inks Bingham to good effect and Guggenheim feigns the tone. It’s better than the Batman story.

Batman Confidential (2007) #43

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I hate this comic book.

Because Kieth kills off his Kieth girl so he can make the story stop. He makes the story about her dying–not even resolving the sulfur monster, who’s never apprehended or destroyed–and how it doesn’t really matter to Batman. It’s beyond cheap.

It’s pretty clear the story–the sulfur monster thing–is stupid and not really worth reading about. It’s also pretty clear Batman going over his inner turmoil about his parents (the big revelation in the story is Bruce Wayne once shot a bird) isn’t worth reading about. So is the Kieth girl worth reading about?

Maybe, maybe not. But when Kieth wrote her with Batman, he made Batman human for a minute. He turned him into a believable, sympathetic character, which almost no one does.

As a further insult to the reader, Kieth ends the comic with his moronic, insensitive Commissioner Gordon.

Batman Confidential (2007) #42

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So Kieth takes away the blindness real quick.

Are all Batman Confidential stories Bruce Wayne? Because Dick might have been a better Batman for this story. Kieth really likes his self-depreciating blind social worker and, while he does write her like he writes most of the other Kieth girls, she is likable (if one forgets he or she is reading a painfully mediocre comic).

So… the big problem with her? She’s got no chance with Batman. No one has a chance with Batman. So her liking Batman just makes her seem desperate and sad, which the character isn’t supposed to be, regardless of her self-depreciating remarks well she’s trying not to flirt with Batman.

Still, it is not entirely Kieth’s fault, only somewhat–I mean, if Batman can’t get horizontal with a female romantic interest, why’s the character at all interesting–he ought to be called Bat-eunuch.

Batman Confidential (2007) #41

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There’s been a blind Batman story before, right? Oops, spoiler alert. Kieth makes Batman blind at the end of the issue as the twist. He opens it with a bit of a twist too. The Kieth girl is a blind, but we don’t know she’s blind in the first issue. So it’s a surprisingly character trait revelation in the second issue. How exciting.

I thought Kieth had done a Batman comic before, but if he has done so… no one edited him or told him where he was lame. Because he’s got some really lame stuff going on here. Batman’s crushing on the girl. And he can’t shut up about it.

Batman and crushing aren’t two words I think anyone would say should be in a sentence together. Even when Batman has a romance, he doesn’t crush; especially not since Kieth draws the girl to look pretty young.

Icky bad.

Batman Confidential (2007) #40

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So Sam Kieth has gone photoshop? I guess it’s not a surprise, only how photoshop he’s gone. He’s got panels with smoothing effects here. It’s so photoshop-happy, in fact, the thing looks like a bad digital collage. All the art is too crisp–even the stuff clearly digitally enlarged (he’s not into inking much this story either).

Speaking of story, there’s not much of one yet. Batman’s investigating a mysterious sulfur creature who’s killing homeless people. There’s a girl–in a Kieth comic, there’s always a girl–who’s going to figure in at some point. Also, the sulfur monster knows something about Bruce Wayne’s parents… maybe. Kieth doesn’t even use it as a cliffhanger. His cliffhanger’s awful, actually.

Also terrible is the dialogue. I suppose some of the Batman narration is fine (it’s the standard post-Year One Batman narration), but Gordon’s dialogue is laughable. Way too Sam Spade.