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Monkey Grip (1982, Ken Cameron)
Poorly written drama about single mom (Noni Hazlehurst) working in the Melbourne music scene. She falls for heroin-addicted actor Colin Friels, which causes all sorts of problems because Hazlehurst is a mom after all. Alice Garner (daughter of source novel author Helen Garner) is the kid; she probably gives the best performance in the film.… 📖
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Warlords of Atlantis (1978, Kevin Connor)
Fairly awful sci-fi adventure picture about a scientist and his sidekicks discovering Atlantis; along the way there are sea monsters and other such things–if you’ve ever wanted to see John Ratzenberger fight a giant octopus, here’s you go. The Atlantians are fascists so the explorers aren’t just trying to save themselves, they’re trying to save… 📖
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The People That Time Forgot (1977, Kevin Connor)
Apparently, all Kevin Connor needs–besides a decently concocted screenplay–is location shooting and a good score. The People That Time Forgot–around the halfway point–became a movie I found myself enjoying too much. I got self-conscious about it, questioning its quality even more than usual, just because it seemed so good. It’s an adventure film, one told… 📖
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Lord of War (2005, Andrew Niccol)
Fairly terrible tale of arms dealer Nicolas Cage–set over twenty years–as he works with unreliable little brother Jared Leto, romances and marries Bridget Monyahan, and avoids hotshot Interpol agent Ethan Hawke. When the script’s not telling bad jokes, it’s just being bad; less a film than a collection of loosely related scenes connected with poorly… 📖
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Swallowtail Butterfly (1996, Iwai Shunji)
Excruciatingly boring tale of a young orphan and the hooker with a heart of gold who takes her in. Set in a dystopian future Japan, despite always being boring, the film doesn’t get too bad until about forty minutes into the two hour and thirty minute (!) run time when the future mobsters show up.… 📖
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The Prisoner of Shark Island (1936, John Ford)
Outstanding, ambitious biopic of Samuel Mudd (Warner Baxter), the doctor who unknowingly treated John Wilkes Booth and ended up tried for treason for his trouble. Fantastic performances from Baxter and Gloria Stuart as Mrs. Mudd. But Ford’s direction–along with Nunnally Johnson’s script–really put the film over the top; it’s beautifully produced, with Ford ably toggling… 📖
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Chaplin (1992, Richard Attenborough)
Outstanding, emotive, melancholic biopic of Chaplin, with a transfixing Robert Downey Jr. playing the lead role. The film covers Chaplin’s whole life, from a childhood in poverty to the silent successes to the eventual sound failures. Fantastic all-star supporting cast–especially the various Chaplin flings (Marisa Tomei is a standout)–but Downey’s the whole show. Downey, John… 📖
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Charley Varrick (1973, Don Siegel)
Walter Matthau hated Charley Varrick. He must have been stuck in a contract or something. It’s understandable why he did, however. Matthau’s whole image is one of the likable curmudgeons. Varrick casts him as a gum-chewing (for that Matthau effect) bank robber… who doesn’t do it because he needs the money, but because crop dusting… 📖
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The Big Bus (1976, James Frawley)
Punny–as opposed to funny–all-star disaster movie spoof about the crew and passengers of a nuclear-powered Greyhound. Things go terribly wrong with the bus and only lead Joseph Bologna can hold it all together. The absurdist humor always takes the easy route, but there are some rather good performances and then some not so good ones… 📖
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Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic (2005, Liam Lynch)
Funny but bad combination of stand-up special and variety show, with Silverman awkwardly going between her mediocre set and bad musical numbers. Better direction might help (about the only good thing about the film, technically, is the editing) but barely over half the 70 minute run time is the stand-up. The rest is the bland,… 📖
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An Affair (1998, Lee Je-yong)
Often excellent, deliberate drama about forty-ish Lee Mi-suk having an affair with much younger Lee Jung-jae. Lee Mi-suk is phenomenal throughout, but the film’s very uneven between the first and second halves. In the first half, the film could just as easily be establishing Lee Jung-jae as a stalker while cuckold Song Young-chang seems like… 📖
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Valley of the Kings (1954, Robert Pirosh)
Middling adventure picture about archeologist Robert Taylor searching Egypt for proof of the Biblical Joseph. Wrapped up in the pursuit are unhappily married Carlos Thompson and Eleanor Parker. It’s only a matter of time before Taylor seduces Parker away from Thompson (who’s awful). Bad script and direction from Pirosh. Taylor’s great but there’s only so… 📖
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Leviathan (1989, George P. Cosmatos)
Ninety-six minutes of dumb fun involving an sea monster terrorizing an underwater mining operation. Great cast of recognizable eighties supporting players like Ernie Hudson, Richard Crenna, Daniel Stern, and Meg Foster. Peter Weller’s a good lead, Amanda Pays is good as his love interest; really good performance from Crenna too. Despite the prestigious screenwriters (David… 📖
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Lucky Number Slevin (2006, Paul McGuigan)
Exceeding entertaining comedic crime thriller about Josh Hartnett getting stuck between warring New York crime bosses Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley. The cast–also including Lucy Liu, Bruce Willis, and Stanley Tucci–is enough to make it watchable but the film’s got an excellent script (by Jason Smilovic) and direction from McGuigan. Great lead performance from Hartnett,… 📖
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Kafka (1991, Steven Soderbergh)
Pointless outing from a disinterested Soderbergh about Franz Kafka (Jeremy Irons) finding himself in a very Kafka-esque (wink wink) mystery involving a secret organization and various kinds of intrigue and corruption. Irons is fine in the lead, whereas sidekick Jeroen Krabbé is excellent. Love interest Theresa Russell is godawful. Soderbergh’s technical work is great, he… 📖
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Dead on the Money (1991, Mark Cullingham)
Black comedy–spoofing the very idea of itself–about actress Amanda Pays getting wrapped up in a mystery involving dreamy rich guy Corbin Bernsen (Pays’s real-life husband) and his weird cousin (a fantastic John Glover). Is Pays in danger herself? Is she in love with Bernsen or does Glover have a chance? There’s a great goofy feel… 📖
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The Rage in Placid Lake (2003, Tony McNamara)
Good coming of age story about natural born hippie Ben Lee breaking away from his parents and attempt to go square after high school, going to work in an insurance office. There’s lots of office drone tropes, but agreeably executed. McNamara is a fine director; he works hard to keep the viewer entertained. Rose Byrne… 📖
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Escape Me Never (1947, Peter Godfrey)
Godawful romantic quadrangle picture about irresistible composer Errol Flynn (maybe it’s the lederhosen, the film’s ostensibly set in 1900 Vienna) cheating on wife Ida Lupino with brother Gig Young’s fiancée Eleanor Parker. Parker’s lost as the villain, Flynn and Lupino are both terrible and competing for who can be worse; Young’s okay enough, all things… 📖
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Scandal (1950, Kurosawa Akira)
Scandal presents an incredibly humane side of Kurosawa, one his historical pictures don’t convey. He shows the desperate sadness of people and offers little visible hope throughout. There’s one scene, when the protagonist (played by Mifune Toshirô) and the main character (Shimura Takashi) come across a pond reflecting the stars and Mifune comments about the… 📖
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The Hidden Blade (2004, Yamada Yôji)
Tedious samurai picture about honor and obligation; director Yamada tells it all in summary and set pieces, with thinly contrived manipulative actions to connect those set pieces and drive that summary. Nagase Masatoshi gives an excellent performance but it’s a depthless part. Based on stories by Fujiwara Shuhei, just like Yamada’s immediately previous film THE… 📖
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The Heroes of Telemark (1965, Anthony Mann)
Formulaic WWII thriller about Norwegian resistance fighters Kirk Douglas and Richard Harris infiltrating a Nazi base to stop them from developing the A-bomb first. Lots of good cross-country skiing footage, lots of reused war footage. Douglas doesn’t act very much in the first half, just gropes every woman in sight. Meanwhile Harris, who’s good in… 📖
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Stargate (1994, Roland Emmerich), the director’s cut
Bland but pretty sci-fi adventure epic about the aliens who built the pyramids coming back with a vengeance and only Egyptologist James Spader and Special Forces G.I. Joe Kurt Russell being able to save the planet. Spader’s fine, Russell’s iffy but has his moments; the script–by director Emmerich and producer Dean Devlin–is crap but not… 📖
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The Osterman Weekend (1983, Sam Peckinpah)
Godawful adaptation of Robert Ludlum espionage novel about TV journalist Rutger Hauer (who’s excellent despite not having his accent ironed out to play American white bread) getting recruited to spy on his pals, who may or may not be enemy agents. The film’s a shocking waste of its cast–Burt Lancaster, John Hurt, Dennis Hopper, and… 📖
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Flight Angels (1940, Lewis Seiler)
Diverting, well-handled seventy minute B picture has flight attendants (sorry, stewardesses) plotting to marry rich customers, screaming, running around, and even cat fighting–it’s astoundingly sexist. It’s also a commercial for American Airlines; a likablely performed one. Supporting Jane Wyman is awesome, leads Virgina Bruce and Dennis Morgan are fine. DVD, Streaming.Continue reading → 📖
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The Razor’s Edge (1946, Edmund Goulding)
Spectacular adaptation of W. Somerset Maugham novel about WWI vet Tyrone Power trying to fit into the world after the War, whether it’s with too rich for him (but still madly in love with him) girlfriend Gene Tierney, good friend Anne Baxter, or erudite author Herbert Marshall (playing Maugham). Power travels the globe trying to… 📖
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16 Blocks (2006, Richard Donner)
Not a buddy movie buddy movie about aged New York cop Bruce Willis transporting witness Mos Def the titular number of blocks while Willis’s cop buddies are trying to assassinate Def. Great performance from Willis, great chemistry between him and Def, strong direction–with a just right, lighter tone–from Donner. Phenomenal (of course) supporting performance from… 📖
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The Bad Sleep Well (1960, Kurosawa Akira)
Great procedural about a police investigation into government corruption with a phenomenal lead performance by Mifune Toshirô in the lead. Intricate, complex screenplay–inspired by HAMLET no less–but tender and playful in a very un-HAMLET way. Kurosawa’s got a deliberate focus as the film follows multiple characters through the run time, with salient events often coming… 📖
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Jade (1995, William Friedkin), the director’s cut
Stupefyingly bad “steamy,” “sexy” thriller about San Francisco DA David Caruso getting involved in the shenanigans related to old pal Chazz Palminteri and old flame Linda Fiorentino. Fiorentino married Palminteri instead of Caruso, adding to the angst. Lousy script by Joe Eszterhas, lousy direction by Friedkin–the film utterly wastes its three leads, though–at best–it only… 📖
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Bright Victory (1951, Mark Robson)
Mark Robson made some great films. I first saw Bright Victory before I knew who he was (I think Victory was probably my first Robson, actually). I saw it on AMC in 1997 probably. Julie Adams is in it and maybe I had AMC flagged for Julie Adams movies somehow. I can’t remember if they… 📖
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Minoes (2001, Vincent Bal), the English dubbed version
Very cute adaptation of Annie M. G. Schmidt’s children’s novel about a cat who (through a chemical serum) becomes very human Carice van Houten, who then helps aspiring journalist Theo Maassen. She’s still able to talk cat so she gets all her old friends to dig up news around town. Lovely sets–rooftop are very important… 📖
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Rules of Dating (2005, Han Jae-rim)
Not exactly romantic comedy or drama about school teacher Park Hae-il perving on and manipulating colleague Kang Hye-jeong into dating him–the film goes from being a cringe-y “sexual harassment comedy” to a cringe-y “sexual harassment drama.” Really strong performance from Kang and some potentially good dramatic developments in the plot get flushed for the pat… 📖
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Tess (1979, Roman Polanski)
Seemingly endless adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s TESS OF THE D’URBERVILLES with an atrocious lead performance from Nastassja Kinski and an almost as bad one from her beau, Peter Firth. The third act, partially based on the source material, is an absolute disaster. But the screenplay’s still endless problems of its own. Absolutely gorgeous looking; cinematography… 📖
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Sixteen Candles (1984, John Hughes)
Aged very poorly eighties teen comedy about Molly Ringwald’s sixteen birthday getting forgotten because of big sister’s wedding. Movie more belongs to Anthony Michael Hall (as a lusty nerd pal of Ringwald’s) and Michael Schoeffling (Ringwald’s dream guy). Likable performances from the cast; absurdly shallow hi-jinks–with racism, ableism, and terrible treatment of women; not unsuccessful.… 📖
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Everybody Wins (1990, Karel Reisz)
Ostensible mystery thriller (written by Arthur Miller) about renowned private investigator Nick Nolte taking Debra Winger’s case, even though she doesn’t give him any information about the case. It’s not exactly predictable but if Nolte’s so good, he really should piece things together based on the clues we get. There’s romance at some point, but… 📖
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The Jerk (1979, Carl Reiner)
Occasionally funny but rather draggy for a ninety minute comedy about imbecile Steve Martin (the titular JERK) ending up rich and shacked up with Bernadette Peters. The first half at least makes sense, the second half is rushed and in summary or half-scene. And Peters becomes a background extra without any lines for the third… 📖
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Home from the Hill (1960, Vincente Minnelli)
Outstanding not soapy soap opera about wealthy Texan Robert Mitchum, suffering wife Eleanor Parker, and his two sons–the legitimate one, George Hamilton, and the bastard, George Peppard. Once Hamilton comes of age and starts hanging out more with Peppard, away from Parker’s helicoptering, everyone gets in a lot of trouble. Fantastic performances from the entire… 📖
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Transporter 2 (2005, Louis Leterrier)
Atrociously written action sequel about “transporter” Jason Statham and the trouble he gets into because of one of his jobs. His jobs transporting things. Good thing he also knows kung fu. Terrible acting besides Statham and reluctant cop sidekick François Berléand. Kate Nauta’s performance is probably one of the worst ever in a theatrically released,… 📖
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Field of Dreams (1989, Phil Alden Robinson)
Iowa farmer Kevin Costner hears a voice telling him, as disembodied voices no one can hear do, to build a baseball field in the middle of his field. Much to wife Amy Madigan’s chagrin, Costner listens to the voice and builds the field, kicking off a journey through the American love of baseball and Costner’s… 📖
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The Naked Island (1960, Shindô Kaneto)
Beautiful, dialogue-free film about a family living on a desolate island without any potable water (the daily trips to the mainland for water figures in). Director Shindô zooms out the narrative distance so far the people are just living creatures as opposed to human beings. Lots of successful elements, both generally (wonderful score by Hayashi… 📖
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The Beaver Trilogy (2001, Trent Harris)
Compilation of three short films by director Harris. The first is a segment for the TV news about a young man in Utah who likes to get into Olivia Newton-John drag and perform. Second is Sean Penn reenacting that segment, only while addressing the damage Harris’s handling of the actual news item did to the… 📖