All-Star Comics (1976) #66

Paul Levitz (script)

Joe Staton (pencils)

Bob Layton (inks)

Elizabeth Safian (colors)

Joe Orlando (editor)

If I take back the things I said about Wally Wood being mid last issue, can he come back retroactively and save me from Joe Staton and Bob Layton? We can keep Paul Levitz finding his sexism towards Power Girl and embracing it: turns out he needed Star-Spangled Kid to creep on her like a lech.

But Levitz does get a couple points for Earth-Two (maybe not when Gerry Conway was writing the book, incidentally) no longer having an apartheid South Africa. The exposition also mentions superheroes started on Earth-Two in the forties, not the fifties; maybe the extra ten years ground out the fascist, racist trash.

Anyway. Back to Joe Staton and Bob Layton. Staton’s figures are often bewildering, and Layton inks into the “curve.” There are a handful of okay close-ups, including Bruce Wayne (who seems to be a character Levitz might actually want to write; time will tell), but the bodies—and especially the extremities—are bad; real bad.

Levitz opens the issue in a flash-forward so he can wrap up the cliffhanger from last time (no Shining Knight, again; his agent obviously told him to stay away from All-Star Comics), which basically means Superman going off on his own so he won’t just save the day. Before Superman leaves, Power Girl is not nice enough to him, and she regrets it. However, she does not regret whining there are too many male heroes for her to compete with.

These character moments are nowhere near the most unpleasant. Star-Spangled Kid gropes her and gets away with it, then at one point pervs on her instead of saving Wildcat. It’s a lot. Especially since Kid’s in the silly power belt (and also, the colorist at one point gives him white outside undies), he’s just a creep—and Levitz’s lead character on that plot line.

The story has the JSA trying to save Hourman and Wildcat; the reunited Injustice Society has captured them. Injustice Society’s been after the heroes for a few issues now, starting during Conway’s tenure, and one has to wonder if their motivations were always the same. Levitz hasn’t got a lot of time for them. They’re disposable, easy-to-defeat villains, especially once Dr. Fate comes back.

Levitz also seems to like writing Dr. Fate, who he characterizes as taking over the human host with no concern for its well-being, even having Mrs. Dr. Fate plead with Fate not to leave. It’s an all-right bit.

All things considered.

The ending sets up (adult) Robin coming back into the book–maybe—while Power Girl, Kid, and Wildcat (the book’s most obnoxious grouping, presumably worse now) going on an adventure together.

Swell.

Legion of Super-Heroes (1980) #260

Writer Gerry Conway finds his tone for Legion of Super-Heroes and it’s Silver Age homage. The issue has Joe Staton and John Calnan on the art; it’s not great, but it doesn’t have to be for a Silver Age homage. Obviously, the costumes are different, and it’s hard to imagine Wildfire having his temper tantrum in an older book, but the story’s silly Silver Age.

So, in the future, the only thing no one in the galaxy thought about doing except humanity is circuses. The circuses take up giant space stations, but their content is the same as always, which will be important when the Legion goes undercover. But first, there’s this very deliberate Legion action sequence where Conway showcases how the individual heroes’ powers come together to Voltron out and defeat the bad guy.

Or, in this case, save the intergalactic circus barker from a crashing spaceship. It’s implied the spaceship is trying to kill him, but they never actually confirm it. It could’ve been a coincidence.

The main action involves the Legionnaires pretending to be circus attractions to ferret out the assassin. Some of it is just regular circus stuff, only with the occasional alien around. For some reason, Conway draws attention to how circus “oddities” don’t make much sense in the future when people aren’t shitty to each other but then leverages them anyway.

There’s also Staton’s best page in terms of composition, with annoying bro Timber Wolf—pretending to be an acrobat—recovering from a fall. Glorious splash page. It’s still weird looking because it’s a strange mix of Silver and Bronze Ages, but it’s the first time Staton has come through with movement.

The story ends with a cliffhanger—the Legion (thanks to now fully reformed Brainiac 5’s intellect) has their prime suspects, but is there someone even more nefarious behind the circus-hating villainy? Sadly, yes, we’re going to have another circus issue.

But it’s better than I was expecting. Maybe Conway really did just hate having Superboy around.

Legion of Super-Heroes (1980) #259

I actually did a quick Google, and nothing came up (despite the image results showing the very obvious covers side-by-side), so I’m going to assume this detail isn’t an undeniable fact: Legion of Super-Heroes #259 looks ridiculously like Whatever Happened to the Man on Tomorrow a couple of times.

I didn’t even realize the covers until after reading it; I was thinking more about the last page, which has a sad Superboy flying away from his future pals. It’s time for him to go back to Smallville and stay. And his reasoning is so goofy I’m going to spoil it.

Superboy is quitting the Legion of Super-Heroes because he came across Ma and Pa Kent’s gravesite in the future. He imagines they die from some weird tropical disease, and he’s not there to save them. He realizes it’s not real and doesn’t know how they died, which sets him straight enough to fight the bad guy, Psycho-Warrior.

Psycho-Warrior is writer Gerry Conway bringing his late seventies laziness to Legion of Super-Heroes. Last issue, Conway established P-W is from the same mental hospital as Brainiac-5 but not the connection. The connection is P-W saw the Legion going and visiting Brainy and being nice to him, and P-W hates friendly people, so he decided to kill Legionaries. Or at least render them comatose.

P-W’s got a surprisingly bad secret origin too, but he’s basically just a done-in-two super-villain who can move the story along.

After the bad guy’s defeated, Superboy tells his Legion friends he’s going to the past to stay because he can’t forget death’s serious business, and he’s been having too much fun in the future. Or something. It makes no sense, and it’s poorly written, with Conway apparently trying to do a Silver Age homage—an even more gracious interpretation than when I opined he might be trying camp—and it’s more about the spectacle. They’re really doing this nothing-burger of a farewell.

The Legion all waves, knowing they’ll never see Superboy again and whatnot, but none of them are particularly affected. “We all knew this day would come,” one says.

None of the Legionnaires mention they’ve been doing body modification to appear young to Superboy before he leaves, so it’s more like he’s their pet. They’re secretly mentally abusive to him.

Whatever. Conway never used Superboy enough for it to matter he’s leaving, and Conway’s been so disappointing it doesn’t matter if Conway’s not stuck with Superboy anymore.

The Joe Staton and Dave Hunt art tries a little harder than usual. Fails but tries. Staton’s at least got the Silver Age composition down.

Why the heck did they put Conway on this book he’s clearly not interested in doing.

Anyway. Farewell, Boy of Tomorrow.

P-W’s got a surprisingly bad secret origin too, but he’s basically just a done-in-two super-villain who can move the story along.

The Legion all waves, knowing they’ll never see Superboy again and whatnot, but none of them are particularly affected. “We all knew this day would come,” one says.

None of the Legionnaires mention they’ve been doing body modification to appear young to Superboy before he leaves, so it’s more like he’s their pet. They’re secretly mentally abusive to him.

Whatever. Conway never used Superboy enough for it to matter he’s leaving, and Conway’s been so disappointing it doesn’t matter if Conway’s not stuck with Superboy anymore.

The Joe Staton and Dave Hunt art tries a little harder than usual. Fails but tries. Staton’s at least got the Silver Age composition down.

Why the heck did they put Conway on this book he’s clearly not interested in doing.

Anyway. Farewell, Boy of Tomorrow.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #258

Is Legion supposed to be camp? I’m not sure what else makes sense, given writer Gerry Conway’s actually quite good plot and his reliably insipid exposition. Quite good plotting after tricking me in the opening—I thought the splash page said the issue was jumping away from R.J. Brande’s bankruptcy plot, but I just hadn’t reread the exposition enough to understand what Conway was saying.

The Legion has finally met up with Brande, and finally discovered who took his fortune. Then these rogue science police officers attack them, and we get a reasonably good “Legionnaire’s powers are perfect for this situation” action sequence before cutting away to Brainiac 5’s prison island.

Brainiac 5 is not in this issue. Not unless he turns out to have stayed evil and just gotten worse because now the comic’s about a mystery villain. The cover says his name is “The Psycho-Warrior,” but one of the Legionnaires refers to him that way. It’s not his villain name. I mean, it’ll be his villain name, but it doesn’t make any sense. I’m not sure there’s anyone worse at naming villains than late seventies, early eighties Gerry Conway. It’s like he saved all the okay ones for Firestorm and everything else is like… “Psycho-Warrior.”

Conway toggles between the stories, the Legion and the missing fortune, and Psycho-Warrior breaking out of his and Brainy’s prison. Is he Brainy? Probably not; it’s too obviously logical and can’t be drug out.

Because there’s barely a confrontation between the heroes and this new villain (who already hates the Legion, making him just like all their other villains, who hate them for being shitty white kids). He does his escape thing; they go to the Federation Council to have a showdown.

The showdown’s bad but a good idea. If Conway had built to it over a few issues instead of just having a reason for the twist… might’ve been good.

There’s a good narrative device setting up the cliffhanger and then some otherwise lousy writing.

Maybe slightly better than usual art from Joe Staton and Dave Hunt.

This issue’s the last Superboy and the Legion. I wonder if dropping the Boy of Steel’s going to help Conway at all.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #257

If it weren’t for the backup, which pairs writer Gerry Conway with Steve Ditko (penciling, with Dan Adkins inking), this issue would give the impression Conway doesn’t like the Legion. Or, if he does, he thinks their positive traits are being smug asswipes.

In addition to the charming, sexy (really) backup story about Bouncing Boy and Duo Damsel’s misadventures trying to be regular people colonists, Conway writes the feature. Joe Staton and Dave Hunt are on the art. Maybe if the story weren’t so lackluster, something about their lackluster art would’ve stood out more (I mean, there are some weird Cosmic Boy panels thanks to that outfit, but otherwise).

The feature story is all about how important it is to lie.

The Legion is in trouble with the science police for hijacking the amusement park hovering over the Grand Canyon last issue. They needed to holographic something something to make Brainiac 5 sane again. Except now, no one knows if it works, so they’re just supposed to trust Brainy as the cops and the amusement park owner yell at them.

The issue basically takes place over fifteen minutes, with the morale of the story—for Superboy, no less—being sometimes it’s better to lie to escape accountability. Did the Superboy from Superboy and the Legion go on to be the bad guy in Final Crisis or whatever? It would make sense. They’re all a bunch of assholes.

The subplot involves the rich guy who funds them being out of money—for like the sixth straight issue—but now the Legion knows about it, so Chameleon Boy’s going to get it resolved. At least there’s some momentum on that story, though it’s also a little obnoxious. Especially since it turns out the Legion does have most of their base left, just not the ostentatious part.

This book’s a trip.

The backup’s wonderful, though. Bouncing Boy and Duo Damsel are a cute couple; Ditko’s layouts and Conway’s script have a lovely retro but not condescending thing going on.

I wish they’d take over the feature slot.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #256

It’s one of those Legion of Super-Heroes issues where they’re asshole teenagers (actually much older people pretending to be teenagers to deceive their time-traveling friend Superboy), and it seems more like the Legion of Super-Delinquents.

This issue, they assault some theme park owner and terrorize innocent people out of the place so they can create a trip through Brainiac 5’s memories. He’s still “insane,” and they’re desperate to cure him. That cure involves one person programming his trip down memory lane while someone else reads his mind to figure out how to manipulate his feelings. When they do find a traumatic event, they change it instead of contextualizing it.

Oops, spoilers. Whatever. They want to brainwash their friend better. Is the Legion a cult?

Anyway.

While one team is trying to cure Brainy, Superboy and Cosmic Boy are destroying space police cruisers. Good thing they’re experts at saving falling ships since now they’re the ones causing the falling. Since I’ve started reading this book, I don’t think the Legion has ever been wrong. I also don’t think the government squares have ever acknowledged their infinite wisdom. Why wouldn’t they tell the government what they needed for Brainy?

Why ask when you can take, I guess? They’re not not little fascists.

And sometimes they’re scantily clad. I’m pretty sure you can find whatever nudie magazine was in the DC offices based on one of the girls, but Cosmic Boy’s got lots of lewd shots in this issue.

Gerry Conway’s still writing. He’s got a few good pages, mostly not. He drops the names too much in conversation, presumably for new readers. Given the arc is a sequel to an arc, which was a sequel to another arc, accessibility is not the series’s strong point.

No matter how often characters refer to each other by names and cool monikers.

The art’s Joe Staton and Dave Hunt. Not their worst, but not any good either.

Legion is wearing me down. Who wants to read about these asswipes.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #255

In a genuinely startling event, it turns out when it comes to Joe Staton, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire—this issue features Staton’s most successful work. His inker? Vince Colletta. It’s not good art by any stretch, but it’s far more competent and consistent than Staton’s been on the book. Will Colletta be back to save the world from Staton’s pencils? Who knows, the issue feels like a fill-in.

The end of the last issue promised a Brainiac 5 resolution. This issue also promises a Brainiac 5 resolution… for the next issue. Instead, it’s a very Superboy story for Superboy and the Legion. He’s back home in Smallville, trying to be a regular kid in the fifties or sixties or teens, except he’s just too darn super. Lana Lang is on to him, so he’s got to do hijinks while helping out at Pa Kent’s store.

The Smallville sojourn doesn’t last long, with the Legionnaires coming back in time on a mission. Someone robbed the Superman Museum in the future, and they need Superboy’s glasses, except the future villain already came back in time and stole the glasses while he was distracted at work. They go back to the future, fight, fail, then go back to Krypton before it explodes to swipe some more Kryptonian glass, which is renowned around the galaxy.

Why couldn’t the bad guy go back in time to Krypton himself, maybe even head to a glass factory? Don’t ask.

There’s a funny moment when the Legionnaires ask Superboy to suit up–they wouldn’t want anyone seeing Clark Kent with some scantily clad exhibitionist time travelers. It’s unfortunately not self-aware; writer Gerry Conway keeps the plot moving, but there’s nothing to it. Clark’s bored in Smallville because it’s dull, and he’s not wrong; Conway writes a dull Superboy solo story.

It’s a mediocre narrative, but the not-horrendous art gets it through. Staton and Collettta. I’d never have guessed it.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #254

One of the disappointing but reliable experiences of reading Joe Staton’s Legion of Super-Heroes has been the panels where his art seems to be improving but then doesn’t. In this issue, the same thing happened, and I reminded myself of the phenomenon. First, the art would seem reasonable, then go disastrously wrong.

Even with Dave Hunt inking Staton, the art doesn’t go disastrously wrong in this issue. There are some problem panels, to be sure, but there’s consistently better Staton and Hunt art on this issue than I’d have thought possible.

I wouldn’t bet on much more improvement, but I also wouldn’t have bet on the art getting this reasonable.

The story’s also surprisingly okay, with writer Gerry Conway exhibiting a knack for writing Brainiac 5. The story doesn’t cure or redeem Brainiac 5, which adds a layer to his participation—Superboy goes to him for help; no one can save the seemingly dead Legionnaires but Brainy.

Only Superboy then gets killed with Kryptonite lasers, which seem like such an obvious idea Richard Pryor should’ve used them. Or did he?

Anyway.

Brainiac 5 will figure it all out and save the day with the help of some familiar but irregular guest stars, which allows Conway one of those enthusiastically belabored Legion fights where everyone’s powers are essential. Conway keeps the reader in the dark about Brainy’s plans, so the big battle specifics come as surprises. It’s perfectly decent superhero stuff.

Besides the Brainiac 5 as bad guy stuff, the only other subplot involves the Legion finally tracking down their financier R.J. Brande. He doesn’t tell them how he escaped the shit monsters a few issues ago, but he does finally tell them he’s broke and they’re up a creek.

It’s not a great scene, especially not for the art, but it’s brief and doesn’t drag the rest down.

I’m not optimistic about the book with the current team; maybe someday, though, which is a long way from the norm.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #253

With the not insignificant caveat of art by Joe Staton and Frank Chiaramonte, which never fails to disappoint–even for that duet–it’s a fairly good issue of Superboy and the Legion. Gerry Conway scripts, and it’s a full enough, compelling enough issue.

Even if it does start with the Legion being a bunch of little pricks.

They’ve gone to the President of the Federation or Earth or whatever and pleaded for funds to rebuild their clubhouse. When the President tells them Earth has just survived an invasion and needs to focus on rebuilding infrastructure for the common people, the Legion tells him off. Why would they risk their lives if it weren’t for perks?

Superboy tries to talk his teammates down—got to stay loyal to the state, no matter what, and all—but they’re pissed off. The Legion’s going to split up; some are going to ask RJ Brande for money, forgetting they were supposed to save him from a shit monster a few issues ago and never located him. Had they found him, of course, he would’ve told them he was bankrupt and couldn’t help them. It’s not much of a C plot, but it’s something.

The Legionnaires staying on Earth are going to go out clubbing. There are six of them, including Superboy. He and Colossal Boy are the odd men out; the other four are romantic couples. Conway does a strangely good job with the mopey superheroes. They seem immature and impertinent, which probably isn’t intentional, but it’s inevitable, given the content.

Of course, the Legionnaires don’t know it, but a group of intergalactic assassins is out to get them. The six who just happened to stay on Earth and go clubbing. Those six destroyed these assassins’ planet, and these six “cousins” got lethal Fantastic Four powers. They’ve been on their way to Earth the whole issue to take out their targets.

Their thorough, vengeful attacks are pretty good when they get there, considering the art. Some of Staton’s compositions are fine, though Chiaramonte doesn’t improve the detail.

Every time I think I’m ready to give up on the book, there’s a story capable of overcoming Staton and Chiaramonte, so I cannot. Not when the story keeps such horrors at bay.

Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes (1977) #252

This issue’s the first in the first post-Levitz era. While they left it to Jim Starlin to screw up Levitz’s epilogue, wrapping up that epilogue falls on new writer Gerry Conway. The credits promise “a new beginning” for Superboy and the Legion, with Conway writing, Joe Staton penciling, and Dave Hunt inking.

They’re off to an inauspicious start.

When we left our heroes, Earth had been destroyed (again), betrayed by Brainiac 5, who the Legion told could be emperor of the universe if he stopped the monster he’d imagined into existence from destroying reality. This issue opens with the Legion consulting Brainiac 5 about Matter-Eater Lad, who sacrificed himself to save the world at the cost of his sanity.

It’s not a great opening. They try hypnosis to cure Matter-Eater Lad, which doesn’t work, then they gotcha Brainiac 5 about him still being a prisoner. They tricked him for his intellect, which can’t figure out they’re tricking him.

Matter-Eater Lad and Brainiac 5 are going to be one of the ongoing subplots, along with the Legion’s moneybags running out of money. They’ve been teasing the latter for ages, even making it part of the previous arc. I just realized there’s no follow-up on how it resolved (off-page).

The main plot is the Legion fighting these aliens who are trying to mine the sun. Unfortunately, their technology produces red sunbeams, which render Superboy powerless. In reverse from the usual Legion approach, the bad guys beat the heroes’ individual powers instead of those powers combining to defeat the enemy.

Obviously, they defeat the enemy, but not with their powers.

Conway’s got some okay sci-fi ideas, but not Superboy and the Legion ideas. His characterizations seem either off or limited; new Legion leaders Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl are standoffish with their teammates and cloying with each other. Former leader Wildfire is now the comic relief. Conway’s not trying very hard.

The art’s in the red even for Staton and Hunt.

I didn’t want to give up on these post-Levitz issues without giving them a chance, but I think I’m only committing to one more try.