Loki (2021) s01e06 – For All Time. Always.

“Loki” will return for season two. You find out at the end (of the credits). Or online. I tried to avoid “Loki” spoilers just because I wanted to be (relatively) surprised; would it be Wizard of Oz, would it be the purple one, would it just be Tom Hiddleston in makeup. I probably should’ve just spoiled it since it’s a nothing-burger. “Loki”'s been uneven—kind of like a Thor movie—but there have been highs. This episode doesn’t really have any highs. It doesn’t have any real lows either. Because it’s a nothing-burger. Tune in next season, and maybe there will be something important happening, though at this pace—and based on who they’ve got in play, cast-wise, for next season—it’ll be season four or five before anything really happens. And even then, they’ll presumably move it over to the movies.

The episode revolves around guest star Jonathan Majors, who monologues most of the episode. No reveals, just monologuing around reveals. He does a great job of it (you can tell he’s stage-trained). Unfortunately, he’s giving his monologue on what appears to be a refresh of the digital model for Doctor Strange’s house. Real boring. Though director Kate Herron is better at directing monologues than action, there’s another lousy fight scene this episode, this time with swords. Luckily it’s just filler to prepare for Hiddleston’s turn to monologue.

But “Loki” all of a sudden feels just like what it’s never supposed to feel like—a Marvel Netflix show, or “Agents of Shield,” something where the world can crash down, and no one notices because they’re not contractually obligated to appear. Especially given this episode opens with dialogue from the Marvel movies cut over the timelines expanding and contracting. But by the end, it seems far less like Marvel’s Doctor Who or Quantum Leap and a lot more like Sliders. A nothing-burger of a show.

There is no substantial material for Sophia Di Martino (though she hasn’t had good material for a couple of episodes now). Gugu Mbatha-Raw (dealing with when she betrayed Owen Wilson and Wunmi Mosaku) has a scene to remind she too will return next season, but as a scene, it’s dramatically inert. I kept waiting for show creator Michael Waldron to get another scripting credit after the first episode, and he’s back finally (co-credit with Eric Martin), and he really doesn’t do a good job.

What’s most amusing is the cliffhanger sets up a potentially fun second season ground situation only to immediately make it less fun and more narratively padded. “Loki”’s got a long way to go to prove it’s not utterly pointless. Because near as I can tell, everything from this season could be a five-minute recap at the beginning of next, and you wouldn’t miss anything.

Except remembering when Hiddleston was supposed to be a big movie star and isn’t. He’s just Loki.

Loki (2021) s01e05 – Journey Into Mystery

Journey Into Mystery is simultaneously the cheapest “Loki”—though not the special effects, the CGI composites are solid (for most of it; oh, and the fight scene is profoundly bad), but narratively speaking (it entirely cops out on last episode’s big moves)—and the best, because it guest stars Richard E. Grant as a Loki variant.

There are a bunch of Loki variants in the episode, which takes place at the end of time (sadly no cameos from John Simm or David Tenant). The end of time is apparently the planet Earth with a bunch of slightly aged trash on it. Working cars—even though the gas wouldn’t work but whatever—and then moss-encrusted buses. Basically Tom Cruise’s Oblivion movie or WALL-E to keep it in house. There are rival gangs of Lokis (Tom Hiddleston plays a couple of them but the majority are either named guest stars or dialogue-less extras) trying to survive a giant cloud demon. The end of time is where you go after the TVA prunes you from existence and then the giant cloud demon eats you. Giant cloud demon does not eat, for example, cars, buses, bunkers, or battleships. Just the little people populating them.

Sadly I think next episode is going to explain it all and I’m curious if my prediction’s going to hold.

Anyway. So while Grant, the couple Hiddlestons, kid Loki Jack Veal, and warrior Loki Deobia Oparei try to survive everyone betraying everyone else because they’re Lokis, Sophia Di Martino is busy maybe teaming up with Gugu Mbatha-Raw to figure out the big secret after last episode’s reveals. They’re delaying the explanation—Mbatha-Raw might be a villain (and, even with Tom Kauffman’s profoundly insipid writing, a good one) but she wants to know how it all works too. Can’t she and Di Martino be friends long enough to figure it out?

Di Martino doesn’t really get anything to do in the episode, playing sidekick to various Lokis and surprise returning cast members; though given Kauffman’s dialogue it’s probably for the best. There’s a decent farewell scene for a bunch of people, but it too will probably get invalidated in the finale. Wunmi Mosaku is back for a single scene and gets the absolute worst writing. The show wasted her worse than anyone else.

Even with the bad writing, the complete flop of a silly fight scene (Joel Schumacher did them better), and the narrative cop outs, Journey is probably the most entertaining episode. Because Richard E. Grant’s in it in what appears to be a Loki costume rental from 1987 and he’s wonderful.

There’s also an alligator Loki, which is apparently comics canon accurate but not worth the Google. Cute as hell though.

Also—no spoilers—but Kauffman’s even worse at character motivations than dialogue and his dialogue is tripe. The first act of the episode is everyone acting in absurd ways just to gin up a plot.

But that alligator’s cute as hell. And funny.

And Richard E. Grant.

Loki (2021) s01e04 – The Nexus Event

Lots happens this episode. It’s “the episode where fill in the blank happens” then happens again. Then happens again. Then maybe happens again. But probably not another time because they don’t actually show Tom Hiddleston and Sophia Di Martino making out—they’re time line variants of the same entity (you know, “Loki”) but Di Martino’s from a time line where the entity is born female. For some reason the mysterious Time Lords want Loki to be a boy.

Plus Di Martino has told Hiddleston secrets he can use to improve his situation with Owen Wilson, should that need ever arise. And we also find out guard Wunmi Mosaku (I didn’t think she’d be back but thank goodness because she’s so good) wants to question Di Martino privately about some of those secrets. And we find out there’s some history between Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Di Martino. Plus conspiracies. And robots. And exploding planets.

There’s lots.

It’s really good Owen Wilson. Like, good enough I got wistful thinking about him actually doing a part instead of a stunt cast, actually having direction, actually having a script. They could even do it with Hiddleston; it’s that old time Owen Wilson magic. Or at least more of it than “Loki” has ever shown before.

Mbatha-Raw turns out to be very, very good after seeming like another stunt cast.

Di Martino barely has anything to do this episode. She’s good. Same for Hiddleston, though he does have some stuff to do and it’s not great, but then the rest of the time he’s pretty good. It evens out. Pointless cameo from Jaimie Alexander but it’s at least funny.

Kate Herron’s direction is wanting. There’s only so much to do with the script—Eric Martin gets the credit and it’s one big melodramatic beat after another, with no time for reflection or supporting cast in between. The secrets behind Marvel Disney+ show budgets would reveal a lot about the potential for the shows.

But the special effects—the composites—are terrible in this episode. Interstellar CGI should be better than the opening titles for “Third Rock from the Sun.” And then the big fight scene. It’s confusing, plodding, and bad.

The cliffhanger’s a big twist after a bunch of interesting enough reveals. I feel like if you’re this many episodes into “Loki”… you’re stuck finishing it but… it’ll either be entertaining and dumb or just dumb. With the cast, seems like the former.

Loki (2021) s01e03 – Lamentis

On this episode of “Doctor Who”—wait, no, wait, it’s actually “Loki,” sorry, sorry. And I guess “Doctor Who” has yet to do a buddy sci-fi action flick where the Doctor is paired with a gender reversed version of himself. Or herself. Or themself. Though let’s not give the BBC too much credit. (Wow, “Loki” must play differently if you haven’t seen “Doctor Who;” maybe not better but less derivative).

But this episode has Tom Hiddleston teaming up with his enchanting “Variant” (variants are something like time traveling duplicates but it’s not clear yet), played by Sophia Di Martino. They fight and bite and fight and bite, bite, bite and fight, fight, fight. Until the episode decides it’s more fun to have them bicker and moon over their dead moms. They have different dead moms because of how the variant thing works. Will it be explained? Will Rene Russo do a cameo? So far unclear.

But if Russo does show up and meet Di Martino, I’m sure she’ll find Di Martino enchanting. Emphasis on the enchanting. Lots of enchanting going on. (Are people familiar with Thor comics getting the enchanting thing, I don’t want to be too spoiler or assume they’re going to do something big since they played their big cop out already on “WandaVision”).

Anyway.

It’s fine? Like, definitely the best episode. Because of Di Martino. And the strange planet of humans she and Hiddleston find themselves on. It’s the year 2077 and humans are interstellar miners. One assumes they’re not humans from Earth… it’s more of that lazy Marvel movie space stuff. So it helps when Hiddleston and Di Martino aren’t around any of the nameless supporting players. Plus there’s a good cliffhanger.

Though it’s only a good cliffhanger because the episode’s too short and paced so as to distract from being too short.

No sign of Owen Wilson in this episode except the recap; Gugu Mbatha-Raw pops in for very Judge Dredd-y scene but it’s literal seconds before Hiddleston and Di Martino are on the run through time again. Their gadget breaks and they don’t have a Waverider, a Tardis, or a Ziggy so they’re in trouble on this doomed planet.

There’s some decent fight scenes—definitely director Kate Herron’s best action directing in the series so far—but only for Di Martino. Hiddleston’s fight scenes are still bad. So when they’re fighting, it’s uneven. But Di Martino’s butt-kicking scenes are great. There are some truly terrible CGI composites again (seriously, do they not buy Autumn Durald the right plug-ins for Adobe Premiere or whatever) and the production design suggests Kasra Farahani really liked Joel Schumacher’s Batman movies… but… it’s better than ever before.

Thanks to Di Martino. Having her be so much more charming, so much more enchanting than Hiddleston’s ever been… kind of weird.

Also, kudos for enthusiastic bi pride (academic at this point, but still very enthusiastic).

Loki (2021) s01e02 – The Variant

I have a list of the things I don’t like about “Loki” after the second episode. The show isn’t a “Doctor Who” riff, but it wants to use whole “Who” devices to get certain jobs done. Certain jobs the MCU might want done if actors are going to keep aging and maybe get sick of playing parts. It feels pretty craven, which would be impressive if they were having more fun with it.

“Loki” is not fun. It’s dreary, particularly with its Stallone Judge Dredd meets green-lighted Brazil production design (last time I thought it might have some Kirby influences—and it still might—but it just ends up looking like CGI Stallone Judge Dredd). Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson are both competent enough actors they can feign rapport, but they don’t actually have any. Hiddleston going from renegade thousands of years old Asgardian trickster god to new guy at the boring, albeit fantastic day job could be a narrative hook, except it’s all clearly filler to get Hiddleston to the next set piece.

Only “Loki”’s idea of set pieces is Hiddleston monologuing in boring locations (an empty supervillain warehouse—sorry, sorry, tent—in a Renaissance Faire) while Wilson makes confused faces at him. Except about halfway through the episode, Hiddleston figures out something about the case they’re on and the good guys are finally able to get a jump on the bad guy.

Of course, calling “Loki”’s TVA (Time Variance Authority, Timecop but worse attitude than Van Damme and no leg splits) agents the good guys is a stretch. They’re even more apathetic than Hiddleston plays it.

Now, “Loki” is a very desperate mix of a lot of things—“Legends of Tomorrow,” “Doctor Who,” “Westworld,” whatever show where the female boss has a thing with her troublesome male subordinate who’s fifteen years older than her (only Gugu Mbatha-Raw looks younger than thirty-eight and Wilson looks closer to mid-to-late fifties trying hard not early fifties)—and I’m trying to give it a chance. But it’s hard to get enthusiastic about Kate Herron’s direction because she’s boring. And the CGI composites are terrible so every time they go somewhere (except the Renaissance Faire) it’s Wilson and Hiddleston acting in front of obvious green screens.

The show desperately needs some slack and doesn’t do anything to get any.

Maybe if Hiddleston were giving some phenomenal performance, but it’s not even a good part. It’s Hiddleston in a bureaucracy—an all human, all English speaking guardians of the universe bureaucracy. It’s way too functional.

I mean, maybe it’ll be how Kang gets introduced and, yay, for long-form baton-passing but… “Loki”’s a slog with low middling special effects and really annoying music from Natalie Holt.

Loki (2021) s01e01 – Glorious Purpose

So when Tom Hiddleston signed up for Thor, I can’t remember if former costar and movie director Kenneth Branagh convinced him to do it or didn’t think he should do it. Hiddleston was a star on the rise and the idea was you’d do your Marvel movie for scale plus and then the resulting roles would make you the mega-stars. Hiddleston could even do Oscar bait.

Fast forward ten years and neither Thor nor Hiddleston’s non-Thor career ended up shattering the cosmos. Plus Hiddleston died. Though he came back in the next movie. And “Loki” is the sequel to that movie, Avengers: Endgame, while also kind of a sequel to The Avengers, because Hiddleston’s playing the 2012 version of the character. It’s barely confusing because they have Hiddleston find out the truth by the end of the episode. So it’s also kind of Thor 2 for a second, like a better one, with the same big death because they recycle it here to give Hiddleston the exact same character development as he had before.

It’s a low okay episode. Like… no heavy lifting for anyone involved, including the writer (Michael Waldron) because he gets to do time travel stuff but nothing original. If “Loki” is based on a Marvel Comics thing—he’s working for the Time Variance Alliance or something—TVA—it’s a newer comic thing. Or old and obscure. But it seems like it’d be newer, because it uses so much time travel stuff from other media

And it’s fine. Recycled time travel tropes are part of the genre.

Though it does end up feeling like there’s only one more layer until the Fantastic Four is meeting a CGI Jack Kirby. Deep cut, just means they’re going really meta here. Because it lets Hiddleston be an amusing weasel. They even rush the rest of Hiddleston’s character development, more or less getting him to Infinity War mindset. All the flashbacks and flash forwards come during Hiddleston’s job interview at the TVA. Time traveling detective Owen Wilson, who flirts with lady judge Gugu Mbatha-Raw and bickers with tough lady guard Wunmi Mosaku, thinks Hiddleston’ll make a great agent.

Wilson’s laidback thing still works and grates nicely against Hiddleston’s petulant god thing. I’d say for at least a third of the episode, you can watch it for Wilson alone. The curiosity wears thin (along with Waldron’s plotting), but he’s really fun for a while.

Mbatha-Raw’s in a scene. She’ll be back later. Mosaku’s good, but it’s so far not a good part. She’s Hiddleston’s foil, someone he can torture for kicks and it not affect his appeal, which is… a weird flex and might become a problematic one.

There’s a big Jurassic Park 1 nod, makes you wonder who’s the fan.

“Loki”’s giving itself a really low bar. It’s the safest thing Marvel and Disney+ have done so far, but by a whole lot.

They also have the chance to legitimize “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” and then don’t do it, which is sort of likably petty.

Doctor Who (2005) s03e13 – Last of the Time Lords

So, when I started watching “Doctor Who,” I didn’t have any idea the title is a joke. Or can be a joke. Even though I’ve known about the show most of my life… didn’t realize it.

Now, is the “Time Lord” thing… is the “Lord” part really important? I don’t think I’ve ever seen heavy Christ symbolism in a British production before—Life of Brian aside—and it’s really weird to see. It’s also bad because it invalidates the very idea of Freema Agyeman getting anything to do with the show.

Given John Simm at one point mocks her for not being Billie Piper to her face… you’d think she’d get to something more than just blow smoke up David Tennant’s derrière. But no, it turns out smoke blowing is Agyeman’s whole job. What’s the point of having a stronger character and a better performance if the show’s going to shaft you even more than it shafted your predecessor. But with an added, frequently iffy racial element.

Tennant does end up having a good moment in the episode, as he gets yet another showdown with Simm—I don’t even remember if it’s the final showdown—the episode’s got a lot of action and a lot of running and a lot of walking and a lot of showdowns.

And farewells. And surprises. It’s never anywhere near as cute as it ought to be. Tennant, despite that one good moment—and not counting when he’s only doing a voice performance—doesn’t really get much to do in the big season finale. Agyeman gets less, but she got more throughout the season. Sometimes. Even with her part so decimated, when the episode ends with Tennant in the same spot as last season… they should’ve just had him waking up and taking a shower. At least show what the TARDIS living quarters look like.

And Agyeman’s send-off is awkwarder than it ought to be. Especially considering how strong she started. It all feels like a defeat.

Doctor Who (2005) s03e12 – The Sound of Drums

It’s still got Russell T. Davies but there’s a director change since last episode. Now it’s Colin Teague, which turns out fine because Teague’s the best director they’ve had all season except maybe Hettie Macdonald. But as far as doing straightforward “Doctor Who” successfully—especially since it’s a modern day episode—Teague excels.

Though not even Teague can handle the rough opening, which has David Tennant, Freema Agyeman, and John Barrowman getting out of last episode’s big deal cliffhanger with absolutely no difficulty because sonic screwdriver.

And then we get a really fast information dump catching the viewer up on what the characters are quickly realizing—all season has been just four days in Agyeman’s regular timeline, culminating in an election of a new prime minister (John Simm), who has quite the history and bone to pick with Tennant. More, everything conspiring against Tennant and Agyeman has been for this Simm related plot. It even gives a way to redeem Agyeman’s duplicitous mom, Adjoa Andoh, while again using sister Gugu Mbatha-Raw as a damsel in distress. Only this time she doesn’t get to be second sidekick, she’s just… damsel in distress.

Because there’s a real danger—Simm—who’s got everyone in his reach and has no qualms about getting rid of his enemies. He even gets back up from his wife, Alexandra Moen, who seems reservedly horrified at his behavior. But Simm’s got all the power.

Moen’s good. It’s a weird, quiet part, but she’s good.

And Simm’s great. Especially once his master plan—getting to do a first contact meeting with some aliens, bringing new glory to the United Kingdom—is in full motion. Because there’s something off about those aliens, which are little flying globes—Tennant’s never even heard of them, which is impossible.

Colin Stinton plays the U.S. president, who doesn’t want the British getting all the history glory. Stinton’s not a good stunt cast. It’s a miss.

But everything else is a hit. Until the last act when it seems like a kids’ TV show as Simm rules from on high in his SHIELD helicarrier, which is a particularly silly turn but whatever.

The last act gets silly, but the character drama for Agyeman in particular… it’s good.

Concussion (2015, Peter Landesman)

Most of Concussion is inoffensive Oscar bait. Only for the dudes though. And only for the actors. None of the technicals. Will Smith is the main Oscar bait; he’s a crusading African immigrant coroner who’s a medical super genius who wholesomely communes with his cadavers before respectfully cutting them up. The film shows Smith talking to the bodies a few times and it’s always a kind of othering to it. But it’s not actually important either, just part of a red herring of a subplot involving Mike O'Malley as a coworker who doesn’t like Smith for being smart and African. O’Malley’s pretty bad. Like… Concussion’s problem isn’t usually the acting—even though no one’s actually great and there are big asterisks on the scenery chewers too—but O’Malley’s bad. Like. He drains the energy out of his scenes.

And some of the problem with that energy drain is—like most everything—director Landesman’s bad screenplay. Smith’s effort in his performance—he’s clearly taking it seriously even though things are not working out, especially in the herky-jerky third act when reality not being adequately dramatic enough really takes the steam out of Smith’s hero’s quest or whatever—but through it all Smith at least is doing the work. He’s not great. He’s not even good, but not for lack of trying; the script’s quite bad at the characterization and character development, which is a big freaking problem given the anticlimactic finish to the film; it’s a de facto character study only it didn’t study its characters at all.

Though at least Smith gets some decent Oscar bait monologues. The one where he starts tearing up as Arliss Howard—who’s absurdly highly billed for a glorified cameo—is an astounding prick to him would be effective if someone else were directing the movie, even with the script. Because Landesman isn’t just writing bland and bland extra dialogue, he’s also directing and calling his direction bland would be a compliment. It’s often bad.

Cinematographer Salvatore Totino and composer James Newton Howard get some points for mostly making it look like Landesman isn’t completely incompetent but the times when they aren’t there to cover… Landesman’s abject incompetency is still very obvious.

So with a bad script, terrible direction, an unsuccessful flex from Smith in the lead, not to mention the movie—which criticizes the NFL, not really criticizing them too hard; poor Gugu Mbatha-Raw is a Hitchockian damsel out getting stalked—maybe—and it wrecking havoc on her while Smith gets to hang out with the boys and drink. The boys are Alec Baldwin and Albert Brooks. Brooks is why Concussion makes it long enough to get to Smith’s frequent Oscar bait scenes. Brooks is Smith’s mentor and buddy. Their relationship is more believable than Brooks’s makeup, which is sixties “Star Trek” bad yet somehow still lightyears better than David Morse’s… young man makeup. They’ve got sixty-something Morse in a bunch of make-up to look like fifty-year old. I’m not sure how they convinced Morse putting on five pounds of makeup would get him an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting—in a stunt part—but maybe he just got a really nice swimming pool.

Anyway. Brooks. Brooks is somehow great. I mean, he’s not, because it’s a poorly written part in a poorly written movie but when it’s Brooks, you can believe Smith as the smartest man alive. You can also believe in when it’s Smith and Baldwin, but only because Baldwin’s unbelievable as a former NFL doctor turned whistleblower. He’s still somewhat amusing in the part, but more often than not it’s for hearing him still incapable of executing any sort of Southern accent with ability.

But Brooks. Brooks is kind of great.

Mbatha-Raw has fourteen to twenty lines so it barely matters what she does in the film. She’s there so Smith isn’t talking to himself in exposition dumps, instead Mbatha-Raw gets to hear them. She’s fine at hearing them. Likable even, especially since she gets the short end so often in the film thanks to Landesman.

The movie’s not just deflated in its take on the NFL, but American football in general. Like the real football footage the film constantly uses (though interspersed with shots of Morse sans some of the makeup but in younger man makeup even) is profoundly poorly cut. Baldwin will be comparing football to Shakespeare and the accompanying footage is no different than the footage they use to show the concussions happening.

The jingoism is also a lot. Also Landesman really overdoes it with the religiosity as a motivator for Smith’s resolve. But overdoes it in a special way… putting a lot of it in and then completely watering it down.

Because Landesman’s incompetent.

It’s toothless.

But Smith tries with enough sincerity it carries.

And Brooks is great. Kind of.

Between the two of them, it’s enough to Concussion across the finish. Even if the close is particularly weak.

Doctor Who (2005) s03e06 – The Lazarus Experiment

What is this show’s problem with companions’ mothers? We briefly met new companion Freema Agyeman’s mom, Adjoa Andoh, in the season premiere and she seemed fine.

Nope.

She’s possibly even more annoying than previous companion’s mom Camille Coduri, which doesn’t even seem possible, but the episode manages it, with mystery dweeb Bertie Carvel warning Andoh against Doctor David Tennant. Even as Tennant is saving the world from literal monsters as well as explicitly saving Andoh’s daughters, both Agyeman and Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Not to mention strangely henpecked son Reggie Yates. Tennant saves them all.

But Andoh doesn’t like him because he’s nerdy. Is Andoh okay with Mbatha-Raw’s creep boss, Mark Gatiss, who’s the villain and subject of the episode.

We open with Tennant bringing Agyeman home; she’s not his new companion, so she’s got to go home. And he manages to drop her off just twelve hours after picking her up, showing a far better control of time travel than he ever did with previous companion Billie Piper.

Of course, he’s also about to have conversations with Agyeman, which didn’t happen much with Piper.

Anyway. They see on the news how Gatiss is going to change the course of human history so Tennant decides to stick around.

They go to the presentation and Gatiss makes himself young—he starts in old age makeup—and then turns into a monster and decides to eat everyone. So Tennant has to save the day, while convincing the locals Gatiss is a monster—see, he can change back into his human persona after he feeds.

You think once he saves Andoh the second time she’s going to stop being so one-note but nope.

It’s strange the show had a first time writer—Stephen Greenhorn—handle establishing not just Agyeman’s supporting cast but also some kind of conspiracy against the doctor. Especially such a mediocre one. Greenhorn’s teleplay would do better if Gatiss were better—it’s a little much when he gets a Roy Batty moment just so he can artlessly mug—and Richard Clark’s direction’s fine.

Tennant, Agyeman, and Mbatha-Raw are all great.

And it’s significantly better than most Earth episodes, I suppose. Just imagine how much better it would be if the Andoh stuff weren’t bad and the monster didn’t look like mid-nineties video game CGI.