What If…? (2021) s01e03 – What If… the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?

What a profoundly stinky stinker of an episode. And not just because the writing is terrible (script credit to A.C. Bradley and Matthew Chauncey), the animation is sparse and cheap, and Lake Bell does a terrible job voicing Black Widow. Because everything about it is bad. Down to the villain reveal. “What If… the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?” is about three fateful days in 2010 when Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk and Thor 1 are all happening simultaneously—whoever thought that bad idea need realizing was wrong—except someone’s killing all the mighty heroes.

Now, the episode opens during a scene in Iron Man 2. Samuel L. Jackson’s back—Jackson puts in way more of a voice performance than the animation deserves, especially when there’s a semi-Matrix fight scene with him and you wonder if someone got him and Larry Fishburne confused—but Bell’s voicing Black Widow (one assumes Scarlett Johansson wouldn’t have been back even if she wasn’t suing Disney for what amounts to sexual discrimination) and not great actor Mick Wingert is playing the Robert Downey Jr. part. Luckily it’s a brief performance because the scene ends with Iron Man dropping dead and Black Widow in custody.

Except Sam Jackson knows she’s good, so he breaks her out and gives her the mission to find out what’s really going on. She interrupts a scene in The Incredible Hulk; Mark Ruffalo plays Ed Norton’s Bruce Banner, and Stephanie Panisello plays Liv Tyler’s Betty Ross. Panisello’s worse than Bell, which is saying something, but the animation on this part of the episode is the cheapest, so it’s having an increasingly negative effect. Plus, the writing’s terrible, and the sequence is boring, and they couldn’t convince William Hurt to do a half dozen lines. So instead, Michael Patrick McGill fills in as the general hunting the Hulk, and… well, McGill’s not William Hurt.

At the same time, Jackson’s trying to avert an alien invasion of Earth without having to use his Captain Marvel beeper because you know Brie Larson’s not showing up, so Bell’s on her own.

It’s a silly, lousy episode with some really cheap moments. Not narratively cheap. Even though the whole thing ends up based on a twist reveal and one too close to DC Comics’s Identity Crisis wavelength—because if DC’s not going to adapt their material, Marvel’s fine using it. But visually cheap. The animation is of the “too cheap to be taken seriously” variety. Disney+ didn’t even give them enough money to get through ninety minutes without the cash running out. What a gem.

I guess… kudos to Jackson for holding it together? No one else is anywhere near as professional. Clark Gregg sounds like he’s literally phoning it in. Tom Hiddleston shows up for a bit and does a little better. But only a little. Jeremy Renner seems held hostage. And is Jaimie Alexander trying to sound British?

You know who’s actually just fine this episode? Jeffrey Wright. He’s got the least amount of lines ever, and it works for his performance.

Loki (2021) s01e06 – For All Time. Always.

“Loki” will return for season two. You find out at the end (of the credits). Or online. I tried to avoid “Loki” spoilers just because I wanted to be (relatively) surprised; would it be Wizard of Oz, would it be the purple one, would it just be Tom Hiddleston in makeup. I probably should’ve just spoiled it since it’s a nothing-burger. “Loki”'s been uneven—kind of like a Thor movie—but there have been highs. This episode doesn’t really have any highs. It doesn’t have any real lows either. Because it’s a nothing-burger. Tune in next season, and maybe there will be something important happening, though at this pace—and based on who they’ve got in play, cast-wise, for next season—it’ll be season four or five before anything really happens. And even then, they’ll presumably move it over to the movies.

The episode revolves around guest star Jonathan Majors, who monologues most of the episode. No reveals, just monologuing around reveals. He does a great job of it (you can tell he’s stage-trained). Unfortunately, he’s giving his monologue on what appears to be a refresh of the digital model for Doctor Strange’s house. Real boring. Though director Kate Herron is better at directing monologues than action, there’s another lousy fight scene this episode, this time with swords. Luckily it’s just filler to prepare for Hiddleston’s turn to monologue.

But “Loki” all of a sudden feels just like what it’s never supposed to feel like—a Marvel Netflix show, or “Agents of Shield,” something where the world can crash down, and no one notices because they’re not contractually obligated to appear. Especially given this episode opens with dialogue from the Marvel movies cut over the timelines expanding and contracting. But by the end, it seems far less like Marvel’s Doctor Who or Quantum Leap and a lot more like Sliders. A nothing-burger of a show.

There is no substantial material for Sophia Di Martino (though she hasn’t had good material for a couple of episodes now). Gugu Mbatha-Raw (dealing with when she betrayed Owen Wilson and Wunmi Mosaku) has a scene to remind she too will return next season, but as a scene, it’s dramatically inert. I kept waiting for show creator Michael Waldron to get another scripting credit after the first episode, and he’s back finally (co-credit with Eric Martin), and he really doesn’t do a good job.

What’s most amusing is the cliffhanger sets up a potentially fun second season ground situation only to immediately make it less fun and more narratively padded. “Loki”’s got a long way to go to prove it’s not utterly pointless. Because near as I can tell, everything from this season could be a five-minute recap at the beginning of next, and you wouldn’t miss anything.

Except remembering when Hiddleston was supposed to be a big movie star and isn’t. He’s just Loki.

Loki (2021) s01e05 – Journey Into Mystery

Journey Into Mystery is simultaneously the cheapest “Loki”—though not the special effects, the CGI composites are solid (for most of it; oh, and the fight scene is profoundly bad), but narratively speaking (it entirely cops out on last episode’s big moves)—and the best, because it guest stars Richard E. Grant as a Loki variant.

There are a bunch of Loki variants in the episode, which takes place at the end of time (sadly no cameos from John Simm or David Tenant). The end of time is apparently the planet Earth with a bunch of slightly aged trash on it. Working cars—even though the gas wouldn’t work but whatever—and then moss-encrusted buses. Basically Tom Cruise’s Oblivion movie or WALL-E to keep it in house. There are rival gangs of Lokis (Tom Hiddleston plays a couple of them but the majority are either named guest stars or dialogue-less extras) trying to survive a giant cloud demon. The end of time is where you go after the TVA prunes you from existence and then the giant cloud demon eats you. Giant cloud demon does not eat, for example, cars, buses, bunkers, or battleships. Just the little people populating them.

Sadly I think next episode is going to explain it all and I’m curious if my prediction’s going to hold.

Anyway. So while Grant, the couple Hiddlestons, kid Loki Jack Veal, and warrior Loki Deobia Oparei try to survive everyone betraying everyone else because they’re Lokis, Sophia Di Martino is busy maybe teaming up with Gugu Mbatha-Raw to figure out the big secret after last episode’s reveals. They’re delaying the explanation—Mbatha-Raw might be a villain (and, even with Tom Kauffman’s profoundly insipid writing, a good one) but she wants to know how it all works too. Can’t she and Di Martino be friends long enough to figure it out?

Di Martino doesn’t really get anything to do in the episode, playing sidekick to various Lokis and surprise returning cast members; though given Kauffman’s dialogue it’s probably for the best. There’s a decent farewell scene for a bunch of people, but it too will probably get invalidated in the finale. Wunmi Mosaku is back for a single scene and gets the absolute worst writing. The show wasted her worse than anyone else.

Even with the bad writing, the complete flop of a silly fight scene (Joel Schumacher did them better), and the narrative cop outs, Journey is probably the most entertaining episode. Because Richard E. Grant’s in it in what appears to be a Loki costume rental from 1987 and he’s wonderful.

There’s also an alligator Loki, which is apparently comics canon accurate but not worth the Google. Cute as hell though.

Also—no spoilers—but Kauffman’s even worse at character motivations than dialogue and his dialogue is tripe. The first act of the episode is everyone acting in absurd ways just to gin up a plot.

But that alligator’s cute as hell. And funny.

And Richard E. Grant.

Loki (2021) s01e04 – The Nexus Event

Lots happens this episode. It’s “the episode where fill in the blank happens” then happens again. Then happens again. Then maybe happens again. But probably not another time because they don’t actually show Tom Hiddleston and Sophia Di Martino making out—they’re time line variants of the same entity (you know, “Loki”) but Di Martino’s from a time line where the entity is born female. For some reason the mysterious Time Lords want Loki to be a boy.

Plus Di Martino has told Hiddleston secrets he can use to improve his situation with Owen Wilson, should that need ever arise. And we also find out guard Wunmi Mosaku (I didn’t think she’d be back but thank goodness because she’s so good) wants to question Di Martino privately about some of those secrets. And we find out there’s some history between Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Di Martino. Plus conspiracies. And robots. And exploding planets.

There’s lots.

It’s really good Owen Wilson. Like, good enough I got wistful thinking about him actually doing a part instead of a stunt cast, actually having direction, actually having a script. They could even do it with Hiddleston; it’s that old time Owen Wilson magic. Or at least more of it than “Loki” has ever shown before.

Mbatha-Raw turns out to be very, very good after seeming like another stunt cast.

Di Martino barely has anything to do this episode. She’s good. Same for Hiddleston, though he does have some stuff to do and it’s not great, but then the rest of the time he’s pretty good. It evens out. Pointless cameo from Jaimie Alexander but it’s at least funny.

Kate Herron’s direction is wanting. There’s only so much to do with the script—Eric Martin gets the credit and it’s one big melodramatic beat after another, with no time for reflection or supporting cast in between. The secrets behind Marvel Disney+ show budgets would reveal a lot about the potential for the shows.

But the special effects—the composites—are terrible in this episode. Interstellar CGI should be better than the opening titles for “Third Rock from the Sun.” And then the big fight scene. It’s confusing, plodding, and bad.

The cliffhanger’s a big twist after a bunch of interesting enough reveals. I feel like if you’re this many episodes into “Loki”… you’re stuck finishing it but… it’ll either be entertaining and dumb or just dumb. With the cast, seems like the former.

Loki (2021) s01e03 – Lamentis

On this episode of “Doctor Who”—wait, no, wait, it’s actually “Loki,” sorry, sorry. And I guess “Doctor Who” has yet to do a buddy sci-fi action flick where the Doctor is paired with a gender reversed version of himself. Or herself. Or themself. Though let’s not give the BBC too much credit. (Wow, “Loki” must play differently if you haven’t seen “Doctor Who;” maybe not better but less derivative).

But this episode has Tom Hiddleston teaming up with his enchanting “Variant” (variants are something like time traveling duplicates but it’s not clear yet), played by Sophia Di Martino. They fight and bite and fight and bite, bite, bite and fight, fight, fight. Until the episode decides it’s more fun to have them bicker and moon over their dead moms. They have different dead moms because of how the variant thing works. Will it be explained? Will Rene Russo do a cameo? So far unclear.

But if Russo does show up and meet Di Martino, I’m sure she’ll find Di Martino enchanting. Emphasis on the enchanting. Lots of enchanting going on. (Are people familiar with Thor comics getting the enchanting thing, I don’t want to be too spoiler or assume they’re going to do something big since they played their big cop out already on “WandaVision”).

Anyway.

It’s fine? Like, definitely the best episode. Because of Di Martino. And the strange planet of humans she and Hiddleston find themselves on. It’s the year 2077 and humans are interstellar miners. One assumes they’re not humans from Earth… it’s more of that lazy Marvel movie space stuff. So it helps when Hiddleston and Di Martino aren’t around any of the nameless supporting players. Plus there’s a good cliffhanger.

Though it’s only a good cliffhanger because the episode’s too short and paced so as to distract from being too short.

No sign of Owen Wilson in this episode except the recap; Gugu Mbatha-Raw pops in for very Judge Dredd-y scene but it’s literal seconds before Hiddleston and Di Martino are on the run through time again. Their gadget breaks and they don’t have a Waverider, a Tardis, or a Ziggy so they’re in trouble on this doomed planet.

There’s some decent fight scenes—definitely director Kate Herron’s best action directing in the series so far—but only for Di Martino. Hiddleston’s fight scenes are still bad. So when they’re fighting, it’s uneven. But Di Martino’s butt-kicking scenes are great. There are some truly terrible CGI composites again (seriously, do they not buy Autumn Durald the right plug-ins for Adobe Premiere or whatever) and the production design suggests Kasra Farahani really liked Joel Schumacher’s Batman movies… but… it’s better than ever before.

Thanks to Di Martino. Having her be so much more charming, so much more enchanting than Hiddleston’s ever been… kind of weird.

Also, kudos for enthusiastic bi pride (academic at this point, but still very enthusiastic).

Loki (2021) s01e02 – The Variant

I have a list of the things I don’t like about “Loki” after the second episode. The show isn’t a “Doctor Who” riff, but it wants to use whole “Who” devices to get certain jobs done. Certain jobs the MCU might want done if actors are going to keep aging and maybe get sick of playing parts. It feels pretty craven, which would be impressive if they were having more fun with it.

“Loki” is not fun. It’s dreary, particularly with its Stallone Judge Dredd meets green-lighted Brazil production design (last time I thought it might have some Kirby influences—and it still might—but it just ends up looking like CGI Stallone Judge Dredd). Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson are both competent enough actors they can feign rapport, but they don’t actually have any. Hiddleston going from renegade thousands of years old Asgardian trickster god to new guy at the boring, albeit fantastic day job could be a narrative hook, except it’s all clearly filler to get Hiddleston to the next set piece.

Only “Loki”’s idea of set pieces is Hiddleston monologuing in boring locations (an empty supervillain warehouse—sorry, sorry, tent—in a Renaissance Faire) while Wilson makes confused faces at him. Except about halfway through the episode, Hiddleston figures out something about the case they’re on and the good guys are finally able to get a jump on the bad guy.

Of course, calling “Loki”’s TVA (Time Variance Authority, Timecop but worse attitude than Van Damme and no leg splits) agents the good guys is a stretch. They’re even more apathetic than Hiddleston plays it.

Now, “Loki” is a very desperate mix of a lot of things—“Legends of Tomorrow,” “Doctor Who,” “Westworld,” whatever show where the female boss has a thing with her troublesome male subordinate who’s fifteen years older than her (only Gugu Mbatha-Raw looks younger than thirty-eight and Wilson looks closer to mid-to-late fifties trying hard not early fifties)—and I’m trying to give it a chance. But it’s hard to get enthusiastic about Kate Herron’s direction because she’s boring. And the CGI composites are terrible so every time they go somewhere (except the Renaissance Faire) it’s Wilson and Hiddleston acting in front of obvious green screens.

The show desperately needs some slack and doesn’t do anything to get any.

Maybe if Hiddleston were giving some phenomenal performance, but it’s not even a good part. It’s Hiddleston in a bureaucracy—an all human, all English speaking guardians of the universe bureaucracy. It’s way too functional.

I mean, maybe it’ll be how Kang gets introduced and, yay, for long-form baton-passing but… “Loki”’s a slog with low middling special effects and really annoying music from Natalie Holt.

Loki (2021) s01e01 – Glorious Purpose

So when Tom Hiddleston signed up for Thor, I can’t remember if former costar and movie director Kenneth Branagh convinced him to do it or didn’t think he should do it. Hiddleston was a star on the rise and the idea was you’d do your Marvel movie for scale plus and then the resulting roles would make you the mega-stars. Hiddleston could even do Oscar bait.

Fast forward ten years and neither Thor nor Hiddleston’s non-Thor career ended up shattering the cosmos. Plus Hiddleston died. Though he came back in the next movie. And “Loki” is the sequel to that movie, Avengers: Endgame, while also kind of a sequel to The Avengers, because Hiddleston’s playing the 2012 version of the character. It’s barely confusing because they have Hiddleston find out the truth by the end of the episode. So it’s also kind of Thor 2 for a second, like a better one, with the same big death because they recycle it here to give Hiddleston the exact same character development as he had before.

It’s a low okay episode. Like… no heavy lifting for anyone involved, including the writer (Michael Waldron) because he gets to do time travel stuff but nothing original. If “Loki” is based on a Marvel Comics thing—he’s working for the Time Variance Alliance or something—TVA—it’s a newer comic thing. Or old and obscure. But it seems like it’d be newer, because it uses so much time travel stuff from other media

And it’s fine. Recycled time travel tropes are part of the genre.

Though it does end up feeling like there’s only one more layer until the Fantastic Four is meeting a CGI Jack Kirby. Deep cut, just means they’re going really meta here. Because it lets Hiddleston be an amusing weasel. They even rush the rest of Hiddleston’s character development, more or less getting him to Infinity War mindset. All the flashbacks and flash forwards come during Hiddleston’s job interview at the TVA. Time traveling detective Owen Wilson, who flirts with lady judge Gugu Mbatha-Raw and bickers with tough lady guard Wunmi Mosaku, thinks Hiddleston’ll make a great agent.

Wilson’s laidback thing still works and grates nicely against Hiddleston’s petulant god thing. I’d say for at least a third of the episode, you can watch it for Wilson alone. The curiosity wears thin (along with Waldron’s plotting), but he’s really fun for a while.

Mbatha-Raw’s in a scene. She’ll be back later. Mosaku’s good, but it’s so far not a good part. She’s Hiddleston’s foil, someone he can torture for kicks and it not affect his appeal, which is… a weird flex and might become a problematic one.

There’s a big Jurassic Park 1 nod, makes you wonder who’s the fan.

“Loki”’s giving itself a really low bar. It’s the safest thing Marvel and Disney+ have done so far, but by a whole lot.

They also have the chance to legitimize “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” and then don’t do it, which is sort of likably petty.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017, Taika Waititi)

Why does Thor: Ragnarok open with Chris Hemsworth narrating only for him to stop once the title card sizzles? Literally, sizzles. Ragnarok is delightfully tongue-in-cheek and on-the-nose. Director Waititi refuses to take anything too seriously, which makes for an amusing two plus hours, but it doesn’t amount to much. If anything.

When Hemsworth stops narrating–after a big, well-executed action sequence–he heads back to mythic Asgard. There he pals around with a number of cameoing stars before heading down to Earth to pal around with cameoing Benedict Cumberbatch. Tom Hiddleston is around for much of these scenes, turning up as much charm as possible in a thin part. Sometimes if it weren’t for Hiddleston’s hair, he’d have no screen presence at all. Not because he’s bad–he’s fun–but because Ragnarok doesn’t really have anything for him to do.

The main plot–involving Hemsworth ending up on a far-off planet duking it out with CGI Hulk (Mark Ruffalo shows up eventually) to amuse Jeff Goldblum. Goldblum is playing an alien ruler, but really, he’s just playing mainstream blockbuster Jeff Goldblum. Though not mainstream blockbuster lead Jeff Goldblum; supporting mainstream blockbuster Jeff Goldblum. He’s got less responsibility but more enthusiasm.

One of Goldblum’s minions is Tessa Thompson. Turns out she’s also from Asgard. So Hemsworth tries to bond with her–oh, I forgot. In between the Cumberbatch cameo and Goldblum’s arrival–Hemsworth and Hiddleston meet up with dad Anthony Hopkins (in such a rousing performance you can hear the paycheck deposit) then discover previously unknown sister Cate Blanchett is laying waste to Asgard.

She’s god of death. Hemsworth is god of thunder. Hiddleston is god of mischief. The first two eventually become important. Like everything else involving Hiddleston in Ragnarok, turns out his god power isn’t important.

Karl Urban is Blanchett’s sidekick, though he gets astoundingly little to do. Much of the supporting cast gets bupkis–like Irdis Elba, who should have a big part since he’s leading a revolutionary force, but he doesn’t. Ragnorak churns. Neither its plot nor its characters develop. Thompson gets the closest thing to an arc and it’s super thin.

Instead, director Waititi relies on Hemsworth’s ability to be likable and mug his way through scenes. Hemsworth and Thompson flirt bickering, Hemsworth and Hiddleston brotherly bickering, Hemsworth and CGI Hulk monosyllabic bickering. The actors do end up creating distinct characters, the script just doesn’t need them to be distinct. So when the third act rolls around and it’s time for the showdown with Blanchett, all the personality gets dropped. There are like six people to follow through the battle sequence. There’s no time for personality.

Waititi’s direction is strong throughout. He’s better when setting things up and taking the time for the grandiose action. Once it gets to the alien planet, he’s lost interest in exploring how the viewer might best experience the scale. It’s fine without–the cast keeps it going–but when it comes time for Ragnorak to add everything up, it’s way too light. Especially since the whole finale hinges on something not really explored enough at the beginning.

Also. It’s unbelievable Hemsworth, Hiddleston, and Thompson are so unfamiliar with the concept of Ragnarok. I feel like at least one of them would’ve had to have read Edith Hamilton.

But it doesn’t matter, because it’s all fun. There’s fun music from Mark Mothersbaugh, there’s a fun performance from Blanchett (who rather impressively tempers herself, resisting all temptation to chew the hell out of the CGI scenery), there’s a lot of funny lines. A lot of good sight gags. Waititi knows how to get a laugh.

If only Ragnarok didn’t have drama. The screenwriters don’t do well with the drama, Waititi wants to avoid it, the cast has no enthusiasm for it. It often involves CGI backdrops with poorly lighted composites too. The film can handle being a goofy good time. It can’t handle the rest. It can’t even handle giving Ruffalo actual gravitas. He just mugs his way through scenes, which is fine, he’s good at it. But it does mean you don’t have a single returning principal in the film with any character development. Not the Thor players, not Ruffalo in his spin-off from The Avengers 2.

Thompson and Urban both get one, but they’re playing caricatures. They’re playing them well, sure. But they’re caricatures, thin for even Ragnarok.

Good special effects. Some striking visuals. Waititi does better at the fight scenes than the sci-fi action scenes. Good photography from Javier Aguirresarobe. The Mothersbaugh score is decent.

The plot just turns out to be inferior one. While pretending to be an ostentatious no-frills plot. Without the characters making up for those deficiencies, Ragnarok just can’t bring it home.

Awesome Led Zeppelin sequences or not.

Kong: Skull Island (2017, Jordan Vogt-Roberts)

Kong: Skull Island has a deceptively thoughtful first act. Director Vogt-Roberts and his three screenwriters carefully and deliberately introduce the cast and the seventies time period (the film’s set immediately following the U.S. withdrawal from Vietnam). The script’s smart in the first act, giving John Goodman and sidekick Corey Hawkins a quest. They need to assemble a team to investigate a newly discovered island in the South Pacific. They hire expert tracker and charming mercenary Tom Hiddleston, they have an Army escort courtesy Samuel L. Jackson; there’s even photographer Brie Larson, though she just sort of comes aboard without anyone taking much notice.

Well, Hiddleston notices her, but only because they’re paired off. Hawkins eventually gets paired off Jing Tian, though they have a heck of a lot more chemistry than Hiddleston and Larson. They just bond over being too cerebral for such poorly written characters while also managing to be sexy through sweatiness.

They all get to the island. There’s a giant ape. There are giant water buffalo. There are giant octopi. There are giant lizards with skulls for heads. There’s stranded WWII pilot John C. Reilly for what occasionally seems like comic relief, only he’s never funny. His performance is fine. He’s just not funny. Goodman is sometimes funny, especially with Hawkins as straight man. And Shea Whigham, as Jackson’s second-in-command, he’s really funny. Unfortunately, even though the screenplay has occasional black humor and a lot more opportunity for it, Vogt-Roberts never goes for it. Or it goes over his head.

While Skull Island often looks pretty good, it’s more because Larry Fong knows how to shoot it or Richard Pearson knows how to edit it than anything Vogt-Roberts brings to the film. When it comes time for Jackson to go on an Ahab–he’s mad pinko photographers like Larson made the U.S. lose the war and so he has to kill the giant ape–Jackson’s already thin performance becomes cloyingly one note. Vogt-Roberts does nothing to prevent it. To be fair, he doesn’t really do anything to enable it either; directing actors isn’t one of his interests in the film.

Only once they’re on the island and Jackson’s Ahab syndrome becomes the biggest danger, there’s no real opportunity for good period music. Instead it’s Henry Jackman’s lousy score and the questionably designed skull lizards. While there’s a lot of thought in the creature design, the skull lizards are just unrestrained, thoughtless excess.

There are plenty of solid supporting performances, but they’re all constrained. Hiddleston’s lack of depth is stunning, until you realize Larson’s got even less but she’s able to get a lot farther. Everyone is supposed to look concerned or sacred–except Jackson, of course–only Larson manages to look concerned and thoughtful. It’s a lot for Skull Island. Whigham’s the only other actor who achieves it.

Ninety percent of the special effects are excellent. The remaining ten percent are still mostly good except when it’s a night scene. Vogt-Roberts (and, frankly, Fong) construct lousy night scenes. Skull Island is a movie with a giant CGI ape and the filmmakers can’t figure out how to do studio-for-night composite shots. It’s kind of annoying.

Everyone’s likable enough, save Jackson and a couple hissable stooges, and once Kong gets to a certain point in the second act, enough gears are in motion to get it to the finish. It’s far from the film the first act implies. Even if Vogt-Roberts were a better director, the script is still dreadfully shallow.

Thor: The Dark World (2013, Alan Taylor)

Thor: The Dark World toggles between cloying and disinterested. Between Alan Taylor’s limp direction and the tepid script, it never really has a chance. Either the world will end or it won’t. The film doesn’t waste any time getting the viewer (or even the characters) invested in caring about it. The lack of danger is palpable–even with supporting cast members dying.

The front half, which mostly deals with futuristic people fighting with the Bronze Age technology, is long and boring. The finale, inexplicably–or for tax breaks–set in London, isn’t bad. The script establishes Natalie Portman, Kat Denning and Stellan Skarsgård as goofy scientists–but the only ones who can save the world–and running them through a disaster scene is fine.

The film completely flops regarding Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston. Around halfway, someone remembers the characters are brothers; there’s drama and history and a really weak scene.

The film doesn’t just ask for suspension of disbelief regarding flying men, it also asks the viewer to ignore the idea characters should have depth. Portman does a good job hiding her embarrassment, actually.

Hemsworth is appealing as always, Hiddleston is good. Anthony Hopkins is awful, so’s Christopher Eccleston as the villain. Taylor really can’t direct actors.

Both Rene Russo and Idris Elba do fine in their bit parts.

Truly atrocious music from Brian Tyler doesn’t help things.

Someone really should have come up for a reason for the film except the first one’s box office warranted the investment.