Maybe Bendis and Marvel were trying to sell Ultimate Spider-Man to the Disney Channel with this series? There are like three boys, three girls… it’d be perfect…. right? I can’t see any other reason for the terrible decisions Bendis makes this issue.

Worst is when May meets with the principal and their previous meeting comes up. It was back when Stuart Immonen was on the book and he could draw emotion and conversation. As opposed to Lafuente, who makes it all look like less competent than an ad for Hostess Fruit Cakes.

The big reveal of the issue–in true Superman fashion–is Kitty Pryde’s new superhero identity. It’s worse because she disappears in Kitty style this issue and Peter doesn’t figure it out.

It’d be a shame what Bendis had done to the series, except it’s so bad one can’t even remember the good days after this issue.

CREDITS

The New World According to Peter Parker, Part Six; writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, Justin Ponsor; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Sana Amanat, Lauren Sankovitch and Mark Paniccia; publisher, Marvel Comics.

I don’t get it. Ultimate Spider-Man was supposed to be a realistic, modern retelling of Spider-Man, right? Why has Bendis turned it into a really stupid cartoon? Not just stupid, but really stupid.

He’s reduced May to pleading with Peter for Bobby Drake to live with them, telling Peter “she needs to do this.” She needs to fill her house with refuse from canceled Ultimate books who don’t even get scenes in the comic.

Bendis has even lost his ability to do a fight scene. Lafuente doesn’t help with that one–the Mysterio fight, resolving the previous cliffhanger, is atrociously handled.

There’s nothing redeeming in this issue. Nothing whatsoever. Except maybe Kitty Pryde and only because Bendis actually gives her a real scene.

And Bendis goes overboard with the dialogue to hide his lack of content. Lafuente’s composition’s so bad he just enables Bendis.

It’s terrible, terrible stuff.

CREDITS

The New World According to Peter Parker, Part Five; writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, Justin Ponsor; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Sana Amanat, Lauren Sankovitch and Mark Paniccia; publisher, Marvel Comics.

Hang on, between Lafuente’s style and Peter’s incredibly feminine hair… is Ultimate Spider-Man supposed to be a manga now? I’m also thinking of the awful section where Peter, Johnny, Gwen and Aunt May sit in the kitchen and talk. May’s lines are goofy one-liners for emphasis. Oh, and Peter moves into the attic. Wasn’t that on “Amazing Friends” in the eighties?

There are some really lame things in the comic. It opens with Mary Jane getting attacked and the Robe superhero saving her. Lafuente’s action scenes are hideous. Page after page of bad action at the beginning–and then at the end too when Peter’s fighting the Hulk. It feels weird to call him Peter. Bendis doesn’t write him to same anymore.

New Peter.

But there’s a hint of the old goodness when Gwen, Mary Jane and New Peter talk for a little while. It’s not enough though.

CREDITS

The New World According to Peter Parker, Part Four; writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, Justin Ponsor; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Sana Amanat, Lauren Sankovitch and Mark Paniccia; publisher, Marvel Comics.

I think I get it–Bendis is going for the worst superhero cartoon ever. Johnny Storm now lives with Aunt May. Why? Why not.

Peter and Mary Jane talk. Bendis makes Peter the jerk. Even though he doesn’t tell the reader why Mary Jane broke up with Peter–and even though the reader believes Peter didn’t start seeing Gwen right after the break up–the sympathy is with Mary Jane.

Knowing Bendis it’ll be something goofy like she was just too worried about him being Spider-Man and loved him too much and couldn’t be with him. Exactly why Peter broke up with her.

Between Bendis’s unsure writing and Lafuente’s artwork, the comic feels like someone aping the original Ultimate Spider-Man. Not the writer of the original by any stretch of the imagination–even Peter’s narration is off.

Bendis didn’t plan out his six month jump very well.

CREDITS

The New World According to Peter Parker, Part Three; writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, Justin Ponsor; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Sana Amanat, Lauren Sankovitch and Mark Paniccia; publisher, Marvel Comics.

More with the mysteriousness–and, of course, Mysterio. Flash is back and he’s a bigger jerk than before. Kong and Kitty have broken up. Kong has a mohawk now. The way Kitty makes fun of Mary Jane for not having a boyfriend, how Bendis plays her for immediate sympathy, makes one wonder how long before she and Peter get back together.

Why have any faith in Bendis? He’s cheap.

The supervillain sequence is awful. Bendis read Kick Ass too, apparently. Only he has a mother and daughter villain team. It’s terrible, terrible stuff.

Peter complains constantly about being popular as Spider-Man now (post-Jonah’s obituary). It’s a bad move for the series too, since Bendis doesn’t have anything to do with it. Maybe if he were showing the changes instead of their aftereffects.

It’s still too soon to get a handle on what Bendis is going for, if anything.

CREDITS

The New World According to Peter Parker, Part Two; writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, Justin Ponsor; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Sana Amanat, Lauren Sankovitch and Mark Paniccia; publisher, Marvel Comics.

Oh, well. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Bendis starts off the second volume of Ultimate Spider-Man flashing forward six months. Guess he watched “Veronica Mars” too, down to Veronica–sorry, sorry, Peter–dating Gwen Stacy now. Where’s Mary Jane? Well, she’s alive because she’s still on the high school’s news channel, but Bendis is making the reader wait on that one.

The actual story, not Bendis hiding stuff for effect, is Mysterio showing up and killing Kingpin. Bendis is trying to make Ultimate Mysterio a lot tougher than Kevin Smith left regular Marvel Mysterio. It’s interesting, I guess. Bendis never could make his villains work over long periods; killing them is a good idea.

Otherwise, there’s nothing to it because Bendis is doing the gimmick–he’s deceiving the reader instead of telling a story.

Also not getting why David Lafuente’s supposed to be so impressive. Not at all.

CREDITS

The New World According to Peter Parker, Part One; writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, Justin Ponsor; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Lauren Sankovitch and Mark Paniccia; publisher, Marvel Comics.

I’m not sure how I feel about David Lafuente’s art. He seems to let the colorist do a lot of the work when it comes to faces. Not sure I’m comfortable seeing that level of brevity from an artist in a Marvel comic.

Not sure at all.

Half the issue is Ultimate Mysterio, who kind of stinks. Bendis is just throwing him in here; there’s nothing to him yet and probably won’t be. He’s got a cloud for a head, which means no jokes from Peter about the fish bowl. Makes me sad.

The other half is Peter and Mary Jane angst. Are they or aren’t they ready for sex. They aren’t, it turns out, because they’re teenagers and Marvel wouldn’t want to be on the news for promoting premarital teenage sex. Sadly, that whole plot line feels like a MacGuffin.

But so does Mysterio. So double MacGuffin. So… what?

CREDITS

Writer, Brian Michael Bendis; artist, David Lafuente; colorist, John Rauch; letterer, Cory Petit; editors, Lauren Sankovitch and Ralph Macchio; publisher, Marvel Comics.