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Selected Declarations 22.08.19
WordPress.com recently announced a return to their old hosting plans. They basically force upgraded everyone with a paid account a while ago; imagine Netflix introduced 4K and then made everyone pay a little more for it, whether they wanted it or not.
The WP.com upgrade “broke” a little bit of The Stop Button actually. The support experience wasn’t great, ending with “well, if you had a supported theme we could help.” There are something like eight supported themes now. There must be a million WordPress themes out there by now—at least hundreds of thousands.
But there were benefits. Plug-ins, mostly. And I suppose I could run Google Analytics but why. The plug-ins allowed for redirections, which meant I could finally retire superseded posts. The redirection plug-in I’m using is actually a 404 redirect plug-in, so I’m finally able to see all the old links still coming into the site. Going back to the Sandvox days. But also a bunch of old colloquial posts, long since gone. I don’t see the content, just the titles, back when I didn’t just number colloquial posts. I can’t even remember if they were on The Stop Button or if somehow I redirected a separate, just those posts blog. Nine years ago is a lot of time on the Internet; heck, I didn’t even remember I stopped blogging about comics and just talked about them on the Comics Fondle Podcast. I mean, I remembered real quick, but it’s not something I keep in active memory. Or even actively in passive memory.
One of my fears of colloquial blogging is repeating the same anecdote. I’ve got a lot of repeat gimmicks on here, starting with the “anyways,” but there are plenty more. Semi-colons and em-dashes galore could be the site’s subtitle. But telling the same bit about how a novel is a house and a short story is a room, or about how I was supposed to collect anything written for my MFA-era Word Count project, not write deliberately for it. One of the nicest things about media blogging is the endless stream of impetus.
Though I suppose if I did anecdotes in media responses, I’d be in danger of repeating them there. I do not, however, and have no plans to start.
But I have a bunch of plans for the rest of the year; scheduling plans. I’ve already started the new “Swamp Thing” show, and I’ve got the next rerun picked. I’ve decided on a movie emphasis, and I’ve got a big comic one picked out. They’ll alternate Mondays.
I’d thought about a new colloquial column on Mondays, and dreading the thought of it gave me an excellent idea for the movies. It’s still related to my constant attempts to recover the feel of “old-time blogging,” but it’s not as on-the-nose as a column would’ve been.
Thanks to running plug-ins, I’ve spent a handful of months rejiggering the site. The final significant change came in the last couple days. I’m not riding the stats, but I check them enough to balance exertion and outcome. The more automated processes, the better.
I don’t have any writing projects planned for the fall outside blogging. For a while, it seemed like I might. Instead, I’ve found the best modern portable typewriter setup—a Macally Bluetooth keyboard with a slot for devices; no trackpad for distractions; you can do a standing iPad setup the way Steve Jobs intended. All I’m using it for is blogging. It’s swell.
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X Isle (2006) #3
I was three-quarters of the way through the issue before I realized why it’s so much better—in addition to Greg Scott getting to do daylight jungle scenes and weird creatures—it’s better because the scientist’s daughter isn’t in it. She’s been kidnapped by parties unknown; her dad, her love interest, and Sam Jackson want to go get her; Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jack Black, and Michael Biehn-type don’t want to go get her. They’re going to argue about it for at least two too many pages before they split up.
It’s a strange case of absence improving: writers Andrew Cosby and Michael A. Scott aren’t any better at the dialogue this issue; there’s just none of the horrible missing character. Kind of going to be a bummer when they rescue her because you can’t let Elisha Cuthbert die off in a summer movie.
(The comic’s from 2006).
A lot has to do with Scott’s art. He uses shadowy figures in long shots so he doesn’t have to draw them, and it’s an unsuccessful device, much like his photo-referencing. Scott should’ve just cast everyone like Sam Jackson and the Rock; at least then, he keeps the characters distinct. The bland white guy (Tim Allen?) dad and the bland white guy love interest look pretty much identical. So much so I think the colorist gets them confused at one point.
But the jungle backgrounds and the monsters are fantastic. The story might break out better to a comic this issue, though there’s at least one scene Scott can’t figure out how to do. He’s got problems with chase scenes as well, probably because of the shadowy figures in long shot business.
It’s a far better issue than I was expecting. I hope at least Scott’s upwards trajectory continues. No way the writing can hold once the obnoxious daughter’s back.
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Swamp Thing (2019) s01e04 – Darkness on the Edge of Town
I’ve been trying really hard with Maria Sten, who plays Crystal Reed’s bestie. Sten’s just in the show to ask Reed what she’s going to do next or what she’s just done. Last episode, it seemed like Sten was going to have a reporter subplot, but it was just to set up Will Patton for later. In this episode, they don’t even pretend Sten will get anything to do for herself. She’s around for her dad, Al Mitchell, to get infected with a supernatural swamp bug, but just so she can call Reed into the subplot. It’s a bad part.
And Sten’s not good in it.
Maybe she’ll turn it around. But it’s four episodes in, and she’s worse with better dialogue. This episode’s got the least bad lines so far; writing credit to Erin Maher and Kay Reindl. It’s still lots of bad lines, but much fewer than before. And there’s character subtext for the first time ever: Patton wants to adopt little orphan Elle Graham, but is it because he misses having a daughter or because Graham proves a good control for intemperate wife Virginia Madsen? It’s a wild plot for Patton this episode. He starts burying a dead body and ends buying his wife a granddaughter.
But, in the context of dark soap opera, it’s a plus for the series. And Madsen’s fine. Jennifer Beals is still solid, Kevin Durand’s still out there in the right way, and other cast members are evening out. Jeryl Prescott and Ian Ziering only seem to exist during their scenes in episodes, but this time around, the show knows how to package the subplot.
Then there’s Swamp Thing Derek Mears and newly reunited pal Reed. The show provides no context for Mears’s journey of discovery with his new existence—the plants are talking to him, and he knows how to grow trees—but from a horror angle. The show never tries to give Mears’s perspective, including when he’s never on time to meet Reed in the swamp. She goes out three times, and despite saying he can feel her presence immediately, he always takes forever to get there. So what’s he off doing?
Swamp Thing started as sci-fi horror mixed with regular horror, but the show has a real hard time with it. Maybe because they aren’t doing the sci-fi. There are a couple times there’s atrocious dialogue, but the show can get away with it because there’s nothing else they can do at that moment. They’ve boxed themselves into this supernatural threat-of-the-week format, and the only way out is through.
There are some secret origin hints about Reed; she has a nightmare about her greatest fear, and it’s not killing Madsen’s daughter; it’s something else, meaning the Madsen and Patton dead daughter storyline gets pushed some more instead of just dealt with. Hidden secret soap operas are so lazy.
Anyway.
It’s the best Reed’s been, and Mears’s still all right.
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Swamp Thing (2019) s01e03 – He Speaks
They do bugs.
In the nearly fifty-year history of Swamp Thing, I don’t think there’s anything ickier than the bugs. Including when he fought like blood monsters who use intestines as tentacles or whatever. The bugs were worse. Just pages and pages of bugs sent from Hell to torment the living. Yuck.
And this episode does the bugs.
Only they’re not demonic; they’re… well, it’s unclear. But, so far, there’s not some entity controlling them, so they’re just bugs on their own—maybe juiced up on Kevin Durand’s magic plant serum—but they’ve got agency. Makes them kind of cute. Or at least their antics are cute when they’re not eating their way through human bodies.
This episode’s got the first talking Swamp Thing scene, presumably with Derek Mears doing the voice. It’s good. There’s no resolution to it because the writing (credited to Rob Fresco) is bad, but Mears makes it work. They also do a great job with the eyes. They’re inhuman but human. Mears saves Crystal Reed, and they have their meet again cute, albeit just after he’s fought a bug monster man. The scene immediately reveals the problem with Reed’s nighttime soap lead in a horror comic adaptation—she’s got no motivation beyond professional; Reed’s not great at the professional scenes.
Especially not the one where she whines to local doctor Tim Russ about her CDC boss coming to check on her because she’s made no progress other than being somehow involved with scientist Andy Bean’s death and not saving the dude from the end of last episode. Reed’s either got whiny scenes or ones where she exposition dumps to Maria Sten. I was hoping this script—not from the previous episodes’ writers—would be an improvement; mais no.
Still, Reed and Mears’s scene isn’t a fail, which is what’s presumably going to be important soon.
There’s also a lot brewing, mostly local industrialist Will Patton being a little more of a soap opera villain than initially implied. They implied a lot too. He’s got (unlikely) shady loans, ties to what may be an exciting criminal organization if they do any comics’ adapting, and an occasional affair with sheriff Jennifer Beals, which wife Virginia Madsen at least suspects.
So much soap.
Madsen’s good this episode. Good enough past sins can easily be forgotten if she just keeps it going. Beals is pretty good, too; not sure about the accent. They’re getting to the point where the boomer soap opera might play well on “Swamp Thing.”
They just need to give Reed something real to do. I’m not sure she will do well with it, but her whole part has been softballs. Despite being the lead on the show, and having Sten for her exposition dumps, the show profoundly fails Bechdel. All Reed and Sten have to talk about is dudes.
But Mears is good. The costume’s good. The movement’s good. “Swamp Thing” at least has got Swamp Thing.
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Evil (2019) s03e10 – The Demon of the End
“Evil” leans heavily on this season finale being a transitory one, making efforts to close off some strangling story arcs. There’s some more complicated Katja Herbers and Mike Colter making eyes at each other; she, of course, doesn’t know his demon is just her in a schoolgirl outfit, which gets touched on this episode. Nun Andrea Martin shames Colter for not keeping his demons in check. She’s seemingly forgiven him from a few episodes ago, so now they can have awkward moments while Herbers’s husband, Patrick Brammall, is around for once.
Presumably. The show never seems to have Brammall available when they need him. He gets a significant arc in this episode, which ends with at least two threads going into season four. The only person without a future-facing plot line is Aasif Mandvi, actually. He’s just along for the ride.
The episode begins with a resolution to last episode’s shocking cliffhanger. Turns out Li Jun Li isn’t going to be a new regular; there are some “trust us, we’re the Catholic Church” shenanigans, with the episode further pressing the religiosity button. They try real hard to give Herbers a “questioning her agnosticism” story arc. She makes a deal with God and everything at one point. It’s not a great arc, but Herbers is lined up for an all-time big reaction scene at the beginning of next season, so the show makes it up to her. And it does give her and Colter more time together.
There’s a possibility Wallace Shawn is joining the show as a regular next episode. It seems like the job’s his if he wants it. He’s good. But the show’s also set up so it doesn’t need him to return regularly to keep things going; they’ve got the requisite cast down to an already unmanageable ten, but with fourteen or so familiar characters. It’s such a big show for so little.
The case involves Herbers’s previously off-screen only newish neighbor, Quincy Tyler Bernstine. Bernstine and Herbers share a duplex, an arrangement the show’s never made particularly clear before. The place next door is haunted and it seems to be because Brammall flushed a demon baby head down the toilet at the beginning of the season. The mystery keeps Herbers close to home for her family arc there; otherwise, it’s barely relevant. The big season finale stuff more involves Brammall, and then Herbers’s missing egg from her fertility clinic. They tack a scene on with it to get to the main cliffhanger.
It’s okay? Probably the smoothest John Dahl-directed episode I remember and, given my aversion to seeing Rockne S. O’Bannon’s name on the script credit, probably his smoothest episode too? It’s “Evil,” there’s only so much it can ever do.
Oh, there is some great stuff with Martin and Herbers’s oldest daughter, Brooklyn Shuck. It’s the first time in ages Shuck’s shown any character outside being part of the sister banter.
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