X Isle ends worse than expected. The screenplay or treatment adaptation got to the point where the original writer was hoping the director would love to do an Aliens but robots sequence. Instead, in the comic medium, it goes from discovering the evil robots with tentacles who are actually just doing their job (zookeeping) to the alien nav computer revealing all the secrets and someone saying the robots are getting closer. It’s awful comics, which is too bad since this issue’s got the first time artist Greg Greg Scott gets to do an actual comic page and not (at best) a movie adaptation.

When the robots wake up and start collecting the loose animals (including invading humans), one has a cute but cruel scene. But with word balloons and motion implied between panels and reaction shots. Oh, Scott does reaction shots other places this issue, but they’re between two indistinguishable white men. Tim Allen and someone dramatic or Ashton Kutcher and someone dramatic, playing against type, maybe. Ashton is whining on about how coming to save Tim Allen’s daughter got Sam Jackson killed last issue, and now it’s going to get Ashton killed this issue. Tim Allen tells him to man up or something so they can rescue the obnoxious daughter, who’s fighting little monsters who want to eat her and talking about how she needs to live to lose her virginity.

Every line of dialogue is terrible in this issue. Maybe co-writer Michael A. Nelson just gave up. Hopefully, he just gave up, and this dialogue isn’t supposed to be good work. The art’s not bad overall, but it’s not impressive. Besides that robot sequence, those two pages were better art than the rest of the book combined. For a moment, I thought it was going to get good. It reminded me of the Lost in Space movie, and I was thinking, you know, it’d be better than whatever they’re going to do.

What’s so strange about X Isle is it’s a lousy spec script. It’s a bad treatment. But it’s targeting a Roland Emmerich-type who wants to cash in on “Lost” being a hit on TV. But not Roland Emmerich because it’s relatively low budget. It’s like a Sci-Fi movie spec script, actually.

Maybe I’d have watched it with Bruce Campbell in the lead? As Tim Allen?

Otherwise.

It’s pretty bad. X Isle’s pretty, pretty bad.

X Isle does not astound and get good this issue.

But, there were a few times I was actually impressed. The comic’s got terrible dialogue and middling plotting, but artist Greg Scott’s occasionally able to transcend the dialogue and make the action work. There’s a dinosaur versus human fight this issue, and some of it’s played for laughs.

It doesn’t end played for laughs; it ends played for cruelty because the ship crew—Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the sidekick, maybe Michael Biehn as the captain (or whoever would’ve been a Biehn-type in 2006 when they tried selling this as a movie)–are assholes and the bad guys.

But it’s a good dinosaur fight scene. Scott does an excellent job breaking out the action. Unfortunately, he does a hilariously bad job just a few pages later. See, last issue, the good guys (who are looking for the annoying college coed daughter) found a spaceship, and this issue explains the spacecraft and the island and the monsters and so on. But the bad guys aren’t with the good guys, so the bad guys don’t know about the spaceship.

Sam Jackson, Tim Allen, and the coed’s love interest are exploring the spaceship, and they think they’ve got it figured. It’s like a zoo spaceship, and it crashed, freeing alien creatures from across the galaxy on one island on planet Earth. No sign of Christopher Pike and Vina yet.

There’s a terrible gory action sequence in the ship. Someone covered in blood, someone gasping a last noise. Even if it weren’t for the script, Scott’s art would still be accidentally hilarious. It’s a comedy beat with a gore death.

If the rest of the comic followed suit, great. Sadly, it doesn’t.

Then at the end, the coed returns to whine, and I’d forgotten how badly Michael A. Nelson writes her dialogue.

Frankly, not much hope for the next and final issue with her back. But, whatever, almost done.

I was three-quarters of the way through the issue before I realized why it’s so much better—in addition to Greg Scott getting to do daylight jungle scenes and weird creatures—it’s better because the scientist’s daughter isn’t in it. She’s been kidnapped by parties unknown; her dad, her love interest, and Sam Jackson want to go get her; Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jack Black, and Michael Biehn-type don’t want to go get her. They’re going to argue about it for at least two too many pages before they split up.

It’s a strange case of absence improving: writers Andrew Cosby and Michael A. Scott aren’t any better at the dialogue this issue; there’s just none of the horrible missing character. Kind of going to be a bummer when they rescue her because you can’t let Elisha Cuthbert die off in a summer movie.

(The comic’s from 2006).

A lot has to do with Scott’s art. He uses shadowy figures in long shots so he doesn’t have to draw them, and it’s an unsuccessful device, much like his photo-referencing. Scott should’ve just cast everyone like Sam Jackson and the Rock; at least then, he keeps the characters distinct. The bland white guy (Tim Allen?) dad and the bland white guy love interest look pretty much identical. So much so I think the colorist gets them confused at one point.

But the jungle backgrounds and the monsters are fantastic. The story might break out better to a comic this issue, though there’s at least one scene Scott can’t figure out how to do. He’s got problems with chase scenes as well, probably because of the shadowy figures in long shot business.

It’s a far better issue than I was expecting. I hope at least Scott’s upwards trajectory continues. No way the writing can hold once the obnoxious daughter’s back.

Well, I figured out the secret of X Isle’s seemingly full issues: no transitions. The action cuts ahead minutes, hours, across miles. Writers Andrew Cosby and Michael Alan Nelson do the whole thing in quick summary, which gives the impression of content regardless of their actual success.

This issue has the first casualty, a kidnapping, a big twist, and some character moments. Not character development precisely because the characters are paper thin. Sam Jackson will make the Black scientist guy work in the movie, the Rock for the first mate, and so on. A few times, it looks like artist Greg Scott is photo-referencing Tim Allen for the lead. Tim Allen as a scientist. I mean, sure.

The comic’s selling point is the art. Scott’s graceless when it comes to transitions, not just between scenes in a montage sequence but between panels in an action sequence. But he’s got several decent panels. X Isle’s a very moody book; most of this issue takes place at night, in the perilous jungle. Half the issue there’s a rain storm, which contributes even more mood though not any rain-related action.

The dialogue’s almost entirely atrocious, with the comic avoiding the science of the terrifying tropical island with its monsters and so on, but it avoids all the character stuff too. There’s definitely supposed to be character stuff—Tim Allen’s daughter, who’s easily the worst written character, falling for his lab assistant. But then Sam Jackson gets jealous the assistant gives her a foot massage. They should’ve had Sam Jackson looking directly into the camera and mumbling some Pulp Fiction quotes.

I wasn’t expecting much from X Isle but it’s not even clearing that short bar. However, to borrow a frequent phrase from the comic, it is indeed fascinating to see how the summary pacing works.

X Isle is a mildly interesting remnant of the aughts; when indie comic book companies no longer tried to make it with licenses to genre franchises or old toys, but when they tried to get movie deals, presumably repurposing movie scripts or pitches into comic books. It worked a few times. But no one ever turned X Isle into a movie.

The comic is mixing “Lost” (a recent phenomenon at the time) with Jurassic Park and, I don’t know, The Abyss or something. It’s kind of a pitch for a Roland Emmerich movie; it’s not Spielberg, it’s a Spielberg knock-off; it’s not James Cameron, it’s a Cameron knock-off. The artist, Greg Scott, is nice enough to base a few of the characters on working actors to give you an idea of who might get attached. There’s a part for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson back when they might’ve been able to get him (though he never really did supporting parts). There’s a very prominent part for Sam Jackson—in the most interesting twist, the white people get outwardly racist to Sam Jackson and then say it was the heat. X Isle forecast academic Karens quite well.

The female lead sometimes looks a little like Rachel McAdams, but I might be projecting. Sam Jackson’s a hundred percent intentional, the Rock, I’d say fifty-fifty, Rachel McAdams; it might just be photo reference.

The McAdams character is a scientist’s daughter. She’s given up her European vacation to hang out with her busy dad, who’s on his way out into the ocean hunting mysterious, recently discovered sea creatures. Sam Jackson’s another scientist. The Rock’s the first mate. The captain’s Michael Biehn from The Abyss but probably a different actor. Not sure about McAdams’s bad dad, who ignores his daughter. Of course, the daughter expects his devoted attention when there are actual real-life monsters. The comic’s got exceedingly bad dialogue; it’s either exposition or quippy. The racist white lady’s a combination.

Scott’s art is pretty decent, though, and the comic does move incredibly well. Somehow writers Andrew Cosby and Michael A. Nelson (I assume Cosby wrote the script or treatment and Nelson adapted) get the pacing right. I kept expecting the comic to end, but they keep getting in more and more scenes.

I’m not sure what the deal is with the title: no way anyone sees X Isle and doesn’t think X-Men.