Robocop 3 (1993) #3

Actually, I’ve changed my mind about Nguyen’s art. It’s not, you know, in the artistic sense, any better, but it’s like he’s doing a Mad magazine adaptation here. He’s trying to fit everyone he can into each panel. Heaven forbid Dark Horse had tried some imagination with their Robocop license and turned this one into a six issue limited without all the truncating and maybe dealing with the kissy-kissy between Robocop and his doctor, but in lieu of that approach, they should have done it as a farce. They should have aped the movie, because Nguyen is geared toward it and you get the idea Grant knows the crappy dialogue he’s using from the script is crappy.

I’m kind of glad I stopped reading Dark Horse by this one; I don’t have a negative view of them. I’m sure if I’d spent $7.50 on this dreck, I would have.

Robocop 3 (1993) #2

I always forget how ugly some nineties art can be. Nguyen’s fairly competent, I mean, I can recognize his characters, even if the facial details leave something to be desired and he’ll occasionally layout a panel well, but his Robocop is bulky and gross. It looks like a five year-old’s Robocop, certainly not a sleek, streamlined future machine. Nguyen’s way too expressive for this comic, way too loose, since Grant’s script is completely locked down.

The one moment where the comic is mildly interesting is when Robocop’s new girlfriend seems ready to make out with him. I don’t know if Grant got that from a script or if he came up with it himself, but it’s incredible and it’s a shame they don’t do anything with it. At all. I mean, it’s about as discreet as a daytime soap, but it’s at least interesting.

Otherwise, the comic’s a bore.

Robocop 3 (1993) #1

I can’t remember the last time I read a comic book adaptation of a movie–they’re the opposite of the novelization, which expands on the source material (for the most part, since the writers are working with a script, not a final cut)–comic book adaptations truncate everything they can to tell a cohesive narrative. And they sometimes cut too much and don’t make any sense.

This issue makes sense, narratively speaking (the lame dialogue from the film seems right at home in the comic book form and some of the deliveries are far better here than in the actual film), but Grant and Nguyen aren’t pushing any envelopes, they’re cashing checks.

I didn’t figure on Dark Horse (I’d stopped reading their licensed properties by 1993) would do the obligatory crappy movie adaptation, but I was wrong.

The book costs $2.50 and you don’t even get a cool cover. Urgh.

Robocop 3 (1993, Fred Dekker)

It’s actually not hard to find nice things to say about Robocop 3. There’re about fifteen nice seconds of Phil Tippett stop-motion, Dekker’s got a neat way of shooting cars to give a sense of realism (his cinematographer, Gary B. Kibbe, did a lot of Carpenter’s films)… umm… wait, I’m sure I can find a third. It was cool seeing Jeff Garlin in a movie? Does that one count?

Robocop 3 is an unmitigated disaster, made on the cheap–made a few years later, if Orion Pictures had maintained solvency, it would have just been a direct-to-video entry–the only amusing way to pass a viewing experience is to rate the actors’ sense of embarrassment. Worst has to be Nancy Allen, who had so much vested interest in the sequel’s artistic import, she demanded to be killed off. There are a few “reasons” Peter Weller didn’t return–the costume, filming conflicts–but maybe he just read the script. As a PG-13 movie, Robocop 3 is silly. It turns RoboCop into a Saturday morning cartoon superhero, complete with bad one-liners.

What’s peculiar about the film is the cast. It’s a veritable who’s who of television personalities–famous ones. There’s Stephen Root from “NewsRadio,” he’s really bad. CCH Pounder, I’ll use “ER” as an example to keep up the strange NBC connection, is also bad. She’s usually quite good, so I suppose by not being more visibly embarrassed while delivering her lines–well, there’s a compliment somewhere in there. Jill Hennessy from “Law & Order.” She’s absolutely atrocious. Robocop 3 was delayed a couple years while Orion worked its way out of bankruptcy and I wonder if, had it come out as scheduled, she’d ever have gotten another role again.

But my favorite has to be Bradley Whitford, if only because he’s actually all right in Robocop 3. His character’s a generic corporate slime, but Whitford’s got a couple good deliveries. It doesn’t make the movie any better, but they’re funny deliveries. I wonder if he kept the glasses he got to wear in the movie.

I haven’t seen Robocop 3 in ten years and it appears to have corked rather significantly. I haven’t even gotten to some of the worst performances, which is mind-boggling since I have mentioned Hennessy already. I’m just worried I’ll forget the stunt performers, who jump long before they have any reason to, creating an almost surreal effect. But I don’t think Dekker was trying to bring Fellini to Robocop.

There’s an annoying little kid in this one–Remy Ryan Hernandez–she’s real bad. She’s got a great scene where–after doing calculus at a Doogie Howser age–doesn’t seem to understand her parents have been bussed away (the script’s got some real logic problems). Every scene with Hernandez is painful. It’s like the filmmakers were trying to appeal to a Disney girl audience or something.

Rip Torn is also terrible here, mugging for the camera (I’d believe it if they told him he was just doing a voice for a cartoon, which might explain his exaggerated expressions and so on). John Castle, terrible. Mako, terrible. Daniel von Bargen, okay.

As the new RoboCop, Robert John Burke is the pits. Why they didn’t just leave the helmet on all the time and hire Peter Weller to dub in the lines….

Well, that suggestion makes sense and nothing in Robocop 3 makes any sense.