Judith Hoag stars in TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, directed by Steven Barron for New Line Cinema.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990, Steve Barron)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles uses Central Park as an establishing shot for an apartment at 11th and Bleecker. I’ll let you Google Map that one.

The film’s worth talking about for four reasons—the amazing animatronics, the editing, the anti-Japanese sentiment and Judith Hoag. It’s also amusing to watch for Sam Rockwell sightings, but that one isn’t so much a discussion point.

For people who care about puppetry and animatronics, the work the Jim Henson workshop does in Turtles is phenomenal. They create five entirely believable creatures. It’s so effective, in fact, I’m glad Josh Pais both did the voice and the costume work for his character… so I can identify him as the film’s worst performance.

There are some terrible performances from the regular actors here, but Pais is atrocious. His characterization seems like a mix between James Cagney and George Jefferson. If Turtles weren’t a stupid movie with a bad script, he’d be the one ruining it.

Switching up the list a bit—Judith Hoag. While Elias Koteas (as her romantic interest) is okay, she’s great opposite all the costumes and animatronic nonsense. She makes the fantastical nature work… at least until her character disappears to give more attention to the lame fight scenes.

The great editing—in the fight scenes and not—makes Turtles mildly tolerable. The anti-Japanese sentiment is bewildering but captivating.

Awful performances from James Saito and Obata Toshirô—the only Japanese actors—don’t help.

Turtles is terrible. Hoag aside, there’s nothing “good.”

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Steven Barron; screenplay by Todd W. Langen and Bobby Herbeck, based on a story by Herbeck and a comic book by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird; director of photography, John Fenner; edited by William D. Gordean, Sally Menke and James R. Symons; music by John Du Prez; production designer, Roy Forge Smith; produced by David Chan, Kim Dawson and Simon Fields; released by New Line Cinema.

Starring David Forman & Brian Tochi (Leonardo), Michelan Sisti & Robbie Rist (Michelangelo), Leif Tilden & Corey Feldman (Donatello), Josh Pais (Raphael), Judith Hoag (April O’Neil), Elias Koteas (Casey Jones), Michael Turney (Danny Pennington), Kevin Clash (Splinter), James Saito (The Shredder), Obata Toshirô (Tatsu), Raymond Serra (Chief Sterns) and Jay Patterson (Charles Pennington).

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