Okay, so the Rhino is a Spider-Man villain. I thought he was, but couldn’t remember for sure.

Bendis turns the issue into something of a joke. He introduces Ultimate Rhino, all right, but it’s got very little to do with Spider-Man. In fact, Peter’s inability to escape his daily life to fight Rhino is the entire issue.

Only a little of the issue is actually spent on Peter though. Bendis gives Gwen a nice showcase—though Bendis’s crying sounds, mixed with the Bagley art, made me think she was throwing up and I didn’t remember them making Ultimate Gwen Stacy pregnant (that development was a 616 one, right?).

Once it becomes clear what Bendis is doing, it’s hard to get upset about him wasting an issue on it… because it’s so much fun. Bendis’s ability to waste space but still deliver an enjoyable read is his saving grace.

Bendis finishes the arc putting a gulf between Peter and Mary. They end the issue with them sitting with this big space between them, Peter too upset to talk to her. Ultimate Nick Fury just told him he had until eighteen before Fury would control him.

Oh, and Peter might be upset over Harry losing it again. And Mary might be upset because Peter won’t tell her about Harry except to hint at it.

Here’s the problem. It doesn’t feel right at all.

Bendis has a great setup here, but the scene lacks any drama. It’s paint by numbers, with Bendis wanting to get Peter and Mary Jane estranged for the next issue. He doesn’t take the time.

The guy spent an entire issue on a conversation and now he’s not willing to take the time.

It’s amazing how much Bendis infuriates, even though he’s what makes the comic excellent.

Whew, Mary Jane recovered immediately. What drama.

Whose idea was it to turn the Green Goblin into an evil Hulk?

Anyway, I suppose this issue is all right. It seems like Bendis has good intentions, with Peter trying to showdown with the Goblin (a couple times) only to discover anger might not be enough to beat him.

I think I just summed up the entire issue, dramatically. Oh, wait, I forgot about Harry. Harry apparently has these encoded keywords to make him do stuff. So far, following this issue, it’s clear Norman can make him pass out. What’s not clear is if Ultimate Hobgoblin is in the mix or not.

But Bagley. It seems like I’m frequently hard on Bagley, but he makes this issue. He makes it move with all the action, all the different settings, all the different pacing.

When Bendis’s writing is lazy, Bagley makes the comic.

Really, Brian Michael, really?

Makes him sound like a teenage pop star.

So this issue was either written with the eventual trade in mind–since half of it is a retread of the previous issue (more on that aspect in a bit)–and the other half is a really boring chase sequence, only to end with the Goblin using Mary Jane in the Gwen Stacy bridge toss.

And Brian Michael, bless him, sucks the emotion out of the scene, deemphasizing it being Mary Jane in any way other than a damsel in distress.

Very disappointing.

But maybe I was primed for it because of the lame retelling of the Spider-Man conversation with the Goblin. Bendis tells it from the Goblin’s perspective, revealing Norman is hearing lots and lots of voices. Except these voices don’t seem to influence Norman’s dialogue or decision making, so it’s just more filler from Bendis.

Another half on, half off issue. Bendis writes this great scene between Peter and Nick Fury (Ultimate Nick Fury should definitely go undercover in a high school in a Bendis written series, it’d be hilarious), but then he skips out on finishing it.

He’s then got a way too fast scene between Peter and Aunt May; he uses it to resolve a situation he creates at the beginning of the scene, making the whole thing pointless. Lazy…

And when he does get to Peter’s internal dialogue, it’s fine enough, but it’s a lot of words, killing pages until Bendis has a full enough issue to get to his cliffhanger–the Goblin grabbing Mary Jane.

Also funny–as in not right funny, not ha ha–is Peter’s conversation with the Goblin. It’s like Bendis knows the Goblin isn’t a strong villain either. He’s basically just nuts. There’s nothing else to him.

Again, not a fan of Ultimate Norman Osborn. Given I’ve never read the original series’s version of Norman Osborn, maybe I just don’t like the character. He seems like the “Saturday Night Live” version of Lex Luthor.

Only one who turns scaly and green.

Anyway, Norman isn’t the focus of this issue. Instead, it’s about Peter, Aunt May, Mary Jane and–to a smaller extent–Gwen. It’s about Gwen as she affects Peter and Mary’s relationship.

In other words, this issue is Bendis doing what he does best, bringing the human component into all facets of the Spider-Man thing, not just Peter, but how it affects those around him. It’s so strange how Bendis’s version of Ultimate here doesn’t fit with Marvel’s other Ultimate titles.

Great cliffhanger too.

I just wish Bendis could turn in whole great issues, instead of half great, half okay. Or even a balanced good.

Bendis gets a double-sized issue–almost–and what does he with it? Well, he uses about the first part, twenty or so pages, to write a full comic book. Then he uses the second half to do some more of his speed storytelling.

The whole Bendis “decompressed storytelling” term is so wrong–if it’s decompressed, it should take me longer to read it, not less time.

The issue has a bunch of great stuff on it (terrible cliffhanger), including some high school stuff, with Peter, Mary, Harry and Gwen forming this fantastic group and I hope Bendis continues with that one–though I’m very worried for Ultimate Harry Osborn.

Speaking of Ultimate Osborns, Norman is back and is he ever a killjoy. Bendis overdoes it on the ominous, especially when Norman comes off more like a creepy jerk than a monster.

So much good stuff, such a weak cliffhanger.

I can’t believe I forgot the Kraven outcome. I also forgot about Doc Ock remembering Peter is Spider-Man. But I did remember, somewhat, the argument with Aunt May.

Aunt May’s been something of a cursory character these last issues I’ve been reading, so it’s nice to see Bendis give her the attention she deserves.

He also lets Peter feel good, for a second, about the heroics, as the news crews talk Spidey into an interview. Again, very funny, very solid Bendis dialogue.

The only problem with the issue is Bagley. He does an adequate job, but the talking heads scene between Peter and Aunt May shows off his deficiencies. Especially when compared to his action scene between Spider-Man and Kraven.

And that last page, with a full panel of Doc Ock, ouch. Bagley’s not ready for full page closeups. It plays counter to the very mature, reasoned writing.

Oh, if only Stan Lee had thought of Spidey pulling down Doctor Octopus’s pants.

Bendis doesn’t do a lot this issue. About half is dedicated to Spider-Man fighting Doc Ock–I can’t remember if his victory in any way resembles the one in Amazing–while the other half goes to Kraven getting ready for the hunt.

Bendis is filling here. He even wastes pages with someone doing an intro to Kraven and then having to redo it. The dialogue’s amusing, but it’s all just filler.

The story starts with Spidey and Doc Ock, even if it is all just a big long fight scene. It’s an amusing fight scene (and maybe the first time anyone–in this case the television news crews–comes out in support of Spider-Man).

Even with all the pacing and plotting shortcuts, it’s hard not to like the issue. Bendis makes it very likable.