Category: 2003

Ultimate Six (2003) #3

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For this issue, Hairsine and his inker, Danny Miki, all of a sudden decide they’re doing a comedy. The art is very emotive, comical and sketchy. There’s no slickness to it.

It ought to work too, because it’s Peter Parker meets the Ultimates mixed with a little of the Nick Fury and Peter Parker bickering. It ought to work with a comical art style.

It does not.

Worse, it feels like Bendis is dragging things out. Instead of enjoying Peter’s trip to the big leagues, he uses it for the bickering (which is good) and exposition (which is bad).

When he finally does get to the big cliffhanger, it feels like he’s missed out on every opportunity the story presented.

The issue starts out okay and Bendis writes the dialogue and emotion fine, it’s just not a good finished product.

And that big cliffhanger implies tedious, contrived plotting to follow….

Ultimate Six (2003) #2

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I remember this issue. It’s the first Marvel comic–with the text recaps–I remember having a spoiler for the end of the issue. Norman’s so nuts he thinks Peter is his son (Peter being the Ultimate Sixth). Shame no editor caught it, because it’s a good little moment at the end.

There’s another good moment in the issue, one of Bendis’s better ones, actually. Hank Pym reveals he’s already got all of Norman’s secret formulas. Norman freaks out. It works with the Hairsine art. Six is Bendis doing the big action Ultimate series and it turns out he does it well. The first issue he was a little restrained, more in the comedic Spider-Man mode. Here he’s doing big action melodrama.

It’s a fine issue. Though he could’ve done it in half the pages.

Shame Nick Fury has to act moronic for Bendis’s plot to work though.

Ultimate Six (2003) #1

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I’m not a big Trevor Hairsine fan–his Ultimate Cap is a disaster, for instance, but given Bendis’s writing of Ultimate Thor, I forgive Ultimate Six a lot.

It’s an Ultimates series too, not just Ultimate Spidey (which I forgot) and Bendis has a great time writing the Ultimates. He does quite well with the character interplays. It’s a lot fun; Bendis is able to present the Ultimates without a challenge, but still make them compelling. He probably would have made a great sitcom writer.

As for the titular six, they’re only kind of funny. Hairsine’s art is very dramatic, which makes them whining in group therapy less funny than it should be. And then there’s Norman. Norman’s totally nuts and all, but when he’s not bickering with Nick Fury, he’s tiring.

Bendis is having fun making fun of the Ultimate universe, which gives no indication of the series’ quality.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003, Jonathan Mostow)

What’s interesting about Terminator 3-besides the “I’ll be back” references-is the lack of cheap homage to the first two. It’s an all new Terminator movie.

It’s crappy, but it’s its own thing. Though sometimes being its own thing just hurts it-Brad Fiedel’s awesome Terminator theme isn’t used at all. It’s also way too short. Running 108 minutes, there’s just not enough time for it to make any real impression. The second one established the franchise as epic; this one is only a minute longer than the first one (with twenty-six times the budget).

Speaking of budget, while director Mostow had the highest one ever greenlit (at the time), he’s an indifferent director. He brings no style or vision to the film whatsoever. I guess the car chases, while stupid, are pretty well-handled.

It’s sort of funny to see Claire Danes in the film; I remember when she was an indie actress. Though I guess Terminator 3 is actually an indie production.

The writing’s terrible. The revelations of how the franchise’s events come to pass are idiotic. The plot moves on serendipitous events and not much else, except some dumb revisions of what was going on in the second movie.

While it’s terrible, I do hope Nick Stahl kept a picture of himself in awful old age make-up as the scarred future leader, who’s really dumb, which is kind of funny.

Oh, the female Terminator-it’s never explained why they make a gender specific model.

Underworld (2003, Len Wiseman)

I was looking for something stupid to watch—something mindlessly diverting—so I tried Underworld.

Wiseman’s action scenes are fine. It’s when Wiseman tries to direct story he falls apart. And there’s a lot of story in Underworld. Lots of needless scenes, complications, complexities. It’s not a surprise a former stuntman wrote it (Danny McBride—not the actor). It’s a bit of a surprise, though, the filmmakers found a studio to greenlight it without a literate person doing a rewrite.

Beckinsale’s performance occasionally suggests she’s able to hold herself in check. Other times, she’s clearly contemptible of the material. To some degree, it might work for the character… but it really doesn’t. It leads to her having negative chemistry with her Romeo, played by Scott Speedman.

Speedman’s not terrible. He’s not entirely believable as a med student, but he’s nowhere near as bad as I assumed.

Then there’s Michael Sheen. I knew he was in it, but I never really believed it. After seeing him, it’s even harder to believe. He’s awful.

The rest of the supporting cast is spotty. Shane Brolly is really bad. Sophia Myles and Wentworth Miller aren’t terrible. Kevin Grevioux, who co-wrote the story, he’s bad.

There’s some odd homoeroticism to the werewolves, which is mildly interesting; usually the vampires have it. It’s just not interesting enough to make one care.

Cut down to forty or seventy minutes of action scenes… it might’ve work. But with its attempts at character developments and narrative, Underworld‘s awful.

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Len Wiseman; screenplay by Danny McBride, based on a story by Kevin Grevioux, Wiseman and McBride; director of photography; Tony Pierce-Roberts; edited by Martin Hunter; music by Paul Haslinger; production designer, Bruton Jones; produced by Gary Lucchesi, Tom Rosenberg and Richard S. Wright; released by Screem Gems.

Starring Kate Beckinsale (Selene), Scott Speedman (Michael Corvin), Michael Sheen (Lucian), Shane Brolly (Kraven), Bill Nighy (Viktor), Erwin Leder (Singe), Sophia Myles (Erika), Robbie Gee (Kahn), Wentworth Miller (Dr. Adam Lockwood) and Kevin Grevioux (Raze).

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Ultimate Spider-Man (2000) #32

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I think I’m going to start giving these issues “Friends” episodes titles (they fit, though they do get a little long). This one could be called “The One Where Gwen Moves in With the Parkers, Then Peter Tries to Talk Logically to Mary Jane and She Dumps Him.”

She doesn’t just dump him over Gwen, but also because his Spidey lifestyle is giving her nightmares. It’s a “well, duh” moment and I can’t believe it didn’t occur to Bendis sooner. We’re thirty-two issues into the comic. This revelation belonged around issue twelve.

There’s also Peter beating up his impostor (not visibly Hispanic and not Ultimate Mysterio either) and Bendis losing control of the dialogue. He’s got to do regular declarative comic book dialogue and he bombs completely. The rest of the comic, the talking, it works. That scene gets painful though.

While it’s dramatically effective, the issue’s very problematic.

Ultimate Spider-Man (2000) #31

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Big issue. Well, not really.

Well… sort of.

It’s one of those times Bendis lets the pacing get away from him and he ends up spending too little time on something important because he’s got to have the payoff scene.

Captain Stacy dies this issue, the Wasp guest stars and… wait, no. Those two events cover it. I mean, there’s Peter, Mary and Gwen walking and talking and there’s some more talking later. Oh, and Ben Urich investigates a little (it’s the Spider-Man impostor… who speaks Spanish).

Bendis has this character talk about assuming Spider-Man was white being a racist assumption. Umm, if the good Spider-Man is white and the bad one is….

Nevermind.

Bendis had been turning in a lot of good issues and this one isn’t bad so much as too fast for its own good. He races to the cliffhanger, dragging the reader along.

Ultimate Spider-Man (2000) #30

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How many references can Bendis fit into one comic? And well. I’m not suggesting they aren’t good references.

Let’s see… “Batman: Year One,” Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Bullit.

Lots of Bagley big eyes on Mary this issue. They look like they’re going to take over her head.

Bendis resolves last issue’s hard cliffhanger, but does nothing with the impostor storyline. instead, he sticks to that cliffhanger resolution. Peter’s on the run so he calls Mary to take a cab in and save him. They go to the hospital, then they escape when the cops arrive. It’s all very cinematic and it’s kind of exactly the reason to read Ultimate Spider-Man. It’s fast, Bendis gets in some honest human moments and it’s fun.

It leaves the reader wanting for what comes next. It’s so well-done, I didn’t even notice Gwen is missing (even though she’s bunking at Peter’s).

Startling Stories: The Thing – Night Falls On Yancy Street (2003) #4

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Dorkin continues to get better this issue and Haspiel nicely evens out. It’d be hard to get much worse than last issue, so at least he arrested the art decline.

It doesn’t become clear what Dorkin’s really doing with Yancy Street until the last few pages and, once it is clear, well… It’s unfortunate.

For all his repetitive Ben Grimm standards the first couple issues, Dorkin actually tries to do something significant (it’s irrelevant because, based on the time period, it’s clear the story was never in continuity) with the character.

And Haspiel is the wrong match.

I mean, Dorkin needs a strong editor on the series to reign in some of the nonsense and to sharpen the narration and to pace out the last two issues… but the series could have been something amazing.

Instead, Yancy Street’s a mildly interesting effort, one with the wrong art for the script.

Startling Stories: The Thing – Night Falls On Yancy Street (2003) #3

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It’s really too bad, but as Dorkin’s writing gets better, Haspiel’s art continues to get worse. This issue is frequently hideous, what with the Sandman having an all new costume. It looks like a cross between a jester’s outfit and something from the sixties “Batman” TV show.

Dorkin’s trying—finally—to bring some authentic New York flavor to the comic, which doesn’t work particularly well, but at least he’s trying. He also foreshadows (or maybe not, maybe it’s just predictable) the death of Ben’s squeeze. Dorkin also takes another crack at dealing with Ben and Alicia’s relationship like it’s important. He does better, but not well.

I assume the final issue will have more troubled art (Haspiel and the superhero outfits is complete failure) and all questions will be answered. Well, the questions raised this issue. Dorkin either didn’t bother before or just executed those scenes incompetently.

It’s nearly mediocre.