Detective Comics (1937) #469

Why does Steve Englehart’s writing sound like he’s doing a spec script for “Batman: The TV Show” cliffhanger narration? I can’t decide if it’d be better if he’s serious and thinks it’s good writing to treat your readers as infantile or if he’s doing it because he’s being condescending to the material. Either way… lousy start.

Especially since I only started reading this era of Detective for an Englehart run.

Yikes.

From the first page, it’s a lot. There’s the narration, but there’s also Englehart doing a flashback on the second page to right before the first page. Alfred passed out when bringing Batman his morning snack. It appears sensational at first, then, you know, medically concerning. Maybe Alfred hit his head.

Batman can’t get an ambulance because there’s an epidemic all of a sudden. People collapsing all over Gotham, so he rushes Alfred to the hospital as Bruce Wayne because Bruce Wayne “pays his way.” But, again, is Englehart being silly, or did he just finish reading some Atlas Shrugged for inspiration?

A new villain is poisoning the city—Mr. Phosphorous—no, wait, Dr. Phosphorous—and he’s not going to stop. So Batman goes home (his Bruce Wayne caring for Alfred thing does not warrant a scene of concerned Bruce, it’s nonce) and investigates what poisoned Alfred. It takes Batman longer than it should. Like, it’s one of those Bob Rozakis “you-solve-its” only Batman had to cheat on the last page and turn the comic upside down.

He’s able to go confront Doctor Phosphorous, who’s got a hilarious way of poisoning the people, and they have a big fight. Only Doctor Phosphorus is really hot, and it hurts to fight him, which leads to Batman wrapping his non-heat or flame-resistant gloves in his cape. The cape is heat and flame-resistant. It’s a poorly designed outfit or something, doesn’t matter. Neither does Batman’s next way to compensate.

The scene ends with Doctor Phosphorous running off while Batman whines at him to stay and fight; Doctor Phosphorous says you have to come back next issue, silly, it’s a two-parter.

The backup is Doctor Phosphorous’s origin, which unexpectedly ties into the main story. Phosphorous knows the city council guy who’s giving Gordon shit about Batman being a deputized vigilante—a different city council guy than a few issues ago; apparently, each Detective writer has to introduce their own similarly smarmy white guy whine. The city council’s corrupt and caused Doctor Phosphorous to become Doctor Phosphorus (sort of, he’s the one who thought he’d inspect a nuclear power plant on his own). So to pay him back for ruining his life, the city council has to set up Batman.

It’s a complicated, petty politics story arc, with narration written for a very bored narrator to read. At times it feels like Englehart must’ve tested the lines aloud and liked the terrible way they sound.

Big sigh.

Al Milgrom inks Walt Simonson pencils. It doesn’t go well for Batman or the people, but Doctor Phosphorous is all right. The art stylizes the people strangely—some guy’s got Norman Osborn hair—and Batman’s awkwardly bulky. Phosphorous is a glowing skeleton. They do best with him.

It’s a bad comic. Like, even for this era of Detective… it’s a bad comic. What have I gotten myself into?

Detective Comics (1937) #468

At least the art’s better. I can’t imagine how this issue would read without it. Marshall Rogers is still way too design-focused, with most of the action taking place against blank backgrounds, but when there is scenery, it’s excellent. And Terry Austin’s thin, dark inks are perfect, particularly on the Batman pages.

But the writing’s even worse than I was expecting, and I wasn’t expecting much.

This issue concludes writer Bob Rozakis’s Calculator story, which had been running in Detective backups for the last five issues. The Calculator does some crimes, gets arrested by a superhero, hits a button on his chest keyboard, then escapes from prison immediately after. Neither the backups nor the feature explain the Calculator’s powers, but his computer can apparently create physical matter as well as do omniscient computer stuff.

In other words, silly seventies computer shit.

The issue begins with Batman fighting Calculator, beating him, but Calculator confidently going to jail. See, once he hits the magic button, his computer figures out how to forever beat the superhero he’s been fighting. Computers, am I right?

He escapes from jail, and Batman goes to consult all the Justice League members who’ve been fighting him in the backups. They have a big team fight, with some competent but not engaging art; only Calculator still wins. Of course, since it’s a Rozakis comic, he’s going to tease the reader with the solution, but it’s such a silly solution it’s hard to believe Rozakis was talking about it. Until Batman explains, yes, indeed, the ridiculous solution was the inspired gimmick the whole time.

There’s a subplot about Morgan Edge wanting Bruce’s vote for something and Bruce blowing him off. It’s a strangely grown-up plot for a comic otherwise written for eight-year-olds, though all the senseless computer jargon wouldn’t work for an eight-year-old either.

Doesn’t matter. This inane story arc is finally over, and Rogers and Austin are on a quality uptick. Despite exclusively swinging around during the day, their Batman is pretty darn good.

The finale’s punchline is particularly godawful but not a surprise. Rozakis’s script’s terrible.

Detective Comics (1937) #467

In my youth, I never liked these “solve-the-mystery-yourself” stories. To the degree, I negatively associated them with writer Bob Rozakis. However, I got over it eventually, instead associating Rozakis with bland, cloying stories, much like the feature he contributes to this issue.

The art’s from John Calnan, and the inks are Vince Colletta. I’m unfamiliar with Calnan, so I don’t know how Colletta’d he’s getting, but Bruce Wayne looks like a forty-something accountant, which can’t all be Colletta.

Bruce is going to narrate the story for a mystery visitor. Now, I won’t spoil—because it’s one of the mysteries you can solve—but it’s a white guy with brown or black hair. This comic is pre-Crisis, meaning every DC superhero knows Batman’s identity, and they look alike. Could be Clark Kent, could be Hal Jordan, could be anyone but Green Arrow or Flash; they’re still blonds at this point.

Batman sits down with this mystery visitor and rings for Alfred to bring them breakfast. Then, Batman’s going to tell the visitor a story and see if he can guess the conclusion.

Now, at this point, I still had vague hope for the comic. I figured it’d at least be a puzzling mystery. Then the title of the story– Pick-Up on Gotham 2-4-6!—references Pelham 1-2-3 so I thought we were in for an elaborate heist story.

Nope. Batman’s in disguise on the subway, and some guy dressed as Batman runs through the train car, then exits the train. Batman follows him, chases, fights, fights, chases, returns to train for resolution, then poses the mystery question to his visitor (and the reader). But it’s an eleven-page story, and three or four pages are used on the framing. The mystery doesn’t relate to the fight scenes either, so all the mystery stuff occurs in a page or two. And then some of the solution is less about deductive reasoning than reading comprehension.

As a result, I’m concerned about my youthful reading habits. Or maybe this one’s just not a great Rozakis who-dun-it.

Anyway.

Rozakis’s also writing the back-up, which is more of the Calculator messing with various superheroes. This time it’s Hawkman, who’s running a courier service of sorts. Except, oh, no, the Calculator turns out to be his package. And so they fight, with the Calculator using some of the powers from previous foes, like Elongated Man’s extended bendy arm punch. Coming out of Calculator’s forehead thing.

That costume design is weird.

Marshall Rogers and Terry Austin do the art (though Austin later said Neal Adams inked some of the pages; I wonder if they were the better or worse ones). The art’s better than last time, but still a bit of a disappointment from Rogers. His best panels are all design-work, too, like they’d make great T-shirts, but comic panels… not so much.

The next issue promises the Calculator story will be important, just like every one before.

Detective Comics (1937) #466

The feature has Ernie Chan and Vince Colletta art and all the visual failings such a pairing promises. But the story’s… oddly… good?

A Silver Age Batman villain—The Signalman—returns for a bunch of themed heists. What makes it interesting is how well Signalman does against Bats. Len Wein writes; Signalman has a lot of bravado speeches, which work. Batman has a lot of descriptive speeches, which do not. Though when Batman’s just got thought balloons, it’s a little better. Especially after Signalman gets the upper hand.

It might just be the Silver Age feel of the story. While Chan’s pencils are still bad, they’re not failing to realize some brooding, dark knight detective Batman; they’re failing to realize Batman stopping a panic at the ballpark. There’s no heavy lifting to the art.

And Signalman’s outfit is ridiculous, so having a better artist on it wouldn’t do any good. The resolution’s disappointing, but it’s an entertaining enough read on the way there. Signalman’s just a colorful villain. He talks a decent amount of good smack.

It’s a totally fine feature against some considerable odds.

The backup’s more of the Calculator series from writer Bob Rozakis. This time he’s got Green Arrow fighting the Calculator, with Elongated Man along as cloying sidekick, and Marshall Rogers and Terry Austin on the art.

I was expecting quite a bit more from Rogers and Austin, but it’s either just okay, visually confusing, or downright bad. Not like, Chan and Colletta bad, but “someone else drew these faces on these heads, and you can tell” bad. The visually confusing parts come with the Calculator’s attack on Green Arrow (also at a ballpark, which they mention in the feature); Calculator is shooting baseball bats out of his head at Green Arrow, who’s breaking those baseball bats with baseball bats.

Rogers does a lousy job staging the superhero action. Though Rozakis’s script doesn’t explain Calculator’s plan at all, just having a plan. It’s bewildering, tiring, and disappointing. The only reason I was reading Detective this early was for Rogers’s backup; I wanted to get the whole story. Silly me.

I probably would’ve bet cash money against ever saying I liked an Ernie Chan and Vince Colletta story than a Marshall Rogers and Terry Austin, but here we are. The only star, obviously, is Wein. He knows how to write that Signalman story and does it well.

Detective Comics (1937) #465

I’ve never heard of writer David Vern before, but I hope it’s a while before I read another of his comics. The Batman feature’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s pretty annoying thanks to the Ernie Chan and Frank Giacola art.

Also, the story’s written like a Hostess Fruit Pie advertisement, like they’re targeting the eight-year-olds, which is about as old as you can get without the art grating.

The story’s about Commissioner Gordon and Batman’s plan for when hoods kidnap Gordon and demand to know Batman’s identity. There’s a flashback explaining Batman gave Gordon the name to say, which would then trigger a response from the Caped Crusader. It’s a delayed response, but it’s pre-smart phones; what can you do?

In the present, a mysterious man visits the offices of this red herring, which then triggers a video call to Wayne Tower, where Bruce and Alfred watch agog. Bruce immediately realizes it also means Gordon’s been kidnapped and gets into his long johns. Only he’s got to do some investigating to figure out who’s got Gordon, which means going to “The Boards.” At first, I thought Vern was going to do a Sherlock Holmes and the Baker Street Irregulars thing, but it’s just a throwaway device to get Batman on the right track.

And for the only Black guy in the comic to try to mug a white lady. Cool.

After starting with an emphasis on the detective work, the story quickly just becomes a series of poorly illustrated fight scenes, with accompanying bad exposition and dialogue. When Chan’s clearly penciled some atrocious physiology, it’s obvious what’s wrong with the art. The rest of the time, there’s just something off-putting about it, which might be “thanks” to Giacola’s inks.

The backup’s another in the Calculator series, written by Bob Rozakis (no Laurie helping him here), with pencils from Chan and inks from Terry Austin. There’s a good panel in the story. A good panel. A reaction shot of Sue Dibney (Calculator is messing with Elongated Man this time). With better art—and maybe more pages—the story ought to work; Calculator makes Elongated Man’s elongating powers contagious, just as Ralph goes to a Comic-Con with a bunch of cosplayers. So it’s these various not-heroes dressed as DC heroes elongating and mad about it.

It’s a bad story, but what else would it be in this comic? And that one panel’s good. I didn’t think there’d be one in the comic when I saw Chan was on the backup too. But I was wrong.

There’s one.

Detective Comics (1937) #464

I went into this issue expecting the back-up—Black Canary versus the Calculator, continuing writer Bob Rozakis’s back-up from last issue—to be better than the feature, which wraps up guest star vigilante the Black Spider’s first appearance. I was wrong. While the feature is not good at all, the back-up is even worse.

The feature starts with writer Gerry Conway resolving the last issue’s cliffhanger, which had Batman about to be run over by a passenger jet. Luckily, the jet didn’t run him over; tres exciting. After some quick fisticuffs with the Black Spider, ending with Black Spider beating Batman once again—without the “gunshot wound to the shoulder” excuse because Black Spider takes him out with a kick to the knee—Batman has to figure out where the vigilante will strike next.

Luckily, Batman has some streetwalkers he can ask. The story’s take on the informant is simultaneously objectifying and moralizing. Most amusing, when she tells Batman giving him information will result in her death, he’s okay with it, continuing Conway writing Batman as a dick. In his one scene with Alfred and two with Commissioner Gordon, Batman’s more concerned with the problem of vigilantism than being rude to them this issue, however. There’s lots of soapboxing from Bats about why vigilantes are dangerous, but deputy policemen like him are jim-dandy.

The thread is a strange attempt from Conway to give the comic some heft. Apparently, the editors and Conway didn’t realize they could just as well not address it, but the reveals on Black Spider aren’t enough to fill pages. Frank Castle Jr., he ain’t. Black Spider is, as predicted, a Black man; he had a friend who got hooked on junk and went from one tragedy to another.

There’s a moment where Batman’s confused at junkies having other qualities to hammer in more moralizing. Again, Conway could’ve skipped the moment—he had that ability—but instead, he just reinforces the problems with the story.

Ernie Chan and Frank McLaughlin’s art isn’t as bad as last time, but only because Batman doesn’t have as many action sequences. Conway’s finale for the issue seems more appropriate for a Spider-Man, though Black Spider doesn’t have any webs. It’s a slight, severely undercooked story.

And leagues better than the back-up, which is six pages of atrocious dialogue and storytelling. It starts with Black Canary blowing off the Atom reporting on last issue’s adventures because she’s got better things to do. Except then, the Calculator immediately ambushes her, and she realizes she should’ve paid attention.

The Rozakises (Bob got an assist from wife Laurie) write Black Canary like an asshole but then have Calculator be a sexist piece of shit to her. His supervillain plan for this story’s goofy but also barely explained. Instead, there’s just fighting and misogyny.

The art, from Mike Grell and Terry Austin, is good… way better than the script deserves. It ends, like last time, with Calculator plotting his next move from a jail cell; presumably, they won’t explain the prison escape next time either.

Besides the Grell and Austin art, the issue’s the pits.

Detective Comics (1937) #463

The feature has art by Ernie Chan and Frank McLaughlin. Chan’s figure drawing is rough. Batman looks silly and uncomfortable, contorting his way through the story. Gerry Conway’s got the script credit, so when the mystery villain turns out to be a Punisher clone called the Black Spider… well, at least they got Conway to write it?

I’m assuming the Black Spider turns out to be a Black guy. Not because of the name, or at least not entirely because of the name; Black Spider rants about the superfly drug dealers who need a Black Spider to eat them up. He doesn’t want to fight Batman, who’s already injured, and can escape their first encounter.

The story starts with Batman interrupting a drug deal and getting shot in the shoulder. The injury will plague him the rest of the story—the fight with Black Spider and against other assorted thugs—and maybe it’s why he’s such a dick to his friends. When Commissioner Gordon shows up at the scene of the drug bust, after saving Batman from a pissed-off city official who wants to arrest him, Batman’s condescending to his old pal. Who even gets a thought balloon thinking about how shitty Batman’s being to him.

When Batman’s similarly shitty to Alfred, a few pages later, Alfred gets no thought balloon.

Not sure why Batman’s got to be a prick, but Conway’s fully invested in it.

After the big fight with Black Spider, Batman gets in more trouble with Gordon and the city official (Arthur Reeves, who I’m pretty sure recurs), then heads off to the cliffhanger.

If the art were good, it’d probably be fine. But the art’s not good, so it’s tiring. And it’s tiring at eleven pages.

The backup has good art—Mike Grell pencils, Terry Austin inks—and it’s better. Bob Rozakis scripts: it’s the Calculator out to get a college professor during a lecture. Luckily for that college professor, his good friend the Atom is in the audience and able to protect him from the Calculator. Except the Calculator knows the Atom’s weaknesses.

Just as writing, Rozakis’s exposition is only slightly better than Conway’s, but Rozakis isn’t writing a dick Batman and jive-talking thugs. Instead, he’s just doing an action bit about the Atom trying to save his friend, who gives a boring lecture. And the art’s real good; superior superhero action in only six pages.

The backup’s cliffhanger reveals next time the Calculator will be fighting Black Canary, so it’s a villain backup. Novel enough for the seventies.

Detective Comics (1937) #566

I wish they had done a recap issue back when Colan was at the top of his game. This issue sets up the big anniversary special over in Batman, with he and Robin going over the villain files in the Batcave. Gordon got an ominous note.

One might think Batman should do that work during the day instead of when he should be fighting crime, but whatever. Moench uses the issue not to just give a recap of the villains in general, but how he’s used them in his run. Jason’s got a lot to say, but it seems like a major cop out Moench downgraded the character for months only to bring him back to spout exposition.

Still, it’s fine for what Moench’s doing, it just isn’t clear why he had to do it.

Cavalieri hits new silliness in Green Arrow but the art’s great. Except the goofy villain.

Detective Comics (1937) #556

There’s some fantastic art from Colan and Smith this issue. Moench’s still got his weird relationship between Jason and Nocturna, but Colan sure does draw it well. When Batman finally shows up–after discovering Nocturna is a crime boss–and Moench’s script has him inexplicably drawn to her… the art is what sells the scene.

The Nocturna art is just gravy. The best part of the issue is Bullock’s theory about Robin being Nocturna’s son–not Jason Todd, but some other kid. He’s ranting and raving and Colan and Smith draw the whole thing with an Eisner bent. It’s just fantastic; full of energy.

Batman and Robin, however, don’t show up much. Robin’s just there for the setup, Batman’s just there for the finish. Nice Batman fight scene though.

The Green Arrow backup is lame; Cavalieri resolves a lengthy subplot and it’s boring. Nice art from Moore and Patterson though.

Detective Comics (1937) #555

Gene Colan and Bob Smith are back on the art and it’s a strange return for Colan. It’s a lot of action and Colan goes a lot more dynamic than he usually does. There are some fantastic panels in this issue. Nice page layouts too. It’s a winner on the art.

Moench writes Jason’s diary; he’s obviously trying to get a handle on the character. It almost feels like a writing exercise, given all Jason’s distinct slang. It’s not quite a full personality but Moench seems aware Jason is lacking as a character.

And Moench’s slightly successful. There’s some very good insight, but then he offsets it with some unlikely nonsense. Only the nonsense is serious.

The Green Arrow backup is written by Elliot S! Magin and has Dick Dillin and Dick Giordano on art. It’s a throwback story, innocent Ollie, but they don’t play it up. Simple but filling.