Category: TVM
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There’s a strange effectiveness to The Ewok Adventure during Burl Ives’s narration. With his voice, with the lameness of the script, Ewok Adventure feels like a storybook come to life. Much of the movie is exquisitely produced, whether Peter Bernstein’s score, director Korty’s lovely photography or John Nutt’s editing, there’s a definite precision to the…
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Captain America II: Death Too Soon, although it actually doesn’t have an onscreen subtitle, could just as well be called Captain America II: The Show No One Wants to See. I don’t even mean the eventual show (Death Too Soon is the second, Reb Brown-fronted CBS pilot), I mean this pilot movie, which retains executive…
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Captain America is almost loveably dumb. It’s never good, it doesn’t even have a good performance–at least, any good performances have caveats attached–but it’s so painfully obvious it ought to be lovable. It even has a lovable oaf of a lead–Reb Brown–who just happens to be really smart. Brown’s ability to recite all his dumb…
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Wonder Woman doesn’t work out, but it should. And lead Cathy Lee Crosby is so serious about her performance and the role, even when it’s underwritten, it’s hard not to be sympathetic. John D.F. Black’s simultaneously awful and inventive teleplay recasts Wonder Woman as a spy, only one who works as a secretary. Her boss…
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“Welcome to Eltingville.” You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You must be cautious. I suppose the first thing to say about “Eltingville” is it has a very, very limited audience. It’s a spoof of fan culture from the inside. It’s knowingly spoofing the absurd. It’s not just spoofing the…
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A Grand Day Out is about as close to pure magic as a movie can get. It’s this fantastic story, gentle in the right parts, sharp in the right parts, but it’s also this adorable and technically masterful bit of animation. Director Park brings this delightful Britishness to it; from Peter Sallis’s performance to the…
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Bates Motel is one of those “has to be seen to be believed (but isn’t worth spending any time on)” movies. It’s even better because it’s a late eighties TV movie slash pilot with a lot of contemporary television personalities guest starring, “Love Boat”-style. But it’s also a sequel to Psycho. It’s also a complete…
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Men of Crisis: The Harvey Wallinger Story recounts the rise to power of one Harvey Wallinger, friend and aide to Richard M. Nixon. Wallinger is one part buffoon, one part creep, one part sex addict–Allen revels in the part. He opens the short with a recounting of the 1968 election with some creative editing before…
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Maybe “Global Frequency” would work if it weren't so obvious in its attempts to be endearing. John Rogers's script tries to establish character chemistry in the pilot without giving it a chance to actually grow on its own. For example, good-looking alpha male lead Josh Hopkins teases good-looking demure scientist female lead Jenni Baird and…
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What’s there to say about KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park? It moves pretty fast. Wait, I didn’t specify nice things to say about the movie. Oops. There’s a lot of bad things to talk about. The easiest targets are KISS, who frequently seem lost–supposedly they got fed their lines immediately before shooting–but also…
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For a late night cable movie–how’s that description for a euphemism–Lake Consequence is shockingly okay. It runs ninety minutes (to facilitate more airings, undoubtedly) and it actually runs too long. The film’s at its best during the final third, when hunky tree trimmer Billy Zane has to get the bored housewife he’s been dallying around…
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Wayfinders is half history lesson–maybe a third history lesson, to be more accurate–and then the remaining turns out to be about a seafaring attempt. A number of Pacific Islanders have learned the ancient seafaring navigation practices and, in giant canoes, sail from the Marquesas Islands to Hawaii. Only director Evenari kind of keeps that development…
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Now, when a fan of something writes a sequel to that something… it tends to be called “fan-fic.” Death Comes to Pemberley is based on fan-fic from an extremely well-regarded author. P.D. James is even a baroness. But she hasn’t got anything to say about Pride and Prejudice. Worse, unless screenwriter Juliette Towhidi really screwed…
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It’s kind of sad “Darkman” didn’t get a series order. Not because it’s good, but because it’s so laughably bad. One can almost hear director Grant telling lead Christopher Bowen to be more British. But this “Darkman” pilot doesn’t exactly seem like a pilot. There are only five characters–Bowen, Larry Drake reprising from the movie…
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Trying to figure out where The Great American Beauty Contest stands on the women’s lib movement is a headache. Actually, the whole thing is a little misogynist but not for the obvious reason–not because the titular contest’s participants are being objectified (I doubt director Day could competently objectify anything or anyone), but because it presents…
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The worst thing about Super Clyde is the blandness. For a while, it seems like Gregory Thomas Garcia can’t figure out how to make fat jokes and be sympathetic–he has to do it cheaply in the end–but there’s nothing to it. Rupert Grint is geeky in the lead. He’s a geeky red-haired twenty-something who’s weird.…
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Atrocious Showtime TVM adaptation of classic, Newbery winning kid’s novel by Ellen Raskin. Script’s so bad not even Ray Walston can make it happen. Terrible performances. Director Winkless’s approach seems to be doing it as a “Scooby Doo” episode more than anything else. It’s got zero redeeming qualities. DVD.Continue reading →
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One of the best parts of Bunco–and there’s actually a lot of good stuff in it–is how director Signer composes his shots of “leads” Robert Urich and Tom Selleck. Even though Urich’s top-billed and has a little more to do, Singer makes sure to get both men in each shot. So there’s some occasionally awesome…
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Besides J.B. Smoove, Clear History does not reunite Larry David with any of his “Curb Your Enthusiasm” costars. David and Smoove have their fantastic chemistry and it’s a little strange not to see them hanging out in the film. Instead, David hangs out with Danny McBride, who probably gives the film’s must mundane performance. He’s…
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Maybe halfway through The Flying Car, I noticed one of the retakes of Jeff Anderson. The short takes place while Anderson and Brian O’Halloran are stuck in a traffic jam. Smith is setting up the viewer for a joke while Anderson sets up O’Halloran for the same one. Great dialogue, excellent performance from Anderson. It’s…
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“Dick Tracy” is shockingly all right. About half the pilot plays like a bad James Bond movie–villain Victor Buono is ludicrous and in it way too much, even if there’s an amusing revelation at the end. But the other half, with Ray MacDonnell as Dick Tracy, is pretty good. He’s got a house full of…
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Justice League of America is a strange mix of okay and terrible. What it does have going for it is sincerity. Sure, there’s a fair amount of incompetence thrown in and director Alcalá is awful and the script from Lorne Cameron and David Hoselton is bad… but there are actually some good things about it.…
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“The Phantom” is horrific. Between Lon Chaney Jr. trying a Cajun accent and Paulette Goddard’s hilariously bad turn as a Ms. Big, there’s no good acting. But these two guest stars aren’t even the worst–lead Roger Creed is unbearably awful. I’m sure he was hired to put on the purple jumpsuit but still… he doesn’t…
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So why not turn The Shadow into an amateur detective procedural? Haas’s pilot for a “Shadow” television series is a good reason, though it’s inexplicable why someone would want to turn it into such a thing. Not the procedural part, but the amateur detective part. Peter Barry’s script recasts Lamont Cranston (played by an ineffectual…
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“Electra Woman and Dyna Girl” is a nearly awesome pilot. Sadly, its problems make it clear a series would have been terrible. Anne Stedman plays a college freshman who tracks down the superhero who once saved her life. The superhero, played by Markie Post, is long retired and probably hasn’t been sober in years. Elisa…
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What a difference a cast makes. It’s hard to determine the real star of the first attempt at “Three’s Company.” It’s either Valerie Curtin or Susanne Zenor, both of whom are–to the best of my recollection–very different from the similar characters on the eventual series. Curtin has these fantastic one liners from writer Larry Gelbart;…
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What a difference a cast makes. Barry Levinson’s pilot for a “Diner” television series reunites some of the film crew–editor Stu Linder does a wonderful job–but the only returning actors are Paul Reiser and Jessica James. Both are good–and Alison La Placa and Mady Kaplan are great as the wives (Levinson’s best writing is for…
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Lego Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Out gleefully turns the Star Wars characters into caricatures–it’s a mix of Empire and Episode One, apparently because that combination works out funniest. Darth Vader is upset when Darth Maul gets more of the Emperor’s attention, C–3PO (actually voiced by Anthony Daniels) annoys everyone, Luke is all of a…
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It’s hard to explain why Swamp Shark is watchable. The primary reason–besides seeing what weathered professionals D.B. Sweeney and Kristy Swanson–is the Louisiana location shooting. Cinematographer Lorenzo Senatore really brings out the greens. Besides the terrible, digitally aided day for night scene, Swamp Shark looks better than it should. Even though the casting director forgot…
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Given the abundance of terrible television sitcoms, seeing what kind doesn’t make it past pilot stage should be interesting. But it’s not. “Adventures in Babysitting” is a semi-sequel to the movie–with David Simkins, the original writer, co-writing the pilot. It recasts every role. It’s fairly clear why “Babysitting” didn’t make it to series, though mixing…
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