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Resident Alien (2021) s02e06 – An Alien in New York

There are a couple big surprises this episode, which sees Sara Tomko and Alan Tudyk going to New York City to find another alien from Tudyk’s species. It’s not New York, New York, it seems to be the more Manhattan-y streets of Vancouver, but they do a decent enough job of it. Tudyk hates all the people, the smells, and probably the noise. There’s a lot of street noise; it’s particularly good sound for a show where they don’t have to think about constant background noise very often.

The trip to New York doesn’t start the episode—they first started talking about it in the episode before last but got busy with more pressing matters—instead, it’s trip prep, which includes the two big surprises. If you haven’t read the comic, I guess there’s another surprise later on, but the New York stuff is the most faithful adaptation of the comic’s plot to date.

One of the surprises is a profoundly affecting character death (including a montage with Bee Gees accompanying—lots of great songs this episode); it follows a hilarious scene for Tudyk and Gracelyn Awad Rinke. Judah Prehn and Meredith Garretson aren’t in this episode, which means Rinke’s got to tell Tudyk she lost his silver Starman space ball on her won, and then Levi Fiehler will be free for a character development arc with Alice Wetterlund since wife Garretson and son Prehn aren’t around.

The other surprise involves Tudyk’s human version before the alien arrived and killed him. The episode opens with a flashback to human Tudyk and town doctor Jan Bos in some kind of trouble with a New York company; serious trouble. And, of course, human Tudyk’s going to be a bad guy who kills Bos, but the show hasn’t explored their relationship (or Tudyk’s motive) until now. The surprise isn’t that flashback, however. It’s alien Tudyk having found a big bag of cash hidden in the house, presumably a pay-off. He doesn’t tell anyone about it until now when Tomko complains they’re low on spending money for their trip.

The bag of cash also has some clues about Bos’s murder, which gets Tomko into investigation mode. When they get to New York, she wants to investigate since the company’s there, while Tudyk’s fixated on finding his alien brethren. The investigating has some ups and downs, and ends with them in a trendy gallery where someone gets Tudyk to take LSD.

At first, it seems like LSD doesn’t work on aliens… but, no, it does, and gloriously so.

While Tudyk and Tomko are out of town, there are character development arcs for some of the other cast members. First, sheriff Corey Reynolds makes an effort to help mayor Fiehler, leading to Fiehler and Wetterlund’s arc. Then deputy Elizabeth Bowen toggles from her unapproved UFO investigation to trying to figure out what Reynolds has been so upset about lately.

It’s a nice arc for Fiehler and Wetterlund, with some good comedy moments. The Reynolds and Bowen arc is a lot more dramatic, again with some great acting from Reynolds.

The cliffhanger’s a little abrupt, but otherwise, it’s a very strong field trip episode. The show’s never gotten out of its little mountain town like it does here before, and they do a good job of it.

Lea Thompson’s directing again and just as solidly capable as last time.

Resident Alien (2021) s02e05 – Family Day

Describing “Resident Alien” as ‘“Northern Exposure” with an alien’ is reductive (and doesn’t properly acknowledge “Alien”’s R-rated but PG-13 executed humor). But it’s where my mind goes when trying to shortcut describe the show, especially this season. “Alien” is an ensemble. Though Alan Tudyk’s semi-reformed alien invader is the lynchpin, the core relationship is Sara Tomko and Alice Wetterlund. The character development all ties back to how Tomko and Wetterlund are experiencing their hometown as it changes, and they change and how everything around them affects those experiences.

Including Tudyk.

Tomko and Tudyk’s friendship has been one of the show’s greatest successes. No matter how wild the plot can get, no matter how absurd Tudyk can get, there’s a calm, comfort to their scenes. Whereas Tomko and Wetterlund’s scenes often bring the drama. In this episode, Wetterlund’s pissed-off Tomko spent the night at abusive ex Ben Cotton’s, and Tomko claps back, bringing up Wetterlund’s drinking problem. Wetterlund gets hangover IVs at the clinic from nurse Diana Bang (who gets a bunch of great material this episode).

Wetterlund resents Tomko for the secrets she’s kept—given-away daughter Kaylayla Raine—and Tomko resents Wetterlund’s present-day friendship with Raine. Their relationship is currently the only one on the show where there’s room for actual growth.

Mainly because everyone else’s development is in some way tied to Tudyk. For example, this episode has kids Judah Prehn and Gracelyn Awad Rinke discover they’ve lost track of Tudyk’s silver alien space ball. Unfortunately, they can’t tell anyone about it because it’s a big secret, meaning Prehn’s relationship with parents Levi Fiehler and Meredith Garretson has a significant constraint. Similarly, as Elizabeth Bowen becomes more and more convinced there’s been an alien incident (her lost memories from a day, which Tudyk indeed did wipe) when she and Corey Reynolds bond over it… it’s only going to go so far before alien space magic gets involved.

The episode actually opens with Reynolds, flashing back to the tragic end of his career in Washington DC (and the introduction of adorable puppy Cletus), and he’s got a few excellent dramatic scenes. Not really any comedic, just a handful of reminders Reynolds can act the hell out of any tone.

The A-plot involves everyone—including Tudyk—discovering human Tudyk has a teenage daughter, played by Taylor Blackwell. Thanks to bad dad tropes, they’re quickly able to get to absolutely hilarious montages of Tudyk trying to ingratiate himself to Blackwell; they just keep getting funnier as the episode progresses. The only missed opportunity is Blackwell getting to hang out with Prehn and Rinke (but she can’t because she can’t know Tudyk’s an alien).

Everyone ends up at the town’s annual Family Day, which mayor Fiehler has partially reimagined as a way to better advertise the town to tourists. There’s a play starring kids, involving lots of blood, guts, and boulders. It’s awesome.

The script, credited to Biniam Bizuneh (first-time script credit, though previous story editor credits), is fantastic. Not just in the comedy, but in the multiple tough talks the characters have to have with one another. Lots of good acting from Tudyk and Tomko opposite a wide variety of supporting cast members. Also, Blackwell’s a perfect foil for Tudyk (and Tomko). Her appearance, just as Tudyk’s understanding liking babies (before they turn into shitty teens) and Tomko’s got her… trauma arc? Oh, yeah. Okay. “Resident Alien”’s core plotline is Tomko’s trauma and recovery arc; I’m embarrassed it took me so long to describe it as such.

Anyway. It’s the right time and the right character to introduce. And Blackwell’s the right performance. She’s appropriately sullen, sardonic, and sympathetic. I also can’t believe how well they integrated her into the plot on her first appearance.

Lea Thompson directs, which seemed notable as trivia during the opening titles, but she does a fine job balancing the absurd comedy and the human drama.

“Resident Alien” keeps impressing in new ways; season two’s outstanding.

Wayward Pines (2015) s02e07 – Time Will Tell

After an inglorious character arc in the regular story, Djimon Hounsou finally gets his own episode, albeit a flashback one. Turns out Hounsou’s job—before “Wayward Pines: Season Two”—was to wake up every twenty years and take care of the people sleeping in cryo-pods for two thousand years. He also tested the soil, played chess with himself, and did some cardio.

The flashbacks also reveal Hounsou met the creatures (Homo sapiens superior?) early on before they’d turned into Gollum-looking things when they still just looked like Paul Bettany. One time out of the cryo-pods, Hounsou goes hiking and runs into Dakota Daulby. They hang out, but Daulby lives in a post-apocalypse and is miserable and suffering, and Hounsou’s just observing, so it’s very uncool for him.

It does, however, lead into Hounsou’s character motivation after he wakes Toby Jones. They discover a settlement, complete with huts, on the land where they want to build the town. Hounsou says, let’s sleep until they’re gone; Jones says let’s kill them because we’re white men. Well, he’s a white man, and Hounsou gets to work for a white man.

There’s also some ret-conning to explain why he wasn’t in the first season (other than they only let one Black person on the show for ten episodes). Hounsou thought it was gross to wipe out the creatures and isn’t cool with the human settlement, so he was antisocial all first season.

Sure.

There’s an okay Simone Missick cameo. She’s Hounsou’s wife, who he hallucinates depending on how lonely he’s gotten.

The present-day action has Jason Patric and Hope Davis trying to communicate with the female creature (Rochelle Okoye, who glares well, the only role requirement). They have some success until they have to tell Tom Stevens, and he loses his shit. Kacey Rohl tries to reason with him (a weird flex since last episode she told him to white man his way through everything), and it just pisses him off more.

Stevens’s character arc has pretty much stalled out at this point.

There’s also no update on Nimrat Kaur, Josh Helman, and Patric’s love triangle, with Kaur and Helman not appearing in the episode. Tim Griffin’s around a bit to assist Patric (broadly speaking). He makes little impression, which is a compliment for Griffin.

The end twist is really good—Jeff T. Thomas’s direction is competent throughout the episode without ever being exciting. The Hounsou flashbacks all seem to be done on the cheap, and the present-day action takes place in one or two locations. But when it comes time for the twist, Thomas does a phenomenal job with it.

This episode also lets Patric and Davis really act opposite each other and not just for exposition’s sake. Credited to Anna Fricke, the script breaks through Davis’s caricature a bit and lets her show some personality. Davis’s a good villain; this episode’s the first time we’ve seen more to her. The way she’s startled when Patric’s nice to her is very cool.

Patric’s really good too. He should’ve done a doctor show.

It’s a good, affecting episode. Lots of tension in the present-day plot, and the flashbacks are interesting to a point, especially with Hounsou doing it.

Wayward Pines (2015) s01e06 – Choices

“Wayward Pines” makes a lot more sense now. Not because of the revelations in this episode, but because of what’s better and what’s worse. Well, who’s better and who’s worse. Unfortunately, the show’s got no idea when it’s good or what makes it good.

Also, can’t forget–the racism’s intentional. More on that delightful aspect in a bit.

The episode opens with Toby Jones standing amid a wrecked downtown “Wayward Pines.” Something terrible has happened, and since Jones hasn’t started talking yet, it’s not his acting. It soon will be. Jones will get a lot to do in this episode—including numerous flashbacks to when he was a rich genius who no one paid any attention—and he’s lousy.

However, we also get Melissa Leo acting a lot better. Turns out her regular characterization on “Pines” is her acting like Nurse Ratched to keep the townsfolk in line. Her regular medical professional, sister to genius with a plan Jones is a lot better. Not great, but not profoundly terrible and borderline incompetent.

Their part of the episode is telling Matt Dillon what’s really going on and showing him various things while Dillon confronts Jones about the cult-like nature of the program. Well, sort of confronts him about the cult-like nature. It’s a cult-like nature; Dillon identifies problems but doesn’t expressly say it’s a cult. But it’s culty.

Dillon’s better this episode, which would be great if it didn’t apparently mean Carla Gugino would be worse. This episode introduces a whole new plotline for Gugino and her husband, Reed Diamond (who inexplicably shaved), and it’s bad work from Gugino. It also means she’s entirely unreliable because the new plotline directly opposes what she told Dillon a few episodes ago. It also reveals things about now-departed guest stars, changing the context of their appearances and participation.

Without giving those actors the chance to act that plot.

Sigh.

Though having departed cast come back isn’t necessarily a good thing. Terrence Howard shows up to reveal before he was the “Wayward Pines” sheriff. He was a standard Black man with a hidden criminal history who peaked in elementary school—Jones recounts it to him—and needed a magnanimous, albeit megalomaniac rich white man to pull up his bootstraps for him.

At first you feel bad for Howard because he’s got to act opposite Jones. Then you feel bad because of the scenes’ content.

Meanwhile, Shannyn Sossamon—the only one in her family who doesn’t know the truth of “Wayward Pines”—investigates real estate mysteries and trades barbs with Gugino.

Son Charlie Tahan spends the episode staring out the window thinking about the last episode.

Matt Duffer, Ross Duffer, and Brett Conrad get the script credit, which isn’t as bad as some of the worst episodes, but certainly isn’t turning the ship around. Though there’s only so much anyone can do once Jones starts talking. He’s awful.

Though someone included a great deep cut reference to Barry Lyndon in the episode, which really made me want to watch Barry Lyndon again and instead.

Hawkeye (2021) s01e06 – So This Is Christmas?

After three episodes away, Rhys Thomas is back directing this episode of “Hawkeye” for the grand finale, and… well, I wish they’d let Bert & Bertie do it. Thomas’s fight scenes aren’t any better than the previous directors’ fight scenes, and he doesn’t have the same light touch with the characters. It’s fine. It’s a successful conclusion to the series, but it’s checking boxes successfully, not ambitious and then succeeding in realizing those ambitions. Because there’s just too much to be done.

Last episode, we discovered not only is Vera Farmiga a villain, but she’s also a villain whose been working with big reveal Vincent D’Onofrio. D’Onofrio’s from Netflix’s “Marvel’s Daredevil” and his appearance last episode is the first confirmation those Netflix shows are in some kind of continuity, even if it’s just cast continuity (in the week in between that episode and this one, D’Onofrio’s “Daredevil” costar, Charlie Cox, reprised the role in Spider-Man 3). But this episode isn’t D’Onofrio just doing a stunt cameo; he’s got a whole arc. No post-Blip recap at the beginning, which seems like a miss given both Alaqua Cox and Florence Pugh got them, but the episode’s so way too full already.

Despite hiring Julia Louis-Dreyfus (who doesn’t appear) to assassinate Jeremy Renner because he’s too good an influence on daughter Hailee Steinfeld, Farmiga’s done with the international crime syndicate lifestyle, and she’s quitting whether D’Onofrio likes it or not.

D’Onofrio doesn’t like it, and he tells Fra Fee to kill Farmiga. Meanwhile, Cox has realized D’Onofrio had her father killed, and she’s trying to get away from him. Alaqua Cox, not Charlie Cox. Charlie Cox isn’t in this episode.

Just realized how confusing writing these posts will be if Alaqua Cox’s “Echo” spin-off involves Daredevil Charlie Cox.

Renner and Steinfeld figure out D’Onofrio’s going after Farmiga—but don’t ever imagine he’d have a Fee snipe her, which seems like an oversight—so if they’re going to save her, they’ll have to do it at a ritzy Christmas Eve party at Rockefeller Center. The Christmas tree and the ice skating will both be things; I’m pretty sure they were spots on Renner’s tourist list when he was showing his kids New York City at Christmas in the first episode, but everyone seems to have forgotten. I’m blaming director Thomas. It’s probably not his fault, but I’m blaming Thomas for not making sure the echoes—no pun—reverberated.

The episode’s going to be a series of middling fight scenes with good banter, starting with Steinfeld and Pugh (Pugh’s the assassin Louis-Dreyfus hired to kill Renner in the post-credits scene in Black Widow). It’s an under-choreographed but energetic fight, with Steinfeld and Pugh’s delightful chemistry driving the whole thing.

Oh, wait—also important, Renner tells Steinfeld she’s his partner earlier, and it’s a whole touching bonding moment even though the episode never gives it enough time.

Pugh’s eager to kill Renner because she’s convinced Renner killed Scarlett Johansson in Avengers 4. But she’s still just in it for the job, which is another miss.

After their (relative to the rest in the episode) excellent fight scene, Renner’s going to fight Fee, Cox is going to fight Fee, Renner and Steinfeld are going to fight the Tracksuit Mafia, Steinfeld’s going to fight D’Onofrio, and Renner and Pugh will have their showdown.

The Renner and Steinfeld team-up fight scene is the best of those sequences, then probably the Cox and Fee one because there’s some gravitas to it. The fight between Renner and Pugh can’t possibly deliver all it needs to deliver; there’s just not enough time for the character development (Pugh’s Renner’s best friend’s kid sister, and it ought to be about their shared loss, but it’s not). It doesn’t flop, which is about the best it can ever hope for.

Similarly, Steinfeld’s fighting D’Onofrio—who apparently got his hands on some super-soldier serum between “Daredevil: Season Three” and “Hawkeye,” which is fine and could’ve easily been explained—is just to keep D’Onofrio from killing Farmiga. Except Farmiga and Steinfeld’s mother and daughter arc completely fizzles.

Though nothing would’ve made me happy with it other than Steinfeld telling Farmiga it’s not “Mare of Easttown,” so she’s not covering for her being a murderer and what not.

The episode’s most successful for Steinfeld, Renner, and Cox, with Tony Dalton getting an honorable mention. He’s got a very fun little arc. And there’s some nice stuff with the larpers, just not enough. Farmiga, Fee, D’Onofrio? Eh. It’s all fine and with more time would’ve been better, but they don’t get more time. Pugh’s good but too much a guest star. It’s almost like they could’ve used another episode.

And then the final “twist” for Renner and wife Linda Cardellini… it’s a little forced and a little slight. Another episode would’ve helped it too.

But as far as ushering Kate Bishop into the MCU and setting up a good dynamic for Steinfeld and Renner? “Hawkeye” succeeds. Though Bert & Bertie probably would’ve directed the packed script better.

There’s a hilarious joke at the MCU franchise’s expense for the post-credits scene. It’s good, and it’s nice they can laugh at themselves, but seriously, we just got done with Kate Bishop’s first adventure—the critical question is, when will she be back? And do they understand they need to bring Pugh along with Steinfeld for it?

As for Renner… if he could do this MCU dad bit so well, why didn’t they have him doing it from the start instead of being the franchise’s most useless major participant? The way they’re able to juxtapose the friendship between Renner and Steinfeld with the never explored one between Renner and ScarJo is some deft work too.

“Hawkeye”’s not a home run, but it’s decidedly a win.

Hawkeye (2021) s01e02 – Hide and Seek

So, the last episode established post-Endgame Jeremy Renner and introduced Hailee Steinfeld, but this episode’s got to bring them together. It would be entirely possible—albeit improbable—for them not to have any chemistry once the Hawkeye(s) get together. Worse, what if it’s just a surrogate father thing since Steinfeld lost her dad during the Avengers’s Battle of New York and stepdad-to-be Tony Dalton is at best a broke narcissist. But Renner’s already got a family; his whole thing is about trying to reconnect with the kids (Ava Russo, Ben Sakamoto, and Cade Woodward in truly thankless roles) after playing ninja Punisher for five years and traveling the globe to thin out the criminals who survived Thanos’s snap.

Real quick aside, so I don’t forget. Apparently, Renner told wife Linda Cardellini all about it because she’s aware of the bad guys of this episode, which wouldn’t make any sense if he hadn’t told her about his one-man killing spree. It’s kind of unfair Frank Castle never got to heal through talk therapy.

The show—writer credit to Elisa Lomnitz Climent—does an excellent job establishing the rapport between Renner and Steinfeld. He’s momentarily bewildered by her but then tries to make sure she doesn’t suffer for unknowingly donning the aforementioned ninja Punisher outfit and drawing the attention of the Tracksuit Mafia. The Tracksuit Mafia’s from the comic and the show plays them less dangerous and more amusing, which is good. I couldn’t believe they were going to use them, but toning it down works.

Another layer to the Steinfeld and Renner relationship is her read on his discomfort being a world-famous superhero. He’s just trying to be a dad, sad about Scarlett Johansson dying, regretful about the ninja Punisher stuff (but really, they were all guilty, right), not trying to be a hero. Except he’s a hero no matter what. Renner does a surprisingly good job with it, especially since Hawkeye’s always been a Marvel movie tack-on. Starting with his first appearance in a nighttime rainstorm long shot in Thor, then when he was brainwashed for half the first Avengers movie. The show seems to be giving him a chance to turn it into a substantial role.

Especially since part of his quest to get the suit back involves a LARP event in Central Park.

While Renner’s playing with NerfⓇ swords, Steinfeld’s sussing out the new family situation and keeping a low profile. Stepdad-to-be Dalton is trying hard under mom Vera Farmiga’s watchful eye, and Steinfeld’s taken aback at Mom’s inability to see through him.

We also find out this episode Farmiga runs a security company; I can’t remember if that detail’s comic accurate, but since “Batwoman”’s done it in-between, it seems a little contrived. Though it does explain how Steinfeld can play private investigator, so it’s okay. As long as they address Farmiga not running a background check on Dalton at some point.

There’s an entertaining cliffhanger setup with Renner trying to outwit the Tracksuit Mafia and Steinfeld trying too hard to help him, leading into the ominous introduction of a series villain. Again, it feels very “East Coast MCU” (i.e., Netflix’s Marvel shows), possibly because the series villain’s from Daredevil.

But the show’s good. Like, it’s getting better as it goes. The fight scenes aren’t particularly great at this point, of course, but there’s time. Also the music, by Christophe Beck and Michael Paraskevas, is fantastic.

Hawkeye (2021) s01e01 – Never Meet Your Heroes

Outside wistfully hoping Edward Norton would bring art-house sensibilities to the mainstream, “Hawkeye” is the first official MCU property I’ve ever been emotionally invested in. I mean, obviously, East Coast “MCU” (the Netflix series) were a thing—and “Hawkeye” reminds of them immensely—but in the straight Disney-for-teens MCU? “Hawkeye” ’s it. Go read the Matt Fraction and David Aja comic. Their new Hawkeye, Kate Bishop, is genuinely marvelous. So I really want this show to succeed.

Now, the show is very much not the comic—Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye is a dad trying to bond with his kids after spending five years murdering gangsters before he got the chance at redemption in Avengers: Endgame not the dopey beefcake Hawkeye of the comics, and Hailee Steinfeld’s Kate Bishop is… entirely MCU in her origin. The episode starts with young Kate (an almost eerily well-cast as young Steinfeld Clara Stack) living through the Battle of New York from the first Avengers movie. Who saves her as she watches the destruction from her Manhattan high rise? Archer Renner, leading her to take up the bow. It’s kind of like that old Earth-3 Batman story where the parents don’t die, and Bruce becomes Batman because he helps people.

Anyway.

The opening titles, which are very Aja-influenced (making it very MCU they didn’t pay or even acknowledge Aja), and recount Stack’s journey from kid to archer, martial artist, and so on. They catch us up to Steinfeld in the present, a college student whose reckless behavior (she’s rich, young, and accomplished) lands her in some amusing trouble. I had been a little worried the show would emphasize Renner too much, but it’s definitely Steinfeld’s show. It’s a baton-passer. It better be.

After meeting Steinfeld, the action cuts to Renner in New York for Christmas with his kids, sometime after Endgame. There’s been enough time for the world to put together a Captain America Broadway show for Renner to cringe through, except when the Black Widow is on stage, which brings up lots of feels for Renner. While he’s not a buffoon and instead does a working-class guy stuck with celebrity (“Hawkeye” is basically Kate Bishop meets Die Hard meets Planes, Trains, and Automobiles), his kids still have to stay attuned to his moods and be his support network. Kind of inglorious because his kids are background, kind of like “guest star” Linda Cardellini as his wife. She isn’t on the trip with them but gets to make reassuring phone calls.

Renner’s part of the episode is some Endgame postscript, leaving the rising action to Steinfeld.

She’s stuck going to a charity ball with rich lady mom Vera Farmiga and her new fiancé Tony Dalton. Dalton’s a skeezy blue blood without much cash in the bank; he’s just waiting to inherit it from rich uncle Simon Callow. Callow gets to be a delight in a small part, filling Steinfeld in on what she’s missed while away at school, while Dalton and Farmiga have to play it straight and slightly mysterious. It’s the first episode, after all.

Steinfeld inserts herself into one of the mysterious situations and pretty soon has to don Renner’s Endgame Ronin costume to save the day, not realizing all the bad guys left in the world want Ronin dead. Luckily, she gets caught on camera (saving an adorable dog), so Renner and family see her on the news, contriving a reason to bring the characters together.

Steinfeld’s fantastic, Renner’s solid, the New York Christmas time thing is perfect. The “Children of the MCU”—the people growing up in this brave new world—are really working out. At least here.

“Hawkeye” isn’t exactly what I was hoping for, but everything I was hoping for it seems to be delivering.

The Toy Wife (1938, Richard Thorpe)

The only impressive thing about The Toy Wife (not good, not admirable) is the film’s ability to keep going professionally, no matter how stupid it gets. There are no easy outs in the picture; even when people start dying off to up the tragedy, there’s still a seemingly endless amount of run time remaining. The film only runs ninety-five minutes but seems like 195 years.

(The present action is something like six years, it gets a little unclear towards the end).

The problems with Toy Wife start before the action does. They start in the opening titles, when Theresa Harris’s credit as “Pick” appears onscreen. As in, holy shit is there going to be a slave named “Pick” in this movie? The answer is yes, yes indeed there is going to be a slave named “Pick” in Toy Wife. Because slavery is very important to Toy Wife. How wonderful it was for all the Louisianans to have slaves. There’s even a scene where—apparently in an attempt to humanize the character—rich widow Alma Kruger gives the gift of Jesus to her “black people.”

Toy Wife is based on a French play from the nineteenth century. The play is based in Europe. So screenwriter Zoe Akins added all the horrific racism. Whether it was her idea, the studio’s, or producer Merian C. Cooper’s… well, they’re all responsible and accountable regardless of who had the idea. And it’s not like Akins’s script would be good without all the racism. Akins’s script is the problem with the film. Director Thorpe staying engaged enough to get through the slough of a story… again, it’s not commendable but it’s impressive. One hopes other folks would have quit instead of putting this tripe to screen.

The Toy Wife of the title is “lead” Luise Rainer. She’s the younger daughter of wealthy plantation owner H.B Warner (who’s barely in the movie and comically bad when onscreen). Barbara O’Neil, in what turns out to be the film’s worst role, is the older sister. Warner moved the family to Europe when Rainer was just a baby. Now they’re back; in the source play, Rainer’s character is sixteen; in the film, her age is never mentioned, but she’s clearly not supposed to be twenty-eight like Rainer.

Because then it wouldn’t make sense when “leading man” Melvyn Douglas, who’s eight years older than Rainer, calls her “child” in the movie. At least he doesn’t do it during one of their chaste but not too chaste love scenes. Editor Elmo Veron does know how to imply with his fades.

O’Neil has been in love with Douglas since childhood, except once they return he’s only got eyes for Rainer because he’s a gross old man and she’s a flirt. Douglas wants to propose, O’Neil talks Rainer into accepting. Rainer, meanwhile, would rather be with Robert Young. He’s a drunken rich boy, a lot more fun than serious Douglas. But she acquiesces and marries Douglas and the film skips forward four years.

Or five years. Whatever.

Fast forward to the future—Rainer is still a bunch of fun, Douglas is still a stuffed shirt, they just now have a four year-old son (Alan Perl, who’s awful). After Rainer seduces Douglas for a little morning nooky, Douglas decides he’s going to go visit O’Neil (who never told Douglas or Rainer she was in love with Douglas) and beg her to come manage the house. Because… wait for it… Rainer’s way too nice to the slaves. She doesn’t work them hard enough.

O’Neil agrees, moving into the house and assuming the head of household role, including dictating toddler Perl’s childcare. Douglas is just happy someone is making the slaves behave, Rainer slowly gets more and more miserable her sister has assumed her role, and Young’s back to try to seduce Rainer away.

Will this assortment of loathsome human beings ever find happiness?

Who cares.

And O’Neil gets more loathsome, then it gets qualified, then gets less, then gets more. Same goes—sort of—for Douglas. Rainer meanwhile never gets any character development, even when it’s obvious her character has changed circumstances. She has no reaction to them, not in script or performance. Apparently Rainer hated the movie, but whatever. It’s not like she broke into the vault and had the prints burned.

All the performances lack in one way or another. Sometimes because of the script, sometimes because of the actor. It’s not really worth itemizing the film’s failures on a granular level. Toy Wife has zero potential. Even if you equivocate away the grossness, it’s still a terrible, boring motion picture. Technically, it’s competent, but never anything better.

The Toy Wife is a dreadful experience. All 195 years of it.

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Richard Thorpe; screenplay by Zoe Akins, based on the play by Ludovic Halévy and Henri Meilhac; director of photography, Oliver T. Marsh; edited by Elmo Veron; music by Edward Ward; produced by Merian C. Cooper; released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Starring Luise Rainer (Frou Frou), Melvyn Douglas (George Sartoris), Barbara O’Neil (Louise), Robert Young (Andre Vallaire), H.B. Warner (Victor Brigard), Theresa Harris (Pick), and Alma Kruger (Madame Vallaire).

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THIS FILM IS ALSO DISCUSSED IN SUM UP | LUISE RAINER: AN INCOMPLETE FILMOGRAPHY.

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974, Michael Cimino)

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot is the story of men in all their complexities. Their desire for money, their desire for women, their desire for stylish clothes. Whether a young man–Jeff Bridges–or an older man–Clint Eastwood–how can any of us truly understand these deep, complex beings.

I wish the film had that level of pretense, but it doesn’t. Writer-director Cimino has a lot of machismo issues to work out and he also wants to draw a lot of attention to Eastwood’s character’s Korean War valor. Is it a commentary on the Vietnam War? It would suggest a deeper level to the film, which is otherwise initially Bridges and Eastwood’s comedic misadventures avoiding George Kennedy, while the second half is Bridges, Eastwood, and Kennedy teaming up to rob a bank. Thunderbolt and Lightfoot’s Eastwood-lite second half is a sequence of questionable sight gag “comedy” and boring car chases. Oh, and the lamest heist sequence ever. Cimino’s direction is all about the Idaho and Montana vistas. He doesn’t pace well, though editor Ferris Webster does no favors.

Frank Stanley’s photography is fine. It’s occasionally too impersonal, but it’s not like a better lighted pool hall was going to fundamentally fix the film. Cimino’s script–and his resulting film–are real shallow. Kennedy’s the closest thing to a full character just because Kennedy has to contend with big contrary actions. Cimino forcefully shoehorns them into the script, complete with dialogue to foreshadow, and Kennedy manages to make them work. No one else is as lucky.

Except maybe Geoffrey Lewis. He’s the film’s comedy relief, someone everyone–Kennedy, Bridges, and Eastwood–can bully. Men like to bully. It makes them men. Bullying and knowing almost nothing about concussions, even though all implied backstory is to the contrary of the latter. Lewis actually works in the background, just because Cimino treats him like scenery. But Lewis stays busy.

Eastwood’s got a nothing character. Initially he’s just running away from Kennedy. Then he teams up with Bridges and they have cinema’s lamest bromance. Cimino forces in some exposition on Bridges, which Bridges delivers in an annoying, obnoxious, insipid fashion. Eastwood gets none. He has no character. He delivers a decent performance nonetheless, apparently able to pretend there’s some depth to not just his character, but the film itself.

And Bridges. As it turns out, Bridges maybe gives the film’s most appropriate performance. He’s doing something, it’s not working, so he just does more of it. Also the perfect description of Cimino and Thunderbolt and Lightfoot.

A weak score from Dee Barton rounds it out. Besides the Montana travelogue, which is gorgeous, a lot of cameos from seventies character actors, and Kennedy’s performance, there’s not much to the film. It needs a better director and a much, much better script.

The Thin Man Goes Home (1945, Richard Thorpe)

The Thin Man Goes Home is very genial. It would be hard for it not to be genial given some of the supporting cast is around just to be genial–familiar character actors like Edward Brophy, Donald Meek and Harry Davenport are around to be likable. And why shouldn’t William Powell and Myrna Loy heading to small town U.S.A. be genial? Of course, there’s a murder mystery, but director Thorpe manages to keep the investigation of it amusing too.

The film’s problem is the geniality is the important thing, not just an approach to the story. Thorpe does really well with some of the comedic set pieces–the Grand Central Station sequence at the beginning, followed by a great packed train car sequence, then there’s a later one with Loy trailing Brophy to comic effect. He does great with Loy and Powell’s few scenes together too. Eventually their visit to Davenport and Lucile Watson (as Powell’s parents) and the murder mystery make it hard to make time for scenes together.

At least, it’s hard for Robert Riskin and Dwight Taylor to figure it out in the script, which is strange, since it’s a really breezy piece of writing. Between Powell acting without sensible motivation, one large subplot being entirely ignored and then a few characters forgotten about, the script’s Home’s biggest problem.

Powell and Loy are good, though she gets much better scenes, and the supporting cast is fine.

After being a reasonably successful entry, the third act is a complete disaster.