Amadeus (1984, Milos Forman)

It’s been long enough since I last saw Amadeus I forgot the narrative face-plant of the epilogue. The film objectifying the suffering of nineteenth-century psychiatric hospital “patients” is bad enough, but the way the film ignores it’s spent the second half of the nearly three-hour film away from narrator F. Murray Abraham… Well. It doesn’t go well, dragging Amadeus down in what ought to be its victory lap.

Albeit a victory lap all about Mozart’s death. The film’s way too enthusiastic about Abraham’s performance, which is fantastic, but it’s better in the flashback than the old age makeup bookends. And Amadeus, despite the title and the magnificent, meticulous directing Forman does with Tom Hulce (as Mozart), tries its damndest to convince everyone Abraham’s character, a never-will-be composer who engineers the downfall of Hulce as an affront to God, is the lead. And Abraham is the lead in the first half of the picture; the film opens with Vincent Schiavelli (playing Vincent Schiavelli) finding boss Abraham in the middle of a suicide attempt. They take Abraham to the hospital, where he recuperates, and a young priest (Richard Frank) comes to hear his confession.

Frank thinks Abraham is exaggerating or lying when he tells everyone he meets how he killed Mozart; the rest of the film is just Abraham convincing Frank (and the audience).

The first half tracks Abraham’s initial encounters with Hulce, who comes to Vienna as an unhappy upstart wunderkind who wants to drink, bed, wed, and write great music. Abraham’s boss, the Emperor—Jeffrey Jones (who’s really good; shame he’s an actual monster in real life)—takes on Hulce over the objections of his musical advisers, Charles Kay, and Patrick Hines. Lots of Amadeus is Kay and Hines acting like old fuddy-duddies while Hulce increases the artistic potential of opera; Abraham watches from the sidelines, manipulating all he can, simultaneously hating and envying Hulce.

The second half is all about Hulce’s financial and personal fizzling as he attempts greater and greater compositions. Elizabeth Berridge plays Hulce’s wife, and the film tracks their adorable, if problematic, courtship. Things come to a head for the couple when Roy Dotrice, as Hulce’s father (who trained him to be the great musician), comes to live with them. Dotrice is either miscast or the part is wrong; Hulce is both devoted and terrified of disappointing his father, except Dotrice and Hulce are utterly flat together. There’s no indication Dotrice is impressed with Hulce’s compositions; he is just displeased with Hulce’s extravagant lifestyle in general and Berridge in particular.

Given the whole second half is about Abraham exploiting Hulce’s relationship with Dotrice to slowly drive Hulce mad… it’d help if Dotrice were better. His portrait does more heavy lifting than Dotrice ends up doing acting.

While the first half has Abraham eventually inserting himself into Hulce’s life through Berridge at one point, in the second half, he’s mostly distant. He’s gifted Hulce and Berridge a maid (an excellent Cynthia Nixon), and Nixon reports back to Abraham, which gives the film the narrative excuse for Abraham acting on information he can’t know, but it’s dramatically inert.

Then Abraham finds himself forced to assist Hulce in his creative process, and Amadeus, pardon the expression, truly sings. The film finally gets Abraham and Hulce, who it’s been juxtaposing since jump, together on screen, and it’s magic.

Then the film punts it for the finish.

While Abraham’s great, Hulce is better. Neither exactly gets to verbalize what’s going on with their characters, with Abraham’s narrations all about intentionally wronging God and snuffing out one of His brightest angels, and Hulce unable to verbalize what he’s going through. It comes out in the music.

Besides Dotrice, the acting is universally outstanding. Berridge is sympathetic and adorable. Simon Callow shows up as the working-class musical theater owner who convinces Hulce to try to write for the people instead of the royalty. He’s good.

Technically, the standout is Michael Chandler and Nena Danevic’s editing. Absolutely superb cutting, whether toggling from present to past, staged opera to dramatics, whatever they’re cutting, Chandler and Danevic do a marvelous job. Forman’s direction is good but better in terms of directing the actors than the composition. Forman and cinematographer Miroslav Ondrícek do a fine job, and there are some excellent sequences (mostly involving Hulce in his descent); the cutting is always what makes them so special.

Amadeus is often breathtaking, beautiful work, with Hulce, Abraham, and those editors particularly excelling.

Moon Knight (2022) s01e06 – Gods and Monsters

So, “Moon Knight” finishes considerably worse than expected. It’s got a bad ending, but the ending isn’t anywhere near the biggest problem. It’s got some—well, a—a missed opportunity. They underuse Antonia Salib’s character, who only appears in a couple scenes, one in long shot, but talks to May Calamawy through corpses and then her body, never appearing. It’d have been cool if Salib’s hippo goddess had appeared and Calamawy had gotten to interact with her.

Instead, Calamawy mugs her way through a superhero origin scene, and, wow, is she terrible. Calamawy’s superhero arc in this episode is easily the most successful thing, even though it’s absolutely pointless because director Mohamed Diab is even worse at directing two good guys fighting a bad guy than he is one-to-one. He’s so bad. So, so bad.

And if Diab’s direction weren’t terrible, the episode might squeak by, even with the execrable writing (credited to Jeremy Slater, Peter Cameron, and Sabir Pirzada). Diab manages to make a kaiju fight boring, which is never a good sign. Admittedly, he’s got talking kaiju—F. Murray Abraham’s bird god and his nemesis, a crocodile god, voiced by Saba Mubarak—and the performances are ghastly. Abraham’s not good in “Moon Knight,” he’s particularly bad in this episode, but he’s at least got some personality. Mubarak’s just as bad, with absolutely none. She does get some of the worst writing I’ve sat through in a while; I do need to be fair on that point. It would take one hell of a performance to get through that dialogue. Not even Ethan Hawke can rise above the material like usual this time. He ends up covered in Slater, Cameron, and Pirzada’s excrement, too, dripping off of him, line by line.

But he’s not atrocious. Abraham and Mubarak are atrocious, and, frankly, whoever directed their performances is incompetent. Diab or whoever. They’re voice performances. Have them do it again until it’s not terrible. Hell, hire a random person off the street. Hell, use Siri. Like, anything would be better.

Actually, given Mubarak implies she at least likes Abraham enough for them to be co-rulers of the world, do it funny. Get a couple to do it. Make it a bit. Something. Anything. Anything with some personality. But no. Because it’s “Moon Knight,” and the only personality they want is Oscar Isaac talking to himself in different voices. And even then, not too much, in case he’s accidentally good, and someone wakes up long enough to realize what they’re watching.

The writing’s also incredibly lazy. It’s like they heard the “Indiana Jones doesn’t matter to Raiders’s plot” thing and thought they should ape it. How does the episode resolve the Gordian cliffhanger from last time? It’s fine; Calamawy hangs around Harrow, who takes her through the level.

In a different superhero show or movie, Calamawy might work out with her new superhero thing. She goes from zero to hero immediately; there’s no onboarding process. Less bad writing, mildly competent direction, she might work out. Not here. No, not here.

Isaac and Hawke, who have spent the series posturing like they’re developing characters, eschew such ambitions for the finale. Maybe passively; the writing eschews any acting ambitions for them. It’s worse for Hawke; Isaac’s in the franchise now, so there are limits; Hawke could’ve done something, and instead, he gets a terrible fight scene—there’s no superhero fight like Moon Knight, Hawkgirl (oops, sorry, Isis, oops, sorry, Wing Lady), and Cane Guy. It doesn’t have to be terrible because the characters are silly-looking together. Diab’s just maladroit at directing action scenes.

There are a lot of experienced actors in this show—Abraham, Hawke, Isaac; lots of years, lots of nominations (only one Oscar, but still), lots of experience. Salib acts circles them, and everyone else. With a voice performance, with maybe twenty lines. Hopefully, Hawke got a new swimming pool or something. And Isaac will get to be in New Avengers: Endgame Part II or whatever (not the A-tier, but the backup plan). But, wow, “Moon Knight” sucked.

It’s a shitty show. Like , Moon Knight’s a dull, pointless comic. But it’s a shitty TV show.

Egads, it’s a shitty TV show.

Moon Knight (2022) s01e05 – Asylum

Some of this episode of “Moon Knight” is the best written the series has been. There’s also an all CGI Egyptian goddess of childbirth and fertility who’s an anthropomorphic hippopotamus and is absolutely adorable and should have her own show. Voiced by Antonia Salib, the character should’ve narrated “Moon Knight” or something. It’d have made the show a lot more entertaining.

So, even though there’s the adorable CGI hippo lady and some compelling writing, it’s also definitionally the least exciting episode of the show so far. As Ethan Hawke brings about the end of the world in the real world, Oscar Isaac—both versions, the angry mercenary, and the hapless Brit—are on Salib’s sail barge in the Egyptian underworld. They’re dead and on their way to the afterlife, which will be Hell if angry Isaac doesn’t tell hapless Isaac all their life secrets via interactive flashbacks. At some point in the episode, everyone decides it’d be better if Salib helps resurrect Isaac so he can save the world—“Moon Knight”’s best punchline at this point would be Isaac being too late but Thanos’s snap foiling Hawke’s plan.

How will Isaac get back to life? Unclear because he’s still got to go through his flashbacks. Instead, hippo goddess Salib is going to get a message to May Calamawy (who does not appear in this episode) in the real world and tell her to free F. Murray Abraham from his statue prison, which would require her to break into the Great Pyramid of Giza and defeat the Egyptian gods in doing so. Abraham will then be able to resurrect Isaac or something. This part of the episode is not the better-written part of the episode. Quite the opposite. Especially since they rush through it because they know it’s hurried nonsense.

“Moon Knight”’s also only got one episode left, which means… whatever happens when Isaac saves the Marvel Cinematic Universe next time isn’t going to be elaborate. There’s just not time for it. The only thing it’s guaranteed to be is disappointing. Because even the hippo lady ends up being disappointing. She’s not in the episode anywhere near enough, and the opening suggests she’s a bait and switch, something to get you back for yet another tedious entry. Because while Isaac and Isaac are journeying through flashbacks to reveal the truth, one or the other Isaac is also “leaping” to the delusion where Hawke’s a psychiatrist trying to help Isaac with his problems and not a C-tier Marvel villain.

Now, Hawke’s still great, and his getup this episode, which hapless Isaac describes as “Ned Flanders,” also reminds of Stan Lee. Hawke should do a Stan Lee biopic. And Isaac’s also great. At times. That “series best” writing is just giving Isaac enough to act off, especially since he Parent Traps it through most of the episode; sometimes, there are two great Isaac performances at once. Not often; usually, it’s one or the other (for some reason, hapless Isaac’s a little taller than angry Isaac), but sometimes.

The flashbacks focus on Isaac’s abusive mother, Fernanda Andrade (sort of), and she’s a one-note movie harpy mom. Dad Rey Lucas makes more of an impression, but only because he’s costumed to look like Rick Moranis, which would’ve been an excellent casting get. Pointless, but at least amusing.

Abraham, who sat out last episode, has one scene this time, and he’s terrible as always. His casting is another one of “Moon Knight”’s bewildering questions, along with how’d such a boring show get greenlighted and why’d they hire Mohamed Diab to direct any of it. At least there aren’t any fight scenes for Diab to screw up, but still. It’s a profoundly pointless production.

Moon Knight (2022) s01e03 – The Friendly Type

For about five minutes, this episode’s the best episode of “Moon Knight.” It immediately goes downhill and even when it’s the best “Moon Knight,” it’s still rocky, but for a moment it clicks. The episode with May Calamawy getting a fake passport so she can go to Egypt—Oscar Isaac went without her last episode—and Calamawy's got a huge exposition dump with the forger, a “how did you not stunt cast this part” Barbara Rosenblat. Turns out Calamawy's dad was an Indiana Jones-type and now she steals artifacts away from European thieves and returns them to their original owners.

Maybe. It gets shockingly more specific about Western museums robbing other countries of their physical heritage than I thought the Disney Channel would allow. Though there’s also a dead kid joke in the episode so maybe no one’s paying attention, which also would explain how this series got put into production. Clearly no one cares, otherwise they wouldn’t have hired F. Murray Abraham (who, this episode reveals, isn’t miscast, just giving a lousy performance), and they would’ve gotten directors who didn’t make Calamawy and Isaac such a charisma vacuum.

Also someone might have noticed this episode’s entirely pointless. In a show about a pointless character—unless you want some cool art, which doesn’t even translate to live action—doing pointless things, they somehow managed to waste an entire hour. The episode’s all about Isaac not being able to find Ethan Hawke’s dig site. He tries interrogating local toughs, which gets problematic whenever he sees himself in a mirror and the hapless, nice guy version of Isaac tells the mean guy, mercenary version to stop.

Director Mohamed Diab did the first episode of the series, which had Isaac entirely in hapless mode, so he’s had some experience directing it but apparently he forgot and now it’s just terrible. Hapless Isaac is simultaneously suicidally naive, unintentionally irresistible (to Calamawy, at least), and an expert movie Egyptologist. Movie Egyptologist meaning whenever they get to one of the puzzles in the level, hapless Isaac knows exactly how to solve it, while hard-living professional mercenary mean Isaac can’t do a single thing right.

The episode’s got three writers—Beau DeMayo, Peter Cameron, Sabir Pirzada (all new to the series)—and somehow none of them are any good. At least not on “Moon Knight,” because no one writes good Moon Knight. Well-written Moon Knight is not a thing in comics and now, obviously, not in TV either.

The episode also reveals the Egyptian gods are hanging around Earth watching human events unfold without interfering—kind of Eternal of them–and have world-wide teleportation powers. They do not, however, have access to satellites or drones. The whole episode’s about trying to find Hawke’s hundred person dig site, remember. And there’s no way to find it without someone sharing the pin in Google Maps.

It’s insipid.

There’s finally mention of the MCU, but not about Thanos, superheroes, Thor (do the Asgardian alien gods hang out with the presumably alien Egyptian gods). No, instead they mention a location from “Falcon and the Winter Soldier,” giving Calamawy a bunch of incongruous backstory.

The episode also introduces Gaspard Ulliel as a Egypto-phile Bond villain who doesn’t know Ancient Egypt stuff is magic, actually, but finally finds out. Ulliel does as well as can be expected with bad writing and bad direction.

Sadly, this episode doesn’t have any great Hawke “rising above the material” scenes. It has him not drowning in it, but nothing more.

At least it’s only six episodes.

Moon Knight (2022) s01e02 – Summon the Suit

For what felt like an eternity–Summon the Suit is forty-five boring but not poorly paced minutes—it seemed like someone making “Moon Knight” was doing it as a satire. A satire would cover Oscar Isaac’s silly (but not bad) lead performance; it would cover F. Murray Abraham’s comically obnoxious Egyptian god ghost, who Isaac finds out is basically possessing him. Villain Ethan Hawke, who’s stunningly good, is playing the part like it’s a satire; maybe it just seems like if they were trying for it, they could keep up with Hawke.

They don’t, obviously, because it’s not a satire. Directors Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead aren’t thoughtful enough to even hint at it. Eventually, the script, credited to Michael Kastelein, clarifies we’re supposed to be taking it seriously.

Too bad.

This episode has Isaac finding out about his other personality. They talk to each other through mirrors. Isaac also meets his alter ego’s estranged wife, May Calamawy, who is not a girlfriend’s head in a refrigerator (yet). However, I still doubt she will have a conversation with another woman, much less pass Bechdel. Calamawy is okay. As an actress, she’s sympathetic because she’s got a terrible part. It doesn’t make her performance any better, but she’s not a glaring misfire like Abraham.

Seriously, they should’ve just gotten Tom Hardy to Venom voice him. It’d be funnier (and Abraham’s played for jokes anyway). The CGI on the Egyptian god ghost is also wanting. This episode has him talking to Isaac, and it looks underdeveloped. They needed another pitch.

So Isaac Prime is the hapless British museum employee who thinks he has a mom who loves him. Mirror Isaac is an American mercenary turned costumed adventurer. Very much not Egyptian Abraham can grant them superpowers and the neat suit. There’s an action scene with Moon Knight fighting a demonic jackal (and he’s the only one who can see it), and it basically looks like a white-suited Batman movie, which was always the point. Bully for them.

Unfortunately, outside the middling Moon Knight action sequence, Benson and Moorhead’s action direction is less exciting than watching someone else watch someone else play a video game. Hapless Isaac doesn’t get to do action, so he just watches Calamawy do it. And since the show really doesn’t care at all about Calamawy’s experience of events, it’s all dramatically inert.

The way they contrive her into the episode isn’t even sixteenth-assed.

There are also zero Marvel Cinematic Universe connections, with Hapless Isaac seemingly unaware of superheroes. When he talks about something being exciting, he says it’s like MI-6 or Area 51, not, you know, a Marvel Earth where a bunch of space aliens invaded and temporarily zapped half the population. Or maybe it’s set in the past. Who cares.

Hawke nearly makes the show worth watching, and Isaac does have some fine acting moments (often opposite Hawke, which helps things). But “Moon Knight” is an exceptionally pointless, entirely pedestrian vehicle.

Moon Knight (2022) s01e01 – The Goldfish Problem

There are no Marvel Cinematic Universe references in the first episode of “Moon Knight.” No mention of the Snap, no Steve Rogers musicals, no explanation why the Eternals wouldn’t have mentioned the Egyptian Gods being real, actually, and it’s kind of okay. Except there are so many good comics-related jabs to take, I’ve got to get them out of my system. First and foremost, it turns out “Moon Knight: The TV Show” is even less compelling than a Moon Knight comic book, which is incredible. Despite often having great artists, Moon Knight comics are infamously stinkers.

Second… well, second isn’t bad. On the show, one of Moon Knight’s alter egos is named Steven Grant. The main one. So, “Moon Knight” is a multiple personality black action-comedy. The character’s from the seventies and eighties when multiple personality disorder was still a thing, so whether or not it’s actually ableist is a whole other question and not the point of the Steven Grant thing. Steven Grant is the name of a comic writer. Not sure if he did Moon Knight, not sure if the name’s coincidental, but it’s potentially neat.

Third comics-related thing… the passive misogyny. There are no positive female characters in the episode; there is either dismissive like love interest gone wrong, Saffron Hocking, or winged harpy boss, Lucy Thackeray. It’s a big swing from a Marvel show like they’re promising to hit that audience who really hates having strong female characters or even female characters around. I don’t just bet “Moon Knight” never passes Bechdel; I’ll bet they never even have two women together onscreen talking. One of the bits involves lead Oscar Isaac leaving voice messages for never seen Mom, who also never answers his calls. It’s a cruel joke since it turns out Isaac’s just the dope who the Egyptian god lets drive the body when they don’t need it. But it’s also possible Mom’s head’s in a fridge somewhere.

Finally, the Egyptian god. Apparently, it’s F. Murray Abraham, who’s not very distinctive. He incorporeally speaks to Isaac, which makes it feel like a desperate Venom riff.

So is there anything good about it?

I mean, Isaac’s okay. Outside the setup—he’s a chronic sleepwalker who has to tie himself up at night (only he’s not, he just doesn’t remember he’s also a super anti-hero or whatever), and so he’s late to work where people are all shitty to him—and the one action sequence, which is a James Bond car chase thing but with lousy CGI, most of Isaac’s scenes are with himself. And Isaac’s compelling. He does panic and fear well. The sequence where a monster mummy dog is chasing him through a museum and Isaac gets more and more scared is… better than a lot of the episode.

But the more impressive performance is Ethan Hawke as the bad guy. He’s trying to bring back some Egyptian goddess, and Isaac’s fouled up the plan. Only he doesn’t remember because it’s his other selves who did it.

Hawke’s really good with a nothing villain part. He oddly makes the show seem more legit than Isaac.

Mohamed Diab’s direction is middling, even for a middling Marvel outing. Credited to Jeremy Slater, the script seems like it was written either for Ryan Reynolds or, I don’t know, Dana Carvey back in the nineties as a pure comedy vehicle.

Nice cinematography from Gregory Middleton is the only technical standout.

If there’s a way to crack Moon Knight, the show indeed hasn’t found it. Thank goodness it’s only six episodes. Though, based on this first one, it’s going to be a slog.

Star Trek: Insurrection (1998, Jonathan Frakes)

Star Trek: Insurrection has a lot of problems, but they’re peculiar ones. None of them affect the film’s overall quality. Sure, it’d be nice if the sci-fi action sequences worked out better, but they aren’t the point. Even though director Frakes clearly has some set pieces in the film, he always relies on his actors instead of the effects.

Given Insurrection has some terribly pedestrian CG, it’s a good move.

Characters disappear for long stretches of film–Gates McFadden gets a couple lines at the beginning, a kicker later on, and does hang out, she has nothing to do. LeVar Burton gets a tiny bit more. Michael Dorn gets to hang around Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner. Frakes does give himself an amusing romantic subplot with Marina Sirtis. But, in the end, Insurrection gives everyone enough to do. The characters are appealing, have chemistry, make the plot work well.

Michael Piller’s script is this gentle, “extended” episode of the “Next Generation” show with Spiner going renegade and Stewart and company showing up to figure out what’s going on. It all leads to Stewart going renegade too (and cavorting around with the fetching Donna Murphy). Stewart and Murphy are great together, though Stewart’s just strong throughout. He has a fun time with the film. The light tone helps the film get through some of its other problems, like Herman F. Zimmerman’s questionable production design and Matthew F. Leonetti’s too crisp photography, which never matches the digital composites.

And villain F. Murray Abraham isn’t good. He’s goofy. Gregg Henry’s good as his sidekick though.

The film moves. It never runs long, never has to hurry through anything. It’s not good because it’s likable, it’s likable because it’s good. It’s just a shame the production values are so wonky, because Insurrection would be one heck of a Star Trek picture if the visual tone were right.

Jerry Goldsmith’s score, regardless of it heavily borrowing from his previous Trek scores, is good.

Insurrection stumbles all over the place, but always ends up firmly footed.

Slipstream (1989, Steven Lisberger)

A lot of Slipstream plays like The Road Warrior with gliders. In this post-apocalyptic wasteland, everyone flies around because of a jet stream ravaging the surface. It’s never clear where this jet stream is located and not, in a geographic sense, because they always manage to safely take off and land… while at other times it’s so bad it blows things apart.

Lisberger doesn’t know how to operate on a small budget; the film looks awful because of his composition. It doesn’t help his cinematographer, Frank Tidy, is incompetent. Long sequences are completely incomprehensible because Tidy doesn’t give them enough light and Lisberger doesn’t know how to shoot in cramped spaces.

But the big problem is Tony Kayden’s script. How a producer like Gary Kurtz didn’t know he had a bad script is beyond me. The dialogue’s so bad, it makes me wonder if it wasn’t intended to be a kids’ movie… only one rampant with Bill Paxton’s character’s misogyny.

The acting is, similarly, bad. I suppose Bob Peck is all right. His part is terribly written, but Peck’s abilities are enough he can turn in a dignified performance. Paxton is playing Hudson from Aliens again, just with long hair. Mark Hamill is hilariously bad. Kitty Aldridge and Eleanor David are weak too. Ben Kingsley’s awful in an unrecognizable cameo.

Even the Elmer Bernstein is bad—well, half of it. The other half is actually quite good.

On the other hand, the second unit shoots the Irish countryside beautifully.

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Steven Lisberger; written by Tony Kayden; director of photography, Frank Tidy; edited by Terry Rawlings; music by Elmer Bernstein; production designer, Andrew McAlpine; produced by Gary Kurtz; released by Entertainment.

Starring Mark Hamill (Tasker), Kitty Aldridge (Belitski), Bill Paxton (Matt Owens), Bob Peck (Byron), Eleanor David (Ariel), Robbie Coltrane (Montclaire), Ben Kingsley (Avatar) and F. Murray Abraham (Cornelius).


RELATED

Mimic (1997, Guillermo del Toro), the director's cut

Based on one of the edits, I’m assuming Mimic isn’t exactly a director’s cut (i.e. del Toro finished his cut, the Weinsteins took it and reedited it) as an approximation. He went back and did what he could to make it fit his intent. Maybe there are more examples—I haven’t seen the original cut—but the one I noticed was jarring.

Mimic’s not a bad film, but no one was really trying except the actors. I make that statement assuming Jeremy Northam was trying to be a thinking American action hero… but he just couldn’t do the accent.

The script takes a lot of short cuts. You’re supposed to care about Northam and wife Mira Sorvino because they’re having trouble having a baby.

Sorvino makes Mimic work—her early scenes with sidekick Alix Koromzay do wonders to establish the character.

Having the protagonists be married and in this thriller does show some ingenuity on del Toro’s part. It would work if Northam were good. And if del Toro didn’t have a little autistic kid in danger. del Toro does kill off a couple kids, which is a shock.

The cast is all strong—Giancarlo Giannini as the autistic kid’s guardian, Charles S. Dutton as a transit cop who’s stuck with Northam, Josh Brolin as Northam’s partner.

Oh, I forgot that ludicrous bit. The script has Northam and Brolin acting like movie detectives… only they’re CDC employees.

Great special effects. Terrible Marco Beltrami music. It evens out.

Mimic’s fine.

2/4★★

CREDITS

Directed by Guillermo del Toro; screenplay by Matthew Robbins and del Toro, based on a screen story by Robbins and del Toro and the short story by Donald A. Wollheim; director of photography, Dan Laustsen; edited by Peter Devaney Flanagan and Patrick Lussier; music by Marco Beltrami; production designer, Carol Spier; produced by Ole Bornedal, B.J. Rack and Bob Weinstein; released by Dimension Films.

Starring Mira Sorvino (Dr. Susan Tyler), Jeremy Northam (Dr. Peter Mann), Alexander Goodwin (Chuy), Giancarlo Giannini (Manny), Charles S. Dutton (Leonard), Josh Brolin (Josh), Alix Koromzay (Remy), F. Murray Abraham (Dr. Gates), James Costa (Ricky), Javon Barnwell (Davis), Norman Reedus (Jeremy) and Ho Pak-kwong (Preacher).


RELATED

Last Action Hero (1993, John McTiernan)

Though pre-Internet, one can still find all sorts of trivia about why Last Action Hero supposedly failed. Apparently the studio rushed the release, not allowing for editing or proper post-production. That rush might explain why some of the special effects appear far cheaper than one would expect (I’m thinking of the magic beams appearing drawn and the gunfire lacking definition). But those excuses don’t refer to the film’s real problem–the child star in the lead, Austin O’Brien, gives one of the worst mainstream child actor performances ever. Forget the Episode I kid… O’Brien makes you wish someone would run him over just so the movie could stop.

Otherwise, Last Action Hero still isn’t very good, but it’s far from terrible. Michael Kamen’s score is amusing, aping the composer’s other action movie scores. But the score does signal the film’s problem–it’s not really aping Joel Silver movies or most Schwarzenegger movies, it’s aping even lesser works. It’s a Joel Silver movie without Joel Silver. It clearly needed him.

McTiernan’s direction is subpar. He does well with the action sequences, making them exciting against the odds (they’re intentionally absurd and have no dramatic weight)… but when it comes to the emotional, he’s got that awful O’Brien performance and can’t defeat it. The magic stuff is just awful.

It’s too bad because Hero‘s probably Schwarzenegger’s best performance. And Charles Dance is amazing as the villain. His performances alone almost recommends it.

But I can’t. Not with O’Brien’s depthless awfulness.