Every Secret Thing (2014, Amy Berg)

There’s a lot to say about Every Secret Thing and nothing to say about it. And some things can only easily be phrased as complimentary insults, like Rob Hardy’s photography is valuable because the movie’s an object lesson in how not to photograph a film.

Or how director Berg’s a great example of why a director needs to be able to work with their actors and know what’s good and what’s not. It would also help if Berg were better at the visuals, but directing the actors would’ve made a big difference.

Though maybe not Diane Lane. Lane’s a celluloid vampire here. She sucks the life out of every frame. Well, every byte; Thing’s shot on video, so maybe Hardy’s just inept on the format. Though if he told Berg they could shoot a dark room with visible daylight under the shades and say it was nighttime… well, that one’s still on him.

Or maybe say something about Robin Coudert's omnipresent and lousy music. Billy McMillin and Ron Patane’s editing is about the only competent technical, and they clearly were cutting together a mess.

Because once you get past the snide not-compliments, Every Secret Thinghas serious problems. A lot of the acting’s terrible, some of it because the direction’s terrible, some of it because Nicole Holofcener’s script is terrible. I’m sure not all of it is Holofcener’s adaptation (the movie’s from Laura Lippman’s novel) because the narrative trickery and manipulation are straight out of middling crime novels. And, you know, incredibly famous crime thrillers, making the whole thing very predictable as far as villains, with some very convenient details withheld until the third act.

The film’s about eighteen-year-olds Danielle Macdonald and Dakota Fanning; they’ve just gotten out of juvie for kidnapping and killing a baby when they were eleven. There are flashbacks peppered throughout the film to reveal more and more about that incident, but Macdonald protests her innocence while Fanning mopes.

Now, the film will treat Macdonald as suspicious because she’s fat; mom Lane bullies her about it, and Macdonald talks about it at length to other characters. And the movie is all about demonizing her; I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything do fatphobia as phrenology, but Every Secret Thing wants to be a pioneer.

Separate from that treatment of Macdonald’s character, the movie also has a lot to imply about interracial relationships between Black men and white women. There’s also a vice versa couple (Black lady, white man) around too, but the film’s distracted during those scenes because they can do a “poor people are classless” thing instead.

So, again, the best worst things about Every Secret Thing are technical incompetencies because they distract from the more problematic issues.

Anyway.

Another little girl goes missing, and the original baby’s mother goes to cops Elizabeth Banks and Nate Parker and says to investigate the recently released duo. Banks was the uniform cop who found the dead baby, and she’s still got PTSD. It’s not actually important because there’s no character development in the movie, just timed reveals. Because it’s terrible.

Who took the baby, and will the good guys get there in time. There’s inherent tension—especially since the parents, played by Sarah Sokolovic and Common, are very sympathetic. Common because everyone treats him like shit for being a Black guy, including Black cop Parker. The movie threatens to explore Parker’s hostility but thankfully does not.

Acting-wise, the best performance is… Banks. Kind of by default. Macdonald’s bad in a terrible part, Fanning’s not good in a terrible part, Lane’s “pull out the thesaurus” bad. Sokolovic and Common are better than the main cast, same with Parker. But, of course, it doesn’t help the flashback children actors—Brynne Norquist and Eva Grace Kellner—are lousy, and Berg has even less ability directing kids than adults.

For a second, it’s nice to see Julito McCullum (Namond, Wee-Bay’s kid on “The Wire”) in a tiny part, but then you realize he’s in this movie. Sure enough, Thing ruins it.

Because Every Secret Thing is faulty. Sometimes it’s worse than faulty, but it’s always faulty.

The Alienist (2018) s02e08 – Better Angels

There are enough ups and downs, twists and turns, decisions and take-backs, once it’s clear who’s going to live, who’s going to die, who’s going to marry, who’s going to not, the rest of the episode—when “Angel of Darkness” tries pretending it’s been a hangout series of Daniel Brühl, Luke Evans, and Dakota Fanning and not a pilot for Fanning and her female detective agency… it could just stop already.

There’s some actual good stuff in the episode for Fanning, who gets to do an alter ego with the criminal thing opposite Rosy McEwen, which could be amazing if they only had better writing and directing, ends up not being a waste of time. Fanning’s worth watching through the character development.

There are some very big developments with long-term ramifications for the series (which is currently out of source novels so it maybe doesn’t matter and is just the show being exceptionally cheap in the last half hour ever) and the show executes them effectively enough. It goes through the right pay-off motions and resolves all the outstanding romances satisfactorily enough. I mean, for the show, not for me. There’s no scene where Lara Pulver and Brühl are actually good and not the equivalent of white bread in soured milk. But, script-wise, whatever, it’s fine.

McEwen and Frederick Schmidt have an okay conclusion. Not great. McEwen’s arc for the episode is rather anticlimactic.

And the rehabilitation of Ted Levine is now apparently complete. It seemed head in that direction last episode but here they make it explicit. It seems inevitable after Levine’s first scene has him espousing a rather Marxist take for the character vis-a-vis workers’ rights. “Angel of Darkness”’s attempts to instill 2019 TV values in an 1898 is occasionally annoying but rarely worth an eye roll.

It’s TNT, after all. And, you know, if only Fanning is able to come back for another series….

That’d be just fine.

Or, better yet, she could get a part in a better project.

The Alienist (2018) s02e07 – Last Exit to Brooklyn

Rosy McEwen and especially Frederick Schmidt are a lot better this episode. They’re on the run and having couple’s arguments over their new “adoptee.” Schmidt wants to take a reward for the baby’s return—with Ted Levine acting as the go-between, of course, without the good guys (Dakota Fanning, Daniel Brühl, and Luke Evans) knowing about it, also of course—and McEwen wants to kill him for even suggesting the thing.

The previous episode ended with McEwen and Schmidt Brookyln-bound, and Fanning sure it meant something, like McEwen was going home to familiar territory to counterattack or something. But—and the episode, script credited to Tom Smuts and Amy Berg, just skips over it—McEwen doesn’t have some rosy history back home. In fact, we soon find out from her mother, Matilda Ziegler in a “probably too good for ‘The Alienist’” performance, things didn’t end well for anyone.

So are they in Brooklyn to catch a ship? There was nowhere else? It’s unclear. There’s definitely a plan. It’s just not discussed. And seems like a bad one.

Thanks to Levine (of course to extremis), McEwen finds out the Scooby gang has been around her mother’s place and retaliates, leading to some pretty intense sequences, especially for this season of “Alienist.” Yes, it finds another kid—Brooke Carter—to throw into a dangerous situation, but Carter’s not exactly in danger (yet, presumably)—but director David Caffrey does do a good job with McEwen and Schmidt as a late nineteenth century romantic criminal duo. Given how flaccid the subplots for the main cast—Brühl is in his chemistry-free romance with Lara Pulver, who’s comically affectless, while Evans and Fanning try to figure out their whole thing. Evans’s father-in-law-to-be Matt Letscher is getting impatient.

Though it’s Letscher’s best performance in a while. Maybe not having him opposite Levine helps.

Big cliffhanger setup for the finale. There’s a lot of intriguing Fanning acting this episode and Evans is more likable than as of late. This season of “Alienist” feels like they had enough for four episodes and stretched it to eight.

Better than ten, I guess.

The Alienist (2018) s02e06 – Memento Mori

Thank goodness this episode isn’t by the writer I like—though no blame on credited writer Alyson Feltes, whatever’s wrong with “Alienist” at this point isn’t going to be fixed by a better scene here or there. In addition to having to sit through Daniel Brühl and Lara Pulver on another date, where he kink-shames and she corrects him—see, the first season would just let them be close-minded nineteenth century bigots instead of trying to reinvent them (unless the source novel got a little woker)—but as the conversation turns to sex… Brühl seems to forget he used to have a live-in de facto sex servant last season.

It’s both a weird omission and also not. “The Alienist: Season Two: Angel of Darkness” tries hard to make its heroes as heroic as possible given their constraints. With Brühl it gives him so little to do—though there’s something with kid patient Lucas Bond this episode—while Luke Evans has had his nothing plot engaged to cultural menace Matt Letscher’s illegitimate daughter Emily Barber and waited for a chance to romance Dakota Fanning again. The plotting of this season is entirely ginned up. I wasn’t even a fan of the first season’s mystery but at least it was a mystery. This episode sets up the grand finale and it’s all fairly ho-hum.

Rosy McEwen, who in addition to wanting a baby and being willing to kill the ones she doesn’t like, plays Lady MacBeth for criminal type Frederick Schmidt. What’s funny about Schmidt is he’s this broadly cast nothing character when he technically ought to be the second most important villain. But terrible plotting. Also Schmidt probably couldn’t handle it. McEwen’s fine. She’s got better moments and worse ones, but even having better ones puts her ahead in “Alienist.”

So the last two episodes are apparently going to be everyone teaming up to save a rich baby—the last rich baby wasn’t rich enough for everyone to get involved, just the good guys, but now Ted Levine is along but he’s not going to take orders from Fanning because she’s a she. And, oddly, it does seem wrong. I’m not saying for sure “The Alienist: Season Two: Angel of Darkness” is abjectly ahistorical, but… it sure seems abjectly ahistorical. The show’s verisimilitude is a shrug in “what do you expect, it’s basic cable.”

The Alienist (2018) s02e05 – Belly of the Beast

Did I say nice things last time about Lara Pulver, who plays the object of Daniel Brühl’s affection. I need to take them back. She and Brühl go on an Absinthe date and it’s a very underwhelming scene.

We’ve just recovered from the cliffhanger postscript and the whole city is looking for Rosy McEwen. Everyone’s busy and distracted enough—both the character and the writers, it turns out—they let Dakota Fanning gets away with not really calling the cops to a crime scene. Instead Douglas Smith (who looks so underwhelmed to be here) and Matthew Shear stand-in for the cops, which doesn’t seem likely.

The writers distraction has to do with keeping Ted Levine away from Fanning even though they ought to be on a collusion course. Levine has a pretty nice moment—for him on this show—opposite Michael McElhatton as the show closes down one of its plot lines. I was wondering how they were going to serialize the story and apparently we’re getting the first four episodes doing one thing, the second four episodes doing something else. With some crossover. But with McEwen established as the main villain now… well, time to concentrate on the “Angel of Darkness.”

So it’d be nicer if McEwen were better. Or if the narrative weren’t weird about her. She and boyfriend Frederick Schmidt’s sex life gets a very unnecessary emphasis, while trying to gross out the audience. And Fanning and Brittany Marie Batchelder. Black woman Batchelder gets some more to do, including having Matt Letscher and daughter Emily Barber—Barber is ostensible man of action Luke Evans’s fiancée—be racist at her just to show off how awful rich people were in 1898 or whatever, but nothing after that message is delivered.

The conclusion is thriller stuff for Fanning and Evans, adequately directed by Clare Kilner, and while the episode’s fair for this series… if I’d noticed Gina Gionfriddo co-writing when I watched it… I might’ve gotten hopeful. I’m glad I didn’t see her name so I didn’t have to be disappointed.

The Alienist (2018) s02e04 – Gilded Cage

I did go into this episode somewhat hopeful. It’s not the same writer as last episode, but it’s the same director (Clare Kilner). Sadly, outside some good direction to Luke Evans, who still has zippo to do in the show—though he gets a subplot about supporting Black female reporter Brittany Marie Batchelder at the New York Times in the late 1800s and… I mean, okay, there are some jokes. The show doesn’t make them. But it’s not hard to roll your eyes at the show’s desperate attempt to elevate Evans to professional respectability without actually giving him anything to do for himself.

It’s fine, I mean, Batchelder is good. Better than most of the cast. But she really ought to be working with Dakota Fanning because it’s Dakota Fanning’s show.

The episode’s main plot is Fanning’s detective Melanie Field undercover at Michael McElhatton’s hospital, which is also an abortion clinic for the rich guy’s mistresses, whether they want an abortion or not. There’s some actual tension and suspense with that storyline, which is something for “The Alienist: Angel of Darkness.” The first season was viciously cruel to its characters. This season is a lot less intense for them (and the viewer), despite the whole kidnapped baby thing. Especially since it seems possible the currently kidnapped baby is going to survive. It seems long (halfway?) into the season to kill it later.

Oh, there’s also Evans’s engagement ball, which Fanning kind of crashes and kind of ruins by being supportive of Evans but not romantically interested in him, a very evil thing for a woman to do, no doubt. Lots of jokes at Evans’s fiancée Emily Barber’s expense. Though no creepy stuff this time for her and dad Matt Letscher. I’ve cooled on Letscher on the show. The characters are all very one note, especially this season’s characters; even Ted Levine in his leprechaun impression is better than the new players.

There’s a potentially interesting development after the big—and narratively destitute—suspense sequence. It’d help a lot if Field were better or the writing were better. The episode introduces Lara Pulver as a love interest for Daniel Brühl, which is not a great sequence but if it keeps Brühl from messing up the main plot, I guess it’s fine.

The episode is decidedly lesser than the previous one, but… at least it’s half over. And maybe the previous episode’s writer will be back. Fingers crossed anyway.

The Alienist (2018) s02e03 – Labyrinth

Okay, whoever oversees “The Alienist” and thought to hire Gina Gionfriddo to write this episode but not the whole series… is it good this person hired a competent writer, or is it bad they knew to hire a competent writer but chose not to the rest of the time. Given the show is all about Dakota Fanning and her late nineteenth century female detective agency—Gionfriddo writes Fanning so well I want a team-up with “Miss Fisher,” time differences be damned—someone should’ve thought to get a writer who can write for Fanning. And Gionfriddo does a fantastic job with it. It does from being peculiarly not as bad as usual to actually not bad to wait a second to oh, wow, it’s actually good. Is “Alienist: Angel of Darkness” going to be good now?

No.

No, it is not. Because even though Gionfriddo writes this great arc for Fanning as she goes to visit Michael McElhatton’s hospital of horrors, where she meets and bonds with nurse Rosy McEwen, everything falls apart once Fanning checks in with Daniel Brühl. There’s a big exposition dump as Fanning recounts everything, which manages to be double negative—not only is it an utter waste of the audience’s time, having Fanning report to Brühl’s got some optics. Or would, if anyone was pretending Brühl’s important to the story. Oh, wait, he gets Bruna Cusí to almost sort of remember something important but not really and it takes up half the episode and they pretend it’s thrilling and dangerous.

Except it’s not.

The good stuff is the McEwen and Fanning bonding stuff and the Fanning detecting stuff. The rest of it is just “Alienist” crap, complete with Matthew Shear’s ostensible C plot turning out to be an absolutely nothing subplot because “Alienist” loves to feint at subplots for the familiar background players. Always has.

And Luke Evans?

He’s in this show still.

It’s unclear why. Even more so than Brühl. Just give Fanning a show. And hire Gionfriddo to run it.

The Alienist (2018) s02e02 – Something Wicked

This episode we meet Luke Evans’s editor at the newspaper—I think he’s at the New York Times; doesn’t really matter; Demetri Goritsas plays the editor. Goritsas is terrible. And somewhat indicative of the show’s casting choices. It really doesn’t care if anyone’s good. Not if it can get the… scares, I guess. Thrills? Chills? Grosses? “Alienist” is grosser than it is scary or thrilling or chilling. Anyway. Bad script by Stuart Carolan again, barely competent direction from David Caffrey. And only if you don’t count the performances against Caffrey. If you did, well, “Alienist” would just be entirely risible.

There’s more of what one would call character development if Carolan’s script weren’t so bad and the performances weren’t—generally—so wanting. Evans’s girlfriend (or fiancée) Emily Barber is daughter—in actuality illegitimate daughter but the show doesn’t address it—of Matt Letscher’s William Randolph Hearst. Barber’s not good but the writing for her is atrocious. And everyone in the show keeps reminding Evans he’s really in love with Dakota Fanning, though he still plays his scenes with her brotherly enough. She’s abjectly disinterested in him—seriously, all the show’s got going for it at this point is Fanning’s performance is captivating. It’s not even necessarily successful, just captivating. The way she moves, how she reacts, Fanning puts in a lot of work.

As opposed to top-billed Daniel Brühl, who doesn’t put in any real work. He just does the thing where he’s knowingly obnoxious and socially awkward—actually, more like imposing—then doesn’t react at all when people seem put out. I wonder what the script pages look like for this show; are they giving Brühl direction or no. Like, first season he was a would-be movie star turned cable limited series star… this season he’s just a TV show actor. He gets zero prestige whereas Fanning—much more deservingly, obviously—gets it all.

Robert Wisdom gets shoehorned in for a pointless cameo, there are some red herring street toughs, Ted Levine’s silly in his leprechaun audition, and Michael McElhatton is terrible as the doctor. I don’t think there are any more babies in danger this episode—oh, wait am I saying, there’s a caged Spanish baby. Though “Alienist” isn’t making any statements. Statements would take more than Carolan’s got.

The Alienist (2018) s02e01 – Ex Ore Infantium

Dakota Fanning gets the “and” credit in “The Alienist: Season Two: Angel of Darkness: Ex Ore Infantium.” She doesn’t die (at least not in this episode, and since it’s based on a novel I could just spoil myself), but the “and” credit is quizzical because it’s very clear this time around she’s the star.

The first season of “The Alienist” came after years of trying to turn the 1994 Caleb Carr novel into a movie. Serious screenwriter Hossein Amini had a bunch of the credited episodes and John Sayles even did a few. The first series showed just how important casting, direction, and production are to adaptations because big name Oscar-nominated screenwriters aren’t enough to make things good.

Second season of “Alienist” is just TV, albeit with a decent-sized effects budget. Lots of great CGI establishing shots of late 1890s New York City. Sadly it seems they spent all their money on the effects—or maybe getting Fanning back—because the supporting cast is exceptionally wanting, with everyone except maybe Matt Letscher (guesting as William Randolph Hearst) doing an impression of Bugs Bunny doing an Edward G. Robinson impression. Ted Levine is back on hand to play the Lucky Charms Leprechaun bureaucratic villain; a now ex-police chief who interferes with Fanning and company.

The episode opens with top-billed Daniel Brühl recapping some of the previous series, but mostly just the cast. They apparently couldn’t get Brian Geraghty back for even a single episode Teddy Roosevelt cameo so instead there’s a “let’s talk to him on the phone” reference, which is some 1970s level sequel returning cast desperation.

Brühl’s story this episode has him upset about Hebe Beardsall being executed for killing her baby even though we—the audience—know shitty doctor Michael McElhatton has something to do with it. McElhatton is shitty both as a character and in terms of the performance. Fanning figures in because Spanish ambassador’s wife Bruna Cusí’s baby gets kidnapped too.

I’m assuming the novel source is all about putting babies in grave danger—there’s some intense gross when they start finding the bodies–even though that novel source is from 1997, this season feels very much like “Call the Midwife” but with TV movie horror movie thrills. Episode director David Caffrey is slightly more impressive than writer Stuart Carolan, but only because Carolan’s exposition heavy writing is quite bad.

Bad writing is just what Brühl needs to woodenly–but moistly, Brühl’s like a moist wood, ickiness intended—perform his role.

“Alienist” season two isn’t off to a great start, which isn’t much of a surprise. When Luke Evans commands more presence than the enigmatic “lead”… I mean, maybe it’ll give Fanning some experience she can use in a good project later on.

Push (2009, Paul McGuigan)

It’s understandable Push bombed at the box office. It’s hard to find a film so with much intelligence in the filmmaking, casting and acting applied to such a subpar script. Strangely, David Bourla’s script isn’t bad in regard to dialogue—there are some great exchanges between Dakota Fanning and Chris Evans—or in how it’s plotted—the narrative twists and turns resemble those in a heist movie. Where it fails is in creating an engaging setting—Push is a superhero movie where everyone has boring superpowers (it sort of feels like Summit wanted a teen superhero franchise to go along with Twilight).

Director McGuigan picked the film’s Hong Kong setting because he wanted something exotic a la Casablanca… and it does work. Fanning and Evans are basically Bogart and Rains here—a mildly abrasive, endearing chemistry. But maybe McGuigan worrying about bringing that sensibility to a superpowers movie just can’t truly work with the silly concept. In fact, McGuigan constantly works against the superpowers element.

I’d never seen Fanning in anything; I was shocked how good her performance is in this film. She and Evans are fantastic together. It’s distressing Bourla could write this great relationship between them, but couldn’t not be goofy when writing the script in general. Push shows why an established mythology is easier to adapt than to create.

Push might be better if you’re a fifteen year-old, albeit one who wants to see a superhero movie more like Casablanca than Iron Man.

Still, it’s okay.