The Equalizer (2021) s01e08 – Lifeline

I watched this episode like it was the season finale, so I was more bullish on the epilogue than I would’ve been if I’d known there were two episodes after this one.

This episode’s got Queen Latifah doing a CIA one-shot amid her regular plot lines, like daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes and aunt Lorraine Toussaint getting very suspicious about her work. Latifah’s been saying “global charity” or something, which accounts for the days away at a time, but they’ve finally had enough. It leads to some decent scenes; better than the episode average scenes, particularly better than the Chris Noth and Tory Kittles material.

Again, if they’re out of episodes and trying to sunset Noth and Kittles’s outstanding arcs—as they are—for the season, the material makes sense. If it’s not the season finale, they’re just using both actors and wasting both actors; the show usually only has either Noth or Kittles, not both. But to have both and do zilch? Maybe in the season finale. Episode eight of ten… not so much.

The case this episode is Latifah’s old CIA mentor—not Noth, but the one we’ve never heard of until the plot required it—and his daughter, Alexandra Socha. Socha is on the run from professional assassins and needs Latifah to talk her through it; imagine Die Hard but Reginald VelJohnson does all the action from the parking lot because budget. It’s not great. The script—credited to Joseph C. Wilson—isn’t good. It’s often quite bad. The family stuff is fine. The rest is garbage and a desperate Mission: Impossible nod. Or Bourne nod. Maybe both. Doesn’t matter. It’s bad espionage stuff.

But Latifah gets through it. Equalizer needs to keep going until it can figure itself out, which grants it some leeway with excursions to France—probably not even Quebec France—and an entirely new MacGuffin nemesis getting introduced. Again, seems like a season finale. But there’s definite potential to the series, which the episode highlights. In maybe the only good direction from Randy Zisk, who bellyflops so hard on the big fight scene you can hear the impact.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e07 – Hunting Grounds

The episode opens with district attorney Jennifer Ferrin deciding she’s going to go after vigilante Queen Latifah because it’ll make a good “law and order” story for the media. Yep, Karen Ferrin (it even rhymes) will be going after Black woman Latifah who helps the BIPOC people the NYPD at best ignores, at worst murders. But as “The Equalizer” continues to exist in an alternate universe where Rona never happened, I guess they can try to get away with it.

The Ferrin subplot only pops up again at the end, when she tracks down Latifah’s erstwhile partner, NYPD detective Tory Kittles. We’re back to splitting “Equalizer” between Kittles episodes and Chris Noth episodes apparently; no Noth this episode.

Instead, it’s Latifah and Kittles trying to track down a serial killer whose latest victim starts the episode with forty-eight hours to live. Kittles doesn’t like Latifah’s methods, while Latifah’s more interested in Kittles’s parenting techniques (are his two sons a retcon) than his professional abilities. He’s a partially useful body to have around, otherwise Latifah can do it all on her own.

Including hack into the NYPD’s interrogation room cameras—thanks to tech guy Adam Goldberg and his sniper wife, Liza Lapira. “Equalizer” has finally figured out how much Goldberg and Lapira the show needs and it’s not a lot. There’s not even big, profoundly inaccurate tech exposition from Goldberg. He’s closer to being a welcome cast member than ever. And Lapira’s fine.

Meanwhile, Latifah’s aunt Lorraine Toussaint is starting to date online. Latifah’s not thrilled about it or daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes helping her figure it out. It’s a solid subplot though, just because Toussaint and Hayes are so fun together.

The serial killer pursuit—the NYPD missed the ten victim plus serial killer streak because they were all Black women—is all right, though the resolution leaves a lot to be desired. Along with the eventual serial killer, whose performance similarly leaves a lot to be desired.

Kittles and Latifah continue to be good together (regardless of him being superfluous), but his cop storylines are still pretty bland stuff. There’s only so many times it can turn out no one listened to him because he’s the only Black guy and for him to turn out to be right, only for him to turn around and defend the system.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e06 – The Room Where It Happens

It’s a perfectly solid episode of The Equalizer. It might be the best? It’s certainly a lot more comfortable with itself—minus Chris Noth, who apparently won’t be on the episodes where Tory Kittles shows up and vice versa (based on last episode)—and it handles the “equalizing” a lot better.

Instead of doing the story like a procedural, the episode does it more like a heist movie. We find things out after the characters in order to surprise us as well as some of the other characters, in this case the bad guys, but also—to some degree—the good guys. The episode’s got some really bad lines—Adam Goldberg sounding out every letter of VoIP—but the script, credited to Zoe Robyn—does take the more serious issues it raises seriously.

Concerned dad Luis Antonio Ramos calls in Queen Latifah after his daughter, Rockzana Flores, starts showing signs of dangerous depression and he has reason to suspect someone threatening her. There’s a little bit of a mystery as Flores is a reluctant client, with some good procedural scenes, then there’s an undercover sequence as Liza Lapira has to get close to mayoral candidate Erinn Ruth and her fixer, David Furr.

There’s a lot of suspense, some of it because of the narrative design, some of it because of the performances. Flores and Ramos are extremely sympathetic. There’s also a good sympathetic subplot for Latifah’s daughter, Laya DeLeon Hayes, who makes some bad choices for herself and her new friend, Kaci Walfall. Hayes is very lucky to have Latifah for a mom (and guardian angel) before the episode’s through.

Kittles and Latifah get to be cute together for a scene. I’d forgotten they used to be cute together; it’s been so long since he’s been on the show, much less had anything to do. He gets a subplot involving crooked former cop Kevin Chapman, who’s also really good.

It’s certainly the most assured episode so far—directed by Stephanie A. Marquardt—but who knows how long it’ll maintain. It’s also by far Lapira and Goldberg’s best episode—pseudo-boomer tech terms aside—which helps.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e05 – The Milk Run

It took until after we’d finished watching the episode for me to realize there’s no Tory Kittles in it. He’s got a credit. He’s not in the show. Instead of the NYPD being the wrench in Queen Latifah’s plans, it’s Laila Robins and the CIA. Robins is playing a variation on her part in “The Boys,” which is fine. Like… Robins never got her due at the start of her career, might as well get some guest star checks.

But given the plot of this episode turns out to be Sneakers—with British unintentional math genius Christian Coulson not Robert Redford, Sidney Poitier, or even Ben Kingsley with a ponytail—maybe don’t look exactly like something else if you’re flipping through the channels.

The episode starts with Latifah getting another job from Chris Noth—who’s in the episode a bunch until he needs to be part of the twist ending; it’s kind of fun seeing Noth just doing a supporting part. Though his mercenary-to-the-1% thing is funny given on his street scenes he’s always dressed like a schlub. And of the phoning in he’s done on the show, this episode’s probably the best phoning in.

Also best is Adam Goldberg and Liza Lapira, who are barely in the episode. There’s also the funny bit that Coulson’s obviously the better computer whiz than Goldberg, which no one seems to acknowledge. Goldberg’s supposed to be the best but not at all. A bumbler like Coulson’s better.

There’s not much with the family—Latifah’s missing a spa weekend with aunt Lorraine Toussaint (though it’d be a funnier episode to see her solving a crime at a spa weekend), while daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes is off for a weekend with dad. There’s a really good subplot about Latifah telling Hayes not to lie but Latifah lies to Hayes and Toussaint with every breath (they think she’s an international charity executive).

The end’s bad and Coulson’s not really good so much as amusing opposite Latifah (though the classical music versus hip hop in her car scene is a little… nineties) and he has more fun than the show usually allows.

Credited writer Keith Eisner—who’s got bonafides in his credits—is real bad with the expository dialogue here. Like he was listening to Sneakers play in the other room.

Sadly, no “my voice is my passport verify me” riff. But “The Equalizer” continues to amuse without distinction.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e04 – It Takes a Village

Did they save up their Chris Noth for this episode? He actually does something with the plot. Nothing with the non-Queen Latifah cast, but they get him in a lengthy action set piece involving the episode villain (Scott Cohen). Noth and Latifah crashing actually evil philanthropist Cohen’s formal ball isn’t as good as it could be—there’s no tango or even ballroom scene—but they actually get to have fun together as opposed to doing exposition dumps while on a New York location walk and talk.

Here’s the plot of the episode, told in RoboCop. Cohen is actually Dick Jones, trying to get gangster Clarence Boddicker (Jayson Wesley) to get the residents out of Old Detroit except there’s a certain Black community activist (Marcus Callender), who needs to be gotten got. Sadly there are no ED-209s, but there is a scene where Latifah crashes Wesley and crew beating in a new gang member and she gets to terrify them thanks to CIA prepping.

Oh, and Cohen’s a CIA asset. American billionaires who fund terrorists as CIA assets on CBS. How far we’ve come. Or not, actually.

The minimal B plot is about Latifah’s daughter, Laya DeLeon Hayes, getting mad about a pothole screwing up her driving lesson and becoming an online road maintenance activist. They seem to have realized she’s a little bit too annoying and to give her some humility; sadly no one accuses her of being fake woke about potholes like she accused a former friend of being fake woke about police violence last episode. Lorraine Toussaint gets a little to do in the subplot, probably more than Hayes because Toussaint gets to have conversations with both Latifah and Hayes while Latifah and Hayes just exchange angry one-liners.

Then there’s detective Tory Kittles, who’s seemingly given up pursuing Latifah as a vigilante and is instead her police department insider. Speaking of police department insiders and being fake woke about potholes… there’s a super gross scene where Adam Goldberg and Liza Lapira (fourth episode of the show, fourth different characterization of the obnoxious, charmless couple) cheer the cops arresting someone. It’s a bad guy, but the way they do the cheering… let’s just say a Blue Lives Matter sticker on Goldberg’s computer is only unlikely because the set decoration isn’t good enough. It’d certainly be appropriate.

Goldberg and Lapira are getting real tiresome. Cohen’s blah in the Dick Jones part. Zach Appelman’s fine as his son, who’s basically Bob Morton (no spoilers, just basically Bob Morton). Wesley’s fine. It’s a crap part.

But then there’s Robert G. McKay, who isn’t good and really needs to be good. He’s got one of the biggest supporting roles and while it’s also not a great part, there’s potential to it; instead McKay gets worse as the role gets more difficult. His scenes become a chore, whereas the rest of the episode at least doesn’t feel like one.

“The Equalizer” seems to be evening itself out… and turning out to be a lot blander and safer than originally implied.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e03 – Judgment Day

Well, this episode establishes a couple things “The Equalizer” certainly didn’t need established. First, Chris Noth is not a regular cast member no matter what the titles say; he’s nowhere to be seen this episode. Second, turns out Andrew W. Marlowe’s not going to be the worst writer on it. I was upbeat when I saw Erica Shelton getting the writing credit because anyone has to be better than Hollow Man Marlowe, right?

Nope. Shelton is much, much worse. Her ear for dialogue is on par with a bad Saturday morning cartoon, so it’s good she doesn’t have any real conversation in the episode, just endless snippets of exposition.

Also–and since Shelton’s so bad I’m not giving up—Adam Goldberg’s journey to being less annoying stalls this episode and there’s nothing for Liza Lapira in that department either. Shelton writes them as a cloyingly cute couple with absolutely no chemistry or timing.

But before it even becomes clear Noth’s not showing up, Goldberg and Lapira are going to be offensively bland, and all of Shelton’s writing is going to be bad, the episode also reveals they haven’t got a guest star budget. There are some great—albeit poorly written but what can you do—guest star spots in the episode and “The Equalizer” doesn’t get anyone of note for them. There’s the New York District Attorney, Jennifer Ferrin, who’s better than, say, judge Amy Hohn, but not as good as defense attorney and Queen Latifah’s client-by-proxy, Danny Mastrogiorgio. Mastrogiorgio gives the closet thing to a good guest star spot, but it’s not easy with the dialogue. Hohn’s terrible. Ferrin’s… well, Ferrin comes through enough not to be terrible anyway.

The worst casting is the real client, Joe Perrino, an escaped con who didn’t commit the murder Hohn put him in prison for and Latifah’s going to find out the truth. Whether Perrino wants her to investigate or not, which leads to an almost good scene for Goldberg, only for Lapira (but really Shelton) to flush it down the drain.

Latifah’s got a subplot with daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes not wanting to hang out with her “Fake Woke” former friend (presumably, since the friend is a Black girl, she’s a fake Black Lives Matter protester, which isn’t explicit but odds are on it). Hayes thinks fake protesting is stupid and Latifah tries to talk to her about it but Shelton’s writing’s bad and the episode’s got no ambition for actual relevance (still no Rona), much less sincere character development. Lorraine Toussaint’s in it so little I thought she’d left the show.

Tory Kittles goes from pursuing Latifah to being her erstwhile partner, which leads to her self-identifying as “The Equalizer” at one point. Kittles isn’t great but he’s likable enough and he and Latifah have more chemistry than anyone else has in the show.

Enthusiastic direction from Solvan Naim helps a lot. It’s hard to imagine being enthusiastic about directing, say, Perrino or Shelton’s teleplay, but Naim manages it.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e02 – Glory

Despite being a general improvement over the pilot and seeming to trend up in general (Adam Goldberg’s not obnoxiously bland this episode and Liza Lapira’s improving a little so maybe she’ll hit that level by the next one), this episode of “The Equalizer” has a lackluster, pseudo-cloying finish. The show tries to do a bunch simultaneously, which just draws attention to it not being able to do any of the things well on their own. It’s montaging for cover.

And it also seems like Chris Noth is going to be less of a costar as a regular guest cameo, popping in for a couple scenes with Queen Latifah to hit that audience demographic without contributing anything of substance.

The episode also introduces the origin of “The Equalizer” moniker—and makes no sense when it does—but it dashes my dream of Latifah actually being Edward Woodward’s daughter too. And they still don’t use the song, though the opening titles desperate needs it.

This episode has Latifah rescuing a kidnapped kid from a bunch of Eurotrash human traffickers. Well, they say Eurotrash but they all seem to be French. It takes a while to discover they’re Eurotrash; for a while it just seems like they’re nondescript mercenaries, same as last episode. The show having originality problems on its second episode is not a great sign.

Also there’s still no Covid, just lots of people standing in groups—though not when they should be. There’s a pseudo-big Times Square sequence and it seems like they shot it without permission with a dozen people to make up a crowd.

Latifah’s got some family drama with kid Laya DeLeon Hayes hiding something from her because Hayes doesn’t want Latifah to disappoint her again. Lorraine Toussiant has to deal with it because Latifah’s too busy, which gives Toussiant and Hayes decent (albeit bland) dramatic material and delaying having to do any for Latifah.

Meanwhile cop Tory Kittles is still on Latifah’s trail, which… doesn’t seem like a particularly good series subplot. There’s also a big ground situation change, seemingly to give the show potentially different settings for Latifah to go after the same nondescript mercenaries instead of New York City.

Still, the draw remains Latifah kicking ass and the show delivers. Even though the soundtrack accompaniments remain loudly disappointing.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e01

They don’t use the song.

The movies didn’t use the song either, did they? I love that old “Equalizer” theme song. Stewart Copeland.

Anyway.

“The Equalizer: 2021” is Taken with Queen Latifah only she’s an altruist and not only using her very particular set of skills to help family members in danger. She’s got a teenage daughter, Laya DeLeon Hayes, and an aunt, Lorraine Toussaint, so undoubtedly they’ll be in danger at some point in the show should it go on long enough.

Latifah’s also got sidekicks because it’s 2021 and everyone’s got to have their team. She’s got former CIA mentor Chris Noth (fully embracing the silver fox thing finally), hacker Adam Goldberg, and sniper Liza Lapira. Lapira and Goldberg are married because they never met anyone else with so little charisma in an easy caricature part (it’s particularly sad to watch Goldberg miss trying to recapture the depth of his Dazed and Confused stoner). She’s got a trendy Manhattan bar and he’s officially dead but lives in a Lex Luthor converted subway lair. It’s not a good lair, unfortunately. It’s pretty boring, in fact.

The pilot has Latifah saving Lorna Courtney from being assaulted and finding out Courtney’s on the run after being digitally framed. Could it somehow involve self-driving car tech bro Michael Rady?

Also there’s cop Tory Kittles, who’s after Courtney, but is actually a good guy—even Latifah thinks he’s a good guy after his lengthy monologue about being a good guy actually. Presumably the series will do something with Kittles and Latifah’s chemistry, which isn’t great, but isn’t non-existent like Goldberg and Lapira’s.

It’s interesting to see a very standard eighties not cop cop procedural done in 2021—though, not really because it’s pre-Covid and feels very dated—but the script’s not good. Co-creator and co-writer Andrew W. Marlowe wrote some truly godawful scripts in the late nineties and hasn’t improved. So there’s nothing creative in the writing, but Latifah’s fun to watch beating up shitty dudes. And Noth’s, you know, Noth.

Maybe Goldberg and Lapira and the writing will get better.

Also maybe not… Probably not. Marlowe’s a curse.