The Equalizer (2021) s02e08 – Separated

So when they said Chris Noth would not be appearing on future episodes of “The Equalizer,” I guess they meant after this episode. Though the entire time it seems like they’re setting Noth up for a farewell hero arc and it as a surprise when he didn’t ride off into the sunset. What’s stranger is if it’s not a farewell hero arc; they saved the “Adam Goldberg gets caught” story only to resolve it in a single episode.

Noth spends the episode trying to convince government types to let Goldberg go, leading to a very frank scene where Noth tells a general (Peter Jay Fernandez) the U.S. maybe shouldn’t be proud it tortured people. This episode has a lot of very frank talk overall. The A-plot is about a little kid Logan J. Alarcon-Poucel who ICE lost after taking him from mom Andrea Cortés and the episode doesn’t talk around calling out the inhumanity and international criminality of the United States government.

Though the show also makes up a Biden policy about anyone affected by the child separation policy getting a free three-year visa. Like the U.S. government admits wrongdoing.

Speaking of wrongdoing… there’s also a scene where Noth asks Liza Lapira why she doesn’t like him, which I feel like they should’ve cut. It doesn’t add much to the episode and it’s cringe as hell.

But it’s a good episode for Lapira, who gets to do the tech stuff since Goldberg’s in jail, but she also gets to do action stuff. There’s also some cute moments for Tory Kittles and Queen Latifah since their mission this time is unquestionably on the side of the angels. Though without Goldberg to do better Googling about suspects, Latifah finds her assumptions incorrect.

It’s an uncomplicated good guys and bad guys episode—I don’t know the last time Latifah kicking a bunch of shitty white men’s asses ever felt as thrilling to watch—and reasonably tense throughout.

Lorraine Toussaint’s only in the episode for a scene and Laya DeLeon Hayes’s away, maybe because Noth’s got such a big—but also just filler—subplot.

It feels very weird having Noth get such a glowing spotlight episode for his (presumably) last appearance, given they shit-canned him following numerous sexual assault allegations. I wonder if the made-up fairy tale ending for people who suffered incalculable harm at hands of the U.S. government (because the show’s assuming no one affected would ever be watching this show, kind of ditto Noth’s victims), was meant to give it another obvious, potential distraction.

Like, without any context or responsibility or accountability, it’s a fine episode but it’s also a hell of a thing.

The Equalizer (2021) s02e07 – When Worlds Collide

I’m trying to remember the last Chris Noth-centric episode of “The Equalizer;” it must’ve been last season. This episode has him running around with a machine gun and fist-fighting like they promised him he could do American James Bond or something. Instead, however, it’s old man James Bond with Noth teaming up with previously unrevealed son Wesam Keesh.

It’s a jam-packed episode, script credit to Rob Hanning, and there’s not enough time for cop Tory Kittles to do anything. Or even appear. Also, Laya DeLeon Hayes’s PTSD problem is done. Noth asks about it, Queen Latifah says it’s better, the show’s moved on. Especially since Adam Goldberg’s whole “I want to unfake my death” arc will be tied to Noth’s troubles here, one way or the other.

The episode’s action story has Latifah babysitting terrorist Anthony Azizi, whose men have kidnapped Keesh, while Noth tries to rescue Keesh. Both Noth and Latifah are going to need Goldberg’s hacking help, with Liza Lapira back to babysitting husband Goldberg duty. There’s some more static between Lapira and Noth, but it lacks energy. She generally disapproves of this episode, which is weird since the episode sets up his private security mercenary as a literal angel; he’s just gotten back from saving Syrian children—and then gets mad because he won’t help Goldberg. Or at least he won’t promise to help Goldberg yet.

The family story has the daughter of a college lover visiting Lorraine Toussaint and then Hayes pestering her for the story. Good acting from Toussaint; maybe it’ll go somewhere, maybe it won’t. It’s more than a bit sensational and soapy. But Toussaint’s real good, so it’s fine. It’s sort of like proto-character development for her. Who knows if it’ll last as long as Hayes’s PTSD.

And then Azizi’s a good foil for Latifah. Most of their scenes together are them bickering and broadly talking about global politics like it’s a pre-9/11 terrorism bit. Guess twenty years was long enough of a moratorium on the stories.

Keesh isn’t great, which is also fine because it’s more like Noth’s having fun than actually playing a part.

Solid suspense direction from John Terlesky and the first momentous cliffhanger I can remember in the series, so we’ll see what comes of it.

I’m not sure if “The Equalizer”’s finding its legs, but it certainly seems to be sturdier than it started the season. Not the biggest swings—eschewing the PTSD arc isn’t great either—but it’s gotten a lot better, especially the weaker elements like Goldberg and Lapira.

The Equalizer (2021) s02e06 – Shooter

It’s a city-in-crisis episode, with a sniper terrorizing New York. Only the show skips the first two attacks, and it doesn’t appear there’s a lot of crisis going on. Even though the expository dialogue makes it sound like everyone’s staying inside when Queen Latifah and Liza Lapira go to the crime scene, there’s a bunch of people loitering around, and the streets behind them are full.

So the danger never seems super imminent.

Lapira’s along because it’s a sniper episode, and she was a sniper in the army. We get some backstory with her shitty misogynist former C.O., Terry Serpico, and then Lapira gets a big standoff scene in the third act. Lapira’s a lot better when she’s not spending all her time mollycoddling Adam Goldberg, who’s barely in the episode.

Tory Kittles also gets a bunch more to do than usual since the city has hired Latifah to find the sniper because they’re incapable. So to keep track—men in the military are at best sexist incompetents, while the NYPD is just incompetent. “Equalizer” doesn’t exactly have politics, but it doesn’t mind casting aspersions on terrible institutions.

Jennifer Ferrin shows up as the DA again; she’s the one who okays hiring Latifah. It’s strange they don’t call the FBI. Or bring in some Army guy to track down their vet-gone-killer.

Of course, given the B-plot is all about Laya DeLeon Hayes having a PTSD panic attack from watching her friend get gunned down in last season’s finale… the show making weird plotting decisions isn’t a surprise. The Hayes arc is fine—though a complete cop-out at a certain point when it stops being about Hayes and is instead about Latifah and Lorraine Toussaint trying to help Hayes—and the ending resolution is strange. Latifah decides Hayes needs professional help to make sure the PTSD doesn’t get any worse but instead brings in… well, there’s that weird plotting thing again.

Because “The Equalizer” knows some things should be taken seriously, except it’s a CBS procedural programmer, so there’s only so much it can do. What if Hayes’s mom wasn’t someone with a very particular set of skills like Latifah, who knew what to do in these situations? The show also doesn’t really address Hayes’s reaction to mom Latifah being out there risking her life in this perilous episode. Bat signal’s up, and Latifah’s got to go, and Hayes is okay with it.

Odd ambitions aside, good acting from Toussaint and Hayes (before she very literally gets put to bed) and probably series-best work from Lapira.

Goldberg’s arc about being recalled-to-life is still treading water, which is again a strange choice. Why introduce a subplot to just immediately stall it out? It’s like they gave Goldberg something to do in one episode and now have to tell him every episode they’re not going to give him more to do.

Nice direction from Milena Govich and some surprisingly solid fight choreography for this CBS show.

The Equalizer (2021) s02e02 – The Kingdom

So, this “Equalizer” is in many ways the best episode ever. There are still many problems—starting with the A-plot being about Queen Latifah taking on the Saudis and continuing with some bad acting from one of the principal guest stars—but it’s pretty darn good. Especially for “The Equalizer.” Randy Zisk’s direction is strong, Latifah’s performance is strong, the other principal guest star is excellent. The last episode didn’t promise improvement for the show for the second season; this episode starts making that promise.

The A-plot is about college student Arash DeMaxi going missing. He’s the son of the Saudi ambassador (Nasser Faris); his sister, Melis Aker, is the one who calls Latifah. But we don’t see the call. Instead, the action picks up with Latifah already on the job, complete with disguise. It’s a nice change; she’s more comfortable as her super-spy secret hero.

Though that comfort figures into the home plot with Latifah and daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes, who’s still distant since discovering her mom’s the star of a weekly action-thriller show on CBS. The home plot, with aunt Lorraine Toussaint fretting over Hayes’s behavior, has good acting, good directing, and weaker writing. Not the weakest writing. The weakest writing is the details in the A-plot.

The episode starts hammering in the Saudis as bad guys, then takes it up a notch to say they’re bad guys the U.S. needs to be exploiting better. There’s a bit about the country’s sexism and homophobia (ignoring it’s based in the state religion), but also about online dissidents. Adam Goldberg does the expository dumps about the dissident stuff, and he’s pretty bad for a lot of it. Like he can’t pronounce characters’ names correctly. Luckily all the actual espionage stuff plays well in action. It feels like a dated plotline, which might be why the show feels so comfortable; they’re not reinventing the wheel; they’re just doing the Saudi episode.

Plus, Chris Noth—sporting a bad dye-job because “Equalizer” pretends he’s a very wealthy, erudite scrub—meets Liza Lapira. Lapira, who’s got some annoying scenes with Goldberg as usual, doesn’t like Noth, but at least there’s some energy to her acting in the scenes. Again, signs of improvement.

Meanwhile, cop Tory Kittles has a subplot about low-key racist white cop Dominic Fumusa now hunting Latifah. Not much for Kittles to do, but he’s good in the scenes.

It may just be a solid episode, but Latifah’s in much better control of the show than usual. I’m hoping it’s a sign of things to come.

The Equalizer (2021) s02e01 – Aftermath

“The Equalizer” returns with a whole bunch of problems but still has a reasonable amount of charm to it, just because of Queen Latifah. She gets a really good “mom” monologue when Laya DeLeon Hayes is yelling at her about being a former super-spy now using her very particular set of skills to help those in need. It’s much better written than most of the episode, which credits Terri Edda Miller and Andrew W. Marlowe as the writers. Obviously, there’s a room; obviously, there’s the Guild; obviously, Marlowe’s terrible; I hope Miller wrote the monologue. It works.

It doesn’t really make the episode feel any more realistic because even though Latifah’s hunting a bunch of apparently CIA-trained bank robbers who are targeting families, she’s never worried about Hayes’s safety. Apparently, the bad guys could hack into Adam Goldberg’s super-computer, but they couldn’t put a tail on Latifah. Though whenever Goldberg talks about his super-computing skills, you doubt the veracity of it all. The Internet’s way too easy to hack on CBS.

This season premiere picks up a couple weeks after the finale, with Hayes staying at her dad’s and not wanting to talk to Latifah after the super-spy reveal. Latifah’s still not talking to Chris Noth, and cop Tory Kittles has a new partner, Erica Camarano. In fact, Latifah’s planning on shutting down the whole “Equalizer” thing to focus on repairing her relationship with Hayes.

Until Kittles calls in favor markers for help on a bank robbery case with expertly trained perpetrators who aren’t in any fingerprinting system.

Then there’s another subplot involving Goldberg feeling cooped up in his Lex Luthor from Superman: The Movie hideout—though he’s more Otis—and wanting to go outside. He’s been down there five years, which is a lot less impressive for people who’ve been through Rona lockdown, but Rona still doesn’t exist in “The Equalizer” universe.

Solvan Naim’s direction is better than the show needs. Latifah and Kittles still have the right chemistry—even if both seem bored regurgitating A plot exposition after every commercial break—and Hayes, Noth, and Lorraine Toussaint are all still appealing. I feel like if the show were thirty-four minutes instead of forty-two, it’d be an even better watching experience. Probably not a better show, but definitely more fun with less time investment. Or maybe just don’t time suck on Goldberg and Liza Lapira (Lapira’s so scenery she’s furniture this episode).

But a season two renaissance seems very unlikely, but for network procedural fodder, “Equalizer”’s fine. Enough. I mean, you’re watching it because it’s Queen Latifah as a badass super-spy. No one’s pretending there’s any other reason to tune in.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e08 – Lifeline

I watched this episode like it was the season finale, so I was more bullish on the epilogue than I would’ve been if I’d known there were two episodes after this one.

This episode’s got Queen Latifah doing a CIA one-shot amid her regular plot lines, like daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes and aunt Lorraine Toussaint getting very suspicious about her work. Latifah’s been saying “global charity” or something, which accounts for the days away at a time, but they’ve finally had enough. It leads to some decent scenes; better than the episode average scenes, particularly better than the Chris Noth and Tory Kittles material.

Again, if they’re out of episodes and trying to sunset Noth and Kittles’s outstanding arcs—as they are—for the season, the material makes sense. If it’s not the season finale, they’re just using both actors and wasting both actors; the show usually only has either Noth or Kittles, not both. But to have both and do zilch? Maybe in the season finale. Episode eight of ten… not so much.

The case this episode is Latifah’s old CIA mentor—not Noth, but the one we’ve never heard of until the plot required it—and his daughter, Alexandra Socha. Socha is on the run from professional assassins and needs Latifah to talk her through it; imagine Die Hard but Reginald VelJohnson does all the action from the parking lot because budget. It’s not great. The script—credited to Joseph C. Wilson—isn’t good. It’s often quite bad. The family stuff is fine. The rest is garbage and a desperate Mission: Impossible nod. Or Bourne nod. Maybe both. Doesn’t matter. It’s bad espionage stuff.

But Latifah gets through it. Equalizer needs to keep going until it can figure itself out, which grants it some leeway with excursions to France—probably not even Quebec France—and an entirely new MacGuffin nemesis getting introduced. Again, seems like a season finale. But there’s definite potential to the series, which the episode highlights. In maybe the only good direction from Randy Zisk, who bellyflops so hard on the big fight scene you can hear the impact.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e05 – The Milk Run

It took until after we’d finished watching the episode for me to realize there’s no Tory Kittles in it. He’s got a credit. He’s not in the show. Instead of the NYPD being the wrench in Queen Latifah’s plans, it’s Laila Robins and the CIA. Robins is playing a variation on her part in “The Boys,” which is fine. Like… Robins never got her due at the start of her career, might as well get some guest star checks.

But given the plot of this episode turns out to be Sneakers—with British unintentional math genius Christian Coulson not Robert Redford, Sidney Poitier, or even Ben Kingsley with a ponytail—maybe don’t look exactly like something else if you’re flipping through the channels.

The episode starts with Latifah getting another job from Chris Noth—who’s in the episode a bunch until he needs to be part of the twist ending; it’s kind of fun seeing Noth just doing a supporting part. Though his mercenary-to-the-1% thing is funny given on his street scenes he’s always dressed like a schlub. And of the phoning in he’s done on the show, this episode’s probably the best phoning in.

Also best is Adam Goldberg and Liza Lapira, who are barely in the episode. There’s also the funny bit that Coulson’s obviously the better computer whiz than Goldberg, which no one seems to acknowledge. Goldberg’s supposed to be the best but not at all. A bumbler like Coulson’s better.

There’s not much with the family—Latifah’s missing a spa weekend with aunt Lorraine Toussaint (though it’d be a funnier episode to see her solving a crime at a spa weekend), while daughter Laya DeLeon Hayes is off for a weekend with dad. There’s a really good subplot about Latifah telling Hayes not to lie but Latifah lies to Hayes and Toussaint with every breath (they think she’s an international charity executive).

The end’s bad and Coulson’s not really good so much as amusing opposite Latifah (though the classical music versus hip hop in her car scene is a little… nineties) and he has more fun than the show usually allows.

Credited writer Keith Eisner—who’s got bonafides in his credits—is real bad with the expository dialogue here. Like he was listening to Sneakers play in the other room.

Sadly, no “my voice is my passport verify me” riff. But “The Equalizer” continues to amuse without distinction.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e04 – It Takes a Village

Did they save up their Chris Noth for this episode? He actually does something with the plot. Nothing with the non-Queen Latifah cast, but they get him in a lengthy action set piece involving the episode villain (Scott Cohen). Noth and Latifah crashing actually evil philanthropist Cohen’s formal ball isn’t as good as it could be—there’s no tango or even ballroom scene—but they actually get to have fun together as opposed to doing exposition dumps while on a New York location walk and talk.

Here’s the plot of the episode, told in RoboCop. Cohen is actually Dick Jones, trying to get gangster Clarence Boddicker (Jayson Wesley) to get the residents out of Old Detroit except there’s a certain Black community activist (Marcus Callender), who needs to be gotten got. Sadly there are no ED-209s, but there is a scene where Latifah crashes Wesley and crew beating in a new gang member and she gets to terrify them thanks to CIA prepping.

Oh, and Cohen’s a CIA asset. American billionaires who fund terrorists as CIA assets on CBS. How far we’ve come. Or not, actually.

The minimal B plot is about Latifah’s daughter, Laya DeLeon Hayes, getting mad about a pothole screwing up her driving lesson and becoming an online road maintenance activist. They seem to have realized she’s a little bit too annoying and to give her some humility; sadly no one accuses her of being fake woke about potholes like she accused a former friend of being fake woke about police violence last episode. Lorraine Toussaint gets a little to do in the subplot, probably more than Hayes because Toussaint gets to have conversations with both Latifah and Hayes while Latifah and Hayes just exchange angry one-liners.

Then there’s detective Tory Kittles, who’s seemingly given up pursuing Latifah as a vigilante and is instead her police department insider. Speaking of police department insiders and being fake woke about potholes… there’s a super gross scene where Adam Goldberg and Liza Lapira (fourth episode of the show, fourth different characterization of the obnoxious, charmless couple) cheer the cops arresting someone. It’s a bad guy, but the way they do the cheering… let’s just say a Blue Lives Matter sticker on Goldberg’s computer is only unlikely because the set decoration isn’t good enough. It’d certainly be appropriate.

Goldberg and Lapira are getting real tiresome. Cohen’s blah in the Dick Jones part. Zach Appelman’s fine as his son, who’s basically Bob Morton (no spoilers, just basically Bob Morton). Wesley’s fine. It’s a crap part.

But then there’s Robert G. McKay, who isn’t good and really needs to be good. He’s got one of the biggest supporting roles and while it’s also not a great part, there’s potential to it; instead McKay gets worse as the role gets more difficult. His scenes become a chore, whereas the rest of the episode at least doesn’t feel like one.

“The Equalizer” seems to be evening itself out… and turning out to be a lot blander and safer than originally implied.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e02 – Glory

Despite being a general improvement over the pilot and seeming to trend up in general (Adam Goldberg’s not obnoxiously bland this episode and Liza Lapira’s improving a little so maybe she’ll hit that level by the next one), this episode of “The Equalizer” has a lackluster, pseudo-cloying finish. The show tries to do a bunch simultaneously, which just draws attention to it not being able to do any of the things well on their own. It’s montaging for cover.

And it also seems like Chris Noth is going to be less of a costar as a regular guest cameo, popping in for a couple scenes with Queen Latifah to hit that audience demographic without contributing anything of substance.

The episode also introduces the origin of “The Equalizer” moniker—and makes no sense when it does—but it dashes my dream of Latifah actually being Edward Woodward’s daughter too. And they still don’t use the song, though the opening titles desperate needs it.

This episode has Latifah rescuing a kidnapped kid from a bunch of Eurotrash human traffickers. Well, they say Eurotrash but they all seem to be French. It takes a while to discover they’re Eurotrash; for a while it just seems like they’re nondescript mercenaries, same as last episode. The show having originality problems on its second episode is not a great sign.

Also there’s still no Covid, just lots of people standing in groups—though not when they should be. There’s a pseudo-big Times Square sequence and it seems like they shot it without permission with a dozen people to make up a crowd.

Latifah’s got some family drama with kid Laya DeLeon Hayes hiding something from her because Hayes doesn’t want Latifah to disappoint her again. Lorraine Toussiant has to deal with it because Latifah’s too busy, which gives Toussiant and Hayes decent (albeit bland) dramatic material and delaying having to do any for Latifah.

Meanwhile cop Tory Kittles is still on Latifah’s trail, which… doesn’t seem like a particularly good series subplot. There’s also a big ground situation change, seemingly to give the show potentially different settings for Latifah to go after the same nondescript mercenaries instead of New York City.

Still, the draw remains Latifah kicking ass and the show delivers. Even though the soundtrack accompaniments remain loudly disappointing.

The Equalizer (2021) s01e01

They don’t use the song.

The movies didn’t use the song either, did they? I love that old “Equalizer” theme song. Stewart Copeland.

Anyway.

“The Equalizer: 2021” is Taken with Queen Latifah only she’s an altruist and not only using her very particular set of skills to help family members in danger. She’s got a teenage daughter, Laya DeLeon Hayes, and an aunt, Lorraine Toussaint, so undoubtedly they’ll be in danger at some point in the show should it go on long enough.

Latifah’s also got sidekicks because it’s 2021 and everyone’s got to have their team. She’s got former CIA mentor Chris Noth (fully embracing the silver fox thing finally), hacker Adam Goldberg, and sniper Liza Lapira. Lapira and Goldberg are married because they never met anyone else with so little charisma in an easy caricature part (it’s particularly sad to watch Goldberg miss trying to recapture the depth of his Dazed and Confused stoner). She’s got a trendy Manhattan bar and he’s officially dead but lives in a Lex Luthor converted subway lair. It’s not a good lair, unfortunately. It’s pretty boring, in fact.

The pilot has Latifah saving Lorna Courtney from being assaulted and finding out Courtney’s on the run after being digitally framed. Could it somehow involve self-driving car tech bro Michael Rady?

Also there’s cop Tory Kittles, who’s after Courtney, but is actually a good guy—even Latifah thinks he’s a good guy after his lengthy monologue about being a good guy actually. Presumably the series will do something with Kittles and Latifah’s chemistry, which isn’t great, but isn’t non-existent like Goldberg and Lapira’s.

It’s interesting to see a very standard eighties not cop cop procedural done in 2021—though, not really because it’s pre-Covid and feels very dated—but the script’s not good. Co-creator and co-writer Andrew W. Marlowe wrote some truly godawful scripts in the late nineties and hasn’t improved. So there’s nothing creative in the writing, but Latifah’s fun to watch beating up shitty dudes. And Noth’s, you know, Noth.

Maybe Goldberg and Lapira and the writing will get better.

Also maybe not… Probably not. Marlowe’s a curse.