Tales from the Crypt (1989) s04e06 – What’s Cookin’

The opening titles for What’s Cookin’ give a little too much away. They draw too much attention to Judd Nelson, who doesn’t fit with the rest of the cast title cards. Christopher Reeve, Bess Armstrong, even Art LaFleur. The episode has a certain type of cast member and a Judd Nelson “special appearance” is noteworthy.

Reeve and Armstrong own a restaurant. Nelson is the drifter who cleans up around the place. Do he and Armstrong run off together? No. But Judd Nelson in a “special appearance” as a drifter? There’s got to be something funny about that guy. A.L. Katz and director Alder’s script doesn’t get very interested in character. It’s not clear Reeve and Armstrong are even married until it’s needed in expository conversation. They might have a sort of sitcom chemistry, but Adler doesn’t ask them to have chemistry. He directs What’s Cookin’ like they never got to rehearse it.

Needless to say, Nelson proves to be trouble. There are two big twists–with only the first one forecast, though the second one is obvious, there’s no attempt at forecasting. Instead, the second twist is just a way to hurriedly tidy up all the plot threads.

The episode has occasional moments where the cast would be fully capable of doing something better, but Adler never goes for it. He relies entirely on the predictable plotting. What’s Cookin’ is a MacGuffin in search of its host.

And Nelson’s really bad. He’s supposed to be creepy. Instead, he’s just bad. Some of it is Adler’s fault. But not much of it.

Reeve’s passable, though clearly just cashing a paycheck. Armstrong comes off the best, though still significantly weighed down by Alder’s lousy direction.

The funny thing is–Katz and Adler miss the most obvious twist to explore. Reeve’s always the patsy. There’s too much emphasis on Nelson to explore the possibilities of the tired concept. The majority of the actors in What’s Cookin’ deserve better engagement from the director. It should’ve been much better with this cast.


Sicko (2013, Vincent Gallagher and Luke Adey)

Directors Gallagher and Adey want to make sure their audience knows to be disgusted with Sicko. Sadly, they wait until the end credits to reveal the sicko in question, played by Tom Grimley, is called Sicko. I think the audience is supposed to be disgusted at the human condition and pornography and urban isolationism.

Maybe.

Based on how long Gallagher and Adey make Grimley punch at the camera (he’s killing prostitute Imogen Stubbs), maybe it’s supposed to be farce. Stubbs walks around through empty parking lots and vacant lots… maybe Sicko is supposed to be making fun of the idea of doing a short movie called Sicko.

About the only place the film works is with the presentation. It’s murky, ugly video. Watching it makes one unhappy–and then even more unhappy when the lack of creativity becomes obvious–but it’s definitely a nasty looking film.

It’s just painfully desperate.

Croft (2013, Trevor Addie)

If something is only twenty minutes long, how bad can it really be? Well, thanks to sitcoms and Croft, it’s obvious things can be very bad. But Croft is more than bad–it’s painful. Watching nerdy villain Liam Carter threaten his hostage, a terrible Devyn Dalton, listening to the actors spout out the awful dialogue from director Addie and co-writer Irma Evangelista… well, it’s trying.

All Addie really does with Croft is redo “Tomb Raider” (the film’s uncredited–except the title–source) with some Hunger Games thrown in. And a lot of bad direction. There’s some okay direction too, when Addie is aping things like Games and has ostensible lead Cassandra Ebner running through the forest shooting people with arrows. But, mostly, the direction is bad.

The photography’s bad, the sound design is bad, the acting’s bad. Croft’s just bad.

And only being twenty minutes isn’t even a conciliation.

1/3Not Recommended

CREDITS

Edited and directed by Trevor Addie; screenplay and story by Addie and Irma Evangelista, based on a character created by Toby Gard; director of photography, Stirling Bancroft; produced by Addie and Evangelista.

Starring Cassandra Ebner (The Hero), Liam Carter (The Villan), Devyn Dalton (The Girl), Nickolas Baric (Henchman) and Shaw Madson (Captured Camper).


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