I read this comic twice because I’m going to make many negative comments about it, and I wanted to see if I was missing something. The only thing it appears I missed—outside the Goonies cameo, which is something or other—is writer Robert Venditti really wanted to get in a last-minute dig about how science is dumb.

But all my other observations stand. Venditti managed to write the worst “Christopher Reeve Superman” story ever. And I learned how to dislike screenwriters by name, thanks to the Superman IV guys. Venditti is worse. Though at least he doesn’t draw attention to how much better IV’s writing is than Superman ’78’s writing. He does, however, kind of ape the finale of Superman III and show how much better written that ending is compared to this one.s

The comic starts with Superman fighting Brainiac while Metropolis levitates in the air, waiting to be shrunk into a bottle. It’s a terrible fight scene. Unfortunately, Wilfredo Torres doesn’t really have a knack for fight scenes. I think six issues of bad fight scenes is enough to call it. I mean Venditti’s writing of the fight scene—which has Superman and Brainiac bickering about the planet Earth and Superman saying “my daddy says” like he’s in a Christopher Nolan movie—Venditti’s writing is atrocious. And would be the worst thing in the comic if it weren’t for the somehow even worse Lois Lane scene, followed by the somehow even worse last page. But Torres never cracks the fight scene.

After that fight scene, there’s still the Metropolis dangling in the atmosphere problem, and it turns into Superman Returns and its nonsensical disaster conclusion. Only with The Goonies and Streaky the Wonder Cat and a Watchmen reference (maybe). Technically, Torres is worse at the disaster movie stuff because he loses track of the action between panels, but the fight scene’s still worse. Superman’s not soapboxing during the disaster scene.

Then the end goes from bad to worse to worse.

I don’t think Superman ’78 is worthless, per se. I mean, the colors are fine; Torres has some moments. But it certainly doesn’t have any value. Not with Venditti’s writing.

Whatever. It’s over. I hope they don’t make another one; I’m sorry I read this one and sorrier they made it.

It’s the Superman ’78 version of an action issue, which means a terribly written scene for Marlon Brando and Susannah York saying goodbye to adult Christopher Reeve this time, some boring Superman vs. Brainiac robots action, and Metropolis-in-danger montage shots. The montage shots have bad dialogue when they have it, but also a cameo from “Barney Miller” Hal Linden and possibly Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor from Superman III).

The cameos don’t save it. Or help it. Because Superman ’78 is fairly intolerably bad again. I feel like I got more bullish on it for an issue, but the comic’s back to the Robert Venditti-penned pits again. The conversation Jor-El and Kara have when sending Superman back out into the world to save Metropolis from Brainiac is the worst dialogue of the series so far and probably the worst dialogue in a comic I’ve read in quite a while. Brando Jor-El flexes about the derring-do of the men of the House of El, and it’s beyond insipid. Though it’s kind of funny to imagine Brando filming it and asking for another fifty thousand dollars per word as he read the dialogue for the first time.

Or just up and quit. Because it’s real bad. I thought Superman ’78 had bad writing when Venditti was aping dialogue from the movies themselves, but when he’s got to write for Marlon Brando… Venditti bellyflops hard enough you can hear it across the twenty-eight known galaxies. People pay money for this comic book; they should get dialogue a seventies toy commercial wouldn't refuse.

And Wilfredo Torres’s art has lost the charm too. Maybe because the Superman action is so bad, maybe because the talking heads scene is so bad (like, Jor-El and Kara talk about sending their baby away again, maybe try to duplicate The Movie scene beats), but it’s not cute or charming anymore. Also, because Superman’s kind of barely in it. Torres loses track of Superman in the cliffhanger lead-up. On and on.

The opening with a rando walking his dog is better than anything else in the movie, and it’s basically a Red Skies Crisis riff. Hopefully, a Red Skies Crisis riff. Who cares. There’s one more to go. It’s almost over.

What should’ve been a slam dunk on Torres’s art alone is proving Superman IV is an accomplishment, all things considered.

Well, it’s easily Robert Venditti’s best writing of the series so far. After an utterly pointless waste of a couple pages on Brainiac’s origin story, we get to Kal-El in the Bottle City of Kandor. Where, surprise, it’s not the adventures of Nightwing and Flamebird, but the continued adventures of Marlon Brando and Susannah York. Yes, Superman ’78 is what could’ve been if Brando had been as desperate in 1983 as he would be in the nineties or whatever.

Brando’s Jor-El is thrilled to have his son back because now he can make Kal-El become a politician and figure out all the problems of living in a finite bottle city. But, of course, Kal-El just wants to put on the tights and head back to Earth, not be a politician.

Luckily, Lex Luthor slipped an interstellar transmitter on him and can communicate, but that communication only pisses off Brainiac, who heads back to Earth. But what if Luthor’s gadget could somehow bring Kal-El back to regular size so he could defeat Brainiac and save Earth? Sure would be weird if his mom was like, nah, to hell with those humans.

Now, when I say it’s Venditti’s best writing, I mean it’s a terrible comic book adaptation of a not-bad movie. Like if they’d gotten Jeannot Szwarc to do Superman III and given him a bunch of money and a decent script. It’s the first and only time Christopher Reeve Superman has gotten to think about himself as anything but the last son of Krypton and whatnot.

So it’s an added bummer Wilfredo Torres can’t seem to figure out how to draw it. This comic is cursed. When Venditti’s writing to Torres’s strengths, all Venditti’s doing is regurgitating Superman: The Movie and The Sequels scenes. When Venditti actually finds a plot, Torres is lost trying to make his Reeve Superman “act.”

There’s some terrible stuff from Venditti, to be sure. Not just the Brainiac intro, but also Gene Hackman Lex Luthor, and Margot Kidder Lois Lane. Venditti writes them both particularly badly, especially when together. But at least Torres is on the ball drawing those scenes. The stuff “on Krypton”? Not so much. Though his Marlon Brando’s always on point. The less said about Susannah York Lara, the better.

There’s no way to save Superman ’78 but I really didn’t think Venditti had even the limited good ideas of this issue in him, so I guess it’s a plus. Like, it implied the possibility of a good movie for this series to be poorly adapting, which has never happened before.

Shame about the Torres art, though. Hopefully, it gets back on track.

If Superman ’78 weren’t written for eight-year-old fans of Superman: The Movie—ones who don’t have home video technology yet because otherwise you’d just rent the movie instead of reading this terribly written comic—I’d say this issue were the best. Even with the retconning for fan service’s sake and the pointless stunt cameos. Writer Robert Venditti, faced with the limitless budget of comic book action, goes the Canon Quest for Peace route and chickens out on doing the tougher cameo.

It’d be embarrassing if the writing weren’t so terrible. There’s some of Venditti’s worst dialogue in the comic, which is saying a lot.

The issue picks up with Brainiac arresting Superman. It’s the Metropolis fight from Superman II, only with a different ending and terrible “acting.” It’s not fair artist Wilfredo Torres gets tied to such a lousy script. It makes his Gene Hackman Lex Luthor “act” far worse than Hackman did in the movies (including IV).

Also, Brainiac’s a limp noodle of a villain. He’s probably Venditti’s worst writing, which is—again—saying a lot. He brings Superman up to his spaceship, and there we get a big reveal or four in the best visually paced scene in the series. You almost wish it were a movie, right until Venditti’s “fan” servicing ruins it.

Quotation marks on fan because if this comic were a real “sequel”—to what, II, right? Like, III hasn’t happened yet? Anyway. If it were an actual sequel, it’s a turn of events no one was asking for because for that period… it’d be a cop-out turn of events. Whereas post-big budget fan service in the twenty-first century has shown no one cares about cop-outs if there’s fan service.

I didn’t have an iota of hope for the comic after the previous two issues, but I guess #3 decides I’ll finish it. Morbid curiosity and Torres’s nostalgia plucking art outweighing Venditti’s truly insipid writing.

I think this issue may actually be worse than the last one. Because this time, it’s not just Robert Venditti who disappoints with the writing—and, wow, does he disappoint; it’s a terrible script. Like if he were writing Mad Magazine’s Superman II (literally, since it repeats many story beats). But also Wilfredo Torres’s art. Oh, Torres has some excellent moments, and when he’s doing Christopher Reeve expressions, it’s incredible. But the “big” battle scene? It’s tiny.

And it’s confusing. The comic introduces Brainiac, who’s transmitting Man of Steel-style Anti-Superman broadcasts. The action keeps cutting between him in his spaceship and Superman fighting the robots on the ground. Torres emphasizes the spaceship stuff, which is additionally frustrating because there are never enough establishing shots, not the Superman fight. I mean, everyone’s already seen the Superman fight because it’s the Superman II fight and the Superman II surrender.

Maybe if the pointless Lex Luthor material didn’t take up so many pages. Venditti does a one-note Gene Hackman gag for Lex, which is better than Lois Lane, who just spouts off dialogue recycled from Superman: The Movie.

There are some Easter eggs for coming issues, but they’re intentionally unoriginal. It’s less a sequel to the Reeve Superman movies and more of a crossover between the Reeve movies and the “Super Powers” action figure line.

It may actually get so bad Torres’s ability to hit the nostalgia buttons won’t be enough to make it worth reading. Venditti’s writing is profoundly bad; it’s sort of embarrassing to read such a poorly written comic book in 2021.

Superman ‘78 starts with a dedication page to Richard Donner, which would feel better if the comic were better. But, instead, entire sequences are just lifted from… Superman: The Movie? I mean, there are a couple continuity-building nods to Superman II (Lois Lane likes Metropolis hot dogs, not just Niagara Falls ones). However, you’d think everyone would remember in II when Superman gets thrown through the Daily Planet, the exact same thing happened once before.

Maybe if the warning sign didn’t kick off immediately with writer Robert Venditti rewriting Marlon Brando and Susannah York’s death scene from the first movie? Poorly rewriting it. So as to introduce the big bad, Brainiac.

Well, to hint at him. There’s a little Brainiac at the beginning, and a bunch more Brainiac at the end—Venditti doesn’t have a heroic protagonist for the comic; he relies on artist Wilfredo Torres to make it feel like a Christopher Reeve Superman movie even though Torres isn’t a photo-realistic artist. Instead, Torres catches the expressions and body language of the actors’ performances, often saving scenes from Venditti’s undercooked dialogue. For example, there’s a Perry White scene-the exact same scene as in the second half of Superman 1—and thanks to Torres, you can actually imagine Jackie Cooper delivering the performance. It’s lovely.

And short-lived.

Because Venditti doesn’t have any story for the issue, he’s got one long action sequence where Superman fights a Brainiac drone. It’s a decent enough fight scene, and Torres hits the right Movie notes—almost too much. There are a couple times Torres’s panels mimic what was special effects technology constraints of 1976, not the best possible Super-action. But then the comic is over. There’s a hint at Brainiac’s plan and a story a little bit too complicated for late seventies, early eighties audiences, and then cliffhanger.

Torres got Twitter famous for his beautiful takes on Superman: The Movie—he did one of those page a day things—but there’s no sense Venditti’s got any investment or even more than a superficial understanding of the original material. In other words, Superman sets up villains first—Zod, Luthor… Otis—also, there’s a cute but entirely pointless Otisburg reference, unless Torres can actually make Ned Beatty tagging believable. But the Brainiac villain setup is terrible here.

Is it really so hard to do a good Superman II?

Maybe—big maybe—Venditti will improve from here, but way to screw it up, DC. Neither readers nor the exuberant Torres deserve Venditti quarter-assing it. All you’ve got to do is beat Superman III and IV, which isn’t easy without Reeve, but at least try.