The Ultimates 2 5 (June 2005)

How am I going to write a post about this issue? Nothing happens in it. The Ultimates beat up Thor, then Thor goes to jail, then Nick Fury decides to invade the Middle East (proving Thor right). Big cliffhanger!

The whole Ultimates concept–realistic superhero artwork–flops here because the fight scene is in the woods. Who cares about realistic forest artwork? Hitch is no Thomas Kinkade.

Then there’s the last few pages, post-fight scene. Millar teases Thor being nuts, but he can’t create any actual suspicion of it. No matter what Millar does–Hulk eating people, Giant Man beating up the Wasp, Ultimate Steve Rogers being Ronald Reagan’s wet dream–there’s no way Thor isn’t Thor. Not in a Marvel comic.

Speaking of Ultimate Captain America, I like the implication he’s more worried about foul language than he is about being used to invade sovereign states.

Crap issue.

The Ultimates 2 4 (May 2005)

So Ultimates 2 basically starts this issue. The rest was just finishing up the first series and getting rid of the Hulk. Now Millar’s on to the new story, Loki messing with stuff, and everyone too stupid to believe Thor.

I like how Hitch makes Ultimate Captain America look like a Nazi superhero on the last page. I wonder if that implication was intentional.

Sadly, it’s not a good issue. Millar’s putting in a lot of exposition and not much character work. Janet and Ultimate Rogers are a boring couple. She’s a terrible character and he’s apparently Millar’s attempt at mocking American strong men. At least I hope he’s trying to be funny. Otherwise he’s just totally unaware of himself as a writer.

There’re no big scenes this issue. Millar fills the emptiness with a bunch of lame Ultimate introductions; his dialogue is also weak. There’s nothing interesting going on….

The Ultimates 2 3 (April 2005)

“The Trial of the Incredible Hulk” isn’t much of a trial; having Ultimate Matt Murdock as Bruce’s defense lawyer feels forced too. But the issue’s solid.

Millar continues to sympathize with strange characters–wife-beater Hank Pym, for example–and demonize the good guys. Nothing with Ultimate Rogers this issue but Ultimate Nick Fury’s a big jerk and Ultimate Tony Stark’s just a drunken twit.

The finale, after an overlong funeral sequence, works out. For the first time on the series, Millar shows some sentimentality and actual engagement with the story. It doesn’t feel like hyperbole, it finally feels like sublime blockbuster storytelling. It’s actually a problem, because it shows what tone he should be going for with Ultimates and almost never attempts, much less attains.

There aren’t even any subplots working. It’s just a good issue, a couple bad moves aside.

Though Hitch’s art is still boring as dirt.

The Ultimates 2 2 (March 2005)

This issue’s a lot better than the first, though it takes a while to get used to Hitch. His composition choices don’t make any sense until one remembers there are rabid Hitch fans out there.

It’s a relatively quiet issue. There’s no big action scene and I think Iron Man’s the only one in costume. That little side adventure is just to introduce Ultimate Excalibur; something for the speculators perhaps.

Rogers accuses Thor of leaking a secret, Thor wonders why Rogers is dismissive of Asgard–there’s some subtext Millar doesn’t exploit enough about “real world” churchgoing. Even if people believe it, people don’t believe it will interact. Instead, he closes on Thor’s line, not Rogers’s reaction.

Wait, never mind. I keep forgetting Ultimate Steve Rogers is an idiot.

Millar’s handling of the scenes, the dialogue and the pacing, is quite good.

Reading it almost feels like a worthwhile time investment.

The Ultimates 2 1 (February 2005)

I wonder if Mark Millar intentionally paced this issue to finally get interesting a page or two before the finish. Seriously… I was just getting comfortable in my chair reading it and then the issue’s over.

Most of the issue is spent with Captain America, sorry, Ultimate Captain America–the difference being this Steve Rogers is a complete moron who probably tortures people when no one’s looking. Millar’s attempt to show him as an old timer has some problems… especially when it comes to the gossip. He’s upset people are gossiping about him and the Wasp. Because no one would have done such a thing in the thirties or forties? Clearly Steve Rogers was illiterate in the Ultimate Universe.

As usual, the only interesting stuff is with Thor. Millar’s attempt at convincing the reader Thor might be crazy fails.

And Bryan Hitch does his realism thing again. Whoop–de–do.

Ka-Zar the Savage (1981) #34

The cover proclaims this final issue as a “collectors’ item.” Until the epilogue, it’s unclear why. In an amazing turn, Ka-Zar and Shanna end up in the League of Cancelled Marvel comics, or something along those lines. It’s pretty funny.

Too bad Neary’s art is awful.

Otherwise, it’s a silly sci-fi issue with Ka-Zar being the savior of these human hostages in an interstellar prison camp. They’re being drained of adrenaline, which makes them unlikely to revolt. But, of course, Ka-Zar does.

Oh, and Shanna’s pregnant. Not sure if she ever gave birth… it’d be awesome if it was Peter Parker’s kid.

Anyway, the series comes to a lousy end. For these Carlin, Neary and Fingeroth issues, one could never guess the series was once good, much less sublime.

Oddly, Carlin’s explanation of the aliens is decent. Or, at least, unpredictable.

But unpredictability doesn’t make up for the rest.

Ka-Zar the Savage (1981) #33

Carlin’s destruction of the series seems to be complete now. In this issue, he reduces Shanna to a helpless damsel. He’s got Ka-Zar running around thinking about how he’s going to save after she falls victim to an absurdly drawn out incident.

But this moronic event occurs halfway through the issue, until then it’s just Shanna being a stupid female, ignoring her obviously smarter man.

For the first couple pages, it almost looked like Neary’s art was improving. It doesn’t, however. I’m just trying to think of good things about the comic. This issue ends with a note from the editor announcing its cancellation. Strangely, the editor, Danny Fingeroth, takes no responsibility… and he really should. The series has gone, albeit slowly, to pot since he took it over.

There’s one nearly good moment, with Ka-Zar and Shanna watching “television.” The punchline’s cute. It saves the comic from being entirely worthless.

Ka-Zar the Savage 34 (October 1984)

Too bad Neary’s art is awful.

Oh, and Shanna’s pregnant. Not sure if she ever gave birth… it’d be awesome if it was Peter Parker’s kid.

Anyway, the series comes to a lousy end. For these Carlin, Neary and Fingeroth issues, one could never guess the series was once good, much less sublime.

Oddly, Carlin’s explanation of the aliens is decent. Or, at least, unpredictable.

But unpredictability doesn’t make up for the rest..

Ka-Zar the Savage 33 (August 1984)

But this moronic event occurs halfway through the issue, until then it’s just Shanna being a stupid female, ignoring her obviously smarter man.

There’s one nearly good moment, with Ka-Zar and Shanna watching “television.” The punchline’s cute. It saves the comic from being entirely worthless.

Ka-Zar the Savage (1981) #32

Reading Carlin’s Ka-Zar is watching a series collapse on itself. This issue does have Marie Severin doing these wonderful imaginings of Ka-Zar and Shanna as a sitcom married couple. Those scenes, totally pointless and unbelievable, are awesome.

Otherwise… it’s awful.

Carlin turns Shanna into a ninny and a little of a harpy. She doesn’t trust Ka-Zar’s judgement because Ka-Zar’s dumb, remember? Carlin just amplifies all the textures of her personality (under Bruce Jones’s writing) until she becomes unbelievable.

The major incident with this unbelievable behavior regards Ka-Zar’s brother, who’s a villain and has a goofy mustache and dumb name. But he’s got an accent so Shanna’s going to believe him? It doesn’t seem likely.

But the plot also requires Ka-Zar to be really stupid and unobservant.

Carlin’s whole approach seems to be making the protagonists morons so they’ll fall for his bad plot ideas.

Neary’s bad art doesn’t help anything.