Dead to Me (2019) s01e08 – Try to Stop Me

Early on in the episode, there’s this shot looking through the skylight at Judy (Linda Cardellini) after she’s had a fainting sell and friends Christina Applegate and Brandon Scott have brought her home. They were out investigating the list of 1966 Mustang owners Scott procured (Applegate’s husband was run down by a 1966 Mustang).

It’s a really good shot and I thought for a second I’d be talking at length about how Kat Coiro is the best director on the series. But then the crappy one shot composition comes back with a vengeance and it’s a nope.

Anyway. The episode’s about two things—Cardellini thinking she’s pregnant again (it’s amazing how little her repeated miscarriages have played into the character arc)—and Applegate investigating the car owners. Initially, Applegate is going up to the houses and pretending to be interested in selling them because the block’s taking off while Scott and Cardellini wait in the car.

It’s really kind of dangerous behavior—especially if she found the hit and runner—and you’d think Scott would know it’s dangerous because he’s a cop (albeit on leave) but he’s too busy mooning over Cardellini to worry about Applegate. Or the legality of their private investigation.

So when Applegate decides to investigate the prime suspect Rick Holmes on her own… it’s concerning no one has thought maybe she shouldn’t be doing it. In fact, Scott sends her off with his blessing. So when Holmes tries to get Applegate drunk and make time with her–she rebuffs him, violently—there’s then this weird self-victim blaming from Applegate. But it’s complicated because she did lead him on in hopes of seeing his murder car? Like… okay. Weird.

Not as weird as when Cardellini and Applegate have the “you’re not a real woman if you don’t have a baby” talk. I guess I should just take God not figuring in as a win.

Big developments for James Marsden and Cardellini’s relationship—or lack thereof—and the finale with Scott stumbling onto a big piece of evidence you’d think a continuously covering up manslaughter-er would think about before putting themselves out in public but whatever. “Dead to Me” exists in a universe where people can’t Google each other, apparently.

Dead to Me (2019) s01e07 – I Can Handle It

In a somewhat incredible turn, the episode opens with Christina Applegate and investigator—I guess—Brandon Scott going to cop Diana Maria Riva and telling her about the evidence they found. Riva doesn’t seem to care much about the evidence and seems ready to throw it away; it’s incredible Applegate doesn’t ask to speak to her manager.

And unrealistic, frankly.

Also unrealistic is lawyer James Marsden and Linda Cardellini bonding over a new felony for their eventual prosecution. They’re great together—it’s a damn shame Marsden didn’t get a better career (he should’ve said no to X-Men back in the day, though it’s not like the early aughts did much good for a lot of Gen-x actors)—but… they’re sociopaths. Like. Does the show not realize they’re sociopaths? “Dead to Me” doesn’t seem to understand itself… which, yeah, it’s taken a big bite and doesn’t seem to know how to chew through it.

Anyway, the episode is split between Applegate freaking out after seeing pictures of her dead husband—which Riva didn’t want to show her but Scott thought she should see—and her Realtor partner dumping her. Because Jenkins is a prick. Though his excuse is Applegate’s an asshole and has been for years and not just since the husband died.

There’s also a bit in their breakup where Jenkins says it’s okay for old White people to be racist and Applegate disagreeing makes her the bad guy, in case you’re wondering where the show comes down on that one. Also Jenkins says a little prayer before shitting all over Applegate, which seems to be a way of empowering a casually Christian viewership to be un-Christian to one another.

So later on, when Applegate’s having a weird scene with Ed Asner (because they need an exposition dump scene—it’s concerning episode writer Emma Rathbone is also the executive story editor), we find out Applegate’s had “a shitty few years,” which seems to be her saying there’s a reason for the husband stepping out with the teenager.

And then even later she lies to Scott about her husband’s shoes because we’re going to find out he walked out on her the night he got killed, which was implied back in the second or third episode but has been forgotten since. Also forgotten is Jenkins is directing Applegate’s son in church choir, so things might be awkward. Maybe?

Finally, there’s the big cliffhanger with life coming at Cardellini hard and you realize no one thought enough about the ground situation when they wrote the pilot. Shrug emoji.

Dead to Me (2019) s01e04 – I Can’t Go Back

James Marsden’s character loses all appeal when—in the morning after scene with he and Linda Cardellini—he starts listening to his white man self-actualization podcast. Then he does his workout on the trampoline and you wonder just how Marsden came up with his characterization. Did he get to see the whole series script with all the character details and reveals or what. Because, even if he’s not appealing, Marsden’s performance as a mundane sociopath might end up being “Dead to Me”’s standout performance. Depending on how things go with Christina Applegate and Cardellini.

After Cardellini does the walk of shame home—or gets a ride because she’s still not driving—she finds out Applegate is upset about something, namely dead husband Ted cheating on her. Thanks to Cardellini knowing how to use the Internet, they convince the girlfriend they’re the dead husband and they’re going to meet her after work. So they go to the girlfriend’s restaurant—she’s a waitress—and try to spot her.

Unluckily, their waitress (Olivia Macklin) turns out to be the girlfriend. Applegate understandably gets hostile while Cardellini plays the good cop and gets information out of Macklin. Amid all that drama, Applegate’s also upset because Marsden has pulled his house off the market… because he’s getting back with Cardellini, which turns into an argument between the two.

Marsden’s already told Cardellini to pick a fight to break up the friendship and come back to him, so there’s a lot going on even with two characters sitting at a table.

Cardellini’s getting back together secret, which doesn’t even last the episode, is probably “Dead to Me”’s shortest secret. The show runs on them—it’s like if you found out Bruce Willis was a ghost every twelve to seventeen minutes—and this episode has two more? Three more? Ted had secrets on top of secrets for a lot longer than Applegate knew. But Applegate’s also got a previously undisclosed character backstory detail getting revealed and playing into the plot with Macklin so it’s a lot.

We’re also finding out Applegate gave up her dreams to support the husband, who was a failed musician, and it compounds a lot with her just revealed history secret. The episode ends in a very complex place for both Applegate and Cardellini; it appears “Dead to Me” is about to explore whether or not the truth truly sets one free… or maybe how that freedom might not be better. It’s complicated. And a good puzzle.

Also, Abe Sylvia’s direction is a really nice development for the series because you don’t notice it. There’s no forced pretentious composition with Sylvia.

Kate Robin’s script has some excellent barbed dialogue and sometimes it’s funny but it’s a very grim half hour.

Dead to Me (2019) s01e03 – It’s All My Fault

Even more secrets! Not only does Christina Applegate find out something she didn’t know—and not Linda Cardellini’s secret, even though Cardellini puts her secret out into the world in the form of a confession in a balloon—to send up to Heaven to Applegate’s dead husband, along with the family (it’s his birthday), which the show plays for a cheap bait and switch because it can’t help itself… And not even the secret martyring mother-in-law Valerie Mahaffey talks to Applegate about, a secret she’s keeping from… well, the audience. Because why shouldn’t everyone be keeping big ol’ secrets.

There’s a lot to the episode, what with Cardellini and ex James Marsden reconnecting after she has to call him to get her out of jail for damaging private property, which Cardellini copped to in an effort to help Applegate. If Marsden isn’t a complete sociopath who’s playing Cardellini, it’ll be the most surprising thing the show’s able to pull off. Because Marsden and Cardellini, in their extremely dysfunctional relationship, play off one another really well. If Marsden isn’t a villain, it’ll mean less great material for him, so I guess I’m hoping he’s a villain.

Then there’s Mahaffey, Applegate’s dead husband’s mother, grandmother to her children, and rival Realtor. Mahaffey belittles and demeans Applegate whenever she gets the chance, but Applegate’s in no mood to be pressed right now. Great performance from Mahaffey; Cardellini actually gets the more interesting scene opposite her, because most of the Applegate stuff is played—initially—for laughs.

Gay Realtor partner Max Jenkins comes through as a good friend to Applegate this episode, which initially redeems him, but then he’s the way they’re shoehorning in religion. Applegate apparently used to have cast and crew pray before takes (on a not “Married With Children” show); her character’s not religious on “Dead to Me” because she needs to be irate, but the gay White guy’s there to remind everyone it’s all good because God.

Eye roll.

Group’s back for a scene; nice to see Telma Hopkins and Edward Fordham Jr. And Ed Asner’s around a bit.

Abe Sylvia’s direction keeps up with some of the quizzical composition but not all of it, which is nice.

“Dead to Me” probably ought to have been called “So Many Secrets,” just because they’re what’s keeping it going but whatever. It works out. And it’s great to see Mahaffey.

Dead to Me (2019) s01e02 – Maybe I’m Crazy

Oh, the secrets. So many secrets. Linda Cardellini has secrets from Christina Applegate—the scene where Applegate tells Cardellini she’s a saint and Cardellini says something like, “you’ll come to find out I’m the Devil,” is a little too on the nose. But then the show has its secrets too. Creator and writer Liz Feldman wants to surprise viewers instead of just trusting in both them and her show. It’s a bummer.

Also a bummer is director Amy York Rubin, who’s back with her fake artsy composition and questionable focus blurs.

But otherwise—and Applegate’s exaggeratedly gay business partner Max Jenkins—it’s solid. Applegate’s arc this episode involves selling Cardellini’s ex-boyfriend James Marsden’s house while Cardellini gets comfortable staying with Applegate and sons. Younger son Luke Roessler gets a lot less to do than very upset teenager Sam McCarthy, who Cardellini sets about bonding with.

Now, given what the show’s reveals about Cardellini at this point, a bunch of the show just becomes trying to figure out her character motivations moment to moment. It’s a potentially great, showy part. It’ll be interesting to see what Cardellini does with it. At this point, she’s very interesting, which is the most she can be at this point.

Applegate’s got a subplot about calling the cops to report a speeding car in her neighborhood—apparently both she and her dead husband ran in the street instead of on sidewalks, which is… well… you’d think she’d move over to the sidewalks is all I’m saying. But the arc with the speeding sports car is pretty awesome. Gives Applegate a great last scene.

There’s no group this episode, so no guaranteed laughs. There’s a bit with the kids—Cardellini and McCarthy banter on the same level. Plus Ed Asner. And he gets lines this episode. He was background last episode.

“Dead to Me” is either going to work or it isn’t. It’ll probably be a waste of time if it doesn’t. But it’s engaging enough at this point I’m hopeful.

Dead to Me (2019) s01e01

The currently strangest thing, one episode into “Dead To Me”—not counting director Amy York Rubin’s pointlessly pensive shot composition, which just distracts in a thirty minute “sitcom”—is how the show handles the humor. Outside the cold open, which has lead Christina Applegate short with neighbor Suzy Nakamura (Applegate’s husband has died and Nakamura is bringing over food and can’t quite figure out the condolences), all the humor is left to the supporting cast at Applegate’s support group.

And it’s a great bunch of supporting cast to do humor, no complaints; Telma Hopkins, Edward Fordham Jr., and Keong Sim are all good at the humor. It’s a strange kind of support group. They meet outside. Sim set the whole thing up after his aunt died falling down stairs to go get him a soda. The episode doesn’t do the traditional support group thing of introducing everyone. It even skips Applegate.

But we do get to know other early forties with it White lady Linda Cardellini, who’s already established as weird because she introduces herself to Applegate while they’re getting the lousy coffee. Cardellini makes oddly inappropriate jokes and not for laughs, rather for Applegate to not laugh at, actually. Cardellini has lost her fiancé.

She and Applegate become phone buddies—they both have insomnia—and bond of “The Facts of Life” reruns. Soon they’re night owl buddies, hanging out in Applegate’s outdoor living room and watching the show, or driving around trying to find cars with Applegate husband-sized damage to the front right bumper.

Everything’s going great—it’s an indeterminate period of time, long enough the rest of the group knows they’re outside friends but not long enough for Applegate to think about introducing Cardellini to her two sons—but then Applegate finds out Cardellini hasn’t been honest about fiancé James Marsden.

The episode ends with some personal growth for Applegate and a major reveal on Cardellini’s level of deception… and her moving in with Applegate because sitcom.

There are some “give me an Emmy” moments for Applegate, like uncontrollably crying with taking a shit, but the show’s very careful never to be insincere. Like Rubin’s direction; whatever she’s doing, it’s not out of insincerity or hurriedness.

It does seem like it was written for a very specific audience—not just “Facts of Life” familiar, but “Kate & Allie,” which is not a realistic reference in 2020—but whatever. It does, however, make a big ask as far as the setup and Cardellini’s relationship with Applegate and it remains to be seen whether or not the show (and creator) Liz Feldman can make it into anything. So far, it’s all still conceptual and potential.

Into the Grizzly Maze (2014, David Hackl)

Should Into the Grizzly Maze be any good? It’s the story of two bickering brothers who have to hunt a giant killer bear. In Alaska. With the deaf wife of one brother–the cop–and the ex-girlfriend of the other brother. And the other brother is an ex-con. Their father’s former bear hunting protege also figures into the mix.

It sounds like a really lame soap opera, not a movie about a giant monster bear. And when you consider the actors–Thomas Jane as the cop, James Marsden as the ex-con, Piper Perabo as the deaf wife, Billy Bob Thornton as the protege (and, yes, TV supporting player Michaela McManus as the ex-girlfriend). These actors used to be movie stars. If they’re going to be in a movie about a killer grizzly bear, shouldn’t it be somehow awesome?

Yes, it should. But director Hackl’s atrocious. He can’t make Maze scary, can’t do the gore–and he wastes a few really good gore possibilities because the whole thing has awful CG in awful day for night digital shooting. Occasionally, it seems like James Liston’s photography is good, but then it’s obvious he just knows how to give that impression. It’s still better than anything Hackl does.

The whole reason Perabo is deaf is so she can be hunted and the audience can know what’s coming (and maybe to pay her less) and Hackl can’t even sell that moment.

Bad acting. Bad movie. Except Scott Glenn, of course.

0/4 ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by David Hackl; screenplay by Guy Moshe and J.R. Reher, based on a story by Reher; director of photography, James Liston; edited by Andrew Coutts, Michael N. Knue and Sara Mineo; music by Marcus Trumpp; production designer, Tink; produced by Paul Schiff, Tai Duncan and Hadeel Reda; released by Vertical Entertainment.

Starring James Marsden (Rowan), Thomas Jane (Beckett), Piper Perabo (Michelle), Billy Bob Thornton (Douglass), Scott Glenn (Sully), Michaela McManus (Kaley), Kelly Curran (Amber) and Adam Beach (Johnny Cadillac).

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006, Brett Ratner)

Apparently all the X-Men movies needed was the vapidness of Brett Ratner. What’s strangest about his replacing of Singer is the mutation being a metaphor for homosexuality. Singer used it as a metaphor (poorly) for race in the first one. I don’t think there were any metaphors in the second one, but it works perfectly in this one–especially since the mutation can be hidden and so on. But Ratner doesn’t harp on it, it’s just a little detail.

Maybe it’s Ratner’s lack of harping–Dante Spinotti’s cinematography and some great special effects sequences (the whole Golden Gate bridge scene is handled maybe better than any superhero movie moment since Superman)–but X-Men: The Last Stand is a lot of fun. It features some great character actors in bit roles–Michael Murphy, Bill Duke, Josef Sommer, Anthony Heald–finally casts some good actors in the supporting roles–Ben Foster and Kelsey Grammer. Grammer, under pounds of makeup, is great.

The regular cast is better this time too. Berry’s not as annoying as usual, Hugh Jackman’s fine, Patrick Stewart and James Marsden aren’t in it enough to hurt much… Ian McKellan finally gets a director who understands encouraging his overacting is funny. And even though Aaron Stanford’s a terrible actor, it’s hard not to get a homoerotic vibe off he and McKellan’s scenes together.

Anna Paquin’s terrible, but no worse than usual. Elliot Page is pretty obnoxious. Famke Janssen’s blank, but it’s finally her role.

It’s a good time.

X2 (2003, Bryan Singer)

X-Men 2–sorry, X2–is one of the worst movies I’ve ever sat through, if not the worst.

Singer does a lousy job on X2. It looks like it was filmed in Canada on a restricted budget; it looks goofy and cheap. The story is idiotic and the script is terrible. There’s no good split between the characters in terms of screen time. Patrick Stewart disappears for a while, so does James Marsden.

There’s one scene with promise–when Hugh Jackman is talking with Shawn Ashmore and it’s an awkward moment. It doesn’t really fulfill any of that promise, but it’s not as bad as most of the film.

There aren’t any good performances, which is disappointing if not surprising. Ashmore gives one of the better performances. Bruce Davison’s all right. As opposed to the first one, Jackman’s not good in this one. Patrick Stewart’s bad. Halle Berry’s bad. Famke Janssen’s less bad than those two, but still bad. Ian McKellan’s not as bad as he was in the first one, but he’s still lousy. Anna Paquin’s no good. Brian Cox is awful. Alan Cumming is awful. Cotter Smith plays the President–he exudes a Canadian production.

There is the one amazing scene where Wolverine kills all the army guys–the U.S. Army is the bad guy in X2. They’re child killers. This movie’s from 2003, demonizing the U.S. Army, which is kind of ballsy. It’s a gratuitous scene and its presence in a huge Hollywood blockbuster is startling. It’s great.

X-Men (2000, Bryan Singer)

My wife wanted me to mention the only reason we watched X-Men was because she wanted to see Hugh Jackman with his shirt off… I watched it to insure she didn’t have a cardiac arrest.

Back in the old days, before IMDb edited their trivia section, the X-Men trivia featured defenses of some of the terrible performances. There was some excuse for Halle Berry’s terrible accent and another for Anna Paquin’s mysteriously appearing and disappearing one. It’s too bad IMDb got classy and took them down, because there were even more defenses and they were a lot of fun.

But if one is trapped and watching X-Men, in between parts where Hugh Jackman’s giving a fine performance, there are amusements. It’s fun to see Bryan Singer composing his shots for a pan-and-scan VHS version (faces occupy one half of the screen while empty space occupies the other or the action is in the center, with empty space on the sides). There’s also the obviously Canadian sets–which make the Statue of Liberty finale all the more amusing. I mean, X-Men is an action movie where one of the big sequences takes place in the Liberty Island gift shop. Not many movies can make that claim. Or the train station… wow, that one’s exciting.

There are more amusements, some not recognizable at the time. It’s not really an amusement, more an unfortunate reality–Michael Kamen’s embarrassing score, which would be terrible on a razor commercial, is one of his last. But on the more amusing things–like trying to take Tyler Mane seriously. The guy’s 6’8″ but the make-up and costume are so silly, he looks like he’s performing at a kid’s birthday party.

The most fun, however, is trying to figure who gives a worse performance, Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellan. The script, which has some of the worst dialogue in any major motion picture I think I’ve ever seen, does neither any favors, but I do think Stewart edges McKellan out. Though McKellan is worse, he’s in it a little bit less and doesn’t have the long expository monologues Stewart gets to deliver.

The plot is smartly bound to Jackman, which kind of makes the thing deceptively okay in parts. Thankfully, the moronic ending (it’s Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, get it?) erases any memory of his fine performance.

Speaking of performances, there really aren’t any good ones other than Jackman. James Marsden is hilariously bad, as is Berry, as is Rebecca Romijn. Famke Janssen’s bad, but nowhere near as terrible as the others. Bruce Davison, who really sets off those made in Canada flags, is awful.

I’ve seen X-Men three times now and I still don’t understand how it was a hit or how it is considered “good.” It kicked off the modern superhero movie genre, which has produced some worse entries, and maybe it just doesn’t seem as bad in comparison to those. But with the exception of Jackman, the whole thing feels like a syndicated, shot-in-Canada TV show. It’s like “RoboCop: The Series.” Only worse.