I’m banging my head against the wall trying to figure out this question–how the heck did Uncanny X-Men sell? I mean, Claremont’s writing is the wordiest drivel I think I’ve ever read in a mainstream comic book, possibly because he refuses to shut up. He writes on and on in his exposition, on and on in his declarative dialogue. It’s just endless.

Unfortunately, the Beyonder doesn’t kill all of the X-Men this issue and I really, really, really wish he had. They’re all obnoxious and whiney. Only Storm comes across as less that a complete twit and only by a hair. Everyone else spends the issue having personal revelation after revelation.

I always mocked X-Men comics without having read them. Having now done so, I just feel sorry for myself. These fifteen minutes are never coming back.

And apparently Romita Jr. could never draw. Art’s awful.

Say what one may about Romita’s artwork, but damn if he doesn’t draw the cutest little feet on the Beyonder the last issue? Does Secret Wars II really boil down to penis envy?

Similarly, even with Claremont’s awful writing–he really thought he needed to explain Cerebro to readers in an endless expository thought balloon–he does pack the issue. It’s a chore to get through it, because it’s so lame, but it’s a packed issue. Lots of thoughts, lots of action, lots of dialogue. Though I don’t know where Nightcrawler went. He wasn’t in the big battle scene.

The more I read Secret Wars II and its endless tie-in issues, the more it’s clear what dumb ideas Shooter had for it. Seriously, they could have left the Beyonder alone–he doesn’t really do anything this issue to provoke an attack from the “heroes”–they’ve decided to preemptively strike.