If the scripter weren’t Paul Levitz, I’d almost wonder if he were making fun of (plotter and editor) Gerry Conway’s take on All-Star to this point. JSA chairman Hawkman comes off like a dipshit; Superman is the only adult on Earth-Two, except maybe Hourman, who spends his guest appearance thinking about how unheroic superheroes have become.

Because they’re acting like Conway’s still writing them.

The issue opens with everyone trying to save Dr. Fate, who’s near death from last issue. They use Star-Spangled Kid’s cosmic rod on him while trying to play his internal monologue for his teammates to hear (or actually see). But all they discover is the Ankh, which reminds Green Lantern Dr. Fate’s big into Egypt and magic and stuff and maybe there’s a better way to save him than cosmic rod life support.

Though at some point, Star-Spangled Kid will pass out off page and stop providing the life-maintaining energy, and presumably, Fate still doesn’t die. But we don’t spend any real time on it because Hawkman’s too busy being a dipshit.

Hawkman sends Green Lantern and Flash to Egypt, tells everyone else to mind Dr. Fate, then heads home to get into bed with his good lady wife and maybe, just maybe, play around with the giant ancient Lemurian sorcerer he’s got encased in amber. Too bad the amber melted and the sorcerer kidnapped the good lady wife (and killed Hawkman’s treacherous assistant curator).

At that point, Hawkman immediately sounds the all-JSA alarm—which did not go off in any of the issues where they were saving the actual planet Earth (two)—and recalls Superman to duty. They all meet up at headquarters, where Wildcat and Power Girl have been bickering, and Hourman has been embarrassed to be in a union suit with such unprofessionals.

Hawkman then whines at the assembled heroes about them not caring enough about his kidnapped wife—one of them has the gall to point out Dr. Fate’s in trouble, too—before everyone just goes along with him. They go to Tokyo, where the sorcerer has Mrs. Hawkman in inter-dimensional suspended animation.

The people of Tokyo are paralyzed and lying prone on the street. When the JSA arrives, Hawkman tells everyone to concentrate on what’s important—his wife—and ignore the civilians. Superman reminds them to do the opposite, actually.

I don’t think Levitz is having a laugh at Conway’s expense. I think they’re still playing it straight. But good grief, they’re all a bunch of twerps except Superman and—so far—Housman.

Interestingly, Levitz doesn’t continue Conway’s characterization of Power Girl as a vocal proponent for women’s lib. She’ll mouth off to the fellows, but Levitz plays it like she’s just a brat. He also makes sure the old men leer at her and talk about it.

Speaking of old men… Golden Age Superman. Wally Wood—over Keith Giffen layouts—draws Superman like he’s got an almost static head shot every time. Still brings life to it, but it looks like he’s following some style guide from 1943. It’s a vibe.

The issue moves well enough thanks to the energy in Giffen’s layouts and Wood’s contributions. It’s not like there’s a particularly high bar to clear for All-Star to make par.

Writer Gerry Conway likes deus ex machinas so much, he flies one in on a spaceship for this issue. The issue’s got multiple comes and goings, like there was only so much time each hero got in each subplot. For instance, when the deus ex machina lands, the only superhero going to intercept is Power Girl, ducking out on another scene.

She ducked out just after Mrs. The Flash came to the burned up headquarters from last issue and told Jay it’s time to come home because he’s not young anymore. It’s very strange. Especially since other heroes then arrive to bring the numbers back up.

The majority of the issue involves the JSA trying to take down Vulcan, having discovered he’s the rogue astronaut gone mad with power. Or maybe he went mad first; doesn’t end up mattering. Conway must’ve decided even though the All-Star heroes are a bit squarer than their Earth-One counterparts, the comic’s going to get unexpectedly and unnecessarily dark from time to time.

There’s oddly more internal griping from Green Lantern this issue, too. It’s like Conway’s got his various character personality bits to get in—Star-Spangled Kid going on about his cosmic rod, Wildcat being a shallow bully, Power Girl (usually accurately) finding misogyny everywhere. Alan Scott, the Green Lantern, is a petulant man-child narcissist who cannot stop thinking about himself. Even when Dr. Fate runs into trouble, Green Lantern centers himself entirely in the panic.

There’s some setup for next issue with Hawkman’s alter ego’s museum-related subplot. And Dr. Mid-Nite shows up to do some doctoring, but also do be the only one with x-ray (close enough) vision. Conway’s got everything very neatly arranged, even if all the details are bland.

Power Girl does get a relatively decent solo mission intercepting the spaceship and its pilot. There’s a multi-page punch-out with penciller Keith Giffen doing some elaborate page layouts. Wally Wood keeps up on the finished art, of course, but when Giffen actually gets to do a busy, creative page, it works out.

It’s not a particularly compelling read, however. Giffen’s few pages of Power Girl versus space invader, which has panels ranging from the most sci-fi superhero comic fight to a journey through the mind, are very welcome. Except there’s no pay-off because the timer’s gone off, and Conway’s ready for the next batch of characters.

Despite saving the planet every other issue, the book doesn’t seem at all necessary.

It’s a few weeks after last issue (and adventure) and the doldrums of being a superhero have sunk in. The issue opens on a rainy day at the JSA brownstone, with Power Girl challenging the Flash to a race. Wildcat’s busy having anger management issues about television while Star-Spangled Kid wonders what’s wrong with him.

Flash will excuse away Wildcat’s behavior (again). It’s annoying as if writer Gerry Conway had to include some nonsense excusing of it, which just makes Flash seem like he’s full of it, too.

But they won’t be bored long, because new villain Vulcan attacks them. Vulcan looks a little like a Jack Kirby character; he’s got a New God headband, for instance. The art this issue is Keith Giffen and Wally Wood; Giffen doesn’t change Power Girl’s outfit or anything, but he doesn’t emphasize her, well, bare flesh the way Ric Estrada did the last couple issues. It’s a welcome change.

Even if Conway’s dialogue for Power Girl constantly has her making remarks about women’s liberation, usually in reference to some dude not being into it. Conway’s also the editor on this book, so clearly, he’s not getting the guidance he actually needs. Particularly given the tangents the comic goes on.

So, the new villain is attacking the brownstone. Then we cut to Green Lantern’s  office woes (his newspaper’s running out of money). Dr. Fate shows up—in civvies just to drag it out a few more panels—to collect Green Lantern so they can go to a top-secret Army briefing.

About Vulcan.

There’s a flashback about Vulcan; he’s a JSA-worshipping astronaut who cracked under the pressure of actual space travel, killing his crew mates, then becoming a fire creature. It’s simultaneously a little and a lot.

Then Green Lantern and Dr. Fate go to confront the bad guy, and the comic’s over. It’s so oddly plotted, especially since the Army briefing scene was mostly connecting the dots to the first scene with Vulcan. It might’ve made more sense if… the JSA headquarters had some kind of alarm system to alert the other members of the attack.

As far as characterizations go, Power Girl and Dr. Fate stand out the most. Wildcat’s played for (bewilderingly targeted) laughs, Star Spangled Kid is bland, Jay Garrick’s full of shit, and Green Lantern’s a buzzkill and a half. Power Girl’s at least sympathetic—even if Conway’s not convinced she’s experiencing misogyny at every turn, he’s still writing it for her to experience—and Dr. Fate’s flat but competent.

Who knew competent superheroes were so much to ask for?

Not much better than the previous outings, but a little.