Swamp Thing (2019) s01e09 – The Anatomy Lesson

Asterisks about Writer’s Guild credit rules, I knew when Mark Verheiden’s name came up on this penultimate episode’s opening titles, The Anatomy Lesson was in trouble. It’s not a lot of trouble, but there are definite backslides. The script’s not interested in Crystal Reed’s experience at all; on the one hand, she’s the action hero rescuing her kidnapped love interest, so it’s not primed for character drama. On the other hand, Ian Ziering gets that action hero arc without any stakes whatsoever, just to not be a selfish white surfer bro.

It’s a packed episode, with three main plots, then three subplots. Reed and Maria Sten team up like it’s seventh grade to track down kidnapped swamp monster Derek Mears. Kevin Durand and Will Patton are going to dissect Mears. Ziering gets a visit from still not Kevin Smith Macon Blair, who tells him to (blue) devil up and save the day. Subplots are Selena Anduze’s Alzheimer’s getting worse while Durand’s busy on his supervillain origin story and then Henderson Wade being mad at mom Jennifer Beals. Beals isn’t in the episode, though, and Wade doesn’t have anyone to talk with, so it’s not clear why he’s mad. Is he angry because she didn’t tell him Patton was his real dad, furious because she got mad when he killed someone to stop Patton from blackmailing her, and just sad he’s a murderer? Doesn’t really matter, it’s the second-to-last episode, and Wade’s got a comics-ordained arc to complete. Then Patton has to get his revenge on wife Virginia Madsen, who hopefully gets a better send-off next episode.

Speaking of comics-ordained, this episode takes its title from Alan Moore’s famous (second) issue of Saga of the Swamp Thing. It’s not a direct adaptation (unfortunately), but it’s got the same basic reveals. The episode focuses on Durand, not Mears, which… might work out next episode or might be a missed opportunity. The episode’s got some big reveals and some reveals pretending to be big, but no reason they won’t be able to land it. Might be nice if Reed got something to do.

One last thing: director Michael Goi. Not good. Gets Sten’s worst performance in like four or five episodes, which is back when Verheiden was getting credits too. Once the action oscillates away from Reed and Sten, Goi’s direction improves, but every time it returns to them, it flounders. It’s impressive the show’s got the momentum to get through it, but it does. Good work from Durand, Anduze, and Ziering. Mears and Reed are fine but barely get anything to do.

Let’s see what happens next time.

The Equalizer (2021) s02e06 – Shooter

It’s a city-in-crisis episode, with a sniper terrorizing New York. Only the show skips the first two attacks, and it doesn’t appear there’s a lot of crisis going on. Even though the expository dialogue makes it sound like everyone’s staying inside when Queen Latifah and Liza Lapira go to the crime scene, there’s a bunch of people loitering around, and the streets behind them are full.

So the danger never seems super imminent.

Lapira’s along because it’s a sniper episode, and she was a sniper in the army. We get some backstory with her shitty misogynist former C.O., Terry Serpico, and then Lapira gets a big standoff scene in the third act. Lapira’s a lot better when she’s not spending all her time mollycoddling Adam Goldberg, who’s barely in the episode.

Tory Kittles also gets a bunch more to do than usual since the city has hired Latifah to find the sniper because they’re incapable. So to keep track—men in the military are at best sexist incompetents, while the NYPD is just incompetent. “Equalizer” doesn’t exactly have politics, but it doesn’t mind casting aspersions on terrible institutions.

Jennifer Ferrin shows up as the DA again; she’s the one who okays hiring Latifah. It’s strange they don’t call the FBI. Or bring in some Army guy to track down their vet-gone-killer.

Of course, given the B-plot is all about Laya DeLeon Hayes having a PTSD panic attack from watching her friend get gunned down in last season’s finale… the show making weird plotting decisions isn’t a surprise. The Hayes arc is fine—though a complete cop-out at a certain point when it stops being about Hayes and is instead about Latifah and Lorraine Toussaint trying to help Hayes—and the ending resolution is strange. Latifah decides Hayes needs professional help to make sure the PTSD doesn’t get any worse but instead brings in… well, there’s that weird plotting thing again.

Because “The Equalizer” knows some things should be taken seriously, except it’s a CBS procedural programmer, so there’s only so much it can do. What if Hayes’s mom wasn’t someone with a very particular set of skills like Latifah, who knew what to do in these situations? The show also doesn’t really address Hayes’s reaction to mom Latifah being out there risking her life in this perilous episode. Bat signal’s up, and Latifah’s got to go, and Hayes is okay with it.

Odd ambitions aside, good acting from Toussaint and Hayes (before she very literally gets put to bed) and probably series-best work from Lapira.

Goldberg’s arc about being recalled-to-life is still treading water, which is again a strange choice. Why introduce a subplot to just immediately stall it out? It’s like they gave Goldberg something to do in one episode and now have to tell him every episode they’re not going to give him more to do.

Nice direction from Milena Govich and some surprisingly solid fight choreography for this CBS show.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s03e10 – The Portrait

So, it’s a completely fine season finale.

And by completely fine I mean, amusing and adequate. It’s intended to close off this season and prepare the next, with lots of plot machinations going on throughout. Until the final reveal, it’s mostly Harvey Guillén’s episode but not a great one for him. Looking back at the season from here, it’s clear they never figured out what to do with him post-vampire hunter reveal—I kept waiting for Kristen Schaal to flirt with him to give it some personality, but no. There’s no character development, no relationship development, just getting things in order for hiatus.

The episode opens with a reasonably decent gimmick—the vampires are having their portrait done because portraits are very important in vampire culture. There’s a quick recap of why they’re important, but it’s a new thing coming in at the end of season three when they’ve had portraits around the whole show, and none of those other portraits come with a similar story. Doesn’t matter, the Sire and the Baron are back for the portrait, and it’s kind of adorable having them around. Plus, Donal Logue is painting the portrait. The episode does a deep dive into Donal Logue’s filmography for gags instead of doing an episode for the regular cast.

Again, it’s okay. Logue’s kind of too good for it to work. If his performance were hacky—like if he’d never learned to act—it’d be funnier. Instead, just adequate.

The worst part of the episode is never showing the completed portrait. Though the Ocean’s Twelve twist and plot unfolding reveal in the last five minutes is worse for the show itself.

There’s some good acting from Kayvan Novak and Matt Berry, though Natasia Demetriou gets the better material. She’s at least got a subplot. Guillén ought to be better, but the writing’s too broad.

The episode’s totally fine, and next season should be hilarious. But it most definitely wasn’t worth blowing the last three episodes of this season to set it up.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s03e08 – The Wellness Center

It’s Stefani Robinson’s first writer credit this season on “Shadows.” She was credited on some excellent episodes last season. And Wellness Center has Yana Gorskaya directing too. So it’s got the right credits… they just don’t translate into an exemplar episode. It’s a perfectly good, very funny episode about Nandor (Kayvan Novak) joining a cult. It’s simply isn’t inspired.

Novak’s in a vampiric depression, which comes when vampires dwell too much in the face of eternity. There’s good material for Matt Berry and Natasia Demetriou to talk about the behavior, which will be the most they do in the episode. Pop in for some outstanding deliveries of funny jokes, and then piss off. Besides Novak, Mark Proksch and Harvey Guillén get the most to do. Proksch because he’s moving into Novak’s room if Novak leaves for the cult and Guillén because, as Novak’s bodyguard, he needs to be prepared to deprogram.

The cult itself—led by Cree Summer—is a not-unfunny concept. Vampires pretending to be human and pretending they’re living in eighties exercise culture. But Novak doesn’t have any interesting adventures with them. Instead, there are clip montages with all the gags and Novak talking in between them. It ought to be a fantastic showcase for Novak, only then it isn’t. Ditto Summer. She’s fine and has good deliveries, but she’s not some magnetic personality.

The episode does end up giving Guillén the most to do in a few episodes; just like everything else, it’s okay. There’s just nothing special about it.

It’s the show’s fault for being so consistently excellent; a perfectly acceptable good episode seems like such a letdown. The most significant subplot is Proksch taking over the bedroom, and we get some further insights into the behaviors of energy vampires. Laugh out loud insights, but because they’re mostly just cheap gags.

Actually, most of the jokes in the episode are just cheap gags, hence the problem. They’re expertly executed but immediately forgettable; not up to “Shadows”’s standard at all.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s03e07 – The Siren

And it’s another exemplar “Shadows.” Season three’s rise continues, making all my concerns seem very, very silly. Trust in “Shadows.”

This episode’s mostly Natasia Demetriou. Whether as Nadja or the doll version of Nadja, who decides she’s sick of being ignored and runs away. So you’ve got this adorable, foul-mouthed little goth doll running around the streets and so on. It’s a wonderful kind of hilarious. Like, this episode’s laughs all feel good on the Demetriou arc. It’s been a while since Demetriou’s really been able to kick ass on the show. But this episode fulfills—it’s literally twice the Demetriou, interacting with one another and the other characters. It’s wonderful.

Kayvan Novak and Harvey Guillén go with Demetriou, the vampire, to find Demetriou the doll. Part of the running away has to do with Demetriou and Novak being busy with the Vampiric Council. The latest drama over their partnership opens the episode, but it quickly becomes giant, magical slapstick. Guillén’s the utility man this episode—he starts with the documentarians pairing him with the doll for an interview, which pisses Guillén off for now being second-string—and he starts the doll hunt arc, then teams up with Matt Berry for a bit. Plus, there’s still the Guide (Kristen Schaal) having a crush on Guillén, which is a ship just for the comic value.

Berry’s paired chiefly with Mark Proksch as they go on a fateful trip by boat. Some amazing fake historical paintings of Berry on ships throughout history start the plot, which goes somewhere entirely different. The eventual plotline does inform some character development for Proksch, which the show then uses for a one-time-only great final punchline. It’s incredible stuff.

Shana Gohd gets the writing credit, Yana Gorskaya directs. It’s possibly Gorskaya’s best-directed episode, which is saying a lot, but it gets excellent early and just improves. Even with Proksch’s subplot, which involves guest star Catherine Cohen and a Bee Gees song, every possible plot perturbation is a success.

And then Berry gets a couple-minute subplot of his own—Guillén’s along—before the show gets back to the episode in progress. It’s all inspired; every setup delivers.

This show’s so reassuringly good, a sterling example of a show knowing what’s good about itself and running with it. Not a victory lap, because it’s still achieving, maybe… justifiably confident.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s03e06 – The Escape

I can’t decide if I’ve actually been bearish on “What We Do in the Shadows: Season Three”—Rona filming and Jermaine Clement leaving the writers’ room being the concerns—or if I’ve just been bearish in general and it infected “Shadows.” Because Escape, the show has cemented its third season. It’d have to crap out in unimaginable ways at this point. Escape’s a “Shadows” classic. But, of course, the show having so many exemplar episodes sets it up for a stumble or fall.

Escape is great. Yana Gorskaya’s direction is outstanding, working from an excellent script credited to Jake Bender and Zach Dunn. The episode’s a comedy thriller. Thanks to Kayvan Novak (ostensibly), the oldest vampire in the world has gone missing, and if he accidentally gets killed, all the other vampires will drop dead. Or so the legend goes. No one’s particularly sure, except Mark Proksch knows it won’t affect him. Energy vampires are born, not turned.

It turns into an all-hands-on-deck episode, with Kristen Schaal and a very special surprise return guest star helping out with the hunt for the creature as it wreaks havoc around Staten Island.

Lots of good set pieces, lots of great punchlines, lots of just right plot turns.

While Novak and Natasia Demetriou try to deal with the political fallout of losing the alpha vampire, Proksch and Matt Berry drag Harvey Guillén along, investigating whether or not the “head of the snake” legend is true. Then Guillén’s gets to step up when the vampires are unable to organize against a greater threat. They’re too used to being the greater threat.

And there’s a nice girl bonding scene for Demetriou and Schaal. It’s a wonderfully balanced episode, especially since there are times they could’ve punted plot points and instead get them wrapped up with lovely proverbial bows.

Standout performances are Novak (who’s got a mini-character arc in his panic over so failing his new responsibilities) and the very special guest star who I’m not spoiling. Guillén and Demetriou have some really good moments too. Proksch, Berry, and Schaal are, obviously, hilarious but very much in supporting parts by the end.

The episode also plays up the documentary angle a little more than usual, especially for integrating into punchlines.

It’s the season highlight (so far).

What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s03e04 – The Casino

One of the things about “What We Do in the Shadows,” back in the first season, was the high number of standout episodes. Thanks to the lack of overarching narrative, week after week, the show could deliver these great done-in-ones. This episode is the first (and hopefully not only) great done-in-one for Season Three. It’s the first episode credited to Sarah Naftalis, whose been in the room since Season Two; Yana Gorskaya directs; she’s done a bunch of great episodes.

If the title weren’t a giveaway, the episode very quickly sets it up. The vampires are going with their human neighbors to Atlantic City. There are a few vampire details—the vampires have to bring their dirt with them from their coffins; otherwise, they won’t be able to sleep and will lose their magic and become irritable—and a quick moment with Kristen Schaal (who doesn’t need to be in it but it’s like she’s a regular, yay), then it’s off to AC. In a party bus. With a bunch of drunk humans.

The neighbors, Anthony Atamanuik and Marissa Jaret Winokur are renewing their vows. They were on a standout episode from last season, where they got a lot more to do. I’d forgotten Atamanuik being a big fan of the Ocean’s Eleven trilogy, which turns out to be a plot point and part of the third act gag. It’s excellent stuff and possibly even funnier not remembering the mega-fanning has already been introduced. It’s such a strange franchise to obsess about. The episode will introduce another one when Kayvan Novak becomes obsessed with “The Big Bang Theory” thanks to a slot machine.

“The Big Bang Theory” detail jokes themselves are, of course, limited because how funny could you really make them, but it figures into the plot twice in unexpected ways, and they’re both doozies. Everything in the episode, except maybe the surprise resolve in the finish, Harvey Guillén’s side adventure (there’s not enough room for all four vampires and Guillén), and the truncated vampires bonding with Guillén material, everything’s a doozy. And of those three lesser bits, only Guillén’s side adventure isn’t really funny. Thanks to Guillén’s performance, the absurdity of the adventure, and the direction, it’s amusing and cute, but it’s not a comedy gag. The surprise resolve is just over in a few seconds because of narrative efficiency, and the truncated bonding seems to be promising something more going forward. I mean, they better get back to Matt Berry interrogating Guillén about his parents’ sex life. Sex is the only thing Berry ever wants to talk about, and they’re trying to include Guillén more since he’s now officially their bodyguard.

The rest of the jokes are all hilarious. Everyone gets a bit of an arc, with Natasia Demetriou’s night out with Winokur and the girls getting interrupted when she sees old friends. Novak and Mark Proksch have an arc together, while Berry’s got one with Atamanuik. It’s all spectacularly paced, phenomenal comedy. Great work from the cast, great work from the crew. The script’s truly superb.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s03e02 – The Cloak of Duplication

The episode opens with a lengthy, hilarious bit of Harvey Guillén mocking Kayvan Novak’s lack of self-awareness. It’s terrific. And then there’s immediately another strong punchline bit when the cast returns to the Vampiric Council building to get a grand tour. Kristen Schaal’s around for the tour and that second strong punchline—as well as a C plot set up involving the world’s oldest vampire, presumably even older than the world’s oldest vampire who was in the first season.

Other C plot building has Mark Proksch deciding he’s going to figure out where energy vampires come from; he even gets an adoring fan in Nabil Rajo, another energy vampire, but one who works as a weed dealer and talks about his sneakers to feed. The stuff with Proksch and Rajo’s some of the best-written material in the episode. It’s a very funny episode, but the rest of it is situational.

For example, the A-plot has the other vampires pretending to be Novak (thanks to magic) and going to his gym to ask out clerk Lauren Collins on his behalf. Except, of course, Collins thinks it’s Novak every time (even though the other vampires retain their voices). No surprise, Matt Berry’s voice performance is the best, though Novak has a great time imitating Berry’s physical performance. It’s a good sitcom bit, with a great couple punchlines in the last scene.

Meanwhile, the real Novak is off with Natasia Demetriou and Proksch on a bookkeeping mission. Youngster Queens vampire Tyler Alvarez isn’t paying his dues to the Council, and they’re going to collect. Or Demetriou’s going to collect while Novak wants to be gentle and genial about it. Proksch’s along to take the meeting minutes. Lots of good subtle digs on the energy vampire stuff.

Berry’s got a little more to do, but he’s still out of the main plots. He can’t go on any adventures this episode because he’s too busy reading old vampire porn at the Council library. It’s a not very funny gag the episode can get away with—to a limited extent—thanks to Berry. But when he’s actually got a scene opposite Guillén, it’s again apparent they’re just not using him for some reason. It’s one of those “hope he’s okay,” but if he is okay, it’s also worrisome.

Though it’s an absolutely phenomenal episode for Demetriou. She and Novak mostly share the A plot stuff—with Proksch’s punchlines getting the spotlight—but she gets some great material in the finale.

It’s a good episode. I’m nearly sure I’m unjustifiably uneasy about the season.

Michael Hayes (1997) s01e07 – Radio Killer

This episode is about a proto-Alex Jones (a just okay Daniel von Bargen) who incites one of his listeners to kill an ATF agent as payback for Waco (back when the sovereign citizens weren’t running government agencies) and the good guys having to figure out how they can get von Bargen for murder. It’s the first trial episode of “Michael Hayes” and it is not a good trial sequence. Not even for 1997. At some point David Caruso just starts doing a full Al Pacino with recurring judge Esther Scott yelling at him to knock it off for way too long. Scott’s not good this episode, which is too bad, because it’s entirely the script’s fault.

Of course John Romano gets half the script credit—I mean, Kelly Rowan shows up needlessly as the FBI agent who last time had the hots for a disinterested Caruso and this time seems to have read the room, but she has nothing important to do in the narrative. Other Romano script regular feature—Ruben Santiago-Hudson getting bad material—gets averted; Santiago-Hudson just doesn’t get much to do. Well, Caruso still has to tell him obvious things to do about his job (Santiago-Hudson was going to ignore Internet-based von Bargen fan clubs, Caruso has to tell him to actually investigate them). What ought to be Santiago-Hudson’s material gets shifted over to Rowan, but then there’s the added benefit of Rowan getting to team up with Rebecca Rigg. Caruso is letting Rigg run with the case—much to Peter Outerbridge’s dismay—which leads to some good acting through weak material for Rigg and some profound Bechdel fails.

Especially since Rigg ends up getting her real U.S. Attorney through witness manipulation and so on. The show’s very careful to demonize rich evil bigots (von Bargen and his cracker caricature lawyer Ben Jones) while patronizing poor dumb bigots (the killer’s girlfriend Boti Bliss). It’s a fine line, because Caruso’s ostensibly got his righteous white savior, Irish Catholic anger thing going on (hence getting away with yelling in court and ignoring Black woman judge Scott). There’s also the additional factor history’s proven “Hayes” right to some terrifying degree; the people in the nineties who were worried about potentially riled up domestic terrorists were not wrong, after all. Hearing the FBI worry about white supremacists—in the late nineties—is one heck of a “oh, the good old days.”

Unfortunately, thanks to Ashford and Romano not being very good at what they’re trying to do—though, again, to be fair, it’s CBS and it’s 1997, there weren’t that many possibilities—but it comes off like a sensationalized, exploitative liberal scaremongering about working poor non-college educated whites. It just happens to be correct, just from a time when it’s possible it wouldn’t end up being correct. See, if it were well-written, it’d age great.

Anyway, while Caruso’s letting Rigg do all the hard work so he can do the yelling in court, there’s a subplot about his brother, David Cubitt, getting involved with organized crime. Caruso tries to talk to him about it, Cubitt just wants to talk about Caruso’s great unrequited romance with Mary B. Ward (Cubitt’s suffering wife). Only Caruso and Ward have very mild chemistry, certainly not romantic, not even when they slow dance; it’s still more than Cubitt musters with anyone so I guess it’s a valid concern. It’s just this nonsense leftover from the pilot.

It’s a rollercoaster of a character arc for Rigg and she gets through it; it’s unclear if it’ll add up to anything going forward. But it’s pretty clear Romano-credited episodes of “Hayes” are going to continue to wildly disappoint. Though it’s the best Caruso’s been so far with patently bad material.

Fargo (2014) s04e11 – Storia Americana

This episode runs under forty minutes. The first few episodes ran over an hour. So why does “Fargo: Season Four” need a coda? I mean, besides them not finishing the story last episode so they could eek out just one more.

The episode opens with a montage of all the people who have died this season, confirming at least one I assumed was still… well, up in the air. It’s going to end with the tie-in to the other “Fargo” series in a mid-credits scene, but it’s a predictable-ish tie-in. There have only been so many Black people in “Fargo” until this season. If someone’s going to be a descendant or relation… there’s a very limited pool.

Once things with Jessie Buckley and Jason Schwartzman get resolved—gang consigliere Francesco Acquaroli didn’t know about Buckley and Schwartzman being a couple and he’s got a bunch of thoughts, especially how things should be going forward—there’s just time for a rushed new Chris Rock subplot. Edwin Lee Gibson is causing more trouble. Except this time Rock doesn’t need wife J. Nicole Brooks to do the Lady MacBeth thing, he can handle it himself. Sort of.

See, it’s not like Rock or Schwartzman were criminal masterminds. Schwartzman’s incompetent because it’s supposed to be funny, but Rock’s supposed to be the competent one only he never does anything right. Plus Glynn Turman was clearly smarter than Rock. Much like Buckley, it’s impossible to imagine how these characters got to these points in their lives. With all three, that problem is the writing. It’s way too thin and relies way too much on the actors being distracting. Buckley’s got all sorts of busy mannerisms and Linda Cardellini stuff to do, while Schwartzman mugs like he’s in a Rushmore skit, and Rock tries to figure out why they hired him in the first place.

He’s really effective this episode when he finally gets to play the family man, but since the whole show’s about how he’s not a family man and it’s not like there’s been any relevant character development—there have been some related events, but if Noah Hawley’s gotten to the point where he’d called them character development… well, actually, it would explain a lot about the season.

There’s a little bit with E'myri Crutchfield tying back to the first episode when it pretended it was going to be about her.

It’s the best episode Dana Gonzales directed all season for sure but it’s not like it can save the season. Does it save the show? I’d probably be back for a season five to start, no matter what—so the last three episodes did stop the sinking—but I really hope Hawley doesn’t make another one.

The highlight of a season shouldn’t be a single one-off episode. It doesn’t even have a consistent stand-out cast member. It’s a disaster of a season.