Zoe Bell stars in ANGEL OF DEATH, directed by Paul Etheredge for Crackle.com.

Angel of Death (2009, Paul Etheredge)

If you’re going to rip something off, I guess ripping off Jesus’ Son is the way to go. And it does have the best Doug Jones performance I’ve ever seen.

But when the best performance in a film is the twenty-two year-old mob son (Jake Abel) there’s clearly something wrong. Angel of Death was serialized on the web first so maybe Paul Etheredge isn’t the punch line of a director he appears to be, but I’m guessing he is. It’s some of the worst direction I’ve seen since Simon West.

Now, Ed Brubaker writes good comic books, really good comic books, some great comic books, but even if his script is good, which is a stretch I’m not willing to go to–it’s impossible to tell. Etheredge’s direction is awful and there’s this constant, grating music by Darrel Herbert. Angel of Death is a constant assault on the senses.

But the biggest problem is, obviously, Zoe Bell. She’s not an actor. She’s so bad Uwe Boll wouldn’t use her. And the filmmakers don’t seem to realize the post-modern potential of Angel of Death. It’s supposedly this sexy hit woman movie–really playing into comic book reality–but in actuality, Bell (and I’m a jerk here, sorry) looks about as feminine as Harvey Keitel in a platinum wig. She’s a stuntwoman, not a beauty queen. Heaven forbid they make it realistic and engage with that fact. The only thing giving Bell any screen presence is her terrible black wig.

Garbage.

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Paul Etheredge; written by Ed Brubaker; director of photography, Carl Herse; edited by Jochen Kunstler and Jacob Vaughan; music by Darrel Herbert; production designer, Thomas S. Hammock; produced by Etheredge and John Norris; released by Crackle.com.

Starring Zoe Bell (Eve), Jake Abel (Cameron Downes), Vail Bloom (Regina Downes), Justin Huen (Franklin), Doug Jones (Dr. Rankin), Lucy Lawless (Vera), Brian Poth (Graham), Ted Raimi (Jed Norton) and Ingrid Rogers (Agent Danielle Taylor).

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