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Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995, Geoff Murphy)
It’s never good when the worst thing about a Steven Seagal performance isn’t the Steven Seagal performance.
Kidding.
Sort of.
And while he’s terrible in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, he’s far from the worst performance. Stunt cast villain Eric Bogosian is much worse, for instance. As is Seagal’s sidekick, Morris Chestnut, who’s playing a Black sidekick out of the sixties. But Territory humiliates Chestnut (and all the female actors) regardless of their abilities. So the worst performance must go to Everett McGill, whose “soldier of fortune” tough guy only shows any enthusiasm when he gets to be pervy with fourteen-year-old Katherine Heigl. The rest of the movie, McGill’s a joke. That scene, it’s real creepy.
Heigl is playing Seagal’s niece. He’s meeting her train in Denver, and they’re going together to Los Angeles. It’s unclear why. Her parents have recently died in a plane crash—hence the train travel—but since Seagal refuses to talk for most of the film (not a bad move), we don’t get any information on what they’re planning on doing in L.A.
They just happen to be on the same train as Brenda Bakke and David Gianopoulos, who are two employees at a secret military installation run by Kurtwood Smith. The tedious opening titles reveal Smith and his gang, including the CIA guy from the first movie, Nick Mancuso (who’s the butt of a joke he doesn’t seem to get), have a secret agent spy scope that pulls in the moon, the stars, the planets, and the satellites, and the little bitty space men. It can even perv on women sunbathing, which the film gleefully explores.
Anyway.
Bogosian designed the satellite (an earthquake gun out of a Bond movie), only then he got fired for being unstable, so he faked his death, teamed up with domestic terrorist wannabe McGill, and hatched a plan to ambush Bakke and Gianopoulos on the train for their spy codes. Much of the film feels rewritten between scenes, though it never seems to get any better, just makes less sense.
McGill’s crack team of red shirts for Seagal to take out later on include familiar faces like Jonathan Banks and Peter Greene, along with Scott Sowers as “the racist one.” Why’s he racist? Because.
Dark Terrority’s also got the interesting problem of director Murphy. He’s not good at any of it. He’s not good with the actors, he’s not good with the fight scenes (he bungles every one of Seagal’s fisticuffs), and he’s not good with the pyrotechnics. The movie’s got lots of good explosions; it just doesn’t shoot them well.
However, much of the action is green screen and cinematographer Robbie Greenberg’s atrocious lighting for it. On the other hand, the actual stunt guy (not Seagal) climbing on the train is fantastic.
Basil Poledouris’s score is bad but could be worse. It’s kind of funny how obviously Poledouris wants to give Seagal the Robocop theme.
There’s some actual “Die Hard on a train” inventiveness in the second act, but the movie quickly forgets about it, especially since Murphy can’t direct it.
Also returning from Part 1 are Andy Romano and Dale Dye. Romano’s actually pretty dang good, all things considered. And, unlike almost everyone else, Dye doesn’t embarrass himself.
Oh, and the bad mid-nineties CGI.
Dark Territory’s a briefly fascinating time capsule, but otherwise, it’s terrible, boring, and gross about teenager Heigl every chance it gets.
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Absolution (2022) #1
Despite the Blade Runner font on the cover and the future vibe, Absolution is—so far—just a future dystopia action comic. I’m hesitant even to call it sci-fi. The potential science behind the fiction is all general stuff: the protagonist, Nina, is an assassin on potential parole. Potential meaning if she gets a high enough score for killing bad guys during her live streams, she’ll get an acquittal.If she fails, they’ll blow up her head because, you know, “Suicide Squad”’s old enough (and ubiquitous enough) to be trope fodder.
The issue’s just her latest hit, with some flashbacks and then commentary from the commentators. Nina narrates, which writer Peter Milligan relies heavily on to carry some of the story. Artist Mike Deodato Jr. draws one heck of a corporate future dystopia city, and the stylistic panel grids nicely juxtapose the action and exposition. But the issue’s very much setup, including lots of Nina’s backstory (for now, you’re not going to not reveal something about your assassin anti-hero in later issues), so Deodato could potentially shake up the style.
While streaming, shitty white men on the Internet comment on her not being attractive enough to them and complain about, you know, brown people existing. I wonder how these future stories are going to age in twenty years.
But it’s solid action. Having everyone be shitty to her helps make Nina sympathetic (though there’s some concern in how Milligan writes the female stream commentator, who throws out non-sequiturs about sexism because she’s all the way caricature).
Speaking of character and caricature… Deodato bases faces on real people. Gerard Depardieu plays the issue villain, and I think Woody Harrelson’s one of the stream commentators. It’s kind of fun. Also, it tracks Depardieu’s such a garbage guy.
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American Gothic (1995) s01e08 – Strong Arm of the Law
It’s all hands on deck for this episode (except for Brenda Bakke), like everyone wanted a chance to work with guest stars Matt Craven and Richard Edson. Craven and Edson are in town to shake down the local business owners. They’ve got a couple more in their gang, doofus Jim Gloster and rapist Joseph Granda. Initially, they give off big ex-con carpetbagger vibes as they’re from Michigan, but once we find out their actual backstory….
Well, “Gothic”’s got its sense of humor, after all.
They don’t show up in the first scene, though. Instead, the cold open is Lucas Black and Christopher Fennell snooping around a house, hoping to see a girl taking a bath. When he goes to peek, however, Black witnesses a murder. By pig men.
Post-credits, the boarding house (now apparently run by a white lady instead of the Black woman from before) has four new guests who take a suspicious interest in Black, which Jake Weber doesn’t seem to notice.
The episode ends up being a Gary Cole one, as he has to deal with the interlopers, but for the first act, it seems like it’ll be more balanced between the cast. Deputy Nick Searcy and reporter Paige Turco, not to mention the townsfolk, think Cole brought in the out-of-town muscle to remind folks they need to be more appreciative of their demonic sheriff. Weber’s got an autopsy of their murder victim, which seems like it ought to tie him in, especially since Black starts snooping on his fellow boarding house guests.
At one point, he’s got to use anti-demonic powers (no Sarah Paulson this episode, either), and it’s a tepid power, even given “Gothic”’s capabilities as a mid-nineties TV show. But Black versus the gang is toothless; even though we’ve established they’re vicious killers, they’re mostly just bullies and within limits.
As Cole starts facing off with them and manipulating them, the rest of the cast and their potential subplots fade away one by one.
There’s some good acting from the regular cast—Cole, Searcy, Black, Weber; Turco gets a really shitty part this episode, and then they whiff on its execution. I’m not sure director Mike Binder is a good fit for network television. And then Craven and Edson are fantastic, though differently. Edson’s just a hoot, but Craven’s phenomenal. The whole episode seems like it’s setting up a showdown for Craven and Cole.
Then it doesn’t, which just makes the ending way too pat.
It’s a good forty-five minutes of television but a middling “Gothic.”
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Tomb of Dracula (1972) #30
I love how writer Marv Wolfman makes sure Dracula’s racist towards Blade to in-virtue signal, except van Helsing and his daughter were racist towards Blade too. And hero Frank Drake is constantly racist towards Taj. It’s an unfortunate trivia note to an otherwise solid fill-in issue. Or at least, the Tomb of Dracula version of a fill-in. It’s the same team; it’s just nothing to do with the main story.Instead, it’s a series of flashbacks as Dracula works on his diaries. He’s just buried Shiela and is standing over her grave, working through some mental gymnastics to escape any blame for the situation. He told her he was Count Dracula, Lord of the Undead, didn’t he? Maybe if she’d listened to him, she wouldn’t be dead now.
Joking aside, it’s… character development. Wolfman’s in a pickle with character development on Dracula because any character development will make him sympathetic at this point, and Wolfman wants to keep him a villain. Hell, Dracula wants to stay a villain—he’s rambling about people expecting something different from him.
He’s got three different journal entries for the evening, with Blade showing in the final one; it’s a recounting of their first encounter.
The first flashback is about a Prussian politician’s wife convincing Dracula to kill her husband. While Dracula’s narration complains about her being a bother, he still agrees to do the deed. Only he’s in for a surprise once he gets there. I think Wolfman must’ve been reading some World War I history based on the cameos.
Great art on it from Gene Colan and Tom Palmer makes up for a lot. The story peaks early when Dracula’s thinking about how the wife is pretending his rotten flesh doesn’t stink when he usually has to hypnotize the ladies into not smelling it.
What?
Major detail. Should’ve been in issue five or something. It’s issue thirty.
The next flashback is about Dracula getting involved in a family squabble where the dad doesn’t want to pay for his daughter to go to blind school anymore because he’s a selfish prick. Meanwhile, the daughter asks Dracula to play dolls with her. Great art, somewhat oddly paced story, decent finish. However, Dracula’s inability to understand complex grief and panic ring false.
The Blade story’s the last one. It takes place in 1968, so pretty soon before Tomb starts (the series, at least its start time, is rather well-established for a comic). Dracula’s holding court in China, and Blade wants to talk to him. Cue some racism.
It’s the action story, the one where they can put Blade on the cover to promise an appearance while really delivering a glorified cameo. Despite being their first meeting, Blade doesn’t need to be Blade for the story to work. It’d be better if it weren’t him. And not just because it’d (presumably) cut out racist Dracula.
Still, excellent art, of course, because Colan and Palmer aren’t going to deliver anything else.
The issue starts much better than it finishes, and, despite whatever he’s doing with the racism bit, Wolfman’s tentative character development for the Count is something new in the book and something good.