Category: Directed by Len Wiseman

Swamp Thing (2019) s01e02 – Worlds Apart

“Swamp Thing” reveals one of the many superhero tv show caveats: an origin episode isn’t the same thing as a pilot episode. Yes, last episode introduced the various characters, but this episode—in addition to introducing more supporting characters (well, at least one)—sets up what they’re going to be doing on the show. For example, Virginia Madsen, who’s no better acting-wise, unfortunately, is going to be trying to resurrect her dead, apparently drown in the swamp daughter. It’s unclear if it’s intentional or not or if an evil spirit is manipulating things.

Or newly introduced sheriff Jennifer Beals (doing a Southern-ish but specific accent), who also happens to be dreamy deputy Henderson Wade’s mother. She’s worried Wade’s life-long puppy dog crush on Crystal Reed will get in the way of something. It’s unclear what. Beals gets mad when Wade and Reed go looking for a missing kid; it’s a strange, concerning professional flex from Beals.

Or still munching away at the scenery Will Patton. At first, I felt bad for Patton—it was his scene opposite Madsen—but later on, he picks things up, relishing in the shitty, good ol’ boy but wealthy industrialist, who may or may not have a human side. At one point, Reed has to ask Patton for a favor, and we find out however the daughter died in high school, it was in a way Patton can say he doesn’t blame Reed.

Of course, Reed’s local bestie Maria Sten has just told Reed not to trust Patton. Or reminded her not to trust Patton. It’s soap, but grim and gritty soap. They’re trying real hard to be Southern Gothic, and they’re able to pull off the visual trappings of the genre. Sort of. Ian Ziering shows up as a cheesy action hero who owns a retro video rental and vinyl store in town, a la Kevin Smith. It’s so weird it can’t not work. Oh, also basically Internet cafe because no one knows how to use their smartphones in “Swamp Thing.”

The show also establishes how Andy Bean will stay in the credits even though he’s become a giant swamp thing, played—in suit—by Derek Mears. The show’s doing something interesting with the Swamp Thing introduction. They’re dragging it out, for one thing, but they’re giving him a psychic connection to little kid Elle Graham. Not sure if she, Swampy, and the dog will fend off angry villagers in an homage to Saga of the Swamp Thing #1, but there’s a not zero chance.

Bean has video diaries, which he apparently records on his iPhone, then uploads to Ziering’s very not-Apple PC laptop but also not showing a brand. Bean loads them into iTunes on the PC. We find out from the diaries he’s not rich actually (meaning he was regularly breaking into his old lab last episode), and he thinks Reed is smart, driven, and lovely. Also, he’s a sandal enthusiast.

But the real surprise is Kevin Durand as Jason Woodrue. Woodrue—previously essayed by Mr. John Glover in Batman and Robin—is a Swamp Thing mainstay and, in the show, Durand’s working with Patton. Durand’s a hoot. He’s trying really hard to do something different and succeeding. Despite having a big cast, it’s the first spotlight performance, partially because everyone else is pretty constrained. Hence Patton having to devour armchairs.

Reed mostly gets to run the episode, with diversions, and it’s okay, but just. Thanks again to special effects and production values, the show can carry through the weaker moments but, again, only just.

Swamp Thing (2019) s01e01

I can’t get the “Swamp Thing” theme out of my head; a subtle but undeniable earworm courtesy composer Brian Tyler. It is not at all related to any of the previous themes—well, it could be from the 1990 show, I don’t remember; I did wonder how the Swamp Thing movie score would work over the new show, with its production values and its CGI. Despite having two movies and a three season TV show under the franchise belt, this “Swamp Thing” is the first one capable of getting close to the comic in terms of visuals.

The special effects are okay. They’re going for a 1982 Thing thing, only with plant vines, and it’s fine. The show initially presents as a sci-fi medical thriller but quickly veers into straight horror and conspiracy thriller terrority, with a lengthy break in premium but not transcendent soap opera. CDC troubleshooter Crystal Reed is back home since leaving in disgrace; she somehow killed her best friend (a bridge and a car are somehow involved, but no more details yet), and the friend’s mom, Virginia Madsen, ran her out of town.

So, despite taking place in Louisiana (fake with a good regional name Marais versus real place from the comics Houma), no one has an accent. It’s Southern California Gothic. Madsen’s married to industrialist Will Patton, who’s experimenting on all the yokels without anyone suspecting because he’s such a good old boy himself. It’s an easy performance for Patton, who has the most accent, whereas Madsen’s—so far—blank. With an outrageous accent, she might stand out. Without one, and without any visible emoting, it’s a disappointment. This episode’s extraordinarily well-paced, so the Reed and Madsen scene had goodwill going in. Like, it could’ve been something.

It was not. Combination Madsen and the script, but mostly the latter.

Anyway.

The medical sci-fi thriller involves rogue, disgraced scientist Andy Bean, who sneaks into the hospital where Reed and her team have set up base to investigate a mysterious outbreak. After hinting at potential supporting cast members in Reed’s homecoming arc (hottie sheriff Henderson Wade and cool newspaper reporter Maria Sten), the episode ends up being Bean and Reed, hanging out, doing science, blowing things up, running from plant monsters, and so on.

Bean’s scientist without mercy comes off like a twenty-first century Richard Dreyfuss from Jaws; he’s an entitled, privileged rich kid whose hobbies happen to coincide with the greater good. Is Bean charming in the part? He’s not unlikable, which is a success.

Reed’s okay. After being active in her first scene, her character’s been entirely passive since. Despite being the lead, she’s rarely got anything but potential agency. Someone else comes along and takes over. It’s a problem.

But “Swamp Thing” generates more than enough momentum through this first episode to warrant a return. Especially since this episode’s presumably more prequel than the pilot.

Underworld (2003, Len Wiseman)

I was looking for something stupid to watch—something mindlessly diverting—so I tried Underworld.

Wiseman’s action scenes are fine. It’s when Wiseman tries to direct story he falls apart. And there’s a lot of story in Underworld. Lots of needless scenes, complications, complexities. It’s not a surprise a former stuntman wrote it (Danny McBride—not the actor). It’s a bit of a surprise, though, the filmmakers found a studio to greenlight it without a literate person doing a rewrite.

Beckinsale’s performance occasionally suggests she’s able to hold herself in check. Other times, she’s clearly contemptible of the material. To some degree, it might work for the character… but it really doesn’t. It leads to her having negative chemistry with her Romeo, played by Scott Speedman.

Speedman’s not terrible. He’s not entirely believable as a med student, but he’s nowhere near as bad as I assumed.

Then there’s Michael Sheen. I knew he was in it, but I never really believed it. After seeing him, it’s even harder to believe. He’s awful.

The rest of the supporting cast is spotty. Shane Brolly is really bad. Sophia Myles and Wentworth Miller aren’t terrible. Kevin Grevioux, who co-wrote the story, he’s bad.

There’s some odd homoeroticism to the werewolves, which is mildly interesting; usually the vampires have it. It’s just not interesting enough to make one care.

Cut down to forty or seventy minutes of action scenes… it might’ve work. But with its attempts at character developments and narrative, Underworld‘s awful.

0/4ⓏⒺⓇⓄ

CREDITS

Directed by Len Wiseman; screenplay by Danny McBride, based on a story by Kevin Grevioux, Wiseman and McBride; director of photography; Tony Pierce-Roberts; edited by Martin Hunter; music by Paul Haslinger; production designer, Bruton Jones; produced by Gary Lucchesi, Tom Rosenberg and Richard S. Wright; released by Screem Gems.

Starring Kate Beckinsale (Selene), Scott Speedman (Michael Corvin), Michael Sheen (Lucian), Shane Brolly (Kraven), Bill Nighy (Viktor), Erwin Leder (Singe), Sophia Myles (Erika), Robbie Gee (Kahn), Wentworth Miller (Dr. Adam Lockwood) and Kevin Grevioux (Raze).

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Live Free or Die Hard (2007, Len Wiseman)

Remember the “Simpsons” episode where Bart watches ‘Die Hard’ jump out the window? Live Free or Die Hard–the title, incidentally, has nothing to do with the film’s content–is the first one where I expected McClane’s nickname to be ‘Die Hard.’ They come close in terms of self-reference….

Still, as a Die Hard movie, it’s about as good as a Die Hard movie featuring Bruce Willis versus a fighter jet is going to get. It’s really well cast, which carries a lot of the film. Much like the third one, it follows the short codas of the first two–which are fine for those (i.e. with Bonnie Bedelia–has everyone else forgotten the first two Die Hard movies are like a Thin Man on angel dust?)–but the movie doesn’t have a closed narrative. It has a fake ending, not going on long enough. The immediate action is resolved, then it just stops.

That good casting is necessary–and Len Wiseman’s enthusiastic direction is helpful–because the writing is terrible. Willis has some good lines and he and Justin Long have some good scenes, but it’s incredibly stupid. The Die Hard movies kept their predicaments small and manageable–even the third one kept it within reason–but Live Free is crazy big: it’s the end of the world as we know it (something left unresolved).

For half the movie, I felt like the script came from John Carpenter’s unmade Escape from Earth.

It isn’t just the dumb ideas, but a lot of the setups. McClane’s stalking his daughter in this one, which makes little sense (especially since the image of him alone, his heroism costing him everything–conjured by a discussion–is so much more striking). Luckily, there’s a lot of decently executed action. Die Hard movies always create an aura of reality, usually because of Willis’s performance and the production design–and he makes the unbelievable Live Free palatable.

As a director, Wiseman has no personality, but he incorporates CG well enough. As a Die Hard movie with CG, which means it’s fundamentally broken but it is what it is and it’s fine.

Cliff Curtis, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Timothy Olyphant are all fine. Curtis is sturdy, Winstead is feisty and Olyphant is hissable (if a little foppish).

As for McClane versus the fighter jet… it’s the kind of ‘too much’ even Willis can’t ground. Combined with that flimsy ending… There’s also the issue of Wiseman’s blue filters, which I won’t expand on, since I want to end on a high note:

Live Free or Die Hard isn’t the best it could be, but it’s far from the worst. It’s fine.