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Night of the Blood Beast (1958, Bernard L. Kowalski)
Not to be overly pedantic, but the title should be Nights of the Blood Beast. While the “Blood Beast” part is a little complicated, the film does take place over a couple nights. Two Nights and Four Days of the Blood Beast. The Beast is a space monster. Maybe. It’s definitely a space creature, but it’s unclear if it’s a monster. It might just be misunderstood while having a very discomforting physical presence around the homo sapiens. The Blood Beast looks a little like a giant scab, like a protruding one–with claws and (presumably) red eyes.
Even with the rather obvious budgetary limitations on the costume, it’s not a nice-looking space creature.Blood Beast is a space movie, like a NASA space movie. Pilot Michael Emmet rides up in a satellite (off-screen), then rockets back to Earth. Emmet has to crashland, and the team assembles to get to the crash site. Who are the team? There’s Ed Nelson and John Baer (interchangeable, sturdy, not-too-smart sort of military guys), then there’s boss scientist Tyler McVey, and let’s not forget the ladies. Georgianna Carter is the team photographer and technically the hardest-working actor in the picture. Angela Greene is the other doctor, who McVey berates and bosses around; Greene’s also engaged to Emmet.
One might think that engagement would lead to some significant drama in the film, but it does not. Greene doesn’t give one of the film’s better performances, but she also has the worst part. She isn’t xenophobic, so Nelson and Baer don’t want to talk to her, and McVey’s performance can best be characterized as “patriarchal hack.” So she’s not getting much in those scenes.For the first half or so, Carter makes the most impression, usually because of where she’s standing. Also because she’s constantly fiddling with her cameras while everyone else hangs in space if they’re not talking; maybe it’s because Carter’s never talking.
The first Night is the best. Alexander Laszlo’s weird score is threatening more than foreboding (except when it’s bad, which happens only a couple times but, wow, does it happen). John M. Nickolaus Jr.’s black-and-white cinematography is fantastic. The film knows how to get mileage out of the shadows and the fullness of the black. There aren’t any miracles, however; the day-for-night shooting is still fairly bad. Though brief, like they knew they were ruining the mood.
The mood is McVey and Greene inexplicably being able to nurse Emmet back to health. He came in without a heartbeat and started–seemingly–improving. The tension of this weird medical phenomenon is caused, no doubt, by gamma rays off Alpha Centauri while they’re cut off from communicating. It works. It’s an engaging science thriller.
Lots of the third act hinge on Emmet’s performance. Given he’s playing a medical condition of one sort or the other, he does okay. But he never really transcends the material to take it higher. He does all right. On par, in the end, with Baer and Nelson, who eventually team up and become even less distinct.
Beast runs just over sixty minutes, but director Kowalski knows how to keep things moving and how to slow them down. There are a few lengthy shots of the nature hike they take on the second day of their plight.It could be a whole lot worse.
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Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959, Bernard L. Kowalski)
Attack of the Giant Leeches stops more than ends. Some plot elements seem to go unresolved, but since the film never actually explains those stakes, maybe they don’t. Director Kowalski likes long lingering shots implying giant leech attacks, except there’s little distinction between ominous shots with leeches and those without. Since the characters never pay attention to the ominous spots, just the camera… no one, human or leech, can say.
The film opens with redneck George Cisar shooting at one of the giant leeches. Does Cisar kill it? Never resolved. What are Cisar’s later motivations, which put him in the same vicinity as wayward wife Vickers? Never resolved. Yvette Vickers isn’t Cisar’s wayward wife, but rather Bruno VeSota’s.
Approximately a sixth of the film are fat-shaming comments directed at VeSota. He owns the only general store in the swamps, so the locals hang out there. And lust after Vickers, who finds VeSota an unpleasant and undesirable life partner.
Given the second half of the film usually involves Vickers being bled by the giant leeches, one forgets the character flaws and defaults toward empathy. Though Kowalski makes sure everyone remembers even if Vickers is in mortal peril and bloody, we can still ogle her gams.
See, Vickers is carrying on with Michael Emmet, the best-looking swamp fella. Emmet’s performance proves wanting. He does okay enough with the accent–they’re all going for one redneck exploitation trope or another–but there’s nothing else to the performance. Emmet kind of gets the accent; nothing else matters.
Top-billed Ken Clark is from out of town and isn’t asked to attempt an accent. He’s the federal game warden, and if there are giant leeches, he ought to know about them. He teams up with girlfriend Jan Shepard’s dad, played by Tyler McVey, to investigate mysterious goings on. Most of the film’s hour and change runtime–at least when Clark does show–has Shepard getting mad at Clark disagreeing with McVey, then not being able to react authentically because… what’s she going to do, not make the men sandwiches? Come on, now.
So even though Shepard tags along with Clark during the boat rides, she doesn’t get anything to do. Possibly because she’s not all about the gams.
Now, Leeches could be a “hide the monster and have them hunt,” but the filmmakers apparently thought the audiences wouldn’t stand (or stay seated) if they didn’t show off the monsters. The Giant Leeches are (visibly) trash bags with accruement. And then, obviously, the giant sucking mouth thing. Except the leeches don’t really look like anything–a giant star-shaped trash bag covered in flaccid teeth. Leeches goes all in on the blood to compensate for the fakery. All of the victims are covered in open sores where the giant leeches feed. And the victims spend lots of their time screaming in agony. It’s a bizarre vibe at times.
While Vickers’s abject terror is often the best acting, otherwise, the most reliable is Gene Roth as the sheriff who thinks Clark’s falling for the ramblings of drunken swamp folk. Roth never gets any pay-off (no one does, except maybe Emmet and pay-off’s a stretch); he maintains a consistency the other actors cannot.
Technically, Giant Leeches actually impresses. Sadly, only because they manage to make the Los Angeles County Arboretum and Botanic Garden look like wherever in the coastal South it’s taking place. Overall, John M. Nickolaus Jr.’s photography is no great shakes (there’s so much day-for-night, and none of it’s good). Still, he and Kowalski make the botanic garden in California look unlike a botanic garden in California.
If the ending had landed at all, the garbage bag monsters would’ve been fine.
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Briefly, Movies (26 October 2024)
Alien: Romulus (2024) D: Fede Álvarez. S: Cailee Spaeny, David Jonsson, Archie Renaux, Isabela Merced, Spike Fearn, Aileen Wu, Daniel Betts. Nearly okay ALIEN mid-equel (after ALIEN 1, before ALIENS, but tied into PROMETHEUS) eventually collapses under too much unironic “homage.” If lead Spaeny were better, someone might be able to hold it up. Fearn and Wu are particularly bad, though. Jonsson’s good as the android. Some excellent special effects and an outstanding score from Benjamin Wallfisch.
The Dead Pool (1988) D: Buddy Van Horn. S: Clint Eastwood, Patricia Clarkson, Liam Neeson, Evan C. Kim, Jim Carrey, David Hunt, Michael Currie. Painfully pedestrian final DIRTY HARRY has Eastwood bickering with reporter Clarkson while murders keep happening on horror film director Neeson’s set. Neeson’s terrible (his shifting accent’s something), but otherwise no one’s bad. It’s just a lousy script, particularly for Clarkson. The Lalo Schfrin score disappoints, Van Horn’s direction’s barely competent, and it’s too slight. Like it’s a TV show pilot.
House by the River (1950) D: Fritz Lang. S: Louis Hayward, Jane Wyatt, Lee Bowman, Dorothy Patrick, Ann Shoemaker, Jody Gilbert, Sarah Padden. Excellent Gothic thriller about lech Hayward convincing brother Bowman to help him cover up a crime. Except when the going gets tough, Hayward thinks maybe of selling brother down the RIVER. Wyatt plays Hayward’s suffering wife, who has an unrequited love subplot with Bowman. Hayward’s fantastic as he sheds layer after layer of humanity. Great direction from Lang.
Justice League: Crisis on Infinite Earths Part One (2024) D: Jeff Wamester. S: Matt Bomer, Jensen Ackles, Darren Criss, Meg Donnelly, Stana Katic, Jimmi Simpson, Zachary Quinto. Animated adaptation of foundational DC Comics crossover centers on the Flash (played by Bomer). If Bomer weren’t so bland, it’d be a bit better. But the way-too-cheap animation would still do it in. Still: Kevin Riepl’s music is good, and there is some solid logic to the plot structure. It’s all just badly executed.
Making Mr. Right (1987) D: Susan Seidelman. S: John Malkovich, Ann Magnuson, Glenne Headly, Ben Masters, Laurie Metcalf, Polly Bergen, Hart Bochner. After boyfriend (and star client) Masters disappoints, PR wunderkind Magnuson moves on to Malkovich’s space exploration android. Built in Malkovich’s image. The android quickly falls in love with Magnuson. Hijinks ensue, including with Headly as Magnuson’s best friend, and Metcalf as (the human) Malkovich’s “love” “interest.” Malkovich, Magnuson, and Headly are great. Often real funny, but third act misses.
Mute Witness (1995) D: Anthony Waller. S: Marina Zudina, Fay Ripley, Evan Richards, Igor Volkov, Sergei Karlenkov, Alec Guinness, Oleg Yankovskiy. Excellent thriller about gore FX artist Zudina witnessing a murder on set. She’s mute, which leads to some perilous situations (in addition to the general thriller perilous situations). Writer and director Waller’s got a great sense of humor. Zudina is outstanding, as is Yankovskiy–the only cop who believes her. Strong by the second act then keeps rising.
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) D: Ronald Neame. S: Maggie Smith, Robert Stephens, Pamela Franklin, Celia Johnson, Gordon Jackson, Diane Grayson, Jane Carr. Fascinating, albeit patriarchal examination of early 1930s Edinburgh school teacher Smith. Her uncompromising, narcissism-fueled, self-imposed dedication to her girls threatens to turn her into Dr. Frankenstein. Watching Smith weave the character is always devastating. Neame makes some very good (and very bad) choices. The teen actors try hard but often come up short. Probably more Neame’s fault.
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Briefly, TV (24 October 2024)
The Devil’s Hour (2022) s02e01 “DI Chambers” [2024] D: Johnny Allan. S: Jessica Raine, Peter Capaldi, Nikesh Patel, Benjamin Chivers. Given season one was a timey-wimey, multiverse of madness, it’s a little weird to see season two start with a straightforward detective procedural for Raine and Patel. Things do start getting strange and Capaldi does eventually figure in, but it takes almost the entire episode to even hint at what’s coming. We’ll see what comes.
The Devil’s Hour (2022) s02e02 “Red Lines” [2024] D: Johnny Allan. S: Jessica Raine, Peter Capaldi, Nikesh Patel, Benjamin Chivers. Profoundly confusing approach has Raine living in two realities, one a direct sequel to season one, the other a sequel to last episode. Except there’s a jump ahead in both universes to allow for cheap narrative reveals. It’s a bewildering episode, and still entirely unclear what the season is going to be doing. Capaldi’s delightful as ever, obviously.
The Devil’s Hour (2022) s02e03 “Something Beginning with D” [2024] D: Shaun James Grant. S: Jessica Raine, Peter Capaldi, Nikesh Patel, Benjamin Chivers. Turns out some of the drag this season has been Patel. He’s around but far less, barely with Raine, who does better without him. Though the show’s obviously missing the inciting incident for Raine’s “awakening” to the multiverse. Chivers all of a sudden has a subplot for it. Plus Capaldi gets to be charming, which is always nice.
The Devil’s Hour (2022) s02e04 “Far Away” [2024] D: Shaun James Grant. S: Jessica Raine, Peter Capaldi, Nikesh Patel, Benjamin Chivers. Some genuine surprises–and a nice arc for Patel–often because it doesn’t seem like they’ve only got one episode left. At first, it seems like they’re going to introduce an entirely new, important character, but it’s just a red herring. In other words, it could be messier with this very messy show. Can’t wait for the finale….
The Devil’s Hour (2022) s02e05 “Birth of a Tragedy” [2024] D: Johnny Allan. S: Jessica Raine, Peter Capaldi, Nikesh Patel, Benjamin Chivers. Outstanding finale manages to fit in the teensiest bits of series mythology (for the season one into two bingers) while delivering a fine thriller. In hindsight, it ends up being a rather thankless part for Raine, who got multiple character development arcs in circles. And Patel emerges practically the protagonist. Still very messy, but a worthwhile unravel.
FROM (2022) s03e05 “The Light of Day” [2024] D: Alexandra La Roche. S: Harold Perrineau, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Eion Bailey, David Alpay, Scott McCord, Ricky He, Chloe Van Landschoot. The townsfolk are confused why Moreno’s back (and why she didn’t bring help with her); they take it out on Perrineau. Then the episode becomes an object lesson on common sense and measured planning. Meanwhile, McCloud is trying to avoid guest star Robert Joy (his dad, come to town forty years late). Nothing really happens, but it’s fine FROM.
Only Murders in the Building (2021) s04e09 “Escape from Planet Klongo” [2024] D: Jamie Babbit. S: Steve Martin, Martin Short, Selena Gomez, Jane Lynch, Jin Ha, Molly Shannon, Paul Rudd. Penultimate–but doesn’t feel like it considering all the character development twists and turns in what was at one point a spoof of procedurals–episode features whiskey, A-list guest stars, and secrets. The trio has a series of eventually soulful awkward events, leading to a fantastic third act. Also turns out… Gomez might be playing a Pynchon protagonist.
Tulsa King (2022) s02e06 “Navigator” [2024] D: David Semel. S: Sylvester Stallone, Martin Starr, Jay Will, Max Casella, Vincent Piazza, Tatiana Zappardino, Garrett Hedlund. After threatening something finally happening maybe five times this episode, something finally happens at the cliffhanger. Sure, it’s a season and three episodes late or whatever, but something. Most of the episode involves Stallone sitting down with guest star Frank Grillo for mob talk. HEAT it ain’t. The rest is keeping the other subplots warm. Until the end, anyway.
What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s06e01 “The Return of Jerry” [2024] D: Kyle Newacheck. S: Kayvan Novak, Matt Berry, Natasia Demetriou, Harvey Guillén, Mark Proksch, Kristen Schaal, Michael Patrick O’Brien. SHADOWS kicks off its last season introducing a long lost resident of the house no one ever mentioned until now, played by O’Brien. After a reunion with the vampires, O’Brien starts wondering why they aren’t trying to conquer the world anymore. A reused season one plot. And Guillén has sort of moved out. Sadly, but unsurprisingly, just okay.
What We Do in the Shadows (2019) s06e02 “Headhunting” [2024] D: Kyle Newacheck. S: Kayvan Novak, Matt Berry, Natasia Demetriou, Harvey Guillén, Mark Proksch, Tim Heidecker, Andy Assaf. After promising a Berry and Proksch team-up, their plot way too quickly shuffles Berry off. It might be fine except the show’s doing a FRANKENSTEIN bit (who?), and so they’re making a monster. The monster’s not funny; sinks the episode. Demetriou and Novak messing with Guillén at his “day” job is more successful overall, just not initially hilarious.
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Briefly, TV (18 October 2024)
Agatha All Along (2024) s01e02 “Circle Sewn with Fate / Unlock Thy Hidden Gate” D: Jac Schaeffer. S: Kathryn Hahn, Joe Locke, Sasheer Zamata, Ali Ahn, Patti LuPone, David Payton, Debra Jo Rupp. Oh, so the show’s going to be about a misfit coven of witches risking life and limb to get their magical powers back? In what feels like the actual pilot, Hahn and Locke form the coven, trying to outrace bad guys after Hahn. Hahn’s great, LuPone’s delightful, everyone’s solid plus. Maybe now the show will get started.
Agatha All Along (2024) s01e03 “Through Many Miles / Of Tricks and Trials” D: Rachel Goldberg. S: Kathryn Hahn, Joe Locke, Sasheer Zamata, Ali Ahn, Patti LuPone, Debra Jo Rupp. A strange episode–it’s not a good episode for Hahn; she’s the butt of the joke more often than not–but it’s a rather good episode. The rest of the coven–Zamata, Ahn, Lupone, Rupp–get one good showcase or another. Locke’s still support but growing. And it’s the easy best episode. Goldberg’s direction is excellent.
FROM (2022) s03e04 “There and Back Again” [2024] D: . S: Harold Perrineau, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Eion Bailey, David Alpay, Elizabeth Saunders, Scott McCord, Ricky He. While there are a couple surprises this episode–including a mythology one–it’s mostly just water treading. Moreno is almost back to town, but the normies won’t listen to her about the monsters. And, McCord’s decided it’s time to learn his origin story. Plus Perrineau is trying to do intel for his offensive. A few moments, but eh, padding.
Only Murders in the Building (2021) s04e07 “Valley of the Dolls” [2024] D: Robert Pulcini. S: Steve Martin, Martin Short, Selena Gomez, Michael Cyril Creighton, Zach Galifianakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria. Fantastic episode has the trio hiding out in the burbs with guest star Melissa McCarthy. Gomez is trying to work on the case while Short is imploding his romance with Streep and Martin’s being obtuse. Great episode for Short, and McCarthy’s outstanding. The movie stars also get some solid “helping” material. And Creighton, of course. Real good stuff.
Only Murders in the Building (2021) s04e08 “Lifeboat” [2024] D: Robert Pulcini. S: Steve Martin, Martin Short, Selena Gomez, Zach Galifianakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Richard Kind. Maybe the strongest “movie-themed” episode of the season, with guest star Griffin Dunne revealing the prime suspects’ origin stories. All while the actors crash the trio’s investigation, leading to some great classic Martin physical humor. And Galifianakis gets a strong subplot to work through. Funny but with more range. Dunne’s real good. Excellent cliffhanger. Darn good show.
Shrinking (2023) s02e01 “Jimmying” [2024] D: Randall Keenan Winston. S: Jason Segel, Jessica Williams, Luke Tennie, Lukita Maxwell, Christa Miller, Harrison Ford, Ted McGinley. Very season premiere season premiere sets up most of the regulars and recurring characters’ new plots. Everyone but Segel remains a delight while he saps the energy. Especially given where his season appears to be headed. Ford holds it all together effortlessly with Williams keeping things afloat on her side. It’s charming enough, just a tad mechanical.
Slow Horses (2022) s04e06 “Hello Goodbye” [2024] D: Adam Randall. S: Gary Oldman, Jack Lowden, Kristin Scott Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Jonathan Pryce, Saskia Reeves, Rosalind Eleazar. I was a dirty bird–HORSES is just fine. And by fine, excellent. Transcendent. Completely delivering on all its moves, even the exaggerated ones. Weaving is still terrible, however. Wonder why Tommy Lee Jones didn’t want to do it. Anyway. Stellar finish. It’s the action. It’s just so well executed. The timing is impeccable.
Tulsa King (2022) s02e05 “Tilting at Windmills” [2024] D: David Semel. S: Sylvester Stallone, Martin Starr, Jay Will, Max Casella, Tatiana Zappardino, Annabella Sciorra, Garrett Hedlund. It’s a truly bad episode in many parts, including Stallone complaining about the woke schools (in Oklahoma, sure, Jan). But there’s also bad Neal McDonough, resentfully bored Starr, and Will continuing to lack character. Sciorra has some fun, though. The big action sequence is awful, and not just because the accompanying song stinks. At least it’s a short episode.