Category Archives: Not Recommended

Alexander the Great (1963, Phil Karlson)

Had Alexander the Great gone to series instead of just being a passed over pilot and footnote in many recognizable actors filmographies, it seems likely the series would’ve had William Shatner’s Alexander continue his conquest of the Persian Empire. The pilot is this strange mix of occasional action, Greek generals arguing, and battle footage from Italian epics. The Utah location shooting is great, but director Karlson’s bad at the direction. John Cassavetes, Joseph Cotten, and Simon Oakland play the arguing generals. They can argue. But Robert Pirosh and William Robert Yates’s teleplay is lacking.

And there’s nothing to be done about integrating that battle footage. If Alexander the Great is going to be talking heads, which Karlson definitely directs better than the action, the action is going to have to be spectacular. And it’s not. There’s some tension with it in the original footage, but the reused stuff? The pilot doesn’t get any mileage out of it.

Cassavetes is pretty cool as this disagreeable young general. By cool, I mean he’s good at the yelling. His character yells. Cotten’s character counsels. Cotten’s good at the counseling. But the pilot doesn’t really know what to do with Shatner. It’s called Alexander the Great and everyone’s a lot more comfortable dealing with Cassavetes’s hurt feelings. Shatner’s appealing and he manages to get through the overdone dialogue, but he’s got no character.

He’s got a love interest–Ziva Rodann–and a sidekick–Adam West–but Pirosh and Yates don’t give either any attention in the script. Rodann’s biggest scene is with Cotten and West is part of the set decoration. Though he gets enough closeups to suggest he’d played a bigger part in the series.

It’s a long fifty minutes. The recycled battle footage and some red herrings drag it out too. It’s kind of too bad, for Alexander, but good for the rest of us it didn’t get picked up.

1/3Not Recommended

CREDITS

Directed by Phil Karlson; teleplay by Robert Pirosh and William Robert Yates, based on a story by Pirosh; director of photography, Lester Shorr; music by Leonard Rosenman; produced by Albert McCleery; aired by the American Broadcasting Company.

Starring William Shatner (Alexander), Joseph Cotten (Antigonus), John Cassavetes (Karonos), Adam West (Cleander), Simon Oakland (Attalos), Ziva Rodann (Ada), John Doucette (Kleitos), Robert Fortier (Aristander), Peter Hansen (Tauron), and Cliff Osmond (Memnon).


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Literal Bohemian Rhapsody (2016, Sam Gorski and Niko Pueringer)

Literal Bohemian Rhapsody is the filler footage for a bad music video for the Queen song, Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s literal, so Jeff Schine is actually running around telling his mother things and shooting people and whatever.

Except he doesn’t shoot the guy right. Because a lot of Literal is just stock footage.

It might work better as an actual commercial for the stock footage place, actually. As its own adaptation of the song, it’s severely lacking. There’s creative enthusiasm from directors Gorski and Pueringer, but it’s simultaneously truncated and stuck. Everything in Literal is about the gimmick. So it doesn’t matter if Schine and Deborah Ramaglia (playing, you know, “Mama”) aren’t good. Though Ramaglia is fine. Schine isn’t, but who knows if it’s his fault or it’s just because it’s a cute, bad idea.

Once Gorski and Pueringer reveal the second setting, it’s all kind of pointless. Sure, they can do it. So what. If it were part of a demo reel, if Beelzebub actually showed up, if it had a Wayne’s World reference, it might be something. Instead, it’s proof of concept. Magnifico-o-o-o-o.

1/3Not Recommended

CREDITS

Directed by Sam Gorski and Niko Pueringer; screenplay by Gorski and Pueringer, based on the song by Freddie Mercury; produced by Gorski, Pueringer, and Jake Watson; released by Corridor Digital.

Starring Jeff Schine (Freddie) and Deborah Ramaglia (Mama).


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Darkness Falls (2016, Jarno Lee Vinsencius)

Darkness Falls runs fifteen minutes. The entire short film is set up for its end twist, which multi-hyphenate (including writer and director) Vinsencius hides fairly well. The short never meanders towards its conclusion, instead it just stops and muscles through a bunch of expository dialogue and then ends. The narrative requires newly introduced characters to be stupider than previously introduced characters say they should be. But then the movie stops so is the twist good enough to cover it all?

No, especially not considering how little work Vinsencius puts into establishing the characters. The short opens with Joanna Häggblom waking up an amnesiac in the middle of the forest. Two weeks later, after she’s apparently found her way back to her normal life–without remembering anything except her taste in fashion–Demis Tzivis shows up and tells her what should be a tall tale except for the menacing biker chicks after them.

There’s some kind of a chase sequence–more like a running sequence (well, driving sequence)–that lengthy exposition scene I mentioned, the setup for the twist and then the twist. As a director, Vinsencius does okay with the Panavision aspect ratio. His photography is solid. His editing isn’t, it’s fine but it doesn’t breathe with its protagonist. And once Tzivis shows up, Häggblom is basically just along for the ride. She asks questions and makes inquisitive expressions.

Decent support from Livia Emma Tsirk. Not so much from Niclas Fransson as Brain.

Darkness Falls is never scary, never disturbing; it’s never clear if it’s supposed to be either. But Vinsencius’s photography is strong and his composition’s competent enough. His script just doesn’t go anywhere and he doesn’t find any rhythm with the actors.

1/3Not Recommended

CREDITS

Written, directed, photographed, edited and produced by Jarno Lee Vinsencius.

Starring Joanna Häggblom (Melissa), Demis Tzivis (David), Anna-Sara Kennedy (Margareta), Livia Emma Tsirk (Amanda) and Niclas Fransson (Felix).


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Darth Maul: Apprentice (2016, Shawn Bu)

Darth Maul: Apprentice is a fan film. It’s an excellent fan film. Director Bu has a wonderful vision sense–he goes for grandeur and drags it out (the short is an extended fight sequence) but it never gets boring. It should get boring, because absolutely everyone in the short except Ben Schamma’s Darth Maul is lame. Bu’s approach to the villain is to make him into a slasher movie villain hunting Jedi. Except he’s not, so Bu lets Schamma develop throughout.

With no dialogue. It’s all expressions. Much like in Phantom Menace, when the character does speak, it’s lame. Schamma’s expressions, however, along with the astounding make-up effects, make Apprentice an engaging experience.

Technically, it’s phenomenal. Narratively, it’s bad. There’s also Bu’s tendency to beat up on Svenja Jung’s young female Jedi. She’s always treated as weak. When she has her “final girl” moment, she doesn’t even get a good one. Bu gives all the good stuff to Schamma, which makes Jung a red herring. Apprentice is eighteen minutes and a tribute to one of the most disappointing films in mainstream film history, if not the most disappointing. There’s no time for red herrings.

Even if Bu edits it together so well. The way he cuts the character reactions into the lightsaber battle is amazing.

As the short progresses, even as it accomplishes even greater technical feats, it becomes more and more obvious. Bu runs out of good will. It’s a fine run though. Schamma’s great, Bu’s technically great (especially the editing), but it doesn’t work out. It might have helped if you didn’t want the Jedi to get killed off; Mathis Landwehr is really good if he’s suppoed to be really annoying.

I wish I would recommend it, but I’m also glad it’s so technically solid, I don’t have to recommend it.

1/3Not Recommended

CREDITS

Edited, produced and directed by Shawn Bu; screenplay by Bu, based on a character created by George Lucas; directors of photography, Vadim Schulz, Vi-Dan Tran and Max Tsui; music by Vincent Lee.

Starring Ben Schamma (Darth Maul), Mathis Landwehr (Jedi Master), Svenja Jung (Jedi Apprentice) and Lee Hua (Sheev Palpatine).


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